"Hey get up! It's your first day at work. I'm so excited."
"Five more minutes please…"
"No, get up now. Come on."
"Why do you look more excited than I am?"
"I'm just happy for you. Really really happy."
"Okay, good morning then."
"Hehe, good morning."
My dream went on like that. It woke me up and somehow it made my heart beat faster than the usual. The person in my dream had a blurry face but his hair was shining so brightly it looked so luminescent just like the sun. The dream seemed realistic to me especially that kiss on the forehead he gave me after greeting me good morning. What's more weird is that person was a guy, and I didn't seem bothered by it at all. And the way he smiled after kissing me in the forehead is somehow stuck in my mind.
Yesterday Seijuurou-kun took me to the place where he had found me. I remember Dr. Miura once said that people with amnesia recover their memory in different ways and different paces. After seeing that place I couldn't recall anything at all, but maybe my memory comes back through my dreams. It could happen I'm pretty sure of that. But just to be sure I need to ask Seijuurou-kun about this matter.
"Uhm…Takeda-san, do you know where Seijuurou-kun is?"
"He's still at work Kuroko-kun. He'll arrive at dinner time."
"Is that so."
"Do you need help with something Kuroko-kun?"
"Ah no, thank you Takeda-san."
I wonder what Seijuurou-kun's job is. His image suggest a somewhat lawyer like job, like a government official, but he looks too young to be a lawyer. I can't really imagine him being a teacher; if he is then I somewhat pity his students. Although teaching kids doesn't sound bad at all, if it were me then I think teaching kids is something I can imagine myself doing. Yeah, teaching isn't so bad; you get to teach kids all sort of stuff and watch them grow up. You're kind of similar to their parent, like a second parent I guess. Seijuurou-kun said that I'm around 23-25 years old, I wonder if I'm studying to be a teacher or if I am a teacher, since I seem to be fond about being one.
It's still afternoon and Seijuurou-kun won't be here until dinner time, I don't know what to do here. I wonder where Sana-san is, I should go and look for her. She should be at the kitchen.
"Ah, there you are Sana-san."
"Kuroko-kun, what are you doing here. Do you need something?"
"Ah no, I just have nothing to do, and Seijuurou-kun won't be here until dinner. I thought I'd go here and maybe talk or if you need any help, I'd be willing to help since I have nothing to do anyway."
"You must be bored doing nothing here Kuroko-kun. Here why don't you help me dice these carrots then?"
"Yes, I'd love to. Are you making a stew Sana-san? If you are, shouldn't the carrots be cut in bigger chunks?"
"Akashi-sama likes his carrots dice, he wouldn't eat it if it's in big chunks."
"Sana-san, you really know Seijuurou-kun. How long have you known him?"
"My family have been serving the Akashi family since I was a kid. Actually Haru and I have been Akashi-sama's caretaker since he was a kid."
"Why don't you call him by his first name then? He calls you guys by your first name."
"That would be impolite Kuroko-kun, besides he told us specifically to call him Akashi-sama. It must be because of Soubi-sama."
At that time the mood suddenly became a little gloomy. Sana-san then told me the story about Seijuurou-kun's mother Soubi Akashi.
"She was a very loving mother, and I guess you could say that she spoiled Akashi-sama a little bit. She would always call out 'Seijuurou' very fondly."
I learned from Sana-san that the garden in the backyard used to be where Seijuurou-kun and his mother would play. She told me how almost every day they would come there and play hide-and-seek. How Seijuurou-kun would always laugh and smile and how playful he was. However, one day Seijuurou-kun's mother became sick and died.
"Akashi-sama was devastated. He refused to talk to anyone and would often lock himself in his room. His father, Kazuaki-sama, then talked to him. After Kazuaki-sama's talk with Akashi-sama, he started acting 'proper' and became strict to himself. He also refused to let other people call him by his first name."
"It must've been hard on both of you Sana-san."
"Yes, that's why I'm glad you're here Kuroko-kun."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Akashi-sama has been smiling since you've been here. It's been a while since I've seen him smile and laugh. He seems to be fond of you as well, he also lets you call him by his first name."
"Actually he told me to call him Seijuurou-kun instead of Akashi-san."
"Is that right? I'm glad Akashi-sama has opened up to you. Ne Kuroko-kun, when the day arrives where you finally regain your memory, continue to be friends with Akashi-sama, okay?"
"Of course I will Sana-san. He saved me and gave me a place to stay. Of course I'll continue to be friends with him."
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
If I told him the truth, no doubt, he'd come running back to them…to him. I don't particularly feel any romantic affection for him, but if I let him leave then I'll be stuck here again with my tedious life. It's enjoyable with Tetsuya, his somewhat fascinating. He talks back at me and looks me in the eye when talking. I very much like it whenever I would see my reflection in his eyes; I'm drawn to it, his eyes are like void that sucking my consciousness. Whenever he'd look me in eye, it becomes difficult for me to lie to him.
*ring ring, ring ring*
"What is it?"
"Seijuurou."
"Father? Do you need anything?"
"Yes, there a business meeting next week and I want you to attend. Your fiancé will be there as well. It's time for the two of you to meet again. Do no disappointment me Seijuurou."
*end of call*
Hahaha! Hahaha! Of course, how could I forget I'm Seijuurou Akashi, I'm an Akashi. I should tell this news to Tetsuya, and for sure he'd congratulate me. Do I want pity? Do I want sympathy? What do I want?
"Akashi-sama, you're home early."
"Haruhiko, where is Tetsuya?
"I believe his helping Sana in the Kitchen…"
"Is that so."
Do I want pity? Do I want sympathy? What do I want?
"Seijuurou-kun, aren't you supposed to come home by dinner? You're here early."
"I need to talk to you outside Tetsuya, if you don't mind I'd like to you on walk in our garden."
"Sure. I'm done helping Sana-san anyway."
Do I want pity? Do I want sympathy? What do I want?
"Tetsuya, have I told you that I have a fiancé? We're expected to get married this year."
"Why do you seem unhappy about it? Isn't marriage something jovial and supposed to be celebrated in high spirit? You don't seem particularly concerned about it."
"You can't have any jovial marriage if the one you're marrying is the person you love Tetsuya."
"Then why are you marrying her then?"
"Because I have to Tetsuya. It is part of my job as an Akashi. Pitiful isn't it?"
Maybe I want pity. Maybe I want sympathy.
"Not at all. It's your fault for agreeing to the job. Why are you blaming your name instead of blaming your action? If you don't really want it, then just refused it?"
"It's not that easy Tetsuya."
"Say 'NO' right now."
"No?"
"Sound more assured Seijuurou-kun."
"No."
"See how easy was that. Just say no when you don't like something."
"Hahaha! Yeah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!"
"You can stop saying no now Seijuurou-kun, please."
"No. Hahaha."
Maybe I wanted pity. Maybe I wanted sympathy. But I realized that the one thing I wanted the most is the assurance that some will be there when I need them, not because they pity me or that they sympathize with me, but because they understand what I want even without me telling them. Truthfully, I knew that blaming my name was not the solution, and blaming myself is something too prideful for me to do. But I wanted someone to point those out for me and tell me that it's alright you can still change. The only appropriate moment where one can blame themselves is when one completely gives up on trying to fix their mistakes.
"Here, Tetsuya. I'll give this rose to you as my thank you gift for listening to me."
"There's no need thank me Seijuurou-kun, but this rose is very lovely."
"Yes, my mother grew them. She was very fond of them."
"It's probably because these roses have the same color as Seijuurou-kun."
I don't know what I was thinking then, but somehow I found myself hugging Tetsuya.
"Seijuurou-kun?"
"1 minute…let me stay like this for a minute please."
It's been years since I felt like crying. My tears are something I can't show to anyone because tears are a sign of weakness, but just for today.
"It's all right Seijuurou-kun. It's all right if you want to cry. I heard from Sana-san about your mother. She must have been a wonderful mother."
"Yes, yes she was."