"Kise-kun I-"
"No. Ryouta, that's how you call me, Ry-ou-ta."
"Ryouta-kun, I want to go outside. I've been in this room for weeks now, and… what happen to Seijuurou-kun?"
"I told you it was only a dream."
"No, I remember clearly about him."
"It was just a dream."
"Ryouta-kun, you're gripping my shoulders too hard."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Don't be mad okay? I need to go outside real quick, don't go anywhere okay?"
How can I go, when you always lock that damn door whenever you leave? I don't know how long I've been here, but I'm scared. This house feels somewhat familiar. Photos are scattered all over with just the two us, and the same smiles are plastered with them. It was a happy smile yet so uncomforting. Although being here and seeing all this stuff does bring some of my memory back.
I remember sleeping in this bedroom and this closet and this drawer, everything feels so familiar except for him. I saw it all, the photographs when we were dating, when we got married, and all this matching sets of mugs and plates, everything proves that we were together, so why am I hesitating so much to accept it?
"I'm back."
"That was quick Ryouta-kun."
"Someone just needed to talk to me really quickly."
"The place where I work, have you told then that you've found me? What about my family, have you told them I'm here?"
"Of course."
"Then where are they? I want to see them."
"You can't, not right now, okay?"
"No, I want to see them now. Beside's it will help me recover more of my memory."
"That's not fair Tetsucchi. What about me, don't you want to remember me?"
"I do, I just can't. I don't know how to."
"Oh, then I just have to make you remember them then, right?"
"Ryouta-kun what are you doing."
"Making you remember everything."
"No! Ryouta-kun. NO!"
It was fear that pushed me to remember everything. In the back of my mind, someone was telling me to remember or else. It felt cold and dark, and it suddenly grew louder and louder 'remember or else'.
It was a bright morning and I was on the usual train with Shige-kun. On the opposite side facing in front of me, there stood a tall man, blonde hair, lively and always smiling in this direction.
"Ne, Tetchan , it's kind of creepy don't you think?"
"What's creepy?"
"That guy see, he's been looking here and smiling. It's kind of creepy."
"He seems nice, see. Just smile back like this. See that, he smiled back. What's creepy about that?"
"He smiles too much."
"Shige-kun, stop it. You don't even him. Come on our is here."
It all started then, on that one fateful morning. After that, meeting his eye and smiling in return became a habit. I thought that if I had a chance, then I'll greet him and talk to him. He seems friendly and to be honest I was drawn to his smile. It was a smile without restraint, it was a translucent smile. I've always been envious of people like him. People who could express themselves so openly without restraint; I wanted to be like them.
"Good morning."
"Good Morning too, Kuroko-kun . Ah, I'm sorry. Ah…er…I learned your name from one of your friend. The one you ride in this train sometimes."
"Oh, I didn't know you and Shige-kun knew each other."
"Yes, Shige-kun. I have a class with him."
"Hmmm, so that's why."
"Huh?"
"Sometimes I could see you smile at my direction, you were probably smiling at Shige-kun."
"Huh, no. No, I was smiling at you Kurokocchi."
"Kurokocchi?"
"Huh…er…look, the train's here. Let's go."
He was easy to read. I knew it was a lie back then. I knew that he didn't know who Shige-kun was, but I pretended and went along with him. I wanted to know him more, I thought that that was my chance to be able to finally talk to him.
We started to talk more after that. He would often take me to eat and often drop the "I really like you Kurokocchi." I never took it seriously then but it became apparent to me what does words really meant. It made me conscious of my own feelings.
"I think I like Ryouta-kun, Shige-kun."
"Ah, hmmm. I-"
"I know it's weird, you know since were both guys, but I just can't stop thinking about him."
"Well actually-"
"And It's not like I'm going to tell him about my feeling, I don't have the confidence at all to tell him that, And-"
"Tetchan, listen. Actually Kise talk to me yesterday and…and…he asked for permission if he could ask you out. Truthfully I still don't trust him, but since you feel the same way he does, I'm fine with it. But if you have problems you can come talk to me like always."
"Thanks Shige-kun."
I still tried to hide my feelings then, casually brushing off Kise-kun's 'I like you' with ''I'm happy to hear that Kise-Kun." I was afraid of what other people might think and I didn't know how things will work out between two men.
"I love you Kurokocchi, not just as a friend but in a romantic way!"
I was surprised then, I must have made a strange face. It was something I expected, but it still came to me as a surprise. I told him that I needed some more time to think, but truthfully it was just me being a coward.
"What do I do Shige-kun, Kise-kun confessed."
"Isn't that great?"
"It is, but I don't know what to do. I mean how will things go on after this, were both men."
"That doesn't matter. Don't even think about that right now, enjoy the moment will you."
Kise-kun and I went after that. We did what normal couples did. We went to many dates, stayed all night talking to each other in the phone, although it's usually me who falls asleep first, we hug, we kiss, we embraced each other. And like always, Kise-kun would smile. And time pass just like that but, it became suffocating. Kise-kun doted on me like a child; moreover my actions were always monitored by him.
"Isn't that normal though, I mean you guys are a couple."
"Yeah I know that Shige-kun, but I also want privacy."
"With a person like Kise, I think that's a bit impossible. Just let him do whatever he wants, it's not like he's harming anyone right?"
"Well, when he's away he calls almost every hour, and when I'm away my phone rings non-stop and-"
"So you're mad because it seems he doesn't trust you?"
"What?! No, it's not that. It's just, couples don't really have to be together all the time. I want my alone time, just like before. But that's impossible with Kise-kun."
"Ah, so you want your alone time. Well Kise is quite the chatter and he spends most of his time with you, he just likes you like that. Be careful though."
"Of what?"
"Well, he's a bit scary sometimes. How do I say this, there's a bit of malice when he looks at people around you, it's scary sometimes. He always glares at me whenever I get too close to you."
"Are you sure you're talking about Kise-kun? I mean the air around him says otherwise."
"Well, that's because he doesn't show it to you. What I mean to say is, Kise, I think, is possessive, so be careful."
"Are you really sure you're talking about Kise-kun?"
"It's fine if you don't believe me, just be careful. I still don't truthfully trust him, but he does love you, so I'll let go of my suspicions. I need to go now, I still have part time job."
"See you then Shige-kun. Be careful."
"Ah, thanks Tetchan."
I never really suspected Kise-kun to be the possessive type. I mean he's doting but not to that point. It's probably just Shige-kun.
"Kurokocchi! Kurokocchi! Look! I finally have the ticket for our vacation in L.A."
"How long will we be there Kise-kun?"
"That's a secret."
To be honest, I was hesitating to come. My mind kept wandering everywhere. How our trip's going to be like? How did Kise-kun afford the trip, when he's only started working as a pilot? I thought that it was waste to spend the money on a trip instead of saving it. But there right in front of, in the monitor screen, a video was playing. It had a soft melody that I liked and on it are small bits of video, Kise-kun and I filmed when we were together. It left me crying.
"Ne, Kurokocchi. I mean Tetsuya Kuroko, I really really love you. Would you be willing to spend more days with me and create more memories with me? Will you marry me?"
"I would love to, Ryouta-kun."
It was proposal like no other. We got married after that. I was afraid what mother or my friends would think if they found out, but I didn't think of that when we were in L.A. The feeling was like euphoria, and it was quite an addicting one. But I knew that we have to face everyone sooner or later, so I urged Kise-kun to comeback in Japan immediately.
Oka-sama was shocked at first, but she accepted us. The same goes with Kise-kun's family. And just like that we started our married life.
"Ryouta-kun! Good news, I got accepted in Seirin Elementary. They want me to start next week."
"Whoa! Congratulations Tetsucchi."
"Thanks."
"Now we just need a congratulatory...you know, haha"
"No, not right now Ryouta-kun."
"Why not?! Are you going somewhere?"
"No, I just don't think it's the right time to do that."
"Are you refusing me Tetsucchi."
"Ryouta-kun, you're gripping my waist too hard."
"I love you Tetsucchi."
The smile that I used to love became scarier and scarier. Kise-kun hated it whenever I get close with any of my colleagues. He didn't allow me to go drinking with them or do overnight work with them. I started to notice everything that Shige-kun pointed out about Kise-kun back then. I see them all now.
"Can't you see the way he looks at you!?"
"He's not like that Ryouta-kun, now please let it go. I was having a headache; the guy was nice enough to drive me here."
"No! If you can't see, then I do. He likes you, just like Ogiwara."
"What does Shige-kun has to do with this?"
"They all like you, you're just not wary of them, but they look at you full of lust. I can see them all."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're mine Tetsucchi. I won't let anyone have you, you're mine and mine alone."
After that he embraced forcedly, but I let it go thinking that situations like that normally happen to married people. I tried to deny it; pretended not to see anything, but the Ryouta Kise that I fell in love with was long gone.
"You forced me to do that Tetsucchi. You shouldn't have refused me."
"I remember everything, I remember everything,"
"That's great!"
"Please let me go Ryouta-kun. We're already separated."
"Not until I sign the paper, we're not. I told you right? Tetsucchi is mine and mine alone."
What a cruel fate. What a cruel cruel fate.