Chapter 2: A wish

The soft impact of a shirt hitting his face caused Noel to open one eye hesitantly. The automated light effect of his window pane told him it was early morning. His back was stiff. As feeling came back into his limbs and the cobwebs of sleep were cleared from his mind, he remembered that he'd fallen asleep on the couch. The reason for his poor choice in sleeping arrangements was now rummaging through his dresser drawers, throwing things haphazardly.

"Oh, where is it?" she worried.

"Where is what?" Noel asked in annoyance. Against the protests of his limbs, he got up and began to gather his clothes that had been scattered across the room.

"Your battle attire!" Serah responded, turning around to face him with a smile. "You never know what monsters we may run into out there."

"Out where? What are you talking about?"

"You're going to take me out for a walk! I want to see Bhunivelze!"

He'd been picking up a sock, but her words stopped him mid-motion. His hair hung over his eyes as he responded flatly, "I'm not going out there."

Serah pouted and crossed her arms in front of her. "It's boring here. C'mon! Pleeease?"

"Is that why you came back? To nag me?"

Serah flinched at the statement as if it hurt. Instantly, Noel felt horrible for saying it. But before he could take it back, she furrowed her brows in concerned concentration. Holding her chin in her hand, she realized she hadn't really thought about it before: Why was she back?

Noel let his shoulders drop with a sigh. "Don't worry about it."

"I think…" she started, her eyes scrunched closed. "I think if I came back, I must have wanted something." Then her blue eyes popped open. "I know! I probably want my wish to be granted!"

"Your… wish?" Noel considered. When she didn't continue, he prompted her, "Which is?"

"I have no idea!" she said happily.

Noel sighed dramatically. "Well, that was a big help." He continued to pick up his shirts and underwear.

Leaning backwards until she fell softly onto her back, Serah continued to ponder her predicament. Five years ago, after completing a journey of a lifetime to save the world with Noel and Mog, she'd died. It felt odd, being aware of her own death. Mostly, it was frustrating. She couldn't remember anything after defeating Caius. There was no recollection of a wish, a focus, or anything that would guide her to the afterlife.

As she twirled her hair aimlessly, her mind wandered into her cherished memories of her friends: riding chocobos with Noel, cooking supper with Lightning, learning how to drive a velocycle with Snow, meeting Hope and Sazh and Dajh for the first time – back when they'd achieved the impossible.

She still remembered the tingling feeling and the sound of crystal shattering around her. Against the setting sun, she'd glimpsed her friends rejoice as they returned from their crystals to human form. Snow had run to her, twirled her in his arms excitedly. Then there was that stolen moment when Lightning had given them her blessing. Hope, so young and delicate, had looked at her with envy as he tried to smile with the rest. Dajh's giggles rang out around them as his dad picked him up for the first time in months.

A wish… she thought. What could be a better wish than for all of them to be together like that again?

"I think I'd remember my wish if I saw everyone," Serah suggested. "Let's go! I want to see how old Dajh is!"

The truth weighed heavily on Noel's chest. "Serah when you…" he faltered, unable to voice the phrase. "When we defeated Caius…"

"Yes?"

"The world was taken over by chaos. Time now stands still." He walked over to deactivate the daylight controller on his window and lifted up the pane.

Serah walked over and curiously stuck her head outside. There she saw the swirling purple clouds in the sky. The buildings of Academia now looked old and weather worn. Dust swirled in the breeze and collected against the once-moving sidewalks, which now were still and lifeless.

"People generally don't go out there, anymore. Not unless they have to," Noel explained as Serah observed the dark and silent city.

Returning her attention to the room, Serah gave Noel a once-over. "You haven't aged a day…" she said in awe. Though it was hard to tell through his baggy grey sweatshirt and blue track pants, Noel seemed to look the same as the last time she'd seen him. His face was a little thinner, and maybe his arms had lost a little definition, but this was the Noel she remembered.

"Like I said." He let her eyes assess him. Shame made him bitter and he knew he wasn't a pretty sight to behold. He hadn't left the small house he shared with Hope for months now, except to stop by the grocery store now and then, when Hope didn't get around to it. Because he rarely saw other people, he dressed comfortably and didn't worry about his appearance. Now, with Serah's eyes on him, he felt self-conscious.

"I still want to go," Serah said, again glancing out the window. "I want to see it for myself. I want to see them."

"Fine."

Before Serah could even squeal in delight, she was shoved out the door. "Get out, I'm going to change," Noel said, as he threw his sweatshirt in her face.

Noel locked the door behind them as they left the small house. As before, there was no one outside. Sticking his hands in the pockets of his baggy blue pants, he began walking with no destination in mind. Serah skipped ahead of him. The white of her dress shone like a light in the darkness.

The desolate quiet was broken by her bright voice, "Where's Hope?"

"He still works for the Academy, as Director. In fact, he's hardly ever home. He's probably the only one who thinks there's a way to dispel the chaos," he said, looking up to observe a ribbon of light as it ripped through the gloom and turned a tree into a mailbox. Such random alterations of matter were commonplace nowadays. It was a chaotic world that Noel had given up on long ago.

"Well, let's go visit him!"

Noel didn't answer right away. Lost in his own thoughts, he continued to wander further into the eerily noiseless city.

After a while, Serah spoke up, "This isn't the way to the Academy building."

"We're not going to bother him at work."

"Why not? We did before. Remember when we were gathering the graviton cores? We'd stop by at least twice a day, trying to get clues-"

"People have changed, Serah. It's not like it was…"

Noel pressed on, not caring if Serah followed him or not. He lost track of his feet and before long, they were nearing the outskirts of the city, where the airport and military hangar stood as the last buildings before a vast desert. When he lifted his head, he decided it would be better to turn around and return home. But then someone called out to him.

"Noel!" A man jumped down from where he'd been working on the engine of an airship. "Long time no see!" Sazh hurried over, lifting his safety goggles off his eyes.

"Oh. Hi, Sazh," Noel replied.

Seeing Serah rush past him, he whispered, "Slow down!"

"SAZH!" Serah squealed. She jumped at the black man and gave him a huge bear hug.

"Huh," Sazh said, shrugging his shoulders. "I must have pulled something while working just now, my shoulders feel kinda heavy."

He shook his head, trying to dispel the feeling. Focusing on the other man he said, "Well, to what do I owe this pleasure?" When Noel hesitated, Sazh added with his hands out in a stopping motion, "Not that you need a reason to come visit ol' Sazh, o' course. I'm just glad that you're outside."

"Right." The younger man shifted his weight awkwardly. "Well, I was just going to go."

Looking at him from all different angles, Serah determined that Sazh also hadn't aged since she last saw him. When she heard Noel trying to leave, Serah shouted angrily at him.

"Wait, tell him about my wish!" She grabbed onto his arm and was struggling to pull him back to Sazh.

"Hey," Sazh said, reaching out to Noel's retreating back. "I know you don't talk much, but someone else is here today. He just got back from a scouting mission." Sure enough, behind him a large shadow was approaching from the other side of the airship.

"If it isn't Noel Kreiss. How ya been, buddy?" Snow said, feigning a punch to the brunette's stomach.

"…" Noel grimaced at the burly blonde man. Blue eyes fixed on the bottom fringe of Snow's black trench coat.

Dropping Noel's arm in surprise, Serah's eyes widened as she took in the familiar sight of her once-fiancé. Tears welled in her eyes. Snow, he's here. He's…

"Still the same as ever, huh?" Snow observed, noticing Noel's apathetic stance and downturned gaze. "How depressing. I heard you weren't leaving the house anymore."

"Hey now, the boy's making progress," Sazh interjected. "He's here, ain't he?"

Snow scoffed. "We don't give out medals for walking a few blocks."

Snow rested his hands behind his blonde hair. "You know what I've been up to, Noel?" he asked a little forcefully. "I've been out there," he pointed to the desert, "looking for a way to make things right again. Trying to make up for your mistake. If only you hadn't killed the goddess…"

"Snow, stop it!" Serah shouted furiously. Tears splattered the ground as she shook her head violently. "You-you jerk!"

"Serah-!" Noel called as he reached out to her.

Both Sazh and Snow flinched at the name.

"So you're still thinking about that, eh?" Snow said softly.

Noel dropped his hand and lowered his head sadly.

The blonde's face hardened as he clenched a gloved fist. "Stop living in the past. Nothing's going to bring her back. You told me so yourself. She had the Eyes of Etro... It's best to just forget about her." Snow shook his head, as if to ward off hard memories.

"You're pathetic." With that parting remark, the NORA leader strode back to the building.

Serah dropped to the ground as he left, both hands held against her mouth to stifle her sobs.

"Sorry about that," Sazh chuckled humorlessly. "You know our hero."

Hot-headed as ever. Noel thought. Is this what you wanted to see, Serah? ...I don't know why I brought her out here. What was I thinking?

"Yeah." Noel gave the old pilot one last look before taking off as well.

As soon as he was surrounded by buildings again, Noel broke into a jog. Then a run. Soon he was sprinting full-out down the dingy streets of Academia, the wind drying his tears on his cheeks.

"Noel? Noel, wait up!" Serah shouted from behind him.

Having expended all his energy, Noel stopped, breathing hard . He bent over with his hands on his knees. His hair masked his face as he said, "So now you see, everyone's changed." He straightened up, with his back to her, "but the person who's changed the most is me. Please, just leave me alone. Seeing you brings back memories that I'd prefer to forget."

Standing still, as if rooted to the spot, Serah listened quietly, and remained in middle of the street long after Noel ran away again. Where will I go? She wondered.