Chapter 3: I'm right here

Upon entering his house, Noel slammed the door violently. He took off his shoes and flung them at the door as hard as he could. Despite his efforts to ward off the feeling of inadequacy, those angry gestures only solidified the feeling in the pit of his stomach. That couldn't have gone more wrong. He collapsed on the floor in the foyer. What am I doing? Of course Serah hadn't really come back.

The dismal streets of Academia reminded Serah of the visions she'd had of the future. She walked on, trying to ignore the nagging worry that she'd died for nothing. That her sacrifice was worth nothing. No. What was it Noel said? That Hope believed there was a way to dispel the chaos?

Her pace quickened as she pushed herself towards the largest building in the city. The Academy. They would have the answers. That's where she'd find Hope.

Back and forth, Noel paced his room. Why is this happening to me? Why can't I just let her go? He gripped his hair in frustration. Setting himself down on his bed, he cradled his head in his hands. Why am I so pathetic?

When he opened his eyes, he noticed a t-shirt on the floor between his feet. Why did she have to make such a mess?

Wait – she… made the mess? Noel came to the realization as he looked about his room. A few pieces of clothing remained where she'd thrown them: a sock on his desk and a pair of pants in front of the couch. Having not left the house in a long time, Noel always kept his living space impeccably clean. There's no other way to explain it… She… All of a sudden, his last words to her came back to him.

["Please, just leave me alone. Seeing you brings back memories that I'd prefer to forget."]

No. Serah -! Did I…? Noel jumped from the bed and rushed to the front door. He hardly had the patience to put on his shoes, let alone lock the door. He ran back to the street where he'd last seen her.

"Serah!" he shouted, looking around wildly.

How could I send her away? He thought desperately as he continued to retrace his steps back to the hangar. I didn't even say it! I didn't apologize!

Sazh was packing up his tools when he saw Noel return, running like his life depended on it.

"Whoa, Noel, slow down now!" Sazh cautioned, as his friend seemed to have no intention of stopping. "There is a lot of heavy machinery 'round here! You could crack your head open, runnin' like that."

Noel's eyes were frantic. He grabbed Sazh by the collar. "She's gone!" he shouted. It took three more seconds before Noel realized what he was doing. Three whole seconds before he released his shocked friend and fell to his knees.

"What? Who's gone?" Sazh asked with great concern.

"Never mind," mumbled Noel. Ashamed that, for the second time today, he'd acted strangely around one of his only friends left.

The older man wouldn't give up so easily. Something was definitely bothering Noel. Leaving the house for the first time in months must have been really hard for him.

"Come with me, I've got some water and snacks on board," Sazh said, lifting Noel off the ground and into his airship. In his state of mind, Noel was unable to resist and made a minimal effort to follow the pilot into the large carrier.

"Now, what's really going on?" Sazh asked after he'd provided the other man with a glass of water and a chair in the kitchenette area.

Noel gulped down the water before answering. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Awe, what does that say about your faith in me?" Sazh chided. "I believe in a lot of crazy things: time travel, magic, Lady Luck…"

"…" Still unable to voice his concerns, Noel folded his arms in front of him and averted his gaze.

Sazh read him like a book. "It's about Serah, isn't it?"

Noel's head snapped up at her name. Embarrassed, he replied, "Yeah."

"It's ok, I'm not gonna yell at you or freak out or anything."

A real friend listens when you need them to. A real friend doesn't judge you. What Noel needed right now was a real friend. He strongly hoped that Sazh would fill that role. He couldn't face this alone anymore.

Heart pounding, Noel was afraid of how it would sound, and of how much he wanted to tell someone. "I… saw her today."

"Well, that's not so strange, I sometimes see her and Vanille and…" Sazh was saying, but Noel cut him off.

"No, I mean, she's back. She came back."

Dark brown eyes surveyed him wearily. "What do you mean, she came back?"

Drawing a hand through his shaggy brown hair, Noel laughed. "I don't know. Yesterday, I thought I was hallucinating. All of a sudden Serah was in my room, talking to me. She looked the same as before."

"Hey now, keep those kind of dreams to yourself!"

Noel blushed slightly. "No, it's not like that. She didn't go away. She followed me around the house. When she saw Hope, she greeted him… but he couldn't hear her." He tried to think of where he was going with this recollection. "Oh, she even moved things!"

That got Sazh's attention. "What?! Like a ghost or something?"

"Yeah, kinda," Noel replied. "Well, I don't know. No one else seems to see her."

"Was she there…" Sazh pictured the scene from earlier, with Snow. "Is that why you said her name?"

Nodding, Noel's mouth formed a thin line.

The two men stayed silent for a while. Noel was torn between wanting to open up completely to Sazh and wanting to crawl into the engine compartment to die. It was fortunate that he didn't decided on the latter, because Sazh turned out to be the friend he needed right now.

"That's amazing!" he said enthusiastically. "I wish I could see her!" All of a sudden Sazh got up from his seat and looked around the room. "Is she here now?"

"No," sighed the brunette as he rubbed his cheek nervously. "I kinda told her off after running away."

"I see." Work boots paced along the metal plating of the ship's hull. "Why did she come back, I wonder."

"Oh," Noel responded, "she said she wanted her wish granted."

"Her wish?"

"Yeah, but…" Noel sighed again. "She didn't seem to know what it was."

"Hm." Sazh laced his fingers and stretched out his arms in front of him. "Well, I can think of one place where wishes come true… Serendipity!"

Noel shook his head. "You think her wish was for us to gamble at the casino?!"

"Didn't you say she had her eye on that lucky coin?"

"Well, yeah, but that would take forever to win."

"Not with my help! I happen to be well acquainted with Lady Luck!" Sazh proclaimed happily.

"I'm not going to win this argument, am I?"

"Nope!" replied Sazh over his shoulder as he walked towards the flight deck. "Serendipity, here we come!"

The inside of the Academy building was just as drab and worn as the exterior. Serah expected to see scientists and engineers running about, working to solve the problems of the world. What she hadn't expected was this ghost town. Ironically now inhabited by one ghost, she mused. The reception area was deserted, with debris blown in through the broken entrance doors littering the floor.

From a half-remembered conversation with Hope, Serah knew that his office was on one of the upper floors, but when she visited him before, she'd always found him working on the Bhunivelze project on the main floor. As she entered the large research chamber opposite the main entrance, she found no sign of life. Even the computers were shut off. I guess there isn't any need for computer models now that Bhunivelze has been launched. So, Serah climbed into an elevator and selected the highest floor [140]. Thankfully, the elevator was still operational, the doors swished closed and it began to rise quickly.

This upper floor looked more like an apartment than a research facility. As Serah stepped out of the elevator, she noticed a long bank of windows to her right. The view was spectacular – or it would have been – before…

She could see the entire ruined city of Academia spread out before her. The remaining buildings were lit up with a muted light, and it took a second before she understood: the windows were all covered over.

Noel had mentioned that the world descended to chaos… that time stood still… that people didn't go outside, if they could help it. What did that mean? Serah wondered. Did they all just huddle together inside their homes with the windows boarded up, remembering the better times? What kind of a life was that? No, she must be misunderstanding something. Hope wouldn't allow that. But then, the Noel she knew wouldn't have, either.

Taking in her immediate surroundings, she found herself in a living room area, with couches and comfortable chairs around a coffee table. The furnishings were well kept, as compared to everything else in this building, but the chairs looked like they saw little use.

Serah moved through the room, her hand trailing along the couch, looking for sign that Hope was around. A band of light under the door at the far end of the room caught her attention. The door led to a large office. More windows ran along the walls, but let in little light, due to the swirling clouds of chaos blocking out the sunlight. Or maybe the sun no longer existed? This strange world confused her.

A banging noise came from the desk. A silver-haired person was unceremoniously slamming his fists against the surface over and over again. "This can't be right!" Hope's voice grumbled.

"Hope!" Serah squealed, running over to him. As she approached, the rest of the room came into view. Around the bend in the wall stood the crystals of Vanille and Fang, arranged like pieces of art in a museum.

Hope got up and started pacing. He held his chin as he muttered to himself. "If this reading can be trusted, the chaos levels have been increasing steadily since they appeared… Could this go on forever?" he shook his head.

"What we need is some kind of … signal… that would antagonize the chaos…"

Following behind Hope as he paced around the room, Serah was also thinking. "Anti-chaos? The opposite of chaos… is order, right?"

Hope stopped, and Serah bumped into his back. Surprised by the sensation, Hope glanced behind him. "Huh… That's strange," he said, before sitting down at his desk again.

"The opposite of chaos would be order…" he continued, to which Serah nodded enthusiastically. "But how can we start to bring order back into the world? The only one with that kind of power should be the goddess, Etro."

Hope lowered his head. While gazing at Vanille and Fang's crystal forms, Serah didn't notice the tears that escaped the Director's eyes.

"We didn't know anything about the goddess, before. We didn't know anything about Valhalla or Caius or the Void Beyond," he choked. "We were just pets of the FalC'ie. Puppets. We fought for our freedom, but now," he lifted his head, blinking back the tears. "I'd give anything to go back to those days."

This despair was unfitting for a man named Hope. Serah strode over to him and pulled his shoulders up. She wanted to shake him. "C'mon, Hope, don't give up now! Everyone is counting on you!" she prayed that her words would reach him somehow.

"Lightning…" he sighed despondently, wiping his eyes. "If only you were here… If only… Serah…"

"Hope," the pink haired woman whispered sadly, standing directly in front of him. "I'm right here!" Though it wouldn't have made a difference if she was a million miles away.

Eventually, Hope stood up and stretched his arms over his head. Consulting his watch, he stifled a yawn. "Enough for one day, I guess," he said.

Gathering his papers in to a briefcase he muttered, "Etro, give me strength," before he snorted derisively, as if remembering the current situation of the goddess, "Or not."

Serah followed Hope back to the house he shared with Noel. On the way, she wondered if she was a manifestation of the chaos that had taken over the world. The dead coming back… that was chaotic, wasn't it? It made her feel guilty to know that she could be part of the problem. If only she could just wish it all away. All this unease, this darkness, this… unhappiness. It was the last thing she'd ever want her friends to endure.

When they arrived, they found the door left wide open. The lights were all on.

"Noel?" Hope called out.

There was no reply. Noel was gone.