Chapter 4

"wow" Haley and Peyton whispered at the same time.

"so with that being said… that leaves 2" Rachel said taking one down off the wall and reading it out loud. "I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be"

Peyton and Haley looked at each other. At this point there were only two secrets left which meant both girls knew each other's secret.

"one of you is in love with someone they shouldn't be… what ever that means. And the other slept with their best friend… Interesting" Brooke said.

"okay well this is obvious… Haley's in love with Chris Keller and Brooke and Peyton slept together" Rachel stated like it was nothing. Brooke started laughing quietly.

"this is one fucked up night" Brooke said looking up at the ceiling.

"what?"

"Peyton and I have never slept with each other… trust me, I would have remembered. It's obvious that Peyton is in love with Luke, and Haley slept with him"

"what? Haley and Lucas?!" Rachel asked in disbelief, making Haley blush a deep red. "never would have guessed."

"do you want to go first or should I?" Haley asked Peyton. Peyton motioned for Haley to take the centre of the change room, which she did.

"H- I slept with my best friend." Rachel repeated the note. "I thought you were all about the 'no sex before marriage' rule" Rachel said.

"I am… sort of" Haley said as she stood with her arms by her side in the middle of the change room. She was never good with people judging her, or being placed on a pedestal.

"please don't tell me this happened when I was dating Luke. One friend hooking up with my boyfriend was enough." Brooke said from the corner of the room. She had her legs up on the bench, knees near her chest, and her head back up against the wall, slightly tilted to see all of the girls.

"no" Haley said. "it was back before Lucas joined the basketball team"

"you had sex when you were 16?" Peyton asked.

"it was a one time thing, that happened by accident" Haley said.

"how do you accidentally sleep with someone?" Rachel asked no one in particular. "did he slip?"

"okay, ew, no!" Haley said trying to get that image out of her head. "we crashed a Brooke Davis party for some reason and we got a little drunk. We went back to the café to get some coffee to sober up a little, but one thing lead to another and we started kissing. The kissing lead to the touching and the touching lead to… well yeah…" Haley said.

"so then what? You guys have never brought it up again?" Brooke asked.

"nope, we vowed to keep it a secret"

"so then why did you write it down as your biggest guilt?" Peyton asked.

"because when I wrote that down I was proving to myself that I don't regret leaving to go on tour."

"so you don't regret leaving your husband for another man?" Peyton asked, the bitterness creeping into her voice.

"I didn't leave Nathan for another man. Chris was just there, we weren't anything. I left to follow my dreams. Everyone was saying how it was wrong for me to go off and go on tour with Chris. But it was not my biggest regret" Haley said with quite a bit of anger. "my biggest regret was sleeping with Lucas because it was stupid and wrong and it had no purpose. If anything it made our friendship awkward for a long time. But singing… was something for me. I was just tired of being that person everyone counted on for everything. I was always a safe person. All I wanted was something for me… was that so bad?"

Haley looked around the room to see everyone was just looking back at her, but no one was saying anything.

"Hales?" Peyton asked, using her nick names – that was a good sign. Haley looked over at Peyton. "I'm sorry" she whispered. "I've been pretty hard on you lately and it's all just been chaos lately. I didn't mean to make you feel like the safe person before. I was just looking out for Nathan"

"and I thank you for that. You're a really good friend"

"so wait, am I the only one who hasn't slept with Lucas then?" Rachel asked interrupting their nice moment.

"I haven't slept with Lucas" Peyton objected.

"good… I hate being out of the loop. But since we're on the topic of you… you're the last secret. B- You are in love with someone you shouldn't be. And I think we all know who it is" Rachel said. Peyton looked over at Brooke, they all knew who it was, it wasn't that big of a secret. Even though Peyton said she didn't love him, she really did.

"Rachel? Hales? Do you guys mind giving us a moment?" Peyton asked as she stared at Brooke. The two girls got up and walked to the other room of the change room. Peyton got up and sat down in front of Brooke's feet.

"we need to end this" Peyton stated.

"you're the one who started it" Brooke said.

"okay look, I know I said I loved Lucas, but then I said I didn't but I was just-"

"-trying not to hurt me?" Brooke finished. "it's kind of late for that."

"okay Brooke, I know what I said, and I know everything's been so screwed up lately, and most of it is probably because of me. But you know I wouldn't go this far unless he really meant something to me. If it were any other guy it would be hoes over bros, just as promised. But Lucas, you know him, he's perfect because he is always there to save me. When I'm alone, he's there for me, just for no reason. When I need him, and can't talk to you for some reason, he shows up. I've lost so many people in my life and you know that, everyone knows that. So far he's the only person not to leave me in my life"

"what about me?" Brooke asked.

"you left me when you found Lucas."

"that's not true" Brooke said angrily as she swung her legs over the side of the bench to sit in the same position as Peyton.

"isn't it? When I got shot, and Keith died, who did you go to? When I said I was in love with Lucas, where did you go? I'll tell you, you are always going to him instead of me"

"that is not fair! I went to Lucas because he was grieving, Keith actually died, you were in the hospital. And you wouldn't talk to me if I stole your boyfriend either, so don't even try that"

"okay it's true, but think about it this way. When I told Lucas I loved him and he didn't feel the same way, he was still there for me! That is the difference between you and me"

Brooke sat there for a moment in silence. "do you really love him?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"yeah… I do" Peyton whispered back.

"alright"

"alright?"

"if he loves you and you love him, there's nothing I can do to stop you, despite how I feel."

"so you're okay with this?"

"no" Brooke said making Peyton instantly frown. "but I think one day… I will be. I'm not saying that day is any time soon, but it will come"

"I'm sorry" Peyton said randomly.

"for what?"

"the whole wanting to kill your self. I know it had a lot to do with me and Luke. If I had known it would have gone that far I would have been there for you in a heart beat" Peyton said. "can I see…?" Peyton asked as she lightly grabbed Brooke's arm. Since Brooke didn't protest she pushed the sleeve half way up Brooke's arm to reveal the different scars. Peyton ran her fingers over the bumps and looked up at Brooke.

"please, don't ever do this again. It scares me" Peyton whispered. "I'm just scared to lose you Brooke."

"you're never going to lose me again" Brooke said. The two girls were once again friends, but at this point they weren't ready for a hug. So they didn't.

With Rachel and Haley…

"so are you okay?" Haley asked Rachel.

"yes Haley I'm great!" Rachel said voice dripping with sarcasm. "I told everyone I hate who I am and I just broke up with my suicidal girlfriend. I'm just dandy"

"hey, none of this has been easy on any of us"

"yeah… I just wish I hadn't taken those notes. All of this is really screwed up."

"I can't believe Brooke tried to kill her self" Haley whispered.

"I can't believe you slept with Lucas… was it good?"

"Rachel!" Haley said slapping Rachel in the arm.

"what? I've always wanted to know… I mean he is 6 feet tall and has some pretty big shoes if you know what I mean"

"do you think every thing's going to be okay when we get out of here?" Haley asked.

"I don't know" Rachel said going back to serious. "this stuff is pretty real…"

"I think all of this stuff is going to change us. I mean things like suicide, love, self hatred and sex is not something you come across everyday. Well maybe you and sex… but that's a different story" Haley said trying to joke around, but she noticed Rachel wasn't laughing, actually she was looking pretty hurt.

"Rachel, I'm sorry… I forgot about…"

"it's alright… I'm going to have to learn how to deal with everything if I want to change right?"

"right" Haley whispered.

"look I'm tired of looking at these and thinking about them" Rachel said holding up the notes. "they only bring bad memories"

"so what are we going to do?" Haley asked.

Haley and Rachel walked back in the room just as Brooke was saying "you're never going to lose me again".

Rachel held the four pieces of paper in her hand and turned to face everyone "we're going to end this once and for all"