Chapter 7: Something must be wrong with me

["Serah appeared to me too! She said that we can forget about this wish thing. She doesn't want us to be fussing over her anymore."]

Serah's face crumbled at Snow's words. Her moods had been so brittle lately, always teetering between joy and sorrow, both resulting in tears. But this time, a righteous anger filled her, warming her cheeks and causing her hands to shake.

The group had fallen silent; their eyes focusing on red glare of the fire, making the night around them seem even darker. It was evident that not everyone believed what Snow had to say, but no one was willing to call him out on it. Awkwardness followed the declaration, during which they asked themselves, if not for Serah, why are we all here? Soon enough, they'd all go their separate ways again. Without a common goal, they'd become strangers.

Serah wouldn't have it.

"No, it's not like that!" she shouted, her face illuminated by the flames. "I'm really happy that you guys are hanging out again and trying to help me. Even though I died, I still wanted you to be friends!"

Noel winced at her otherwise unheard request.

"Well... if that's what Serah really wants…" Sazh reasoned, a little dejected, "I guess we'll be on our way."

Hope, too, looked like he was about to give up.

Serah hung her head in defeat.

Glancing between the pink-haired apparition and the man who claimed to have loved her, Noel gritted his teeth. Even if the Serah before him wasn't the only one, even if she was just a figment of his imagination, Snow's attitude was completely out of line. What had started as a gathering of friends to honor her memory had become a pissing match between him and Snow.

His heart rate quickened and his mouth went dry from the uncomfortable realization that he was the only one who could do something to salvage the situation. As much as he would have preferred just helping Serah on his own, he could tell it meant a lot to her to have the others involved.

"Hey guys," Noel forced himself to say, fighting against his desire to just give up and leave. "Serah made some soup at our house. If you want, you can come over and taste it."

"Noel?" Serah questioned, lifting her head in surprise. They'd eaten all the soup this afternoon.

A barking laugh echoed along the beach as Snow shook his head in amusement. "Soup? Don't ya think you're taking this a little too far?" Again, his tone was derisive and challenging. "Right Sazh?"

Truthfully, it did sound pretty outlandish. However, Sazh didn't want to get involved in their argument. "Well…" he said, trailing off and rubbing his chin.

"Listen," Noel continued, his voice getting louder in proportion to his strengthening conviction. "I don't care if you think I'm weird or crazy or whatever. Serah says she's happy we got together and that she doesn't want us to forget her."

The crackling of the fire seemed louder as the other men were shocked into silence again. It had been a long time since they'd heard Noel speak with such confidence. Noel chanced a glance at Serah and found a brilliant smile on her face. It was worth looking like a fool for that, at least.

"You can't just let it go, huh?" said Snow bitterly, kicking sand into the fire. "Well, I've had enough of this. I'm outta here." With that, he turned and started walking back to the NORA house.

Everyone watched him go, unsure of what to do next.

As if sensing their indecision, Snow called behind his back, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Back at home, Noel lounged on his bed moodily. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Serah play with a Carbuncle figurine, wondering if she actually was the real Serah. When she'd first appeared to him, she hadn't asked about Snow or Lightning. She didn't demand him to relay messages to anyone. She didn't complain about being dead. Every step of the way, she'd encouraged him to break out of his shell. And when he'd told her off, she'd found her way back to him again. Why me? he wondered. Why didn't she appear to Snow?

The 'Serah' that Snow saw was a fake, Noel knew it. There was no way she'd have such conflicting feelings – both wanting her friends to grant her wish and then insisting she didn't want them to fuss over her. As much as he wanted to criticize Snow for being delusional, he didn't have much ground to stand on.

'Soup'? he agonized, remembering his shining moment. That was my great idea? Even still, no matter how stupid he made himself look, he couldn't just watch as Serah's heart broke. There must be something wrong with me.

He clutched his pillow tighter as he remembered the ride home with Hope.

["You saw Serah, right?" Hope asked over his shoulder to Noel, while calmly piloting their airship.

"Well…"

"You liked her, didn't you?"

As much as Noel wanted to assume Hope meant 'like as a friend', there was no ambiguity in his tone.

"Liked her so much that you started seeing things that weren't there?"

"But you agreed with me back there – why did you – were you defending me?" Noel demanded in halted speech.

The question hung in the air for a moment. When Hope spoke again, his voice was strangled, as if the words didn't want to leave his mouth.

"If you really can see Serah, please treat her well. I won't pretend to understand but… please…"]

Noel remembered his last moments with Serah, their last moments together before she... It was right after they'd left Valhalla: they'd run towards a new future, together, smiling, hopeful. He'd caught her hand. It all seemed surreal in the bright sunlight. She'd turned to him and smiled, bashfully ducking her head. "Thank you," she'd said. And then… she was gone before he could say anything in response.

Hope's voice echoed in his mind.

["…Please, don't let it end the same way twice."]

I won't. I won't!

Again, he found his eyes drawn to the young woman in his room. What did you think of me back then? What was I to you? Noel shifted uncomfortably, trying to alleviate the tension in his shoulders. Frustrated with his inability to voice his feelings, both back then and now, he chastised himself, closing his eyes tightly. This is stupid.

The next day, he figured he'd bring Serah by the hospital to see Mog. After what happened last night, he thought she could use some cheering up. But the hospital wasn't having visitors.

Back at home, they found Hope sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hey Noel," Hope said in greeting, gesturing with his cup of coffee that he wanted him to sit down.

"Why are you here?" Noel asked curiously, taking a seat across from his friend.

Hope chuckled. "Isn't this a role reversal? I could ask you why you weren't home," he shook his silver hair. "But I won't… I was thinking about what we talked about last night."

Noel held his breath, unsure which conversation he was referring to, hoping he wouldn't want to discuss that front of Serah.

"We agreed that Serah might have wanted to bring Lightning out of crystal stasis."

Noel exhaled, relieved. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, I think we should head over to her crystal in Valhalla to get a better idea of what we're trying to do."

The idea struck Noel as odd. He knew for a fact that Hope visited Lightning's crystal statue on a weekly, if not daily, basis. If anyone was an expert on crystal stasis, it would be Hope. So why did he want to bring him along for the ride? However, Serah seemed really excited to go. There was no way he was going to get out of this without visiting Lightning. Even still, he held on to his suspicions.

Etro's shrine was at the heart of Valhalla, but since the collapse of the timeline, Valhalla had merged with Academia, so getting there wasn't difficult at all. The difficult part was walking up all of the stairs – all 999 of them. On the second to last step, Hope stopped Noel quietly, gesturing ahead. There, in the shadow of the crystal throne, was Snow. It looked like he was praying.

"Did you know he was going to be here?" Noel whispered, annoyed.

Hope shrugged innocently, which only made it obvious that he'd planned this.

"Go talk to him," Hope encouraged, giving Noel a little push forward. The younger man resisted, firmly planting his feet.

"What are you up to?" Noel demanded, crossing his arms.

Hope ran a hand through his silver hair, sighing.

They were both so stubborn, Snow and Noel. He knew that Snow was in more pain over Serah than he let on, but he always tried to be the 'hero'. Now, five years after losing her, that unreasonable need to be strong for everyone else had turned his sorrow to bitterness. That mindset clashed with Noel's, who'd wallowed in grief this whole time. Though they both cared deeply for Serah, Hope knew that, even as rivals they could be friends. Serah would've liked that, he mused. But first, they needed to deal with their feelings of loss and regret.

"This is for Serah," Hope assured, pulling out his boomerang. Without warning, he threw the weapon into the crystal chamber, aimed directly for Lightning's head.

The 'whish' of the weapon slicing through the air caught Snow's attention. He easily deflected the attack with Steelguard. Then, he turned and looked for the culprit.

"Who's there?" he shouted. "Who's cowardly enough to attack a defenseless statue?"

Hope struggled with Noel, trying to push him out into the chamber ahead. Serah tried to intervene, placing herself between the two men, pushing them apart. Hope tumbled into the chamber, falling at Snow's feet.

"Hope?!"

Hope winced, not so much in pain, but at the situation he'd orchestrated. With his face against the stone floor, he said something under his breath.

"What's that?" Snow asked, his voice a little gentler. He still saw Hope as the kid he'd promised to protect. Even though the age difference had reversed, old habits die hard.

"Why do you care?" Hope repeated, lifting himself up. "Lightning's a hero, isn't she?"

Snow met Hope's eyes, trying to decipher his message. "Yeah," he responded hesitantly.

"I thought you said 'Heroes never die'!"

Snow's eyes widened in fear and understanding. His face contorted with rage, but surprise was there too. He opened and closed his mouth but couldn't decide which words to say. The anger he wanted to direct at Hope was really meant for himself. Long ago, he'd said those damnable words to Serah. He stumbled backwards, into the throne, overwhelmed by self-loathing and guilt.

"Admit it!" Hope shouted over him. "You were wrong!"

"Hope!" Noel admonished, jogging into the chamber. He'd never seen his friend act so aggressively before, and it scared him.

"Everyone dies. Heroes die!" Hope's voice broke but he still continued to yell. "Unless you don't think Serah was a hero?!"

Serah watched as Snow slid his back down the ancient crystal, until he sat at the foot of the throne, hanging his head.

"What can I say?" he said softly, almost to himself. "How can I take it back?" his voice cracked as the first tear slid down his cheek. "How can I make it right?"

"…" Noel kept to the edge of the room while Serah went to Snow's side.

Hope raised his head to look at Lightning, a sad smile playing on his lips. "You can apologize."

"Serah…" Snow started, his voice thick with tears.

Serah reached for his hand. "I'm here, Snow."

He flinched at the sensation that ghosted across his fingertips. Was it all true? Was she really here?

"Serah was… My hero. She saved me… in so many ways. I just wanted her to be happy… I never wanted… I never thought that she'd…" his shoulders shook violently as he cried silent tears. For a while, the only sound in the large chamber was the stuttering intake of his breath.

Serah held him, caressing his back in soft circles. Closing her eyes, she kissed his forehead tenderly. "I forgive you, Snow."

When the tears relented, Noel stepped over and offered his hand to Snow. The blonde considered it for a moment, unable to move.

"Serah says she forgives you," Noel said cheerfully, his face open and honest. Snow winced, still finding it hard to believe that she was back, and that only Noel could see or hear her.

"Idiot," he muttered. But he took the offered hand and got to his feet.

"She also says," Noel breathed menacingly into Snow's ear, "That the next time you put words in her mouth she's going to hide your you know what."

With that, he released Snow and stepped back, weary of a counter-strike. Noel had no idea what item Serah was talking about, but he figured Snow wouldn't like being threatened.

"And be nice to Noel!" Serah added.

"I'm not going to say that," Noel whispered to her with a chuckle. He didn't want to press his luck with the NORA leader.

It looked as though they had a truce, for now.