Chapter 8: Surrounded by chaos

It was barely morning and, in an unusual turn of events, Noel was already wide awake. Serah watched curiously as he donned his battle attire, brushed his teeth and attempted to comb his messy locks. He jogged down the stairs to the main landing where he greeted Hope, who had been pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"'Morning," the brunette chirped, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and holding it out expectantly.

The older man fixed him with a curious glance but filled the mug, regardless.

"Good morning, Noel." Then when the teen went to take a sip he warned, "Careful, it's really…"

Noel spit out the brown liquid unceremoniously into the sink.

"Hot."

Abashedly, Noel replied, "Uh, I realize that now."

They both settled into chairs at the kitchen table. Noel added a large dollop of cream to his beverage, as well as about 4 teaspoons of sugar. Serah remained in the doorway to the kitchen, after having followed Noel's every move with an inquisitive eye.

"So you still plan to come to Academy HQ today?" Hope asked as he took a bite of his toast. He attempted to look casual and uninterested, bending his head over the Chaos Readings that he had already memorized.

"That's the plan," Noel said, glancing over at Serah quickly before bringing his attention back to his coffee. He took a sip and tried not to grimace. The bitter taste made him wonder why Hope drank this awful stuff every day.

After the men had finished their breakfast, Hope waited outside while Noel turned off the lights and locked up the house. Noel tied the leather laces of his shoes in silence, aware that Serah was waiting patiently at the front door. He hated doing this to her, but he figured it was for the best.

"Serah," he said finally, giving her attention for the first time, "You're going to have to stay here today."

"Why?" she asked, dejected by his coldness toward her this morning.

"You could say it's kind of a surprise." In response to her raised eyebrow, he added, "For you."

"Oh?" her face brightened instantly.

"Yes, so just… stay in the house today, alright?"

"Yes, sir!" she responded with a salute.

With that, Noel walked out into the gloom of the city, closing the door behind him.

"What to do, what to do…" Serah mumbled to herself, pacing back into the kitchen.

Assembled in Hope's spacious office were Noel, Sazh, and Dajh on the couch and a reluctant Snow in one of the easy chairs. Hope was pacing in front of them, as if the movement was essential to gather his thoughts. After what happened yesterday in Valhalla, he'd invited them to the Academy building as neutral territory where they could discuss their plans to fulfill Serah's wish without appearing to side with either Noel or Snow.

"As you know," he started, trying to keep it simple, "Our world has been enveloped in chaos energy ever since Caius Ballad's death five years ago."

Noel and Sazh nodded, ready to learn what advances Hope had achieved. Obviously bored, Snow was fidgeting in his chair, playing with his black bandana. Hope ignored him for now, focusing his lecture on the others.

"The chaos has blotted out the sky and stopped the aging process," he said, gesturing toward Dajh who had not grown or matured at all in the past five years, despite now being 11, chronologically.

"Other manifestations of chaos are the random alterations of matter and the disease known as Chaos Disorder, where the patient's sense of reality becomes warped and they are slowly driven insane. It seems that the source of the chaos is the Unseen Realm itself, which has merged with our dimension. This is why places such as Valhalla, Serendipity and the Coliseum have become accessible to us mortals."

"So are you sayin' that Caius' death caused the merger of dimensions?" asked Sazh pointedly.

"I don't know the exact cause, but the two events are definitely linked somehow."

"What can we do about it? Is there a way to fight the chaos?" demanded Noel, his desperation to help fix the world obvious in his voice.

Dajh chimed in, "Yeah, how do we fight something we can't see?"

Hope was taken aback by the child's insightful question. Because of his appearance, Hope often forgot how much Dajh had grown mentally.

"It's true that we cannot see chaos energy, per se. But I have found a way to measure it," he said retrieving a wand-like device from his satchel. "The Chaos Readings I can detect with this device indicate that the levels of chaos energy have been rising steadily.

"As to fighting it, I think we can agree that the opposite of chaos is order, right?"

"Right," agreed Sazh. "Yup," added Dajh. Noel simply nodded.

Snow had gotten up and was poking at the crystals of Vanille and Fang.

"Snow!" Hope yelled angrily, snapping Snow's attention back to the group. "At least pretend to be listening."

"Yeah, yeah," he responded lazily, returning to his chair. "I heard you. Let's make order from the chaos." Then he rolled his eyes with a grin. "How should we start? By picking up garbage? Sweeping the streets? Painting your house maybe? Hmm?"

The Director of the Academy shot him with the full force of his laser glare.

"Well, that's what you want, isn't it? How else do you harness "order"? It's not like a spell or a weapon you can wield."

The others gaped at Snow. His attitude aside, he'd actually said something relevant to the conversation. Additionally, he was right. Order could only be brought about through hard work and, as strange as it sounds, by cleaning and organization – though they were talking about a scale millions of times larger than simple house chores.

Noel considered Snow's words a moment.

"What about the Fal'Cie? They're still around, aren't they?"

"Of course," Hope replied quickly, wanting to distance himself from Snow's comments.

"Couldn't they help us?"

"Dammit, Noel!" Snow shouted, launching himself to his feet and bearing down on the brunette. "What the hell do you think I've been doing for the last five years? I'm sick of all your bullshit. You waltz back into our lives after five years of feeling sorry for yourself and then think that you can do better than us, the people who've never given up on setting things right?"

Though Sazh and Hope moved in to restrain him, Snow shrugged off their interfering limbs but didn't make a single violent move against Noel. He didn't need to. His words cut deeper than any sword could.

Noel covered his face with his hands. It was hard to be called out for what he was - a coward. But, this wasn't about him anymore. He slid his hands up and into his hair with an exasperated sigh. He wouldn't let his own feelings of inadequacy dominate his life again.

"You're right. I wasn't there when things got tough. I'm sorry," Noel looked up at Snow, but the blonde had turned his back to him. "But I can't help you now unless I know the whole story. So please, explain it to me."

At first Noel figured the truce was over, that Snow would storm out of the building on his righteous high-horse. This time, Noel found himself thinking that he'd chase after him, if need be. As unintentional as it had been, he had overstepped his bounds. With the lofty goal of saving the world, he couldn't afford to lose someone like Snow to a simple misunderstanding. Noel needed all the help he could get. But Snow surprised him for the second time that day by returning to his seat calmly and recounting his efforts since the day the crystal pillar broke.

It turns out that Snow had been looking for the Fal'Cie in hopes that they could do something about the chaos. On his "scouting missions" he'd travelled across Gran Pulse, at first accompanied by his friends that made up the NORA gang, but more recently he'd shouldered the burden alone. The shift in responsibility came after Maqui had contracted Chaos Disorder during a mission to find Bismark in the Sulyya Springs. After they'd returned and admitted Maqui to the hospital, Snow urged Lebreau and Yuj to stay by their friend's side. Gadot and Snow split the missions between themselves, their thick skin (and probably thicker skulls, thought Noel) protected them from the disease. So far, the Fal'Cie eluded them both, and could no longer be found in their usual domains.

"Alright, thanks Snow," said Noel sincerely, "I guess it's a little easier said than done."

Snow snorted, but his eyes no longer held animosity.

Though both Hope and Sazh listened respectfully to Snow's account, Dajh had been walking around the office, full of nervous energy. Now that Snow had finished, the young boy returned to his seat.

"I thought we were going to talk about Serah!" he whined. Clearly he missed the woman that had, at one time, been his beloved teacher 'Miss Farron'. "Dad told me she wanted us to grant her wish."

Noel crouched down in front of the boy. "That's what we've been discussing this whole time."

Dajh shook his little afro. "No, you weren't. You were talking about how to save the world."

Noel nodded, a gentle smile on his face. "Exactly. Serah wished for us to save the world for her."

The boy didn't look convinced. In fact, the way he raised one skeptical eyebrow was kind of intimidating. Noel looked over his shoulder, pleading for some support.

"It seems like the most likely choice for her, given her background," Hope added helpfully. "She'd worked really hard to repair the timeline, even sacrificing herself for her cause."

"If we were talking about Serah, then why didn't you say her name at all?" Dajh countered, rather forcefully.

"Dajh!" Sazh scolded. But Noel placed a hand on the father's arm, silencing him.

"Dajh," the teen said, his midnight blue eyes grabbing the boy's attention. "Just because we don't say her name doesn't mean she isn't in our thoughts." Resisting the urge to glance over at Snow, Noel continued. "Recently, Serah appeared to me, and told me about her wish. But before that, she'd followed me around in my mind. Every minute of every day she's been there, in every action we make and even in those we don't," then Noel added, upon remembering the danger of assumptions. "Of course, I can't speak for the others, but that's how it was for me."

"I see her all the time," Dajh responded boldly, with an arrogant sneer. "And I'm not afraid to say so, unlike some people. Right, Dad?"

Sazh chuckled at how cheeky his son had become, nodding in response. "Yes, Dajh. You're very vocal on the subject of Miss Farron."

While the others laughed, Noel couldn't help but feel like he'd had his balls handed to him by a six-year-old.

The laughter of the adults only frustrated Dajh, who thought that they were teasing him.

"I think you guys are stupid, anyway," he pouted, crossing his arms. "Serah wouldn't wish for something that no one could give her."

Back at home, Noel and Hope found their kitchen in complete disarray. The counters were covered in stains, there was food and broken glass on the floor, and black smoke was seeping out of the oven.

"SERAH!" Noel yelled, angrily taking note of the knife marks on the counter tops. He'd told her a thousand times to use cutting boards. The apparition was nowhere in sight. While Hope was busy dealing with the fire, Noel rushed upstairs.

"Serah!?" he shouted again, starting to worry.

He immediately headed to his room, where the ghost spent most of her time. Despite it being messier than he'd left it, with all sorts of games and toys strewn about, Serah wasn't there. With increasing apprehension, he searched Hope's room, the bathroom and finally, the small office where Hope would often work well into the night.

Opening the door slowly, praying that Serah was just inside, Noel held his breath. What would he do if she'd disappeared? His arrogance had gotten him in trouble once already today. Now he realized that he'd fully expected Serah to wait at home for him like a puppy, happily wagging her tail for him when he returned. His heart felt heavy with regret. It wasn't right to treat her that way, regardless of her state of mortality.

Just let her be here, he thought. I'm not ready to say goodbye.

"Serah…?" he whispered anxiously, stepping into the room.

He was immediately knocked over by a pink blur.

"Noel, you're back!" Serah squealed delightedly from her position on top of him.

"But wait…" she muttered, leaning back enough so that Noel could see her face. "Oh shoot! My chocobo pot pie!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and running down the stairs.

"It's already burnt," he called after her with a relieved chuckle. He was glad some things never change.

That evening, Hope and Noel had microwavable frozen entrees for supper.

Standing out on the balcony, Noel watched the purple clouds of chaos swirl above Academia. Usually he wouldn't risk being outside for any amount of time, because of the way the air made his skin crawl. Hope had explained the principles of Chaos Disorder, how the chaos energy enters the brain and corrupts a person's thoughts, warping their sense of reality. As the disease progresses, what happens in the mind's eye becomes so drastically different from what is actually happening to the body that the communication between the two slowly rots away. In the final stages, the person is essentially paralysed, blind and deaf to the world around them. Over the last few days, Noel had ventured out more than he ever had in years and, surprisingly, he felt less paranoia than before.

It struck him as odd that being indoors had any effect on a force as powerful as chaos energy. If all they needed was a roof and walls to keep the chaos out, why didn't they just seal off the city? Maybe build a giant dome. Aware how silly the idea was, something about it nagged at Noel, his brain refusing to let it go. Then there was Mog, who was supposed to be extra sensitive to chaos, saved by a plexiglass cage. What was chaos anyway?

Joining him out on the balcony, Serah perched herself on the railing.

Another idea gnawed at the back of his mind, but he vehemently ignored it. What if she…? No. Don't think it.

"Hey, be careful," Noel said, eyeing her position wearily.

Serah ignored him, breathing in a whiff of night air. "Noel," she said looking up into the darkness, "Where did the sun go?"

Smiling inwardly at the childish innocence of her question, he responded, "I think it's still out there, we just can't see it right now."

"Because of the chaos?"

Noel nodded thoughtfully.

With Serah around, the night didn't seem quite as desolate as it had. A comfortable silence fell over them. In the last few days, nothing had changed in the city where he lived but everything was different. Leaving the house, talking to friends, making plans… he felt useful again. Despite all the misery he felt for his role in causing the apocalypse, he was realizing that there were things he could do to help mend the state of the world. He figured he had Serah to thank.

For the hundredth time, he ran through the plan in his mind. It had been Dajh's words that convinced him.

["Serah wouldn't wish for something that no one could give her."]

Soon enough, he'd find the words. He just needed a little more time.