A/N: I just realized that I haven't updated even though I've finished this chapter months ago. Sorry. I hope this worth the wait.

Warning: There is some het in this chapter.

Disclaimer: Gintama and its characters don't belong to me. I receive nothing from writing this.

Chapter 4

"What the hell are we doing here?" Hijikata murmured, glaring at a screaming crowd of delusional male in front of him.

"Otsuu's manager asked us to guard the concert in case of a riot." Okita answered helpfully, looking bored with the current job. Hijikata wondered why he wasn't gone napping in a corner somewhere yet. "And Kondou-san doesn't want to miss watching Otsuu's live concert for free."

Hijikata frowned at Kondou who was now joining the fans screaming Otsuu's name and singing along with her. He sighed, seriously wondering the man's intelligence level at times like this.

"You're not interested, Hijikata-san?" Okita asked, moving closer to Hijikata so he could be heard over the hysterical screams. Hijikata let him. He had gotten used to being close to Okita lately. It was when Okita was a sword-length away that Hijikata must be careful.

"In what? The music?"

Okita shrugged. "The music. The singer." He glanced at the stage where Otsuu was bouncing around in her short kimono. From their vantage point, they could almost see beneath her clothes. Hijikata looked away, choosing to look at unattractive faces of rabid fanboys rather than disrespectfully peeking a woman's underwear. He wanted to arrest her with charges of indecent exposure, but then again indecent exposure is pretty much what the show was about and he'd rather not start a riot. "She's quite pretty."

"Are you interested in her?" Hijikata asked. He noticed that Okita had been staring at her for quite a while before he came to talk to him. Seeing that Okita was just a teenager, it wouldn't be strange for him to be interested in Otsuu. He knew many other teenagers were interested in her bouncy figure. Was Okita one of them?

Okita looked at Otsuu for a while. If Hijikata hadn't known him, he would've thought Okita was trying hard to get a glimpse of Otsuu's privates. He grunted in annoyance and glared at the general direction of the audience.

"She's not really my type." Okita said after a long while.

"How do you even know what your type is?" Hijikata muttered in annoyance. It took him a moment to consider all the possibilities of how that could happen. He looked at Okita with a slightly scandalized look. The boy was only looking back at him calmly, unconcerned by Hijikata's surprise.

"I'm not a kid anymore." Okita said. He blinked innocently when Hijikata continued to stare in shock. "Have you never thought of any other women?"

Well, yes, of course. But that mostly happened before he met Mitsuba. After he left to establish Shinsengumi, there had only been a handful of other women who entered his mind. All of them he easily forgot by the time the morning came. Why did Okita ask that? Had there been any special woman in Okita's life?

"When is our next day off?" Okita suddenly asked before Hijikata had the time to contemplate what to feel about the revelation.

Hijikata looked away, not wanting his thoughts to be discovered. "Two weeks from now."

"I want to take you somewhere."

The shock last briefly, but long enough by Hijikata's standard. He growled and grabbed Okita's arm roughly to pull him back.

"Where do you think you're taking me to?" He demanded angrily.

Okita blinked, innocently devious. "Why, Hijikata-san, have you never been to a brothel before?"

A girl nearby made a surprised sound and giggled. Hijikata shied away when she began to approach him. Courtesy was the only thing that stopped him from batting her wandering hand away. "That's not the point!"

"Then what is it?" Okita asked calmly.

Hijikata ignored the girls who began to surround them, murmuring nonsensical praises mixed with inappropriate seductions. "How did you even know this place?"

Okita shrugged and pulled his arm away. "Someone took me here. Come on, I'll show you around."

Hijikata stood at the entrance to the brothel, fuming silently. He wanted to grab Okita again to force him to tell Hijikata who had first brought him to this place. He's only eighteen and he was already familiar with the red light district. Hijikata swore to kill whoever the pervert who introduced Okita to debauchery, but for now he resigned himself to follow Okita. He hoped to persuade the boy to change his mind and go somewhere else. This was not a place for a date.

"Okita-sama!" A brunette appeared out of nowhere to drape herself over Okita's arm. Hijikata couldn't help but notice how she deliberately pressed her breasts against Okita. He reached out to pry her away from him but Okita's words stopped him.

"it's been a while, Erika-chan. Though I suppose you don't miss me."

How often exactly Okita visit this place? Hijikata looked at the petite girl who merely giggled at Okita's words. Perhaps she's used to his cutting remarks or too dumb to understand that she was being insulted. Was this Okita's type? Her thick make-up enhanced her beauty, making her look more doll-like in her colorful kimono. Hijikata must admit that she's rather attractive, but he was quite surprised and disappointed that Okita turned out to be the kind that chose beauty over brain.

"I bring a friend tonight." Okita said, gesturing casually toward Hijikata as if the man didn't really matter. As if Hijikata wasn't his date. Hijikata gritted his teeth, wanting nothing more than to smack the girl away and drag Okita back to the headquarter. "Is Karin-chan available?"

"Mou… You always ask about her. Am I not enough?" Erika whined though she obviously didn't really mind if Okita asked for both girls' company at once.

"Not for me. She's for him." Okita answered, not bothering to tell the girl empty lies.

How could he refer to a person as if she's just an object? And how familiar was he to this place exactly? How many girls was he familiar with? How many had he asked for company?

These questions swirled through Hijikata's mind as Erika called for Karin. He looked at Okita, confounded. The boy wasn't even looking at him, instead he was talking to other girls, all of whom he seemed familiar with. Hijikata felt a sudden urge lock him up in a place where Hijikata could watch over him. But he couldn't do that. All he could do was frown at Okita disapprovingly and hoped that Okita would cease this insanity.

"You're not old enough for this." Hijikata wanted to comment on how Mitsuba must've disapproved this but held his tongue. He knew Okita would just twist his words up and he wasn't sure he could hold his temper this time. He didn't want to solve their personal dispute in public, especially in a brothel.

Finally Okita glanced at him. But the look on his face was complete indifference, a mask Hijikata couldn't see through. "But I'm old enough to kill?"

A flicker of guilt crossed Hijikata's mind, enough to make him recoil slightly. Before he could think of anything to say, a flurry of movement distracted him. He turned to refuse whatever the woman had to offer but the word suddenly died in his throat as a sight registered to him.

Mitsuba was standing right before him. But, no. It wasn't Mitsuba. Mitsuba never cared about using make-up. Her dresses were always simple but lovely, not colorful and extravagant. The headdress was a mockery to the simplicity Mitsube had lived by. The look on her face was simply wicked, something Hijikata never associated with Mitsuba. But aside from that… those reddish eyes, brown hair, and fair skin… even that face was almost identical to Mitsuba.

"Are you Okita-sama's friend?" The woman asked. Her husky voice sent Hijikata's skin crawling but he couldn't look away from her. "I'm Karin. I'll accompany you for tonight."

He might've gaped for too long because Karin giggled at him. "Have fun, you two." Okita said, as he walked away with Erika clinging to him. This reminded Hijikata of where he was and what he was expected to do. Hijikata looked at him desperately but the boy had gone away, leaving him alone with the doppelganger.

"Shall we? I have prepared a room for us."

Hijikata wanted to say no. He really should've said no. But guilt and fear and anguish and longing stopped him from doing such. Hijikata followed Karin to a room on the second floor. His ears were deaf to the sounds of debauchery all around him. His eyes were seeing only Karin, seeking desperately for that fleeting image of his lost love in the woman. His body was aching with yearning and guilt he thought he had managed to keep at bay. His heart was somewhere else, somewhere he couldn't reach anymore.

Karin served him something. He couldn't taste anything so he couldn't tell what it was. She tried to engage him in small talks but he wasn't sure he gave any coherent response. His brain wouldn't provide him with appropriate response and he felt strangely numb from mixed emotion. She didn't seem to mind though, finding his reaction amusing.

"It's the first time Okita-sama brought someone here." She commented lightly with a devious smile.

"Oh." Hijikata blinked. Okita's name helped gather his scattered wits. He wanted to smoke but was worried his limbs would betray his apprehension. "Does he come here often?"

Karin shrugged gracefully, the movement causing her dress to slip from her shoulder. "Once a month, at least. He has asked for everyone here but me." There was jealousy in her voice, something Hijikata wouldn't dream of hearing from Mitsuba. The stench of her perfume infiltrated Hijikata and he became aware of the enclosed space they were in, the futon nearby, and the soft muffled noises from beyond the walls. This wasn't Mitsuba. This woman was definitely not Mitsuba. But that face, those eyes… they were Mitsuba's…

"He likes to look at me, though. He said I look like someone he knew." Karin whispered mischievously, eyes glinting with less than innocent intent. Hijikata hadn't realized how close she was until her body was pressed against his side intimately. His embarrassment mixed with annoyance and longing, making him unable to move. Hijikata knew this was wrong. He should get out of here. He was about to turn her down when a loud moan distracted him. He turned to the wall on his right side, frowning. "Oh, they've begun." Karin giggled.

"Who…" His question was cut short when a vaguely familiar voice moaned out a name he was very familiar with.

"Yes… Okita-sama…"

Hijikata froze, his mind stopped working at that very instant. He could only feel blankness as Karin began kissing him. Distantly he heard her whisper something about not losing to 'them' but he didn't really care. His ears couldn't help but picked up every little noise, every grunt, every moan, every plea, everything from the next room and his heart sank. His body still reacted accordingly to Karin's ministration though, despite his earlier intention to protest. Confused, lost in a world of sensation, he gave in to the woman.

Hijikata was laid on the soft futon. Eyes blindly staring at the ceiling, feeling numb inside. Mitsuba's face then drifted to his sight and, without thinking, he held the pliant body close to him. Bitter relief infiltrated him but was defeated by intense guilt. He wasn't supposed to be doing this, but Karin looked so much like Mitsuba and he couldn't reject her. The amorous noises from the room next door seemed to signify Okita's lack of interest and even approval of Hijkata's company, Mitsuba's doppelganger, a woman paid to provide false affection. This was as close as they could get to Mitsuba now. This was the Mitsuba Okita allowed him to have because Hijikata had taken away the real one. Hijikata closed his eyes, letting his body took control because his heart couldn't handle it anymore.

Okita watched Hijikata losing his composure with mild amusement. The man had been so distracted since the night they went to the brothel to the point where he almost got into trouble during work. For once, there was no need to instigate a murder attempt as Hijikata always skirted close to death lately. Okita was a little disappointed, though. He had thought it would've taken a little more to bring down Hijikata.

Maybe the shock of seeing Mitsuba-lookalike was greater than Okita thought. He knew he was shocked when he first saw Karin, as well. The similarity was ineffable and yet they were obviously two different people. Still, it was difficult for Okita to simply dismiss the physical resemblance between the women. He frequented the brothel to see her when he missed his sister too much. He ignored the differences in order to retain the illusion that Mitsuba was with him, though he deep inside he knew that Karin wasn't Mitsuba.

Hijikata hadn't quite realized it, though. The physical resemblance combined with differences in personality must have confused him. Unlike Okita, he was unable to separate fantasy and reality. He couldn't separate Mitsuba's image from Karin. That was his doom, his inability to separate past from present was.

"Are you going to visit Karin-chan again?" Okita asked one night when they were watching TV. He watched with interest as Hijikata almost dropped his cigarette and burnt himself in surprise. It would be so easy to kill him now but Okita didn't want to make things easy for the man.

"No." Hijikata replied. Okita could sense hesitance in his voice and he narrowed his eyes slightly. So Hijikata did want to see Karin again. "Why?"

Okita propped his head on his palm, looking at the TV screen in disinterest when he was actually watching Hijikata from the corner of his eye. "She likes you."

Hijikata turned to him in shock. "What makes you think so?" he asked after a moment of stunned silence. Was that hopefulness he heard in Hijikata's voice or was it fear? Must be hopefulness. He wouldn't be the first man crazy for Karin. He had certainly sounded like he thoroughly enjoyed himself that night.

"I met Erika-chan." Okita lied smoothly.

"Oh."

Okita looked at Hijikata's blank face and wondered what the man was thinking about. He didn't feel like guessing, though. He wanted to hear it from Hijikata's own mouth. "Do you like her?" He asked bluntly.

Hijikata shut his eyes and turned away from Okita, looking like he was hiding pain from the boy. Okita wanted to turn his face his way but held himself back in rare moments of pity. "She's not Mitsuba." He said, though Okita wasn't sure whether it was directed to him or Hijikata himself.

Did he think Okita hadn't noticed? That's the exact reason why he brought the man to the brothel; to remind him of what they had lost. "So?" he asked, trying not to let his anger show in his voice.

"Have you slept with her?" Hijikata suddenly asked.

Okita blinked. He hadn't expected that question from Hijikata. "Why did you ask?"

"She said you like looking at her." Hijikata said quietly as if he hadn't heard Okita speak. "Have you slept with her, too?"

Okita blinked then shrugged. One honesty wouldn't hurt him. "No. I've been with other girls there, but never with her." He couldn't. Even though he knew that Karin wasn't his sister, she still served as a replacement to MItsuba in his mind. He couldn't bring himself to treat Karin the way he treated other women in the brothel. Okita didn't feel a single spark of lust for her no matter how hard she tried. It was a weakness, a mistake. But it was a weakness Okita couldn't do anything about. He loved his sister so much. "But you have. Tell me, did you enjoy it? I heard she's very skilled in bed."

"Shut up!" Hijikata growled, face flushing in embarrassment. "How could you speak like that?"

Okita blinked and titled his head to one side. Something about Hijikata's reaction seemed a bit unusual. "Could that night be your first time with a woman?"

"I said 'shut up'!" Hijikata yelled again, cigarette almost falling from the embrace of his lips as he spoke. He sat up, glaring at Okita futilely as his face turned redder not only from anger but also from embarrassment.

Well, Okita hadn't seen that coming. He had assumed that, being older, Hijikata had learnt his way around women. He also knew that other men in Shinsengumi also loved to unwind in the brothels during their day offs and thought Hijikata had gone with them at least once or twice before. Okita was a little proud because he knew this particular subject better than Hijikata. He was satisfied that he managed to humiliate Hijikata. But for some reason, he was also a little disappointed, though he wasn't sure what exactly he had expected. Hijikata had fallen for his trap, thinking for a moment that he could use Karin to replace Mitsuba only to realize that she wouldn't be able to fill Mitsuba's role. Karin had taken away everything Hijikata held dear for Mitsuba's sake. Karin had even perhaps gained a little of Hijikata's compassion for her resemblance to Mitsuba. Karin, a prostitute, had for a moment replace Mitsuba's pure image in Hijikata's life. It was everything Okita ever dreamt of; proving how unreal and unworthy Hijikata's 'affection' for his sister was. And yet he wasn't satisfied, he wasn't happy at all. If anything he was more angry now.

"You planned to save yourself for my sister, didn't you? That's useless if you were not going to make any move."

Hijikata stood up and turned his back on Okita, realizing that he's not going to accomplish anything from this conversation. "Think all you want." He said as he left the room.

Okita watched him leave and suddenly felt very upset. He turned off the TV though it was playing his favorite drama and go to his room to rest his mind. The night didn't seem so pleasant anymore.

TBC

A/N: This is my fave chapter (so far, anyway). What do you think?