AU Plot: Gamzee suffers from nightmares almost every moment he sleeps. This has extremely negative repercussions on his mental state. It doesn't help when his friends find out either.

Warnings: Swearing and blood eventually, probably.

Rated: T+

Notes: I was unsure if anyone wanted me to somehow continue the Eridan chapter, so I started a new one. If anyone wants me to continue on the Eridan chapter, please let me know.

Uploaded: June 13 2013

Best Bros Chapter 16

Nightmares Part 1

Fat tears rolled down Gamzee's face as he folded over himself. His claws dug into his scalp in a desperate attempt to have something to stop his shaking shoulders. Lips clenched together tightly, as he tried and failed to hide the sobs that were wracking his form. Laying on his side, Gamzee's eyes stared unseeingly at the wall of his home. Flashes of green and blue were burned into the backs of his eyelids, and he convulsed as he felt the sudden urge to vomit.

He clasped his hands over his mouth, swallowing back what little food remained in his stomach. Exhaustion swept over him, and his eyes snapped open once more.

Gamzee Makara was afraid to sleep.

Closing his eyes, he pushed the palms of his hands into his eyelids firmly. He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see those things ever again. He didn't want to hear the screaming or the begging or the crying or the fighting…

Gamzee lowered his arms when he realized he had started hyperventilating, and happily used it as a distraction. Completely focused on his breathing, Gamzee chose to ignore everything else. The splashes of blood that had been covering him; the fear in the eyes of his best friends; the screaming and accusations, all of it was horrible. But at least it had all been a dream.

A dream he had been having for weeks now.

Taking a deep breath, Gamzee rubbed his eyes. He just couldn't understand it. Nothing had happened, no one had fought, so why? Why wouldn't the horrible visions just end? When he whimpered accidentally, he shut his lips eyen tighter, a growl slipping past them.

This was stupid. This was idiotic. He was a big troll. This was nothing compared to what his ancestor had been through and he knew it. And yet he couldn't stop trembling… because as horrible as his friends being murdered had been, it wasn't the worst part.

No, the worst part wasn't what he had done. It wasn't the blood on his hands. It was the blood on someone else's. The familiar, rust blood coating her sick fingers… the lifeless body of his best friend in the whole wide world…

Choking on air, Gamzee forced himself to stop thinking about it; to bottle the rage he felt each time he thought of the bitch. Swallowing thickly, Gamzee took a deep breath, before forcing himself to his feet. He couldn't afford to mope. He didn't have any more time. He had woken from his nightmare hours ago, and still his shoulders shook and tears squeezed past his eyelids.

He knew it was a bad idea to continue as he was, but he couldn't see any other options. So with that thought in mind, Gamzee left his chambers, and walked around the meteor.

Managing to calm himself down enough to stop crying, Gamzee didn't bother to wipe the tears from his cheeks. It wouldn't matter anyways. Karkat would see how dull his eyes looked. He would hear the waver in his voice. What with how long they'd been Moirails, Gamzee wouldn't be surprised if the smaller troll already knew something was wrong.

Then again, Karkat hadn't noticed all those weeks ago, when it had started.

Enjoying the quiet in his immediate surrounding area, Gamzee walked quietly, his bare feet tapping the metal floor lightly. The cold contact was yet another factor he had taken to distracting himself. Sighing through his nose, Gamzee reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, taking in its texture. It was so much thinner than Tavros' hair… His mind drifted to Tavros again.

He thought about his smile, and the way his eyes crinkle when he laughed. He thought about the way his voice sounded, and how he was kinder than anyone he had ever met before. He thought about his adorable, rust colored eyes, the same color as his blood when that FUCKING BITCH had CUT HIM OPEN and that MOTHERFUCKIN BITCH was going to DIE when he got his MOTHERFUCKIN HANDS ON HER-!

Gamzee stopped walking. Clenching his eyes shut, Gamzee stuck a folded finger in his mouth, and let his fangs tear into it violently. He had to stop doing this. If he thought about that FUCKING BITCH anymore, he really was going to kill her, though at the moment, he couldn't see why that would be a bad thing.

Pulling his finger out of his mouth, Gamzee wrapped a corner of his shirt around it, and kept walking. Forcing his train of thought as far as he possibly could from Vriska and Tavros, Gamzee glared down at his feet. He didn't want to worry Karkat, or anyone for that matter, but he had no intention on explaining his little problem.

Hearing the usual chatter and fighting from the communications room, Gamzee forced himself to look up. If Karkat was going to notice something wrong, he was going to do so by himself. Gamzee wasn't about to give out any freebies.

Sucking air in through his teeth, Gamzee straightened his shoulders and walked into the room. He immediately relaxed. No one had even glanced up at his arrival, not that he had expected them to. Walking over to his usual spot, Gamzee practically collapsed into his spinning chair, before he proceeded to twist the chair back and forth slowly.

He was so fucking tired, and he couldn't help but regret his decision to join his friends. He hadn't interacted with anyone in a long time, and had taken to hiding in his chambers. He didn't want to see anyone. He wanted to break down and get his feelings out, like he had been these past few weeks. His mind flew to Tavros again. Maybe the lil' motherfucker would be interested in a feelings jam later…

Pushing himself upright, Gamzee turned towards his monitor. His Trollian was already open, and chat logs opened and closed sporadically over his screen. Glancing around himself, Gamzee took notice of the others in the room.

Eridan was slouched over his own chair, pouting at his monitor, but making no move to type anything. Aradia and Sollux were chatting happily in the middle of the room, Sollux making Aradia laugh every few minutes. Equius was no where in sight, but Nepeta was sitting in front of a wall next to Terezi, and the two girls were talking softly while smearing chalk on the wall in goofy patterns.

Feferi and Kanaya were at their respective computers, and Gamzee could make out the faint color of Rose's text across both of their screens. Karkat was seated at his computer as well, a few feet away from Gamzee. Gamzee smiled as Karkat pouted, before sending a fast reply to whoever he was talking to. John from the looks of it.

The shorter troll had done nothing regarding Gamzee, and he couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed. Suddenly thinking that leaving tear stains on his cheeks was not the best way to cover up his problems, Gamzee quickly wiped his face on his sleeve, uncovering his injured finger in forgetfulness.

Karkat glanced over at the movement, and saw Gamzee's injured appendage. Instead of approaching his friend about it, Karkat watched Gamzee. He knew the taller troll had been avoiding him and the others for some time now, and he could clearly see the deep bags under his dull indigo eyes, and the slouch in his shoulders, but other than that he didn't see anything wrong. Gamzee didn't seem distressed about anything…

So Karkat didn't say anything. And Gamzee realized what he had been feeling was disappointment.

However, he wasn't about to say anything either, and so the Juggalo placed a hand on his computer mouse and went to open one of the chat logs he had missed. The only chat log he thought mattered.

- adiosTorreador began trolling terminally Capricious [TC] -

AT: hEY GAMZEE

AT: i HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AROUND LATELY

AT: wHICH, IN ALL HONESTY

AT: uHH, IT SUCKS

AT: sO WHAT'S GOING ON?

AT: yOU HAVEN'T PESTERED ME IN A WHILE

AT: i WAS GETTING WORRIED

AT: wELL ANYWAYS

AT: i KNOW YOU'RE NOT ONLINE RIGHT NOW

AT: sO GIVE ME A TROLL WHEN YOU ARE, uHH, oNLINE

AT: oH BUT,

AT: i MIGHT NOT BE HERE, uHH, wHEN YOU DO

AT: vRISKA WANTED TO TALK TO ME

AT: aS FUN AS THAT SOUNDS

AT: bUT IT SOUNDED IMPORTANT SO,

AT: yEAH, tHAT'S WHAT I'LL BE DOING

AT: i UH, i HOPE THAT YOU'RE ALRIGHT

AT: pLEASE MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE

AT: bYE GAMZEE

- adiosTorreador ceased trolling terminally Capricious [TC] -

Gamzee heard his mouse break before he felt it. His hand had tightened on the mouse as he read through the short message over and over. He was ecstatic that Tavros was worried about him, but the knowledge that he had been with that FUCKING BITCH, that he may STILL BE WITH HER… his claws combined with his rage fueled strength caused him to crush his mouse in his hand. Small bits of plastic jumped into random directions, and he heard the familiar sound of fingers pressing on keys, stop.

He wondered what was so interesting about him breaking a mouse, and then he realized he was bent over the desk, glaring at Vriska's name on his monitor. He heard the drip of his blood as it fell from where the plastic had pierced his skin, and couldn't bring himself to give a damn. An image of Vriska leaning over Tavros' broken form, flashed into his head, and his body moved before he could tell it to stop.

The mouse slammed into the wall in front of him, shattering into a million pieces. By this time all the noise in the room had stopped, and Equius, who had been passing by, peeked into the room at the sudden commotion. Gamzee forced himself to relax into his chair, squeezing his eyes shut. His claws dug into the soft cushions on the arm rests, tearing deep gouges into the fabric. He had been doing so good… he had hid it so well…

Breathing slowly through his nose, he heard someone stand from their chair, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Karkat leaning over his shoulder, eyeing the monitor curiously. Karkat's eyes flickered to him, before he reached out and turned the monitor off. Gamzee growled quietly at him, out of frustration. So much for keeping a low profile. Stupid fucking impulses…

He was about to say something, when a flash of green appeared in his peripheral vision. His heart skipped a beat, as vivid images of that same color of green splashed across his eyes, staining the floor around her dying body. He could almost hear her voice still begging him to stop, to leave her alone, 'Gamzee…' hic, 'G-gamzee…'

"Gamzee?"

Gamzee shot up in his chair, his head whipping around to stare at Nepeta, as she stood directly beside his chair. Equius stood behind her, eyeing Gamzee with caution, but concern.

Gamzee's eyes narrowed when he realized he didn't deserve that concern. He didn't want it. Seeing his sudden change in demeanor, Equius pulled Nepeta away from him gently, before stepping into the space between them.

Gamzee recognized the stance. It was the same one he had gotten before Zahhak had taken out his bow. The same one he had seen when the bow string had been wrapped securely around the blue tinted neck. The same one that had fallen so incredibly easily when Gamzee had killed him-

Gamzee slammed his eyes shut, a look of pain on his face. It made Equius falter, and Eridan huffed from where he sat, still perched at his computer.

"Wwhat're you all so fuckin' worried for? Let 'im havve his fun. Evveryone gets mad now and again." The three trolls who had moved to Gamzee shot glares at Eridan, distracted.

Gamzee took his change to move. He stood from his chair suddenly, ignoring the dizzy feeling he got at moving. Karkat toppled backwards at the movement, but Gamzee caught him quickly and hauled him back to his feet.

"What's the fuckin' problem?"

Gamzee's voice made everyone pause, even Eridan. It wasn't the voice of the whimsical juggalo they had become accustomed to. It was the hardened voice of a troll in pain.

They didn't like it.

Karkat swallowed, before he spoke up, "You tell me. What the fuck just happened Gamzee? Where have you been?"

Gamzee clenched his eyes shut, before he wiped his face clean of any negative emotions, and smiled at Karkat.

It caught everyone off guard.

"Sorry man. Everything's motherfuckin' fine. Just worried for Tavbro, you know?"

Karkat's eyebrows furrowed. Why would he be worried about Tavros? He voiced his question, and Gamzee stared hard at him.

"You can't tell me that after what the fuck she did to him, you aren't worried about them going off together?" As he continued talking, his voice hardened against his will, and his gaze turned into an accusing glare.

Karkat frowned at him, and Nepeta spoke up, "We didn't really think about it…" She started to say more, but a flinch from Gamzee made her pause. At her look, he shook his head and smiled at her.

"Sorry Sis. I'm still a little frazzled from earlier. Forgot what its fuckin like to spend time with all of you motherfuckers."

Equius spoke next, "Uh, high blood… if you don't mind me asking, where have you been?"

Gamzee turned his eyes to Equius, who shuddered when they went from tired to piercing, "I've been in my fuckin hive. Any of you could'da fucking checked if you needed me so bad." They all flinched.

Karkat frowned at Gamzee, "Give me your hand."

Gamzee, suddenly aware of a pain coming from his injured hand, blatantly refused.

"No."

Karkat's hand, which had been outstretched towards Gamzee expectantly, fell to his side, and Karkat adorned a surprised look, "…What?"

Gamzee stuffed his hands in his pockets, "I said I'm fuckin' fine. I can take care of it myself." He glared at everyone around him, "If I had known me comin' back out here would cause all you to fuckin' crowd me and shit, I wouldn't have come back out."

Nepeta growled quietly, "That's not fair! It's your fault were all so worried in the first place!" She huffed and stormed off, Equius trailing behind her. Karkat watched the two leave, and didn't see the startled relief that flooded Gamzee's face.

Nepeta and Equius were leaving. He couldn't hurt them if they were leaving.

It was better this way.

Before Karkat turned back to face him, Gamzee walked out of the room, ignoring the stares from the other trolls.

A horrifying thought struck him, and the hands in his pockets clenched tighter.

He had shown that he was just as violent as in his dreams. He'd raged before, but never that badly. He had the ability to do everything he had done in his nightmares…

If pushing away all his friends would keep them safe, so be it.

And as he walked along the corridor, the only thought that stuck in his mind, was how he should never have left his chambers in the first place.

He wouldn't make that mistake again.

But the second before he was gone to them, before he stepped into his home, he remembered why he had been so distraught in the first place.

Stepping away from the comfort of his home, Gamzee turned on his heel into a random direction.

Because as much as him hurting his friends scared him, Vriska hurting Tavros terrified him even more.

Comfort be damned. He had to find Tavros.