Rebuilding
Ch 23 – Morning 27
Twenty seven days since she died, Spike thought. He was standing in Dawn's open doorway and listening to her deep, shallow breathing. Twenty seven days Buffy and it both feels like yesterday and like months and months ago. Wonder if it's the same for everyone, or just the evil demons? Damn it! You should be here for her.
He gently shut the door on the sleeping teen and retired downstairs where he flipped through stations until he found an old South American football game being repeated. The volume was turned very low and he only half listened as he thought of Xander and the rest of them at Buffy's gravesite. A site that, even if he'd gone, he wouldn't have been able to get close to without some major physical discomfort. Tara's protective spells were holy-water based to keep things like him away from the Slayer.
Evil things… he thought distractedly. He was he knew. He knew when he'd first awoken after death that he was inextricably tied to the Great Darkness and he'd reveled in the feeling of power it engendered. He'd been able to do anything, or so he'd believed. Angelus sort of put the kibosh on his thinking he was 'all that'.
And now here he was, trying so hard to be something else and failing. He wanted to bite Xander; to claim him which included, despite what he'd told Tara, feeding on his blood. He'd brought Vanessa to them and had nearly gotten Dawn and her teen friends killed. He might still get them killed. Obviously Vanessa had been stalking him and he hadn't even detected her. The Sire-Sired bond was nearly non-existent due either to neglect or just his inexperience and lack of enthusiasm in the turning to begin with. He wondered if poor Vanessa had gotten stuck somehow between the turning that Dru did for him and the 'minion' creation that she'd used on the blokes sent to kick his ass on her way out of town. She obviously felt much betrayed… like a true Sired, but she didn't have the feelings for him that she should have. He would have detected her if so, even if he felt nothing for her in return… that was just the way it worked. On the other hand, if she'd just been a minion, she wouldn't be out to revenge herself upon him. She'd just find another master eventually, like the random vampires they dealt with nearly nightly here in the 'Dale.
He shouldn't have stayed here. He shouldn't have promised Buffy to look after Dawn. He was just placing all of them in greater danger.
So leave, he thought to himself. You don't have bags to pack… just throw on your jacket and go tonight.
It's not that easy, anymore, he answered himself. He knew he'd never leave them.
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Tara stood from her kneeled position in grass, her pants wet from the morning dew. With a smile and a nod, Giles and Xander again struggled to pick up and carry the heavy granite tablet that was to serve as Buffy's final marker.
Ahead of them as they walked, thistles and thorn branches bended away from them. A rough path opened, allowing them to avoid most of the trouble with reaching Buffy's burial ground. For the stray thicket still blocking the way, Willow uttered short mystic words, burning them out of the way instead.
When they had reached the spot, again Tara bent on her knees and offered a supplication to the spirits of nature that as a Wicca she was in tune with. Willow, on the other hand, immediately set to clipping the overgrown grass and weeds. In the meanwhile, Xander and Giles worked to dig a shallow trench for the stone to rest in and then set it in its place.
They worked quietly and unhurriedly, each lost in their own thoughts. For Willow, these were mostly dark and painful. She knew they were wasting their time with all of this since Buffy was coming back. She also knew that it could be months before they were prepared to get her and in the meantime who knew how much suffering she was being caused. She hadn't heard from her friend's spirit in too many nights now and that had her nearly panicked with the thought that Buffy had given in to despair in whatever Hell she'd ended up in.
Tara was far more serene about what they were doing here, though no less upset than Willow for what Buffy was suffering. Where Willow wanted to bring Buffy back, Tara was more interested in just making sure she was released to her true destiny of rest. She hadn't brought up to Willow that Buffy's body was in no shape to receive her at this point… they hadn't even embalmed her. That seemed too cruel to say aloud, though she knew that when the time came for them to rescue her, she'd have to tell Willow what they really needed to do. Bringing the dead back to life was still impossible, even mystically.
Xander was occupied with thoughts and worry of Dawn. She'd been going back to classes and staying in school. He'd used the Buffybot to check on her. But her grades were still in a slump and the principal wasn't satisfied with her progress. He was afraid that they hadn't escaped the scrutiny of Social Services after all. He also desperately, heart-achingly missed Buffy. Like everyday. He could still remember her smile most clearly and he constantly looked through his photo album, afraid that he'd forget her eyes or her laugh or all of those little details that human memory tended to misplace.
For Giles, it was guilt. Raw, chewing guilt that he hadn't been more help to her. In his darkest subconscious, he knew he should have smothered Dawn as soon as he found out she was the Key that Glory had wanted. Naturally, these dark fantasies remained unrecognized to his conscious mind. He loved Dawn… but he loved Buffy more, and without a spell.
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"Hey, Spike," interrupted the vampire's morose and self-pitying thoughts.
And not a moment too soon, he thought. Getting to be a regular Whiney McBroody.
"Hey, Bit. Want me to make you something for breakfast? Can't promise it won't be burnt, but you should be able to choke it down."
She smiled and it made him feel better, by a little bit. "Nah… much as 'burnt' sounds delicious, I think I'm in the mood for cereal. Besides, my bed's free so you can go crash."
"I think I should stay up 'til the others get back."
"Spike," she sighed, "I'm safe, okay. And… I'm not 'la-la-la' happy, but I'm okay, too. I don't need you hovering over me. Really."
"Well… if you're sure. But no running off."
"I'm just going to call Jan and see if she wants to come over and watch tv."
"Yeah, alright," he said before making his way upstairs. It was late in the morning and he really did need to enter his undead sleep so he could go hunting tonight.
Dawn waited for two hours, until just past one before she called Jan to hit the mall and left. She figured that Spike would be good and unconscious by then, which he was.
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Willow and Tara led the men into the Summers' home with Tara calling out for Dawn. With no answer, she shrugged and went into the kitchen to find something to serve for lunch. Willow went upstairs and she was pretty sure the red-head was going to be diving into the resurrection materials immediately, despite the fact that they had company.
In the meantime, Giles noted the television was still on some sort of sport channel. As he fiddled with the remote, Xander headed up to check on his boyfriend. All the way up the stairs, Hyena was playing mental movies of the last time he'd been in this position and growled/whined when he pointed out they wouldn't be having sex this time.
In Dawn's room, he noted that Spike was well and truly out of it and backed out without waking him. Next he gave a short knock on Will's door.
"Hey, what's up? You're not joining us downstairs?"
Willow was clutching an open book to her breast, the pages crinkling. "No, uh, I have homework. Some really important, uh, homework."
"Oh, okay, then. I was kind of hoping we could spend the day…," he let the invitation hang.
Unfortunately, all he received was a blank look from his best friend. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, she finally gave him a shrug.
"Sorry, Xan, like I said… important homework."
"Yeah," he gave her his easy smile, "I guess after busting Dawn's chops, I can't really encourage you to skip yours. I'll talk to you later."
"Sure," she said with a smile of her own that struck him as insincere for some reason.
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End Chapter 23