Don't Look Back – Chapter 17

Sadness Of A Man

((Chihiro's POV))

"Chihiro, could I have a word with you?"

"Sure thing Yubaba, I'll be right up." I told my boss and hung up the phone. I got up from my desk, and Haku looked up at me from his book.

"Who was that?" He asked.

"Yubaba. She wants to talk to me, but I don't know about what. I'll be back in a few minutes. Now, enjoy your book and try to relax some." I walked toward the door, but turned back to face him with a smile, "And try to quit thinking so much, it's fun to act without thinking first." I added.

"So you don't want me to think for a while?" He repeated, an eyebrow raised.

I nodded firmly, "You heard me right. It can be fun, you should try it sometime."

He just shook his head, "I'll try, but I can't promise you anything Chihiro." He set his book down, stood up, and walked over to stand in front of me. "But… I think I can take a stab at it. Will you be down in time to have dinner with me?"

"I should be… wait, was that not thinking for you?"

Haku smiled, "It was."

"Well you're no fun…" I muttered.

"Aw, do you really mean that?"

I chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. "You have yet to prove me wrong. I'll be right back, don't-"

But Haku didn't seem to want me to leave. I wrapped an arm around my waist before I even knew he moved. He grinned at my surprised expression. "Is this slightly more fun?"

I laughed, "I didn't know you could move that fast, honestly! Wait, have you thrown rational thought out the window?"

"I have."

I smiled, "Isn't it fun?"

Haku gave me a wink and dipped me back. "Absolutely intoxicating," he said, and kissed me soundly.

I didn't protest, seeing as there hasn't been any real relaxed moment for us to really be together… but I had to remain level headed. I slapped his shoulder when his lips moved from mine and to my neck. "Haku! I've got to go see Yubaba!"

"Aw, can't she wait five minutes?"

"You know just as well as I do that she doesn't wait well…" I told him sternly. As to confirm my statement, the phone rang. Haku set me upright and I walked over to answer it. But before I could pick it up, he was right behind me. He placed his hands on my waist, and slowly wrapped them around me, sending tingling sensations up my spine. I nearly broke out into giggles when I felt him begin to nibble my ear lobe. Realizing that holding a phone to my ear would be futile, I pushed the speaker button. "Hello?" I said… well, rather giggled.

Silence. "… Haku's there, isn't he?" Yubaba deadpanned.

"He is… is that a problem?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh no, of course it's not!" She said brightly. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about rooming arrangements, but the problem seems to have solved by itself. But, either you or Haku will need to clear out one of your rooms for Amaya. Perun will be staying in the guest rooms on my floor."

"What about Kentoku?" I asked. Haku had finally stopped his teasing and rested his head on my shoulder.

"I have two guest room suites Chihiro, no need to worry. Order some food, get things reorganized, and get some sleep. Good night you two." And with that, I heard a click. I hung up.

Haku didn't lift his head from my shoulder. "I'm sorry… I should have let you go."

"It's all right Haku. She said so herself, things are working out." I explained, leaning back into the circle of his arms. "But, why all the attention all of a sudden?"

"You said so yourself, I think to much. And you're right. I've been telling myself this isn't the time to be fooling around; my father would frown down upon me if he learned of my actions." He paused and moved to stand in front of me. I met his sad, emerald gaze, "Now I know better. There is, and never will be a good enough reason for me not to let you know how much you're loved."

I smiled up at him. "Haku, it's okay, I know you do. These are hard times-"

"No, it's not okay." He told me, "It's during times like these that I should never let you wonder or doubt about us."

I blinked, "You're thinking." I accused him.

His eyes flashed, and he leaned down with that unmatched speed of his. With that, I found myself in the most gentle and loving kiss I had ever been a part of. Just as fast as he had come, he left. He buried his head in my shoulder, and I was just content to hold him.

After we ordered and ate dinner, we moved my things to his room. Once we finished putting them away, we collapsed onto his futon. "Whew! Chihiro, where did you get so much stuff?" he teased.

I punched him lightly on the arm, "Hey! You're the one who volunteered to help!"

He smiled down at me and pulled me onto his lap. "You would be correct, I did. Chihiro… do you remember the first day we met?"

I smiled fondly at the memory. "How could I not? You know, to this day, I've always wondered if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning."

"I'd been doing that a lot back then." He whispered, and kissed my temple. "I've been doing much better though."

"I figured."

He chuckled, and paused for a minute. "You never told me about the ten years while I was gone."

"Eh, not a lot of fun stuff happened, I can assure you. I only served as Yubaba's apprentice for five years. That's when you came back."

"So what did you do for the first five years, stay at Zeniba's?"

I nodded, "Pretty much. She was teaching me basic stuff that all spirits know, and discovering my elements. It was pretty funny when I she found a flame wrapped around my arm."

"What!" He asked, looking down at me with a shocked expression.

I laughed, "That's how we found it. A flame decided it liked my arm better than the stove."

"What about wind?" He asked, smiling.

"I heard voices in my ear and freaked out. Zeniba laughed outright when she saw my face."

Haku grinned, "Much more interesting than mine, I can assure you."

"Wait… you found your elements?"

"That's the way it works with every spirit, if they have them. A child of a spirit may have either or both of their parent's elements. Elements even vary among twins, if you didn't all ready know that. When a child is born, the elements they will have are all ready known to the gods, but not to us. The gods pick when we discover them."

I slowly nodded my head in understanding. "Right. So, how did you find yours?"

Haku shook his head, "Once again, not interesting." I kept on badgering him for the details, and he finally cracked. He discovered the wind the same way I did, but he refused to tell me how he found his water element. Party pooper.

"So… you've only been here five years?"

"Yes, just five. Why do you ask?"

"The bathhouse seems a lot more loose and relaxed now. I like it."

I laughed, "The entire bathhouse blames me, but it's not a bad thing. They're certainly not protesting. Rin says that Yubaba considers me to be a daughter of sorts. Personally, I think that's giving me too much credit."

Haku shook his head. "No, I agree with her. You can rest assured that anything she tells you is the truth, or the closest you can get to it."

"You really think so?" I asked, leaning my head back against his shoulder.

His emerald eyes shone, "I do. She seems to value your opinion. That's a good start. Who knows, you may have a mother soon, and maybe a sister from Rin. Speaking of family, how is mine rubbing off on you?"

"I love them!" I assured him with a smile, "I really do, but your father doesn't seem to know what the word smile means."

Haku nodded sadly, "I know, but he's gone through a lot. I think that he remembers how to smile and laugh, but he just needs someone to help him get there."

"Are you saying he should move on?"

"I certainly wouldn't object to it," Haku said carefully, "but I respect his decision on it, whatever it may be."

I nodded, and with a sigh, I closed my eyes. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, but then I just had to say something. "Is it me, or is it hot in here?"

"It's a little warm." Haku admitted, shifting me so he could get up and cross the room to open the window. A gust of air came through and whipped his dark hair from his face. He closed his eyes and sighed, and my breath caught at the perfect picture that was painted before my eyes. I haven't seen him very relaxed or at peace in so long…

I rested my chin in the palm of my hand. "We need to visit your river soon."

Haku turned around to face me, slight confusion in his eyes. "Why do you say that?"

"I need to walk in your river for a bit."

He leaned against the windowsill, even more confused. "You do?"

I shook my head, "You have got to relax."

He chuckled, "The river is a part of me, so I always have a piece of it with me wherever I go." He explained, coming back to sit on the futon.

I got up and put a hand on his chest. "Wait, I have an idea. I need you to lay down for me, but get comfortable first."

He blinked, but did as he was asked. He removed his outer robe and shirt, and laid down gently on his futon. He was in just his pants, his slightly toned chest displayed in the slight moonlight that was drifting through the window. I couldn't help but blush at the sight, and he smiled. I crawled on top of him and made myself comfortable. He began to play with my hair, which made me smile. "Just stay still, okay?"

"Sure thing." He replied, hiding a smile. He stopped playing with my hair and just rested both hands on my back. I calmed myself and entered his mind. To my surprise, he didn't stop me.

"I know you shall do nothing to harm me." A soft voice whispered. I was about to say it was him, but I quickly changed my mind. It was more than him… more like his soul. With that figured out, I looked around to see where exactly I was.

"You are in a replica of the woods around my river. Half of it is underground, a fourth of it runs by the human apartments, and the rest is in this wood."

I nodded and began to walk. Down in the cave, the water seemed a dark green, almost black. But now that the sun hit it… it was much brighter. The river was a stained glass image with shades of bright turquoise and blue, all gleaming in the afternoon sun. The river itself was very calm, and I even found a small cabin on the other side.

"Do you like it?"

"Haku… it's amazing…"

Then, out of nowhere, a man appeared a few feet to my left. He flashed an almost heavenly smile and my breath caught. He was a little taller than Haku, and had a little more muscle than Haku did. His hair was about as long at Kentoku's, perhaps even longer. My eyes widened when I looked hard at his face. "Haku?"

The man smiled even wider. "In a sense." He said with a deeper voice, "I'm something that he could possibly become. There are a few of us around here. I can assure you though, he will become what you see here in time. It's just a matter of when."

I couldn't help but giggle, "I really hope that it's going to be soon."

The older Haku threw his head back and laughed, "Don't worry, just be patient. However, he can change his appearance to look like me, but he won't look exactly like this until he's ready."

I was about to ask what he meant, but then I figured it out. This man's eyes seemed to hold more patience and wisdom… a better understanding and appreciation for life. "He won't become you for a while… won't he?" I asked sadly.

The man winked, "You may see me sooner than you think, it just depends on how fate plays out in your lives. Now, why did you come here? It's not often we get visitors. The real Haku keeps most of the curious people out."

I blushed. "Well, the real Haku seems a little tense.."

"And you enter his mind because…?"

"When I step into his real river, it calms him. I was just wondering if it would have the same effect here."

The older Haku blinked, and then broke out into a huge smile, "It will work wonders here little Chihiro. You see, this river is his soul. You'll essentially be in everything that makes him who he is. If you stepped in the river here, it would do things way beyond calming him."

I nodded with a smile. I really wanted to help, I wanted to see him calm like he used to be. I walked to the banks, but I stopped just before I got in. I turned to look back at the older version of my love, but he wasn't there. Shrugging it off, I stepped into the river. I felt a tranquility of indescribable proportions. His true feelings washed over me with a gentle grace. "I love you Haku, every part of you," I whispered.

"Chihiro… I love you…more than you will ever know…"
When I was fully back in my body, I blinked a couple of times then smiled. I lifted my head to look at his face. His face radiated a peaceful look that made me smile. I'd done it. When I lightly touched his cheek, his eyes snapped open.

"Chihiro… what did you do? I felt you everywhere…"

"I stepped into the river-"

"The river? In my mind?"

I blushed, "I'm sorry-"

"No! Please, don't be!" He cried, looking into my eyes. "I heard you. You… you love me? Every part of me that will ever be?"

"Always." I said firmly, meeting his dancing eyes. They were filled with so much love and hope…

Then his eyes flashed with an unknown emotion. He suddenly captured my lips in a passionate kiss. He got up and lifted me into his arms, not once removing his lips from mine. He carried me to his bed and gently laid me down on top of the cream sheets.

I broke away with a gasp. "Haku-"

He silenced me with another kiss, crawling on top of me. He ended the kiss and looked at me dead in the eye. "You were the center of me, of everything that I was when you stepped into that river. You were all that mattered, you were all that existed. I loved that, and I don't want that feeling to ever go away. That's the way it should feel, and that's the way I want it. I just want to show you how it feels. Please… Chihiro…"

My heart fluttered at his words. Was he begging me? I hated that thought! I grinned, and kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck. I broke away, and placed my mouth right next to his ear and whispered:

"Then show me."

((Kentoku's POV))

I hate those nights when you can never fall asleep. Sadly, I seem to be having one of them. I threw the sheets off of my and stood up. I started for the door, only to realize that I wasn't exactly dressed for an excursion. I groaned and looked at my options. I was still wearing pants, so I had two ways to go. Either I could get dressed again completely, or I could just through on my outer robe. I chose the latter of the two, only to discover that it showed half of my bare chest. I shrugged, who cares? No one in their right mind would be up at this hour. I closed my door with a soft click, and made my way down to the bridge.

I stepped outside, and with a nod of satisfaction, noticed that Haku's wall of water was still standing. I'd have to remind him to strengthen it before long so no one gets over. As if the wall read my mind, the wall rose higher and became ten times stronger. I blinked, and stepped closer. How did that happen? I stopped a few steps away, and let the feeling wash over me. I felt a degree of love coming from that wall that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I closed my eyes with a sigh, and enjoyed the feeling.

"Lavanya…" I whispered to the wind. The small sea that seemed to stay around the bathhouse seemed to sigh. I smiled, and leaned against the railing, gazing down at the bright waters below. They were a dark blue without the sun… just like her eyes. I could always picture her perfectly… her image never grew hazy in my mind.

A tall, slim woman with skin the color of a deep cream was the woman I will always remember. With eyes the color of Perun's, and hair the color of the palest blue… she was the best a man could ask for. Then, I felt her presence. I stood up straight, and felt a rain drop on my hand. I smiled. Lavanaya was a spirit of the rain. Whenever it rained, I tended to think of her. A few more rain drops followed and I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. A few drops wouldn't hurt me.

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A few drops was an understatement. Within a few minutes, I was closing the door to the bathhouse, dripping wet. I wrung out my hair and almost laughed when I heard the water splash to the floor. "Must be raining harder than I thought…" I muttered, and began walking through the rest of the bathhouse.

I began walking down the halls of numerous floors that were reserved for the spirits that came to stay at the bathhouse. Since the war was underway, the bathhouse no longer received visitors. I hoped that these rooms would soon become filled with warriors, ready for any curve balls that Kallisto throws at us. Some of them were filled thanks to Chihiro. Our forces had captured scouting forces and brought them to Yubaba for punishment. Chihiro freed them, and Yubaba placed her mark upon them. Those people couldn't go back now. But, not that they would want to. Most of them wept with relief when they saw that they were no longer bound to Kallisto. Some of the workers here have even found family or friends that they thought had been long dead to the Druids. It's a heartwarming experience, but I know that it won't happen to me. Lavanya is dead… I watched Odin kill her. Her own brother killed her… how twisted a family I have. Haku and Perun don't need to know that their uncle killed their mother. Sometimes I even refuse to believe it myself. No matter how hard I wish, I know that she won't magically reappear in front of me. But how I hope that I'll see her again…

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I walked through those empty rooms, and climbed the numerous flights of stairs. I stopped a floor below Yubaba's (Haku and Chihiro's floor), seeing as there were no more stairs to climb. I sighed and began to walk towards the elevator. My steps slowed when I heard footsteps heading in my direction… and then they stopped. I turned the corner, and stopped dead in my tracks. I looked around for a hiding place, and jumped behind an insanely huge plant. I peeked through the branches, and smiled slightly at what I saw. Perun and Amaya were standing in front of now what I believe is now Amaya's room and they both of them looked pretty nervous for some reason. They were saying something in hushed tones, and I strained to hear what they were saying.

"Thanks again Perun. Tonight was great, even though we decided to take a swim running back inside."

Perun grimaced, "So it didn't flop?"

"Of course not! Why, were you afraid that it did?" When he didn't respond, Amaya shook her head. "It was far from a flop, honestly. You really know how to have a good time."

"Well you're certainly a wonderful person to spend an evening with." He chuckled, completely calm.

Lavanya and I had gone on a few dates, and I was a nervous wreck when I dropped her off at her house. It took me forever to get the courage to kiss her goodnight, but Perun seemed to be having no problem.

He slowly tilted Amaya's head back and placed a gentle and chaste kiss on her lips. She gave a start, but slowly melted into him. I looked away. This was a little painful.

"Good night Amaya." Perun whispered, and the door to her room closed with a soft snap. Perun smiled and boarded the elevator, and headed up to his room in Yubaba's home. I waited a few seconds, and then moved from my hiding place toward the elevator. I passed Amaya's room, and then Haku's. I noticed that his door was open and became slightly curious. I knew Haku would never leave his door open, so what was going on? I slipped inside and looked all through the rooms. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary… Figuring that it was just my imagination, I past the sliding door to his bedroom. To my surprise, it was about a third of the way open. Knowing that something definitely wasn't right, I opened it just enough so I could slip through. I wish I didn't… I didn't deserve to see the picture of peace and happiness that I found.

A small trickle of moonlight filtered through the window, and illuminated the two sleeping figures on the bed, underneath the covers. Chestnut brown hair fanned out on the cream pillow and sheets, a perfect blend. Chihiro was laying atop Haku's chest, her torso hidden completely. His head rested against hers, and his arms were wrapped securely around her frame, protecting her from the world. They were at a complete peace, one that I've felt before. I knew I missed my wife, but it was then that I realized just how much. I turned my head away, only to discover the window open.

I walked over and closed it without a sound, and turned back to the sleeping couple. My son… and his lover. I hope that I can call her my daughter one day…

I shook my head and walked towards the door. I hit a creaky floorboard, and Haku's eyes flew open. They fixed on me with some confusion, "Father?"

"I did not mean to intrude Kohaku. I offer you my most sincere apologies." I said roughly, and left the room, completely ashamed. I knew that he saw them… he saw what I didn't want him to see.

Tears.

My tears.

A/N: I told you there would be some fluff in here! Not a plot moving chapter, but a nice fluff break. ((sigh)) This was orginally a brighter chapter, but I darkened/depressed it a bit during Kentoku's POV. I think I needed to get across how lost he is without his wife. Did I do okay? I'm debating about keeping him like that, or making him a little happier... what do you guys think?

Okay, since this was a chapter that focused a little on Kentoku's past and hurt... this chapter is dedicated to...

angelofblades543
I hope you liked it somewhat!

And thank you to ALL of you who reviewed!

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And a special thanks to... marajade63!
She had been wondering why I hadn't been updating my other story.. so she found this one and figured it out! Glad you've take an intrest, I really do! And I promise I'll update soon... eheh?

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!

-Vincent's Angel of Chaos-