Dear Bleachers,

The other day, I had received a reply from one of my devoted fans. Although he disguised his love for me with these words which signified those of a troll, I respond to his letter with as much vigor and enthusiasm and trolling for the replies to come.

Dear "Kubo",
Sadly, your psychic powers are failing you. For you see it is night where am so there is no glare coming from my window. I did not check for my phone for it is still in my line of sight. And I did not lose the signed paper, I "lost it". On purpose.
Now while you are freaking out from your loss of power I feel it is an appropriate time to tell you I know exactly what you have planned for Uryu Ishida in the upcoming chapters. But I will not tell you for you should already know. But truly you are taking a very cruel route.
Now before I go I feel I should warn you of the pickpocket at you school and the answer for question number 4 on your next quiz is C.
Good luck.Sincerely, Moon's last stand.

Well, Bleachers, I assure you that all our dear friend Moon has said was a lie.

For one thing, Moon-kun, I am actually not a psychic. I am merely an extremely observant and intelligent being who has the ability to read emotions and the auras around me. Yes, you may call that an Aizen, but honestly I believe it is called a troll. In simpler words:

Handsome Author of Bleach (me) =Troll=Aizen

Yes, yes, I know its troubling to believe that my awesome body and soul is actually that of Aizen. He is indeed as handsome as I am. But that's another important thing: make your characters resemble YOU. Take Gin for example. He was actually modeled from that dog I had (the one who didn't get a proper funeral) because he never opened his eyes and was always smiling a creepy way. Think of him at the smile dog gif. You know, the one of of the dog with the bloody hands and human smile? That's how I got my dog—no one wanted it because they died when they look at him. Gin though, actually could see just like my dog perfectly fine, but after I saw how my dog interacted with the other canines who live in our neighborhood, I noticed that indeed, that dog was one damn creep.

And that is how Gin was born.

But that's not important, is it? Now, about the darkness. Why did you chose to leave out the traffic light that shines through your window? Your curtains were obviously parted, and I have heard that you Americans always have traffic lights no matter what time of day. Alas, the global warming threat becomes more and more apparent because of that usage. Before I continue, let me take the time to turn off my kitchen faucet. It has been on since the day the previous letter was sent to my honored fans, the Bleachers. No worries. However, back to your light, Moon. You have made false accusations when YOU have been wrong. Tell me why I should not send you to Hell for this. And I'm talking about the Hell in that god-awful movie that was made. Honestly, tentacles are so overrated. And they still make a bad statement on my troll-worthy name!

Your paper, though, had been caught on the wind while you gazed at it with awe, and was probably sent to place Kariya Jin was sent after that disappointing filler arc. Which means obilivion. However you should be glad, because your wrinkled grandmother would have stared at it with scorn and might have given you her classic peanut butter, steak, and liver juice for the next three weeks. Inoue style. Which is quite a disappointment really. I had actually intended Orhime to be that woman who was in that McDonalds I had worked in, the bubbly one with the endowed bosom. But honestly! In the end she kept on going, "Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun!" and I was about to kill her off when I heard this whisper come from the loud TV blaring the week after I met my former-co worker while I cried over losing my job for eating all the fries. It said, "IchiHime." At first I knew it was a mistake—it was a crappy name, but then I realized that HALF MY FAN BASE WAS ICHIHIME!

Besides, who wouldn't want a young, healthy teenager like Kurosaki Ichigo with a girl with all the broads a man can imagine?

And thus, Orihime was created.

Uryu Ishida was once someone who everyone trusted. Before, when I began to troll people through my manga, I had made it so Ishida would come to gain the trust of even the readers, and then BAM! He turns out to be the enemy. I did get quite a lot of hate mail, but I DID promise to make a choice between the IchiRuki and IchiHime ship.

Moon-kohai, I do not go to school. School is for a bunch of mindless untrolling beings who do not know anything about the art of the troll. When I was forced to go to school back in my years with the extremely young, beautiful beings known as dragons (or is it dine-uh-soar? It makes no sense), my sensei had me expelled for trolling him with my tests, writing, reading, and even my speech. Once, in my arithmetic class, my sensei asked me, "What is 1+1?" I responded, "If you need a window, feel free to jump out of that one" and I had pointed to the window which was open to the rear of his bald self. I actually modeled Omaeda Marechiyo after him because of slow ways. Since he did not understand, I shall enlighten you and tell you that the simple truth is that 1+1 when combined resembles that of a window. In other words, the window which you failed to see has the traffic light come in. You see, Moon, people who go to school are meant to be brainwashed so they do not indulge themselves in the ways of the troll, which is actually a fruitful way of life. Therefore, I will not have to take any exams which require American letters, and nor do I need the luck for my trolling life.

My fellow Bleachers, let this reply to the reply to the letter be an example of how I will respond to your demands.

And Moon, when you find out that the scar on you back has now started to act up due to the infection which entered your body because of the vacation you took to Panama, please make sure to go to the New York Bellvue Hospital. I have heard they have a worth treatment for everything.

Love, your modeling mangaka,

Tite Kubo

•Writing Tip #2- Use real people for original characters. That way, you make them less perfect (but don't use me—Aizen was PERFECT because I am PERFECT)•

PS-I am aware I did not reveal Urahara's sword's father. Poor Benihime. I doubt she knows too. I'm sure Aizen knows...

I am well aware I was high in writing this too. Tell me, Moon's last stand, did Kubo make a worthy attempt to counter you? LOL I'm pretty sure you'll troll him back afterwards. And to all my readers, whether you be a registed reader or a guest, feel free to make a response like Moon's last chance did! It was quite brave of him to go against "Kubo." If you have trouble asking him questions...

*HINT HINT* The next letter MIGHT be about the ships! So go, and take the time to review in that box below ↓

Love and Panda Truffles,

Sabby-sama the Panda Eater