Chapter 4: Blackmail

"Ms. Bitters?"

"Yes Dib?"

"Uh." Dib didn't really know how to say this but sitting here for 30 minutes doing nothing was getting tedious. "My dad, he works at Membrane Industries and he hardly ever has time to do this kind of 'parenting' stuff so can I just go home?"

"Oh trust me, Dib; your Father is going to come. Whether he likes it OR NOT!" Ms. Bitters muttered cryptically. Wonder what she meant bythat, he thought. His father, Professor Membrane, was the world's greatest and most brilliant mind in the entire world. He never really seemed to have time for his children.

His theories always correct, his inventions benefitting mankind and making the world a better place had made it impossible for him to meet women who were interested in him NOT because he was rich at the time from success. *So instead he decided to do reproductive cloning. After 9 months, the result had been him and his little sister Gaz.

I wonder if Dad's mad at me? , Dib wondered. His dad could be embarrassed with him but the only time he had really been mad at him was when he had read the file D. D. in his lab…and of course when he had created a few zombies. That had been the only time his dad had ever really been mad at him. And the only time he ever remembered his dad saying-wait what's that smell? Ugh smells like a sulfur and gasoline fart! Dib gagged and held his nose. He turned and saw his father strut into the doorway.

Professor Membrane was one of those people who could walk into a room and make everyone stare at him without trying. He was tall but not too tall, with dark black obsidian hair that always had that strange scythe like piece stick up and point back towards the back of his head like Dibs did except on Dib it made him look weird. On his Dad it made him look handsome. He had a poise that Dib always associated with the El Chupacabra. Strong, sturdy, and radiating confidence. He was wearing, like always, his white lab coat that hid his mouth, black rubber gloves and boots, and lab goggles that hid his eye color.

"Sorry for being late, Ms. Bitters. But there was an accident in my lab. One of the interns-"

"TAKE A SEAT!" Ms. Bitters roared. Professor Membrane took a seat quickly next Dib, eyebrows raised. Dib noticed the entire back of his lab coat was smoking and charred.

"Son, what did you do now?" Professor Membrane asked him curtly. Dib felt his pale cheeks turn pink.

"I'll tell you what your son did." Ms. Bitters interjected before Dib could reply. Oh dear god, here it comes. Dib hung his head down and stared at the grey desk in front of him, pushing up his glasses. "He deliberately hit one of his fellow students, Zim, in the face with a soccer ball during the end of recess. He then stalked him down the hallway into the boys bathroom calling him an alien, took a picture of him going to the bathroom and then gave the boy a swirly along with severe head injuries."

Wow…I seriously sound perverted. Maybe I am a pervert. Dib could feel his fathers' shocked gaze on him. He shifted uncomfortably in his desk looking down. He could feel his pink cheeks spread throughout his entire face turning into a perfect crimson.

"SON! Why would you even-I don't…why? I know your insane but you've just crossed a whole new dimension into pervy!" his father sputtered with shocked exasperation. Dib felt ashamed. Professor Membrane was incredibly busy, so busy sometimes he forgot he even had a son. But always a daughter, Dib thought bitterly as his father continued to talk to him, his exasperation turning to annoyance back to exasperated disbelief, Gaz is his funny child, the darling, the dear daughter. I'm just the crazy, poor, sad little embarrassment. Does Dad even know how creepy Gaz really is? She's like an evil ghost! She never gets caught doing anything wrong. Heck she told me she nearly killed a dude named Higgins with an elevator or something for a video game.

"Mr. Membrane. I hate to interrupt your little 'father-son stare down' thing." Ms. Bitters said sarcastically, "But its 3:42. And I really don't want to be here in this pitiful establishment any longer than I have to."

Dib came out of his reverie to find his Dad looking at him on the floor kneeling like he was about to propose, hands on his knee looking him straight in the eye. Dib had never seen his father look at him like this before. He never looked so exhausted or sad even…disheveled. Dib felt his eyes widen. Professor Membrane did look bad. His hair usually slick with some sort of oil was duller with grey hairs scattered throughout the head and a two black strands fell into his face. His warm vanilla face had less color. Dib was surprised he could barely see through the goggles and for an instant he saw bloodshot hazel eyes. Dib instantly felt even more ashamed for thinking those horrible thoughts about him. His Dad did care about him in his own way.

He always set aside one day of the year where they would spend the entire night together without any interruptions, no random paging telling Dad that 'the world needed his brilliant mind!' or 'The squid has escaped!' (The one who did would be fired out of a cannon into the city sewage), and for one single evening they would be a family. When Zim captured him on family night and held him hostage, Gaz had told him after his rescue that when Dad found out that he was still missing that he nearly canceled family night because he wouldn't have it without him. He also wouldn't give the world unlimited energy because when he had refused to start the ceremony until his kids were present, everyone screamed that they didn't want to wait for some brats to show up and someone threw a cup at his head. He cares…just…he has a lot on his mind right now. Dib thought. All this passed in an instant and Dib found himself hanging his head again …though for a different reason now.

"I suppose so." Professor Membrane sighed looking down at the floor.

"Good because while we were waiting for you to SHOW UP I went down the hall and had a little chat with the guidance office and the principal. We've decided it may be in the best interests of students and everybody else, except Dib of course, for him to be moved to the underground classrooms."

At the phrase 'underground classroom' his Dads head shot up and he was immediately on his feet leaning over his teachers mahogany desk gripping the edges. Today has to be the most revealing day of my life. His Dad quietly spoke, so softly then growing slowly in volume, "My son…is not going into that death pit you even have the audacity to call a classroom and if you even do…well we both know that this school is on its last limb and that if I pull my funding you and everyone of those idiots here will be jobless! Do you understand?" concluded angrily pounding his fist on the desk.

Oh…my…god. My Dad is freaking awesome! Dib thought admiringly. He had seen Professor Membrane take charge in the lab, make dramatic speeches on his TV show and conventions, even seen him smack the head off a zombie but he had never ever thought he'd see the day that his Dad-Dr. Professor Membrane-would be blackmailing his teacher 5th grade teacher. Ms. Bitters let out a noise that was a mix between a feral growl and a snake hiss. She slowly rose from her desk leaning over towards his father. Both continued to stare at each other unmoving. If Membrane was scared he certainly didn't show it.

"Fine! There is another option but your not going to like it." Ms. Bitters growled. "Your son will have to control himself during school hours. What he does after school is going to be limited because we want him to see a registered psychiatrist or therapist of some kind and each day to bring a slip to the secretary from this doctor."

"For how long?" Professor Membrane asked.

"DAD!"

"Until he stops being a creepy pervert. Regular crazy we can tolerate. We here believe it prepares children for the real world and helps them build a tolerance. But perverts have no place in this world." Build a tolerance? That's the biggest load of lies I've ever heard. They continued to stare each other down. Neither one was willing to break the silence.

"Fine. Son, we're leaving. Get your stuff and let's go." Membrane stood back from the desk fist clenched in controlled rage. Dib got up and walked behind his father eyes downcast.

"Dad I-"

"Later Son. We'll talk about it later."

Author's note:
*I'm serious. One of the people on the writing panel said they had hoped to include this idea of Dib and Gaz as clones in one of the episodes but the show was canceled so it never happened. Oh and uh for those of you who don't know what reproductive cloning is its when you take a human females DNA and a males DNA and fuse them in the human females cell. But who's the technical mother you ask?! I will give you one hint. Who in the universe of Jhonen Vasquez has a friend whose name starts with T and has her own short comic book? *