Chapter 6

Hetty King, November 1876, Aged 17

By late November of my term at teaching college I had been stepping out with Wallace Duncan for two months. For the same two months I had also work being working fiercely in my studies, determined to win the famed gold medal that I had heard so much about. At the time, those two things were the only ones that seemed to matter, everything fell to the wayside including my correspondence with the children. I was not completely out of the loop as at least one child wrote to me every week. However, my replies were short and irregular. This was not of course do to not caring or loving the children, but instead was because of the fact that I had made Wallace, and my schoolwork a more important aspect of my life.

Looking back on it all I wish I had not only written more, but written of Wallace. Instead of knowing why I took so long in responses, and the reasons for my lack of attention, the children believed I had forgotten about them. Olivia even admitted to me once, when she was very ill, that she thought I might have died and no one would tell her, for fear of her reaction. Even after I returned home to Avonlea no one knew of Wallace, he was my secret, the only one I had. My failures with him I wished no one to know, as they were what ashamed me the most. By keeping him secret I avoided not only potential embarrassment and gossip, but I was able to keep what we had pure, and to myself, he was mine, and belonged to no one else.

Those first two months were very difficult, and at the time seemed as if they would last forever, but in hindsight they seemed to have flew by. They were times of great stress, but also of great love, happiness and freedom. With Wallace by my side I was able to learn more about myself in two months than I had in seventeen years. However, as the reality of the term almost being over, having to go back to life in Avonlea, and the vast amount of attention required by my studies, the happiness of the previous two months became replace by a mix of bitter frustrations and disappointments.

Inwardly, in my head, I knew my relationship with Wallace would not last long. But oh how my heart wanted it to last. Or perhaps it would be less poetic to say I knew that because of my commitments to the children, I would not be able to continue stepping out with Wallace after I would go back to Avonlea. Before we talked about it, I had been worrying for weeks about what I would say to him. How I could end our relationship without hurting him. I have never been particularly known for my tact, but I was going to soften the blow as much a possible on that late November day.

LIke many of the days of late autumn, this one was cold, almost winter crisp, with a grey sky, which wa light, but with no apparent sun. I was in the room I shared with Anne, alone, as she and Norbert had gone to the library to study. Wallace was to pick me up that day, I was taking a day off from school work and Wallace and I were to attend a lecture, the topic of which I still have no recollection of. As we had done for the past couple months, I was to wait in the common area for Wallace, and be ready to leave when he arrived - as he was not allowed inside the dormitory. Like I had many times previous I had finished getting ready for our date five minutes before Wallace was suppose to arrive. I was putting my hat on, checking my reflection in the mirror, making sure I looked perfect when the door swung open with such force that I was almost knocked over.

At first I couldn't imagine what kind of deranged person would do something like that, as the idiot stepped into the room I could see it was Anne, but not just, Norbert was with her.

"Anne what are you thinking, bringing Norbert in here. Matron is going to skin you alive if she finds him in here."

"Hetty..." she began, but I was annoyed.

"And then after that she won't let either of us out until term is over. Can you think how horrid that would be. You wouldn't be allowed to see Norbert, and I wouldn't see Wallace..."

"But Hetty, ... "This time Norbert started speaking, he looked odd, in fact they both were looking rather peculiar, but I was on a roll by now, and nothing would stop me.

"Speaking of Wallace he should be here any moment to pick me up. I'm leaving now, before Matron comes in and we both get into trouble." As I went to go out the door to the hallway Anne grabbed my hand. "Anne let go, you're acting like a child! Goodness my sisters are both better behaved than that." I opened the door, however, instead of walking through to the hallway I found my pathway blocked off by the infamous Matron Taylor. Shorter than I by several inches, she was none the less an imposing figure, if not in stature, than in presence and personality. And, as the old adage goes, in that moment I knew my goose had been cooked.

"I'm so very sorry Henrietta." And that's when she did it, Matron Taylor reached out and hugged me, and besides that she had tears in her eyes.

How strange I thought as I was released for her embrace. As I looked back at Anne and Norbert, my original anger subsiding, replaced by confusion, I saw that they too held tears in their eyes. I had seen looks like that before, when my mother...

"I need to go..." I nearly shoved poor Matron out of the way as I strode down the hallway "Wallace is coming for me soon..."

"Hetty" Anne yelled down the hallway.

"Later Anne, later." I was petrified. There faces, the tears, those only meant one thing, the one thing I could never face. I walked even quicker down the hallway, hoping to drown out, what I knew was coming next

"He's dead, Hetty."

I dropped to the ground instantly, much like a new child learning to walk. "No." I tried to sound resolute in my answer, confident that he was fine, but it came out like a whisper. From behind he I could hear Anne rush up to me and throw her arms around me. I don't remember much beyond that moment. later in a letters Anne and I exchanged between each other she mentioned almost primal wailing and sobbing. From that moment on college went by like a blur. True, we had only been stepping out for two months, but Wallace knew things about me that I had never dared share with anyone before, things I would never share with anyone.

With Wallace I had finally been able to open-up in ways I hadn't been able to since mother had died. After his death and the following funeral, neither Anne nor Norbert ever mentioned Wallace again, it was easier pretending that he had just stopped coming around than to face the real truth. It was in that time that I stopped paying true and full attention to my school work. I still wanted to teach, but it was hard to care about much of everything when your heart has broken. I no longer cared about the golden medal, but instead let my memories wreak havoc on me. No matter where I went or what I was doing it seemed as if his face, his voice, his laughter followed me everywhere.

In the end I knew that there was only one place that I could go to truly be free of Wallace. Somewhere his warmth and love had never touched. I needed to go home to my father, my siblings, my home and the life I was comfortable with, the life I knew. In Avonlea my life was already predetermined, there were no shocks or heartbreaks there. I knew within my little town I could lock myself away from the rest of the world and never have to hear about Wallace again. The place that I had begun to think of as my prison would turn into my sanctuary.

It has been over twenty years now, and this is the first time I have ever really spoken of Wallace. However not a day goes by when I don't think of him. However, before I could go home to Avonlea I first had to make it through graduation and a reunion with four children who had begun to believe that I had abandoned them. It was never the same, again.

A/N - Are you crying? I know I am. 3's - V