Chapter 21

It was the morning light that woke Valkron up. No one could sleep with hot light shining through their eyelids.

He blinked in the daylight, at the trees and grass around him. A poring was investigating him, apparently for any small items it could absorb through its jelly-like body. When he sat up it squeaked in fright and took off on its usual bouncing.

The knight supported his head in his hands and tried to recall what had happened the previous night. He remembered white-hot rage surging through him and a burning desire to kill.

And then something had screamed. Maybe it had been him, maybe it had been whatever it was possessing Edell. But the scream was of rage, not pain or hunger.

He raised his head. Somehow he felt lighter. He had never imagined so much anger and frustration lay dormant in him. Maybe he had done something - killed someone, most likely - to get rid of everything that had plagued him.

Valkron looked around him and started. Edell was lying not far from him, face down. There was a painful tug at his heart before fear ran its chilly fingers up his spine. He got to his feet and unsteadily ran over to the prostrate crusader. Very gingerly, not wanting to see what had happened but at the same time hoping in dread, he turned the crusader over.

He sighed in relief. Edell was fine. There was no blood or wound visible. And the crusader was waking up. That looked good.

Edell blinked blearily at him. 'Sir? Where are we?'

'Outside Payon. Come on, get up. I'll get you in there.' Valkron began pulling Edell to his feet, which was not easy due to the heavy armour he wore.

'Outside Payon? We're already there?' Edell looked around him. 'Why are we outside and not in the village?'

Valkron hesitated. He was not a liar by nature. Of course, he'd lied to his teachers before but lying to officers wasn't counted. Besides he had things at stake then, and the best thing he could do was to protect them. This was a similar situation, come to think about it.

'We promised to patrol the area,' he finally said. 'I think we were so tired that we fell asleep without noticing.'

Edell nodded. Valkron could see the relief on his face. Devar - who was the knight in charge of the whole group - surely would not reprimand him for falling asleep while on duty because a knight commander more senior than him had done the same. It was what Valkron guessed at Edell's expression, anyway.

As they both got to their feet Valkron felt the wind blow past his face. It was brisk, with a light crispness of frost. He turned to face it, and as he did he caught the acrid smell of smoke. He looked up.

There was a thick column of smoke rising blackly into the grey skies in the direction of Payon.

'What's happening, sir?' came Edell's voice from behind.

Valkron swore so loudly that the crusader jumped. He looked back at the startled crusader. 'Let's get to Payon! Ask questions later!'

I've been too careless, he thought as he ran, trees speeding past him in a blur. Now what? I've left too many people's lives at stake--

There was an explosion from the direction of the village. Valkron willed himself forward until he felt like he was being driven by pure determination alone. Even if Edell couldn't manage to catch up at least he would be safe - safer than charging into the village first.

One of the gates had been completely blasted off. The other was badly burnt and hanging from its rope hinge. Valkron slowed down and drew his sword, completely stopping just inside the gates. He looked around as far as the smoke would allow him to.

Most of the huts near the gates were crumbling as the fires consumed them. Black streaks of soot ran all the way from the gates into the village. Valkron stuck his tongue out a little and tasted a tanginess to the air he had not hitherto detected. He immediately felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise as he came to understand that whatever had happened the previous night had involved, if it had not completely been, extremely powerful magic.

Sparks fell off the burning roofs as he walked towards the centre of Payon, his iron-clad feet thudding loudly in the otherwise silent village. There were no people, no animals, no living thing at all. It was worse than he'd ever expected.

But oddly enough there was no blood, no corpses, no carcasses - nothing at all. Apart from the tangy air and the black streaks about which he was starting to feel suspicious, there was no sign that any fighting had happened.

There was movement. Valkron jerked his head around to his left, where he had seen something run past. It had looked vaguely humanoid, but he couldn't be too sure. He raised his sword cautiously, his eyes darting around. Whoever or whatever had run past seemed to be watching him; he could feel invisible eyes all around--

Just then there was a clanking sound. The knight rolled his eyes and lowered his sword before turning around.

'Edell?' he said.

'Yes, sir?'

'You make more noise than a hungry bigfoot. If you want to do things properly I suggest you stop moving and stay where you are right now.' Valkron turned back to the front. 'No crusader can get around without being entirely silent.'

'And where did you get that theory from, Valkron?'

He nearly had a heart attack. When he was sure he wasn't dead he turned around to see Iruna emerging from the thick smoke. Her blindfold was around her neck and she was giving him an amused look.

'Iruna? Where's everyone else?'

'Oh, behind the smoke,' she replied. 'They're fine. Everyone in this village is fine.'

Something about the way she spoke made Valkron hesitate. 'Almost everyone?'

Iruna shrugged. 'Emeth isn't. He's been shouting about for you and saying about what he'd do to you in a very emphatic voice.'

Just then there was a shout from the smoke. 'Valkron! You get over here right NOW!'

'That kind of voice,' added the crusader helpfully.

'I'll...go and face him,' said Valkron, unconsciously smoothing out his tunic. 'Edell, stay with her. Whatever's about to happen isn't suitable for knights and crusaders under two years of training to see.'

He strode through the thick smoke billowing almost horizontally across the square, wondering how bad it could get and by how much it could get worse. He had got up to ten so far when he emerged to come literally face to face with Emeth.

The wizard was definitely not in a good mood. Magic was whirling about him and his face was not something you'd want to see after you had a long day. Valkron actually took a step back at the sight of him. The image of Emeth being extremely angry was not entertaining, and knowing how explosive a wizard could be was not improving it at all.

'So,' said the wizard coldly. 'Our good leader has returned.'

Valkron coloured. 'Don't talk to me like that--'

'Oh? Really? So who was to blame when the entire village was engulfed in the portal's magic last night? Who went out and left us completely unaware of anything?'

'I never said I was aware of anything--'

'Then why did you say you had business that didn't concern anyone of your party?'

'That was a completely different matter--'

'And you assumed we were so dumb that we couldn't even locate our backsides without a map?' Emeth drew himself up to his full height, which was a formidable sight indeed. 'Is that why you left us to deal with the situation that arose?'

'Look, I had absolutely no idea that anything would happen last night--'

'Which gives you a very good reason to stay here and watch over the village along with the other knights!'

'My business concerned them, not you, but they didn't have the right to be where I was--'

'You had an invitation to a little midnight party? Let me guess - it was celebrating some sort of victory over Geffen and Prontera, was it?'

'Emeth, I--'

'You what? Chose to leave us because you, as you would say, "cannot protect us all the time and anyway it would be downright stupid if we couldn't defend ourselves?" So who do you think removed the magical field?'

The broken gates, the streaks of soot and the fires clanged together in Valkron's mind. For a moment he forgot about his anger. 'It was you?'

'Oh, yes it bloody well was me! Having to waste half my energy trying to clear up the damn field with Mr Priest claiming absolutely no knowledge on cleansing the atmosphere--'

'Hey!' said Samaroh's voice from behind him.

'--and then wasting the other half running around looking for you! Do you think I've got the patience to tolerate your impatient behaviour with us when you completely left the village and left us of one man short so that when we were evacuating the people you weren't there to defend our backs? What kind of knight are you? You who claim you are different from the other stuck-up knights of the Prontera Chivalry, who talks of changing others - what about yourself? Ever looked at who you really are? What kind of knight puts people's lives at stake?'

'That's enough.' The knight called Devar stepped out from the smoke. 'You're talking to a commander of the Chivalry, you know.'

'Do you think I give a damn?' snarled Emeth, so abruptly that Devar stepped backwards in shock. 'Commander or no, he had the responsibility of guarding the unarmed, innocent civilians!'

Valkron bowed his head. 'I know what I did was wrong,' he said, speaking in a low voice, 'and whatever I did doesn't warrant any respect that a knight receives, but--'

It happened too fast for anyone to stop it. Everyone started with shock as Emeth's fist slammed into Valkron's jaw so hard the knight stumbled and fell. The wizard, breathing hard, straightened up.

'You still have the guts to say "but", do you?' he said, his voice hard and stern. 'Where's your sense of responsibility and pride, Valkron? Are you really the knight you claim to be? Answer me!'

There was silence apart from the crackling of the burning fires. Everyone present watched with baited breath. Emeth was glaring at Valkron in evident rage, his face showing no sign of the Emeth they were used to.

The knight lifted a hand to his jaw slowly as he stared unseeingly at the ground.

'I know responsibility,' he said, eventually. 'But I have no pride. I am not the knight I know myself to have been. I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry for everything I did and didn't do. You are right.' He closed his eyes. 'I'm truly sorry.'

As he hung his head he thought he could hear voices laughing and jeering at him, with people whispering in the background. He caught snitches of the whispering.

'He has to suffer for what his parents have done. What a poor child...'

'He's worth nothing! With such an upbringing he'll always think of his parents as heroes!'

'Leave him be, children. Don't play with him. He'll bring trouble to us...'

A very old feeling came to him. It had never left him throughout his life - it had simply stayed dormant, but it constantly reminded him for who he was, what his parents had done. It felt like heartburn - one that spread through him and reduced him to nothing but the immature child he had been long ago.

He had never felt lonelier in his life.

'That's far enough, Emeth. Give him a rest, will you? He's a good man at heart, you don't have to shame him like this.' Iruna's voice sounded far off.

'Oh, really? When he's declared us to be idiots in the public? This is what he's always deserved--'

'It doesn't matter. You don't have to be his judge.' Nocturne's voice cut through Emeth's like a warm knife through butter. 'When the time comes then maybe we can all talk about it, not single him out. Maybe he really had something important to do, something that would have put us all into deeper trouble if he didn't resolve it.'

Nocturne's words should have lightened the load on Valkron, but the knight was sinking into even deeper darkness. He didn't even know if he had resolved Edell's problem at all. Whatever he could remember was the only thought that he knew was the ultimate truth.

The only one who is truly weak is ME.

'Nocturne's right. We can't all have a go at Valkron,' came Khan's voice. 'Let's stop this and try to clear up everything together. We're still a party, you know.'

'I'd rather have Aldev as a leader than him!'

'Valkron?'

The knight looked up into Iruna's face. The pale brown eyes was looking at him concernedly, scanning his face. He could feel her hands on his shoulders.

'Are you all right? That was quite a hard hit he gave you.' She reached up, wiped something off the side of his mouth. 'His knuckles actually split your skin. You're bleeding a little.'

Really? I don't feel any physical pain, thought Valkron. The overwhelming feeling was straining against him, inside him. The warmth of Iruna's hands felt unfamiliar, almost alien. He reached up to push them off.

'No. Right now you need a rest. You've gone white.' Iruna gathered her skirt and sat down next to him while Khan and Emeth started arguing. 'And your face has dirt smudged across it. Where have you been?'

Despite himself Valkron felt his lips curl in a half-smile. 'You don't look any better.'

'Yeah, well, I didn't just get chided.' The crusader busied herself with dabbing away the blood from the cut on his face. 'I can't blame Emeth for going mad at you, though.'

'It's justified.'

'It is, but that's not the point. He went mad last night.'

Valkron felt himself slowly freeze. He looked up to her. 'What do you mean?'

'The portal's wavelength fluctuated out of control the previous night. Samaroh was completely knocked out by it within minutes but to Emeth...it changed him. Seconds after his eyes started glowing he cast a fire spell on an eddga attempting to get in and...let's just say he cleared just more than an eddga.'

The black streaks on the ground came into Valkron's mind. 'You mean he did the--'

'Yes.' Iruna sat back. 'I'll never forget how it flamed past my face barely an inch away. The heat was terrific. Although the gates of Payon stopped the spell from clearing the forest beyond them you can see what it did to the houses.'

'Was anyone--'

'No, thanks to Devar. He was the only one of the nine who kept his head during the fluctuation. Within minutes the village of Payon was empty.'

'What do you mean, he was the only one who kept his head during the fluctuation?'

The crusader shrugged. 'I don't understand it myself. We were badly affected, of course, but the knights...eight of them said they saw nothing and felt nothing. When Devar whacked them on the backs of their heads with his spear they came to and got to work.'

The knight turned when he heard voices behind him. The nine from the Chivalry were shaking their heads and talking quietly. Some of them were gingerly massaging the back of their heads.

'I didn't say it was a gentle blow,' added the crusader, seeing Valkron looking at them.

'Devar wouldn't give them a gentle blow if he thought it wouldn't work.' The knight got to his feet and Iruna followed suit. 'But right now I want to talk to Edell--'

Emeth whirled around to face him in a flurry of cloak and red hair. Even in the daylight and without an intensified magical atmosphere he was impressive. His eyes glowed momentarily in the shadows of his fringe and for a moment Valkron thought he had seen something else in the wizard's eyes...but he couldn't be too sure.

'Where do you think you're going?' he snarled. 'I haven't finished with you yet!'

Iruna swiftly stepped out in front of Valkron. 'Don't you try anything, Emeth,' she warned, holding out her massive shield in front of her. 'I said yo've gone far enough. Stop it.'

'Well, not far enough to get anything into that damn knight's thick skull,' spat the wizard. 'I want to make sure he knows what he's done! He'd better learn his lesson or I'll--'

A book bounced off Emeth's head.

Everyone turned, even the ten knights. Samaroh was limping slowly across the square from where he had been sitting silently for the past half hour. Of everyone present he looked as if he had received the worst of whatever had happened. He was pale, dishevelled and had dark rings around his eyes. People backed away as he approached Emeth.

He passed the wizard and bent down, his fingers closing over his book. Then he straightened up and faced the wizard.

'If she says it's enough, it's enough,' he said. His voice was cracked and not very like the accented style he always used. 'Have you got enough clawing out people's faces in front of their peers? If you haven't then I'm going to say this once and for all. Your soul is beyond redemption.'

He turned and limped away without waiting for an answer. In the silence Nocturne said, 'And I thought I was the truthful one.'

As the ten knights along with the Raulus party (and its temporary extension, the monk Aldev) helped the residents return to their homes and put out the fires Emeth's massive spell had caused, Valkron sat a little way away from everyone and everything and watched them. Although he knew he had to help as a penance for leaving Payon he didn't feel well. Most of the time people looked to him for orders, but the more he talked the more he wanted to throw up. Standing for long periods of time also made him giddy.

He stared out at the crowd of people moving around the village, vaguely aware that he was no longer focusing on them. But he had to think out the events that had occurred the previous night.

I thought I felt like killing something last night, he thought. But no one's dead. True, half of the village is in flames, but no one's actually died, have they? And besides I didn't cause any of the fires.

After a while a small, cool voice in his mind said, Apparently all that happened last night in Payon was a massive fluctuation in the magical wavelength that amplified magical power. Emeth must have alerted the ten-- nine knights and they evacuated the residents before the eddga came, but the eddga barely even reached the gates when the wizard cooked it by restoring the magical field.

How? And why? And what had happened then?

Valkron took off his visor and ran a hand through his white hair, sighing. He was tired as it is and he had no idea as to what went wrong.

A shadow fell across him. He looked up to see Edell looking down at him - a little nervously, yes, but with a determined look on his face.

'Can I sit next to you, sir?' he asked.

Valkron blinked and then came to his senses. 'Oh. Yes.'

The crusader went down on one knee and twitched his cloak out of the way of his iron shoes. They sat there in silence for a little while, before the crusader said, 'You didn't tell me what happened last night, sir.'

Valkron looked at him. Edell was staring out at the crowd, but he was giving Valkron the impression that he knew the commander had hidden the truth. The knight smiled mentally. He had to tell the truth, eventually, but he liked trainees with initiative.

'Yes I did, Edell. You're dead certain there.'

'Why?'

Valkron leaned his head against the wall his back was facing. 'Have you heard the saying "Ignorance is bliss"?'

'It still doesn't mean you can hide the truth from me, sir.'

'If that's the case, Edell,' Valkron lifted his head back up, 'then you can't hide your past away from me either.'

After a short pause the crusader turned to the knight. 'What do you mean?'

'I left Payon because something involving your past made you leave us,' said the knight shortly. 'I want you to tell me what happened in your life that makes you averse to females. Don't hide anything from me, Edell, and in return you'll get what you want.'

Edell gave him a look. 'I thought you were more generous than that.'

'Oh, yes, right, I'm a hero to you and all heroes should have great virtues. You know what?' The knight straightened up and gave Edell a casual look in return. 'I'm not a hero, whatever you think. I'm a mercenary. Mercenaries bargain, Edell. They haggle. They name a price. They cheat. They lie. They scheme, plot, slander, harrass, steal, deceive. They do all kinds of things heroes don't do. And because of what they do they live longer than heroes and when I mean longer it's considerably a lot longer. Understand?'

The crusader stared at him. 'You're not the kind to do that.'

'Yeah, you're right. I don't.' Valkron leaned back again. 'I suppose that's why people know me. Because I'm different.'

'So I just tell you what you want to know, and...?'

'I'll tell you what you want to know. Deal?'

Edell's expression clearly said what he was thinking: you said you don't bargain and yet you just did. Valkron read it off his face and smiled sunnily at him. The after effects of the previous night were making him feel a bit light-headed, but he didn't really care.

The crusader sighed. 'I don't know. A lot of people used to tell me I was a moron. I was slow at learning new things, I was so gullible, I was so ignorant...my fellow trainees used to tease me a lot and trick me into doing stuff that was either unnecessary or made me look dumb.'

'You seem to have improved,' said Valkron.

Edell looked amused at this. 'Are you just trying to make me feel better?'

'Edell, if there's one thing that I don't do, it's flattering people. Other than running after girls or cheating or running away from a battle.'

'But you walked out of Payon last night.'

'Edell,' said Valkron dangerously, 'this is about you right now, not me. I know you've heard quite a lot of what happened from the wizard but the reason why I walked out of Payon was because of you. Continue.'

'Oh. Well, my mother wanted to prove people wrong. She was a crusader too - one of the best. You won't believe the nights she had me up and practising sword techniques or meditating to "cleanse my mind" or studying the history of swordsmanship.'

'Go on.'

'I don't really remember much,' admitted the crusader, looking apologetic as Valkron simmered. 'But I do remember one thing. I had a sister - a younger sister. My mother always kept me away from her.'

Aha. Something's starting, said Valkron in satisfaction, but only for internal consumption.

'I've always been kept away from girls. My mother thought whenever I looked at one I was thinking of something bad. She used to try to beat the habit out of me with her belt.'

'Ouch.'

Edell shrugged. 'I'm used to it now. It's just that I still don't feel comfortable around females.'

'Yes, and your tutor is female. Edell, here's a piece of advice - you can't avoid girls forever,' said the knight evenly.

'I know, I know. I'm just not used to it--'

'What part of us don't you feel comfortable with?'

Edell and Valkron looked up. Iruna was casually leaning against her shield and fingering the hilt of her sword, her pale brown eyes blinking at them slowly.

'Sorry for eavesdropping, Valkron, but I couldn't resist,' she confessed.

Valkron gave Edell a meaningful look. 'A trait of the feminine race. They love eavesdropping.'

'Excuse me, but--'

The younger crusader shrugged sadly. 'I just want to be careful around them. You know? Because they feel...weaker? And they're so mysterious.'

'Women? Weaker?' Iruna's laughter caused people to look up from what they were doing. 'So do you call this--'

A blur and a flash of light happened. When Valkron waved the dust out of his face Iruna was holding her sword to Edell's neck from behind. The younger crusader's eyes were so wide you could see the whites all around.

'--weak?' finished Iruna.

Valkron sighed. 'Lay it off, please. I'm trying to have a private conversation with him--'

'No, wait. I think...I think she's right.' Judging by his face Edell was finding it difficult to admit, but he was saying it all the same with the determination of a man wanting to get it over with. 'I know I'm being stupid. It's just the past influence on me, you understand? I don't even dare glance at girls these days, in case I get punished for it. Like the old days.'

The knight rolled his eyes and got to his feet. 'You have one heck of a common sense, Edell. This is your life now. You're in control of it. Why restrict yourself so tightly? Life has its allowances and prohibitions, and you'll need to risk everything to experience them all.'

'Oh.' Edell looked down in thought, and then looked up at the knight. 'So can you tell me why you said I was involved with you?'

Valkron blinked at him. Then he looked at Iruna. The blue-haired crusader nodded and turned on her heel, striding away towards the villagers. He watched her go until he was sure she was out of hearing before he turned back.

'Because whatever's corrupting our world,' he said, 'makes use of people who have been influenced by their pasts and resent whatever's happened back then.'

Edell stared at him for a long time. Then he said, 'What can I do to prevent it from happening again?'

Deep inside Valkron felt himself warm to the boy. Barely a crusader and marked with scars, and yet ready to take responsibility. This was the kind of people he was looking for, that the world needed the most.

'Be strong, Edell,' he replied. 'Resist whatever tempts you to resent everything around you. Accept yourself for who you are and look to the future. Don't ever run away from your past. You'll succeed, that's for sure.'

A shout echoed in the distance. Valkron looked up to see Kanya and Iruna standing side by side not far off. Kanya was waving cheerily at them.

He looked down at Edell, who had also turned to look at the two women. The crusader sensed the knight's gaze and turned back to face him.

'Well, she's been worried about you. It's time you got back to her.' Valkron smiled. 'Go on, don't keep her waiting.'

As he watched Edell approach his tutor before welcoming her warmly, the little voice in his head said, I preach to others about being strong. Do I follow my own words? I certainly don't think so.

He sighed and shook his head. There was a lot of changing needed to be done, and the most important one that needed seeing to immediately was himself.