Galaxy 1001D presents:

Washustein; or the Modern Mad Scientist

Starring Washu Hakubi as Doctor Washu Fitzgerald von Washustein

Tenchi Masaki as Tenchi Mancini

Mihoshi Kuramitsu as Mihoshi Gerstell

Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Genon/Funimation. This story is written solely for entertainment and is not intended to make a profit in any way.

Based on "Frankenstein; or, the Modern Prometheus" created by Mary Shelly

And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima

Chapter Three: Good Help is Hard to Find

"I don't believe it!" Washu fumed. "Karl and Fritz have quit too! What am I going to do? I can't do this all myself!" The demented scientist collapsed in a dusty chair to brood. Since Tenchi broke off their engagement, Washu's temper had become unpredictable. It wasn't long before no servant would work for her, and Castle Washustein was becoming shabby and rundown from neglect. Worse yet, procuring supplies and moving heavy equipment was a challenge that even a genius of her caliber had trouble with.

Tears formed in Washu's eyes. If only Tenchi hadn't left her! What had scared him off? Didn't he realize what her discovery would mean for the countless women around the world who were incapacitated due to the rigors of pregnancy and childbirth? Thank goodness she had gotten tenure before she succumbed to her latest obsession. This semester she had to make up a pseudoscientific gobbledygook name for her class so that no student would dare take it.

"It's hopeless!" she shouted at the empty castle. "I've hired hunchbacks, morons, convicts, and cripples! I'm reduced to employing the kind of people who can't get a job anywhere else, and they've all quit! How low are my standards going to have to go before I find a new servant?"

She was answered by a knock at the door and a feminine, "Hello? Is anyone there? Is anybody home?"

"Come in it's open," Washu shouted from her chair. Come in so I can throw you out, she fumed silently.

"Hello," said the visitor. "Are you Lady Washu von Washustein? My name is Mihoshi Gerstell, and I've come to answer your ad in the paper," the girl was tall and slender, yet curvaceous. She was apparently from the north; perhaps from Prussia because her hair was a light shade of blonde and her eyes were baby blue. Her skin was a golden bronze, indicating that she had spent a lot of time outdoors. "Is the position still available? It hasn't been filled has it?"

"No it hasn't," Washu grumbled. The feisty redhead took a deep breath and rose to her feet. "Okay, let's have a look at you. I need help on a lot of technical stuff sometimes. Are you smart enough to read?"

"Yes," the blonde nodded cheerfully. "Don't worry about that! I used to work at a library."

"Someone didn't read the ad for you, did they?" Washu asked. This woman really seemed stupid.

"No," Mihoshi shook her head.

"Do you have a pulse?" Washu asked sarcastically. She hated to admit it, but she really couldn't be picky.

"Do I have a pulse?" the flustered blonde repeated. "Um… let's see," she looked around helplessly and then loosened her cuff in order to clasp her wrist. "Yes, I have a pulse alright."

"Do you have a problem with hard work?" Washu asked as if reading off from a list. "Work that defies the conventions of man and God? Work that seems blasphemous to the religious, scientific, and secular community?"

"Uh… no, I guess not," the girl replied hesitantly as she raised her hand to put the tips of her fingers against her bottom lip. Washu got the impression that she really didn't understand the questions.

"Are you able to work for a boss that throws tantrums, inflicts verbal and physical abuse, and generally belittles you?"

The blonde breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh yes… as long as you don't fire me!" she said cheerfully.

Fat chance of that, Washu thought to herself. With my short temper, I wouldn't be able to get a replacement. "Okay," she said aloud. "You're hired. Put your stuff in the servants' quarters and meet me in the cellar."

"Okay," Mihoshi nodded. "Which room is mine?"

"Whatever one you want," Washu said dryly. "All of the servants' rooms are empty anyhow."

"What? Empty?" Mihoshi seemed surprised. "Where did they all go?"

"They went to a hunchback convention," Washu snapped. "Change into some workman's clothes and get ready for work."

"Uh, what is the uniform?" Mihoshi asked. "Am I going to have to take it out so it will fit?"

"There is no uniform," Washu told her. "Some of my old servants left some clothing behind. They're yours if they fit. You better wear men's clothes because some of the work can get awfully messy."

"They left their clothes behind?" Mihoshi repeated. "But you told me they went to a convention."

"Not all of them quit… I mean left," Washu explained. "Some of them died. You can have their clothes."

"Oh my, is this job safe?" Mihoshi asked.

Soon they were down in the cellar viewing Washu's mad menagerie. "These are my creations," Washu told her. "You are to feed and care for them. And clean up after them, especially clean up after them!" she hastily added. "Be careful some of them are kind of dangerous, so don't let them bite you."

"Oh my!" the blonde exclaimed. "What are they?"

"They are my hybrids," Washu explained. "I created them to see if I could. This is just chump change; wait until you see my real project. In here," With that the little scientist led her into her underground laboratory. "This is my lab," she explained. "This is where I make it all happen. I'm going to create human life right here. Do you got a problem with that?"

"Create human life?" Mihoshi blinked. "Oh my! That's kinky!" she blushed. "Creating human life, right here on this table! My goodness! Will the baby be born here, or just conceived here?"

"No you idiot!" Washu stomped her foot. "I'm going to create my masterpiece using purely biochemical methods! Just like I created my hybrids out there! Just like I created my little homunculi!"

Suddenly two little plush Washus appeared on the mad scientist's shoulders.

"You are a genius Washu!" the one perched on her left shoulder announced.

"You don't spread your legs for anybody, Washu!" the one on her right shoulder chimed in.

"That'll change when I get Tenchi back," the mad scientist muttered. "Call me mad will he? I'll show him!"

"Oh my, those are so cute!" Mihoshi gushed. "They look just like you! How do you make them talk like that? I didn't see your lips move!"

"They're not puppets, their homunculi, you idiot!" Washu screeched. "They move and talk by themselves can't you see that?"

"They aren't?" a confused Mihoshi asked. "They sure look like puppets. Can I hold one?"

"No you can't hold one!" Washu shouted.

"Okay, calm down," Mihoshi made a placating gesture. "I was just admiring your little dolls."

"They aren't dolls… oh forget it," Washu huffed. "You don't have to understand it, you just have to follow orders. Can you do that?"

"Yes ma'am!" Mihoshi stood ramrod straight and made a snappy salute. "Understood ma'am! Don't worry about a thing, you can count on me!"

"What's with the salute?" Washu put her hands on her hips.

"Oh! Nothing," Mihoshi blushed. "I was in the army for a short time, but they made me quit. They said that the other soldiers couldn't concentrate on their duties when I was around and just stood around groping themselves."

Whatever Washu expected the dizzy blonde to say, that wasn't it. "Uh… right…" Now that she got a good look at Mihoshi, she was rather attractive. Mihoshi's face and body were the perfect Scandinavian ideal. In her quest to get Tenchi back she would have to minimize contact between her ex-fiancé and her servant.

Washu drew a breath and took command. "Okay, for your first task, I want you to move these boxes of Swiss chocolate out of here. I had purchased them when I was planning to create a type of chocolate that would be good for you and wouldn't give you acne, but I've got a more important project now. After that you can feed my animals." She handed the leggy blonde a sheet of paper. "Here is a list of the things each animal is allowed to eat. Make sure that you follow this list exactly and feed each animal only what is listed in each description. Do you got that?"

"Um, I guess," Mihoshi squinted at the list in the dim light.

"You better do better than guess," Washu snapped. "They may look like wild beasts but they are actually fragile creatures. Since they were bred artificially, they don't have much stamina and have delicate digestive systems. Give them the wrong food and you might overheat their blood or stop up their system and that would kill them. Do you understand?"

"But my dog ate table scraps all the time when I was a girl," Mihoshi argued. "I don't understand what the big deal is."

"The only thing you have to understand is do what I say, you fool!" Washu growled. She took a breath and calmed down. "Okay, after you feed the animals you can start cooking dinner. I assume you know how to cook?"

"Oh yes, I used to work as a baker," Mihoshi smiled. "I was really good!"

"If you were really good, why aren't you still baking?" Washu asked.

The blonde became uncomfortable. "Well… everything went fine until I was ordered to bake a cherry pie for the mayor and his family. I was so nervous, I forgot to take the pits out the cherries before I baked it. When the mayor saw my delicious pie, he dug right in! Oh Miss Washu, it was terrible! There was bridge work everywhere!"

"Well don't mess up on me, mini-brain, or else I'll throw you off a bridge." Washu looked hard into Mihoshi's eyes, before she left the lab.

Mihoshi looked around. "Now where do I put these boxes of chocolate? I'll see how many I can put into the attic. Seems a pity though, it will just spoil if it's not eaten." She picked up a heavy box and carried it out the door.

Unfortunately, she didn't change into men's clothes when Washu told her to earlier and tripped on her own skirt. "Whoops! I'd better be more careful!" she said as she picked herself of the floor. She glanced down in alarm. "Oh my! The box has come open! There are chocolate bars everywhere!"

As she picked up the chocolate confections, she smelled the enticing aroma through the golden foil. "Mm, smells good," she muttered. "I suppose it wouldn't spoil my dinner to have one little piece…" Soon the blonde's lips were smacking with chocolaty goodness. "Mm-mm, delicious!"

Sounds were heard from Washu's twisted menagerie. "Oh my! Do you want some?" Mihoshi asked the strange animals. "Here you go," she said as she unwrapped the bars of expensive Swiss chocolate and tossed them in the cages. "Chocolate bars for everyone!" the blonde cheered. "There you go," she said after the box was empty, "that should hold you until I finish moving this stuff to the attic."

Moving the heavy boxes of chocolate bars from the basement to the attic took longer than she thought. When she was done, Mihoshi took a small nap before going back downstairs to feed Washu's menagerie. When she got back, the animals were strangely quiet.

"Here you go," she said to a cute little rabbit-feline hybrid. It looked like a cross between a kitten and a baby bunny. "Carrots for Ryo-ohki, just as it says," Mihoshi glanced at her list and then opened the cage to put the carrots inside. "What's the matter?" she asked as she took a piece of chocolate out of the cage. "You didn't eat your chocolate? Don't you like chocolate? Poor thing! You must have been starving! Well it's all better now, isn't it?"

When the creature meowed happily she turned her attention to the other animals. "Okay, the cockatrice," she looked at her list. "It says here that you only eat grains and live mice. Here you go," she said as she filled the dish and dropped the tiny rodents into the cage. "I don't understand, Washu said you were vicious, but you don't seem dangerous when you are fast asleep! Finished your chocolate, huh? That's good, sorry I took so long! You better wake up, flies are crawling on you."

She closed the door of the cage and moved on to the next cage. "Okay, the wilde-beast, that's a funny name, will-duh beast. Oh! I see you finished your chocolate too! That's good. It took me forever to finish moving all those boxes to the attic!"

She squinted at the list in the dim light. "It says here that you eat mostly meat and live prey. Here is your meat!" She opened the door and ducked her head as she walked into the cage. "Here you go," she said as she put the raw meat into the massive bowl. "You better wake up now Mister Wilde-beast, you're letting flies land on you the same way the cockatrice did! Oh my, Washu said you were dangerous, maybe I better wake you up after I get out and lock the cage!"

After she had exited and secured the cage, Mihoshi called out to the comatose beast. "Oh Mister Wilde-beast, you don't want flies to land on your food do you? Flies just love raw meat you know! They will crawl all over it, just like they are crawling… on… you…" Her normally cheerful voice trailed away. "Eep!" she squeaked. She unlocked the door and entered the cage again. "Come on, Mister Wilde-beast, you just gotta be alive!" She turned the body over and pressed down on the creature's chest with both hands. She cupped her hands over its snout in a futile attempt to form a seal over its mouth and blew into it.

"Meow?" the rabbit/feline hybrid known as Ryo-ohki seemed to be asking Mihoshi a question.

The flustered blonde clambered out of the cage and ran over to open the cage containing Ryo-ohki to pick her up and stroke the cabbit's brown fur. "Oh don't worry about a thing, Ryo-ohki," the blonde assured the little cabbit. "Mister Wilde-beast isn't dead, he's just resting. I grew up on a farm! If Mister Wilde-beast was dead, he would empty his bowels."

Fetid wind blew Mihoshi's hair backwards as a nauseating sound erupted from the wilde-beast's cage. Mihoshi's blue eyes and Ryo-ohki's gold ones bulged in horror as the sickening spectacle unfolded before them.

"Oh no," Mihoshi groaned. "What am I going to do?"

"Mew…" Ryo-ohki meowed sympathetically.

"Mihoshi!" Washu's voice shouted from the stairway. "Where's my dinner?"

"Ooh! Just a minute! Just a minute please!" Mihoshi gasped. "It will be about an hour!"

One hour later…

Washu sat at her dining table and was amazed at the sight of Mihoshi bringing in steaming platters of meat. "Wow, look at all that!" the little redhead gasped. "Where did you find all that meat?"

"Uh, my father's a farmer," Mihoshi lied quickly. "He wanted me to impress you on my first day on the job, so he donated all this meat to us."

"I sure am impressed," Washu said between bites. "This is delicious! I can't identify it, though. It's not beef or pork. What is it?"

"Uh… he didn't say," Mihoshi blushed. "He just chopped it up and had it sent here. I'm glad you like it."

"I sure do," Washu smiled. "You sure are a good cook. I don't understand why you were fired from your former positions."

"Heh-heh, yeah me neither," Mihoshi agreed weakly.

NEXT: Payback's a Witch