Well, after literally eight complete rewrites, I finally got this chapter up.
I will warn you that it is pretty much completely lifestyle D/s stuff, so if that sort of thing bothers you... how the hell have you made it this far into the fic?
It was midafternoon when they returned to the hotel. Miranda was waiting for them on the couch facing the door, legs crossed and datapad in her lap. She glimpsed up, then back down at the datapad, slender fingers skimming the screen. "Did you find it alright? Did you get Shepard's medication?"
The couple sat on the sofa across from her, Shepard dropping down unceremoniously and Liara settling down and crossing her legs in a manner much more dignified. "We did. Your directions were flawless, Miranda," Liara answered; Shepard was preoccupied with the kitten in her arms, ticking through a long list of possible names. The kitten swatted at her fingers and mewled his protest as she extricated him from her jacket and set him on her lap.
Miranda glanced up again, and this time her steel blue eyes narrowed at Shepard and the ball of orange fur on her lap. "What is that?"
"It's a kitten." Shepard wiggled her fingers so that he attacked, swiping futilely with his tiny paws.
Her former executive officer sighed heavily, as if merely interacting with Shepard exhausted her. "I am aware of that, Shepard. It was a rhetorical question, which doesn't require an answer which you very well knew in the first place. What is it?"
"Oh. Well." Unable to resist further baiting her friend, Shepard lifted the kitten and held him up so that Miranda could get a better look at him and grinned. "It's a rhetorical kitten."
Liara smiled, but took pity on Miranda. "Shepard found him in an alley on our way to the supply depot. She insists on keeping it. As a pet. She claims it is of important cultural significance to her people."
"Important cultural significance?" Miranda repeated, bewildered and wondering if her translator was functioning correctly. There were often miscommunications and misunderstandings between different species, nuances of culture and social activity that did not quite translate. It was particularly difficult to decipher whether or not Liara was misunderstanding something that Shepard had told her, or if Miranda was misunderstanding the asari's phrasing.
"Lesbian." Shepard explained.
"Oh, God." Miranda powered down her datapad, rolled her eyes. "Before this conversation becomes any more ridiculous, and before I forget, I arranged for the shuttle to pick us up at noon."
"Us?" The commander blinked and cocked her head to the side.
Miranda glanced at Liara and then shifted a bit uncomfortably. "I, ah… I thought Liara had discussed it with you."
Frowning, Shepard stopped petting the kitten on her lap and glanced at her lover, who appeared equally uncomfortable. She did not like being confused, and she liked it even less when she seemed to be the only person who did not understand what was going on. "Discussed what?"
"I invited Miranda to stay with us at the cabin for a while. I meant to discuss it with you." Liara folded her hands in her lap.
"Liara." She said her lover's name almost like a reprimand, the way she did when she was not truly displeased and was giving her a chance to explain herself or rectify the situation before she did become displeased. It was the same way she said her name whenever Liara was being bull-headed about speaking to Aethyta, her father, for the first time.
The only thing the asari said in her defense, however, was: "It slipped my mind; I truly meant to discuss it with you."
"If it is an intrusion, I don't have to come, Shepard." Miranda said, clearly feeling the awkwardness of the moment. She crossed her arms underneath her breasts, scratched her collarbone. It was a gesture that Shepard recognized long ago as telling of Miranda's discomfort.
"No, Miranda. I promise it isn't you. I would love if you were to come home with us. I think it is a great idea." Shepard said quickly, hoping to put the other human at ease.
"If it makes either of you uncomfortable—"
Liara was the one to interrupt her this time. "It isn't you, Miranda. I should have discussed it with Shepard first or at least talked about it with her afterwards. And I didn't. That is the problem. Not you staying with us."
"It'll be like the old days, and I can interrupt you every five minutes so you can't get anything done." Shepard grinned and placed the kitten in between herself and Liara. The kitten protested at being moved off her lap, but kneaded the couch cushions a few times before lying down and falling back asleep.
Miranda had raised both her brows. "Oh. Wonderful," She replied sarcastically. "Are you certain, though? I don't want to cause any… conflict." She glimpsed meaningfully at Liara, then Shepard again.
"There is no conflict, Miranda. And least of all, none that involves you. Liara is correct. It isn't that she asked you to the cabin. I think that's a great idea; it's that she did so without discussing it with me first." Shepard had placed her hand on Liara's shoulder, and the wave of dread curled into tight ball in the asari's stomach. "Liara and I just need to have a discussion."
Miranda nodded thoughtfully, shifted as if to stand up. "I'll leave you two—"
"No," Shepard shook her head vehemently. "I think it would be best if you stayed, Miranda. If you're coming back with us, and I want you to if you're still agreeable to it, I think it's best if you're… aware of how Liara and I handle things." Slowly, Miranda nodded and sunk back down into the couch, and Shepard examined her own folded hands. "You know both of us extremely well, and understand our lifestyle to an extent. I don't see any reason that anything should change when we go home."
Liara's face burned, but she kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ground at her feet. Dread had settled like a weight of lead on her diaphragm, and her heart constricted painfully in her chest. She could feel Shepard's eyes on her, but she said nothing. She hated feeling like this, more than anything. Knowing she had upset Shepard, disappointed her, was worse than anything she had suffered at the hands of the Reapers.
Shepard wasn't angry at her, although Liara almost wished that she was. Shepard had only gotten truly angry with her twice before, and while neither was an occurrence she wished to repeat, anger was always easier to deal with. It was the calm patience that Liara felt so maddening. Shepard never yelled, never raised her voice. She was patient and firm, always explaining herself and the root of her displeasure.
Having Shepard so calm and understanding only made Liara feel worse.
It had been that way before she had even accepted Shepard's collar, before they had been lovers even. One disapproving glimpse from the commander was enough to make her fall silent, to desist whatever she had been doing to earn that disapproval. Even her name, said in the right tone, was enough of a reprimand.
What made it worse at the moment was that Miranda was witness to their disagreement. Liara kicked herself mentally. She should have known better than to simply invite Miranda home with them without discussing it with Shepard first. And had she brought it up to Shepard and talked about it before, it would not have caught the commander off guard, and she wouldn't have been upset.
But honestly, she had forgotten.
It wasn't the first time Liara had been reprimanded by Shepard in front of others, but then it seemed like a casual thing: a commander correcting one of her crew. But Miranda knew the nature of their relationship, and even though Shepard had been gentle about it, even though the other human never seemed to judge either of them for their unconventional relationship, Liara felt the heat of embarrassment on her face, the shame of breaking one of Shepard's rules compounded by the fact that a third party was present. If she knew the commander at all, she probably counted on that and was using it as a lesson, as part of her punishment.
She wished Shepard would end the silence, say something, even if it was to scold her. "Commander—"
"Listen to me, Liara. I'm not mad, and honestly, I'm not even truly upset." Shepard began firmly, as if they were alone, and Liara realized exactly how serious Shepard had been about Miranda's presence not changing anything. "But that was a large decision, and we agreed that when you accepted my collar we'd make decisions like that together."
"I know." Liara yearned to reach out and touch her lover, to feel the comfort of physical contact, but she knew better to reach out when she was being lectured. Shepard rarely, if ever, gave a command or made a decision without consulting Liara or explaining herself. It wasn't who she was. They made decisions together, with Shepard having the final say. Shepard was right to correct her; Liara had broken what she herself had agreed to, and she was more angry with herself than anything. "I just didn't think about it."
Shepard shifted forward on the edge of the sofa. "Come here."
Liara inhaled deeply and complied. She stood and moved in front of her lover, head held confidently high to mask her trepidation and waited. Shepard took her hand and tugged. Liara felt herself pulled into Shepard's lap, strong arms wrapping around her waist. She dropped her forehead to Shepard's shoulder, grateful for the comfort of closeness, of touch. "I'm sorry." She murmured with conviction.
"I know, my love, but I don't want you to apologize to me. I want you to apologize to Miranda." Shepard shifted her shoulder so that Liara lifted her head and looked at her. "You invited her without my permission, and when I was caught off guard, I probably made her feel as if she wasn't wanted. Which is far from the truth. I think you owe her an apology."
For the first time, Miranda made her presence known, shaking her head and shifting uncomfortably. "Shepard, that really isn't—"
"Miranda." Liara startled a little at Shepard's "command voice." It wasn't particularly louder or sharper than any of her other tones, but it was just a hint different enough from her normal, husky speaking voice that the asari could immediately detect the shift. Surprisingly, Miranda seemed to recognize it as well, and even more astonishing, she did not protest or argue, which Liara would have expected. Instead, she slowly nodded.
Liara felt Shepard's arms loosen around her waist, and she stood and crossed the small gap between the couches to Miranda. For a moment, she hesitated, wondering if she should drop into a kneeling position as a gesture of submission, the way she did whenever formally apologizing to Shepard. Instead, she sat next to the other human, reached for her hand. "I really am sorry, Miranda," She inhaled deeply and prepared herself, knowing that an apology was not acceptable by itself, without an explanation of what she was apologizing for. "I should have talked to Shepard about it, so it wouldn't seem like she, or we, do not want you around. I'm sorry you were drawn into this."
Miranda smiled reassuringly and intertwined their fingers together. "Apology accepted, Liara." She cocked her head to the side. "And don't worry; I've seen Shepard scream bloody murder at some of the Cerberus crew. This was nothing." Liara felt her stomach unknot itself a bit, grateful for Miranda's kindness.
"That is a lie! I never yell." Shepard protested, crossing her arms over her chest in mock sternness. "Miranda isn't allowed to come if all you two are going to do is gang up against me."
Ignoring her former commander, Miranda waved her hand dismissively. "Shepard is very lucky to have you, Liara."
"I don't deserve her." Liara said, shyly ducking her head at the compliment. She was used to Shepard saying such things; she was unaccustomed to hearing them from anyone else, let alone a woman who was regarded by the majority of the galaxy as flawless.
"What atrocity could you possibly have committed to deserve Shepard inflicted on you?" Miranda said dryly and rolled her eyes pointedly.
"Okay, that's it. Liara!" Shepard waved the asari back over to her couch. "Away from Miranda and her damn corruptive influence."
"Yes, Commander." Liara replied, trying to suppress the smile dancing on her lips.
"Ah," Shepard said, more solemnly this time and pulled her lover back into her lap. "No "commander," no "ma'am" until we are home. To remind you of the agreement we made when you accepted my collar." Shepard placed her hand in the small of her back. "And so you remember to talk to me when you make decisions like that again."
Liara bit her lower lip and nodded her acceptance rather than replying verbally, not trusting herself not to say the "yes, ma'am" that came completely naturally to her whenever Shepard gave her a command, an instruction. This was her punishment, and as much as she hated it, part of her already felt better. Dread was replaced by determination not to disappoint Shepard again, to accept it and make her lover, her owner proud.
It might seem strange to other people, and part of her wondered if Miranda understood. But it was what she agreed to when she accepted Shepard's collar, and it was not a decision she took lightly. Neither of them did. She trusted, and wanted, Shepard to hold her accountable for her actions. It was reassuring to know that whatever she did, whatever happened that her lover would catch her, never let her fall. She felt a sense of boundless relief when there were consequences for her actions.
As much as she hated the idea of not addressing Shepard by a title of respect, as much she detested the distance it set between them as owner and owned, she understood the purpose behind it. The idea of disappointing or angering Shepard and not being disciplined for it, of not being granted immediate absolution, was unthinkable and horrible to Liara. To just have her angry and not atone?
Liara kissed the corner of Shepard's mouth gingerly, touched her fingers to the leather band still adorning the commander's wrist. "As you wish… Shepard."
Another note: I wrote this on the beach. You should be jealous. Waves. Bikinis. Scalding hot sun. Sand. Icy-cold red bulls. In-laws. Yes. It was fantastic.
I want to do another shout-out to T.A. Blackwell for putting up with my neurosis, especially with this chapter.
Let me know what y'all think. Especially all you other lifestylers out there.