Chapter 3: The Naughty Step

Good afternoon my dear reader, don't you just look lovely ! New outfit? Very snazzy. Anyways – getting away from the point ! I have decided to set up an internet dating profile. Yes, I know there might be lots of weirdos out there, but my love life has reached a desperate time. I may not have the allure, but I have the lure. My new sexy glance, I've been practicing it for week. Admittedly on my friends who are made of fruit, but I warn you dear sir, this type of glance is not for the faint hearted. I believe that 'my lure' will immediately make any man fall in love with me. A bit optimistic? Perhaps.

Ah, to my Mother. Who since my refusal of both proposals has told me I am no longer her daughter, if I knew that was all it took I would have done it years ago ! She has told me, my only hope now of marriage is to becomes a mail order bride. Rude.

I better get going, Stevie wants a staff meeting in 10 minutes. It basically means I sit there while she tells me her plans of world domination. It's a good job she's so small, or she would actually be quite threatening.

'Miranda', called Stevie'

'Oh I'm coming !' I shout back.

Dare I? I say look at the bannister. I mean it's so fun, but there are so many things that can – weeee ! This is so – oh dear. I fell into what appeared to be a box of glitter at the end of the bannister.

'Tinsel?' I said.

'Miranda, can you please take our business seriously? What if a customer had been in'

'They would have clapped'

Stevie began to tell me her plan of turning the shop into a winter wonderland, with 6 days until Christmas.

'Bit late?'

'That is not the kind of attitude this shop needs – to the naughty chair'

'The what?'

Yes, my dear reader. I am currently sat on a naughty chair, apparently this is Stevie's way of 'training' the staff. I feel more like a dog or a naughty toddler. The stool itself is built for a 3 year old, and every time I move it squeaks.

'Miranda?' says Gary walking into the shop. Oh dear.

'No, I'm afraid Miranda can't talk to you – she's on the naughty stool', Stevie replied.

'But I -' I protested.

'No, Miranda. You have until the timer runs out'

Well this is humiliating.

'I just came to drop off this – it's a leaflet for our Christmas party, which we're holding tonight'

'On behalf of Miranda, I would like to enquire if there will be any cake'

Rude.

'Lots – and chocolate'

Well, thankfully Gary left quite quickly – baffled at the scene that unfolded in front of him. Mmmm chocolate. Well I guess Gary and I have to get back to normal sometimes, and this will be the perfect opportunity.

Beep. Beep.

'What is that sound?' I asked.

'Oh I don't know, it's been going off all morning'

'The computer !' I say, getting up from the stool.

'Miranda ! Sit back down'

'But Stevie – this is very important. I think that is a message from my online dating profile'

'Your online dating profile?', she laughed.

Rude. I was informed I am still not allowed the leave the chair, and Stevie shall check it for me.

'I am tall and slender – tall enough to be model? Miranda, you could model for transvestites'

'That was one time Stevie – one time !'

'I am very sporty and go to the gym daily', Stevie continued.

'I do – I walk past the gym now and then'

'Miranda – I think you mispelt cake shop'

'Stevie, on your dating profile you put you were 5'7 – the only way you would be that height is if you were on stilts. Also, you are not 'driven individual'. You are mad'.

'Collins29 requests a date with SlimMir30andahalf-basically20'

'He does?'

'Why? Has he lost one', laughed Stevie.

'Accept, Accept !'

'Done ! Miranda and Collins29 shall be dating tonight at the restaurant – now aren't a good friend?'

'Stevie ! Gary will be there'

'Oh, well – you can show him you've moved on'

'But I told him off for moving on too quickly'

Oh dear. This can not go well. I mean firstly, I need to find an outfit, to do a bit of the wooing. Secondly, Gary. Thirdly, Gary. Well my dear reader, who knows what is going to happen ! I will update you as soon as I am allowed to move from the naughty chair.