Chapter 4: Plan #749.35: Ask him if he's balding
(A/N: Still going….aren't you all lucky? Lol. There's a bit of language in this chapter…but not horribly bad. Don't say that I didn't warn you)
Disclaimer: since I probably missed this in the last chapter…Disclaimer, Disclaimer!
Life is SO boring! I think Voldemort was starting to suspect me in these plots, so I've been 'keeping my nose clean' as they say (who say? I don't know) and keeping a low profile, which has been surprisingly easy since he banished me from the past few meetings….
This would be a cause for celebration…except for the fact that he banished me to file new reports on every single Death Eater ever born, and several others on the Order of the Phoenix.
Bastard
Now I HAVE to get some kind of revenge.
But this next plan is dangerous…it involves directly speaking to him, and asking him a question that will surely get me running as soon as I ask it.
Not to mention that it's so short…like a hit and run sort of deal. So I'm spicing it up a little bit. I have to go shopping first though…and find a good hiding spot in my room. It shouldn't be hard to find a loose floorboard or something, as the floors in this dump are starting to rot. Not even termites would eat the wood in this place. Yuck, yuck, triple yuck
Later
Ok…here goes nothing. For once, though, I'm happy that we were given those stupid hooded cloaks to wear. Now no one can actually tell who the heck I am. Usually I never wear the hideous thing (Probably one of the reasons I'm suspected in this whole mess) but it's a Godsend today.
Since this very well could be my last hour (STILL suck at magic…and he could very well kill me after this) I'd like to take this time to tell you a little story…..oh wait never mind here he comes…
Mustering up all my courage, I speak first, "Evening master, I've got a quick question for you," Amazing what the vocal cords (and fear) can do to the voice…I don't sound like me at all!
"What is it?" Voldemort looks a bit wary.
"Um…are you balding?" I took running. I've got a plan…sort of…also I'm not that stupid.
Ooo…look at the pretty lights….was that a green one? Oh…crap…green is that Killing Curse isn't it?
Keep running don't look back….must get to office. Those are my only thoughts at the moment, as I dash into the office, rip off that ugly cloak, and pick up some papers. I've got to look busy, or he might suspect me again.
Good thing I was a runner back in school. I can calm down pretty easily.
"WHO was it?!" Voldy burst into the office, steaming mad.
"Who was what, sir?" I asked innocently (still amazed at how fear can change the voice
"THE ONE WHO ASKED IF I AM LOSING MY HAIR!!!" he bellowed
'You DON'T have any hair to lose," I thought to myself, "Someone asked that? I hope you told him he was completely wrong," the lie slips out easily. I think I'm going to have to wash out my mouth after this one
Voldemort deflated a little, "Well…I really just lobbed curses at him, but he IS very wrong," he then turned and walked out of the room.
The laughter just flowed after that. I didn't get killed either!
Of course, after step 2 I might…
In the dead of night (wearing the cloak again) I tip-toed off to Voldemort's room. I'm still amazed that the loser still hasn't posted guards out there. If this was happening to me that'd be the FIRST thing I'd do.
Which, for some reason, reminds me: Doesn't Moldy Toast have the power of Legumens or whatever? How come he can't figure out it's me? Not that I'm complaining but really…I know for a fact I can't block him out. Sure my mind can be blank but that's normal…
Oh well, I'm outside his door now and I'm leaving him 'gifts'. I bought him a toupee, hair growth formula, and a coupon for hair extensions. Knocking on the door and running might seem…childish…but really…you think I'm going to stick around and see the sparks fly because of this.
Lying in bed I can hear him freaking out. It's not the most pleasant sound in the world, but it's better than hearing……
"Emergency meeting 679 is in session!" he yelled, slamming the door
I just HAD to say something…
"I am not BALD!!!" he screamed at us
Whatever dude…
"I just have really light hair!"
You're in denial
"Whoever says otherwise will be severely punished"
….-yawn-
"That is all…
Wow…already…and he hasn't looked in my direction at all. You know what that means….
I'm off the hook!!! Ha, serves him right. Except now I'm stuck going to those stupid meetings again. I suppose this is what they mean when they say 'every cloud has a silver lining'
It'll be worth it, though. I'll bide my time.
It's not like I have a shortage of ideas –pats pocket holding list- yep, I've still got ideas…-evil grin-
Until next time...
(A/N: This wasn't my best chapter. I hope you still like it though, and please review)