Chapter 5: Plan 623: Sing Annoying Songs Around Him.

A/N: Ha...it's not that good...hope you like it though

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything of the sort

You know I'm REALLY starting to think getting Volde-dork unsuspicious was a bittersweet deal.

Sure, he isn't suspicious anymore…but really that just means going to meetings and listening to the stories.

And I HATE these wastes of time

"Blah blah blah…" he glared, "Harry Potter, blah blah blah, evil brat, blah blah ruins everything, blah…."

So I tuned out most of the story…bite me! But as far as I can tell Harry thwarted Voldie's plans once again.

Which reminds me, I'm also starting to think that this Harry kid could be very useful in helping me annoy the Dark Lord, though I doubt he would seeing as how he wouldn't trust a Death Eater…even one, so uninterested like meself

I yawned, fidgeted, and stole a glance at the piece of paper in my pocket. Way number 623 on how to annoy Lord Voldenhiemer, sing random annoying songs around him.

Seeing as how I can sing, this shouldn't be a problem…but I have one song in mind that I can't sing…and it involves hamsters…you probably know it…I love it but I'm weird like that, and many call it the worst song ever.

One way to find out if he hates it too

I crept down the hallway (after meeting number…oh who gives a F#$) in my dark cloak and mask (very important in sneakiness), whistling the Mission Impossible theme (which also could be annoying after awhile….)

"dum, da da um da a dum" I hummed softly, as I snuck up behind the intentioned target. He stiffened and turned around but I do have one talent…blending in and staying silent, so he didn't notice anything.

Good…he entered his room…phase one complete…now for phase two

I rigged up the speakers, which would blare the music right into his room. I also set up the CD player, and hooked it to the speakers.

And then I ran…heck I ain't too dumb!

The music started softly…too softly…I turned up the volume until….

"YEE HAW!!!!"

Yes folks, it's the Hamster Dance…so cute but very annoying (I love it!)

"AHH!" Of course Voldemort can't see the humor…

"Just stomp your feet, and clap your hands, come on everybody it's the hamster dance!" the song continued.

Sighing contently I waited to hear the unmistakable crash of a madman cursing a small-ish, portable, boom box.

Now it gets tricky…see…I'm supposed to sing…but I think I can make it worse…so much worse

Every week the bored Death Eaters send me an invitation to their sing-a-long. I never go because I've heard the acts…they all suck…BADLY, and it is very hard to sleep with a half-ass rendition of 'Don't Stop Believin'. I know for a fact that Voldemort doesn't go to these little shindigs because I see him stuffing cotton into his ears as he walks down the hall to his room.

….Of course the cotton doesn't work…trust me I've tried

Anyway I figure a little dose of American Idol style horridness will do the trick.

Plus I just don't wanna sing…or waste my perfectly positioned speakers, for that matter. All I had to do was reroute them to pick up the 'singing' from the common room

Egads! Common room? What the heck? Am I becoming more Englishy?

Obviously not with a verb like Englishy.

"THHAATT'SSS WHATTTTTTTT GIRRRRRRLLLLLSSS DOOOOOO!!!" I heard someone wailing…disturbingly enough I think it's Lucius…Draco must be SO proud.

"ACK!" Voldemort yelled. (Ack?)

"I'LL SPREAD MY WINGS AND LEARN HOW TO FLY! ………BREAKAWAY!!!" Yet another screeched, messing up the words of course

"My EARS!" Voldie sobbed. Welcome to my world…at least you're on the other side of the house

"'ROUND ROUND, GET AROUND, I GET AROUND!!!" Ah…the Beach Boys….would be somewhat refreshing…but not right now…ick

"AHHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP!" It is sort of refreshing to hear Voldemort though…

"LET THE RAIN FALLLL DOwwWWwwWN…I'M COMIN' CLEAN!" Oh gross I think that's Bellatrix…or Wormtail…God I hope it's the former…

"STOP!!!" he screamed, getting angry

"COME ON EVERYBODY IT'S THE HAMSTER DANCE!!!!"

"I SAID STOP!!!!!!!!!" Voldemort stormed out of his room and down the hall to the common room to stop the noise. (I can't even use the term 'singing' loosely in this case…)

…It's been ten minutes since Vortamer left…but I haven't heard any cries of pain…or crashing…or mention of a meeting….

"A MOOOOMMMEEENNNNTTT LIIIIKKKKEEEE THIIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!" the sound of a hissing snake was heard as the last word faded…

……!#$……Oh for Cripessakes!!!!

I really, REALLY wish that wasn't who I think it was…