Chapter 6: Plan # 972.9: Throw Stuff at Him

A/N: Another chapter….dedicated to the last Harry Potter book (makes me sad that there's no more of them….)

For the record, Bellatrix is SO annoying.

I mean, just because all her little buddies left on some "mission" –cough-Starbucks-cough- doesn't mean I want her hanging around my office blabbing her head off about her family, being a 'good' Death Eater, and whatever else pops into her suck-up, crackpot mind.

It's irritating

So I'll be taking my frustration out on old Voldy, of course, with plan number 972.9: Throw stuff at him.

And with the word "stuff" being vague this could be fun

"Meeting 689 is now in session!" Voldemort yelled as he sat with a loud thud into his chair.

He's been very upset….well he's always upset…but even more so lately. He's found out a few things…

1. The Order still continues to bug him

2. The world now knows he exists

3. The supermarket down the street stopped stocking Cheez-Its (I'm quite mad about this as well…because Cheez-Its make everything better…seriously)

4. He realized that it is, in fact, very, very, very, very, VERY unlikely that he will ever get laid.

Serves the git right…but moving on

"As you know, we have a very important mission that is happening at this very moment. Death Eaters should now be obtaining Harry Potter's glasses for examination, and ultimately this will result in his doom," Voldemort cackled evilly

…..

His glasses….

Why his glasses?

"I believe that these spectacles hold the key to killing Potter. And as a bonus he won't be able to see making it easier for us to capture him,"

That's the plan?

THAT'S the great scheme that's going to bring the Order to its knees???

Oh for cripessake!

Is that the –BEEEEEEPPPP- best these idiots can do?

The only thing worse than knowing that you're smarter than a madman and that his plan totally sucks, is that, you know you're smarter than a madman, his plan sucks, and there's absolutely nothing you can say or do about it.

Because he'll curse you the minute the words get out.

Sighing, I stared at the small arsenal of crumpled up paper I have hidden in my lap. I decided to start small…so I picked one up and threw it at the Dark Lord, who had turned his back.

Luckily no one saw me.

"Who did that?" Volde-moron turned around angrily, as did all the Death Eaters. They all glared in random directions. So I did too.

When in Rome……

Voldy turned around again, to write something 'important' on the blackboard (when did we get one of those?) So I flicked another one.

"That's IT!!" he was furious now (already?) "Accio Paper!"

Very, VERY stupid Voldemort…as there's a filing cabinet in the corner and it's LOADED with paper. I'm not in charge of it…my office is down the hall….

So of course all the paper in the room flew at him, as he screamed and fell over…covered in a heap of paper.

Idiot

"Meeting dismissed," he grumbled. I left the room skipping. Everyone already knows I'm crazy so why should I leave them any reason to doubt it?

Hm…what can I throw next…how about a textbook? There's plenty of them lying around…Voldy makes me organize them every so often…but he can't suspect me because…well…they are lying around EVERYWHERE (pigsty…)

I got the biggest one I could find (College Biology of all things) and crept down the hallway (disguised of course) to where I could get a good shot at Volde…..crap I'm running out of nicknames…

Sure enough he came walking briskly down the hall. I've noticed that even though he doesn't do much, he likes to think he's always in a big hurry.

I lobbed that book (stupid thing is so heavy that I can't even throw…I've gotta LOB) and it hit right on target…the back of his head.

And he went down like a sack of potatoes

So I took off running…there's NO way he's going to be able to get up so soon after that one.

Later when I was walking down the hall I noticed something very strange…

It seems that, that hit to the head knocked him senseless…

Or gave him amnesia

"Hello there! Could you please tell me where the meeting room is? I believe I'm supposed to have a meeting…but I can't remember…"

Oh yeah, defiantly senseless…

"Um……" I don't even know what to say…really this is just too weird for words… "Just wait here" I've got an idea

See as much as I despise that freaky man, I don't think I'm the one to defeat him.

I just like messing with his mind

I picked up the last thing I was going to throw at him and walked back to the spot he was last seen at (by me). He now was rolling around on the floor, laughing his head off for no reason.

NOT a pretty picture

It's a good thing most of those other Death Eaters are out drinking coffee (or killing, though I'd go with the former)

"Nighty, Night Moldy," I said, as I dropped the cauldron on his head

That shut him up right away. He looks so peaceful when he's knocked out cold.

"Emergency meeting 786!" Voldemort yelled later as we all sat in the meeting room again. Nice to know he's back to normal…only this time, he's normal AND his head is bandaged to twice its size.

I'm telling you, it's getting rather difficult not to laugh…he looks so….stupid

Something I should add to this list…Ask him if you can sign his head cast. That probably wouldn't go over too well, though…

"This is a mark of a traitor!" he said, pointing at the dented cauldron that had most recently been dropped onto his head

…he should be thanking me! I stopped him from being a blithering idiot!

"And should I ever find out who did this, they will pay…." Voldemort's head must have been hurting him, because he muttered something about needing an aspirin and left for his room before any of us could say anything.

Well I'm certainly not frustrated anymore…

These people are all stupid