Chapter 11: Plan 942.1: Enter the Mary Sue

A/N: It's been awhile. Thank you for all the reviews! You guys rock! I've wanted to do a chapter like this for awhile. It might be hypocritical…Staci could probably be considered a Mary Sue herself. I just thought I'd do something different. Hope you like it, and thanks for reading :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything of the sort. Only a few own characters.

"Ahem," I heard a cute little cough coming from the other side of my desk. Inwardly, I groaned; so much for that all-day break I was working on.

"Can I help you?" I sighed and looked up. Then gaped at what I saw. Flawless, straight white teeth and perfect lips were bared in a grin, about five inches from my face. ?!?!!!??!

"Holy cow get out of my face!" I yelled, pushing back from the desk as fast as I could. I swear, those swivel chair wheels were squealing and leaving skid marks on the floor.

"Um…I'm sorry?" She apologized vaguely. I now had a good look at her. Not only was her mouth perfect, but so was the rest of her, apparently. She was about 5'6", petite, thin, and lithe, with a glowing complexion. Then there was her face, the seemingly perfect mouth, smiling even after being yelled at, as I already mentioned, little upturned nose, a tinge of a blush on her cheeks. Hell, I couldn't even tell the color of her eyes; it was like they kept changing color. Maybe violet…or gray…and now they looked blue. And of course, topping off this picture of perfection, was some of the most perfect blonde hair you could ever see. It was shiny and healthy, midway down her back, with a slight curl. You probably couldn't even call it blonde; it was golden. And here she was, standing in this dreary, damp, and depressing building, full of evil Death Eaters, asking for help.

Seriously, this was…absolutely freaky. And intimidating.

"Ok, now that you don't look like you're going to eat me, can I help you?" I asked.

"Hi! I'd like to be a Death Eater! I was sent here to pick up some application!" She said…very cheerfully.

I gaped at her again. She wanted to be a Death Eater? She used exclamation points at the end of all her sentences??? And no one could be that cheerful here. For Godssake, I was one of the most cheerful people here, and I'm NOT cheerful like that.

"Hellooooooo?" She giggled and poked me in the head. Whoa. Personal space please? I shook the weirdness off, and dug around for the application. Handing it to her, I started repeating the standard procedure for filling the stupid thing out, you know, the whole "fill this out, sign the bottom and initial where it says to initial," kind of thing. It's programmed into my mind and it JUST WON'T LEAVE.

Ok, sorry about that.

When she finished filling out the form, I took the sheet of paper and looked it over. I didn't get too far, when I paused.

"Astraella Starr Ravenclaw-Slytherin?" I asked, reading the name she had written at the top.

"That's right!" She giggled, her eyes flashing an interesting blue, "I'm a descendant of Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin!" I just stared at her, "Their union was secret," she whispered, as if that made the whole situation right.

"Um…oooookkkk…" To tell you the truth, I was still stuck on the first couple of names, 'Astraella???'

"Meeting in five minutes, minions!" I heard a voice bark through the loudspeakers. Wait, loudspeakers? When in the hell did we get those?

Somehow I think this has to do with that speaker hook up I did to blast music into Voldie's room. Why don't I think of these things earlier? –facepalm-

"A meeting? Oh goody! I'll be reunited with my long-lost relative, the great and powerful Dark Lord Voldemort! Together we'll be able to take over the wizarding world!" Astraella grinned triumphantly

This day just gets better and better.

"Lord Voldemort! I am Astraella Starr Ravenclaw-Slytherin, relative of your lordship and here to help your cause. I am not only beautiful and perfect, but have the purest blood and magical power running through my veins. With our powers combined…"

You'll call Captain Planet?

"…we can rule the world!" she finished telling him what she had just got done telling me. Someone likes talking about herself a little too much, methinks.

What does she think? That Voldemort is going to run into her arms for a hug, give her some lead position, and that'll lead us into victory?

…he did just that. Son of a…

"Death Eaters!" He boomed, after a display of unmanly affection that should just not be seen in someone who calls themselves 'the Dark Lord,' "I am sending a special squad of spies to spy on the Order sneakily."

Yeesh…I'm all for alliteration…but that's a lot of s's.

"I am asking for Astraella, Bellatrix, and…?" He trailed off. Apparently, he didn't finish thinking through, who would be on his spy squad.

Wait, how did ASTRAELLA get on the squad? She's only been here ten minutes tops!

"How about her?" Speaking of the devil, Astraella pointed at…me.

ME?

"You mean the paper-work girl?" Voldemort looked somewhat confused. At least I'm not the only one at a loss here.

"Yes, her. She's expendable. Perfect as bait and fodder for the Order" Astraella grinned triumphantly. She so doesn't belong here…wait…EXPENDABLE?!

"Hmm…yes, yes she is," Voldemort stroked his chin thoughtfully. Grrreeeeaaattt…

"Staci!" He boomed, "You will be accompanying Astraella and Bellatrix on the mission. You're…sneaky." He finished lamely, as if I didn't or couldn't hear the previous statements. If only he knew how sneaky I can be…-cough-

And just where does this girl get off telling me I'm just an expendable pawn? I've been here longer than her! Jerk…

"Now," Astraella turned around, somewhat facing the room of Death Eaters, and somewhat to an unknown audience, "To reveal our evil plans…"

…Oh she did NOT just do that! She just broke the fourth-wall! That is MY job!!!! What do you think I'm doing now? And she just took that away from me!

She can insult my relative uselessness all she wants, invade my personal space, gain Voldie's favor (I didn't want that anyway), and send me into enemy territory.

But NO ONE breaks the fourth-wall and takes my job away from me. NO ONE.

Oh yeah. She's going down. Perfect or not, she is GOING DOWN. You don't mess with the quiet one, even if she's a short chick with plain brown hair and eyes. In this case, looks aren't going to matter. It's who you know, where you know them from, and how to use this information.

And luckily, I know just the people…

Later that Night…

"Ok, Stabi," Astraella said bossily, flutzing up my name for the ninth time this evening, "I want you to infiltrate the base, and report back to me when the coast is clear. IF you make it that far."

…Revenge will really be sweet after this.

"Fine," I pasted the best apathetic look I could on my face, trying not to roll my eyes.

"That's fine Sir," Bellatrix sneered at me. You know, you'd think she'd be pissed that she's now been demoted from second-in-command to lackey. But maybe she hasn't realized it yet…she isn't the brightest, after all...

"It would be 'Yes, Ma'am' actually" I couldn't help pointing out.

"What?"

"…Never mind" Kids, avoid inbreeding. For the sake of the world, PLEASE.

"GO!" Astraella ordered. Sheesh, uptight much? Though, I guess we're close to enemy territory, which could make a person uptight.

I tiptoed across the lawn, watching out for traps, and scanning the house we were infiltrating. It looked rather ordinary: two stories with what probably is an attic, rather dirty windows with the shades drawn, shingles missing from the roof. Not my first choice of lodging, but it would be better than the dump where we live.

Just one more reason the Order of the Phoenix is way better than the Death Eaters.

Prowling around the perimeter, I found a window that was partially opened. This was it. I was hoping, anyway. One wrong window = quite possible death. I carefully opened it, and slipped inside.

With a crash. Goddamn it…

Muffled bangs, some Lumos spells, and some shocked yells later, I was on my butt staring at some really bright beams of light. All pointing at me. And I couldn't see a thing in the blinding light.

"Who are you?" A guy's voice asked, deep and menacingly.

"Um…" I squeaked a high-pitched squeak. Great, there goes any dignity I would have had before I died. –Sigh-

"I'm not kidding. You are trespassing, and if I don't get a straight answer, I will kill you." The voice stated again.

"Well…um…you see…" This wasn't going well. Maybe I am expendable. But then who will do the paperwork?!

"Wait," Another guy's voice, a familiar one this time, interrupted, "aren't you that girl from the Death Eater house?"

"Yeah…Staci, right?" a female voice this time. Oh thank God, I may be saved!

"Um…yeah…hi." I replied, nervously. After all, I'm on the floor, my wand is still in my pocket, and it's 3 on 1 at the moment. Best be nervous at those odds.

"Death Eater, huh? What are you doing here?" whoever it is, isn't letting up. Don't really blame him, I guess.

"Relax, Harry, she's on our side…sort of." The voice whom I had identified as Ron, said.

"Still, why are you here?" Harry asked.

"Well…it's a long story…" I sighed, and started telling the whole story.

Later

"So you're basically you're a Death Eater, on a suicide mission on the orders of Voldemort and some perfect girl Death Eater with a silly name, this girl is outside somewhere with Bellatrix Lestrange waiting to infiltrate this base, and you're peeved off?" Hermione summed up.

"That's not even all of it. She broke the fourth-wall to talk with the audience! No one does that but me! It's just not right…not right at all! I have to get revenge!" I raged

"Whoa, calm down!" Ron yelled. It stopped the ranting, anyway

"Sorry about that, I just got carried away…"

"Ok…so you need our help?" Hermione asked, patiently.

"It would be nice…have any ideas?"

The three huddled up in a group discussion while I took in the surroundings. It was a very simple room with three small beds, a couple nightstands, and some backpacks. It wasn't the nicest room, with cracks in the wall, and some plaster missing from the ceiling, but at least it was fairly clean…and there was no Voldemort, which would be nice.

"Ok," Harry's voice interrupted my musings, "We'll help."

"Really? How?" I asked. Really, I had no idea what I wanted to do. Of course there was the ranting of 'get her, get her, get her' ringing in my head, but beyond that? Nada.

"Well..." Ron replied with a grin.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Cliffhanger! Sorry, but I want the actual plot to be its own chapter. Hopefully, it won't be a long wait. I do have a plan, trust me…I just need to write it out :). Hope you enjoyed and thank you for all the reviews!