Chapter 12: Plan 942.2: Getting Down to Business

A/N: I'm sorry this is late. And I'm sorry because I know it's not that great of a chapter. College and writer's block do not make for a good chapter. I hope you still find it funny, but again, I'm sorry that it's probably not up to par with my other chapters. (this chapter is dedicated to my math homework that I'm procrastinating on!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. Only my own creations.

"Well first of all, what kinds of stuff do you have in that?" Harry asked, pointing to the backpack I carried.

"Uh…" I rummaged around in the small-ish brown pack, "My wand, a reel of fishing line and…a text book…" I trailed off.

"Of all the things you could have brought, why a textbook?!" Ron asked shocked

"Hey, don't knock the power of these things! They're packed with knowledge and the wisdom of the ages…" I started

"Yeah, Ron," Hermione agreed.

"…plus they pack one hell of a punch if you put enough force behind them." I finished, grinning. They all just stared at me. I swear, I'm not crazy!

"ooookkkk then," Ron rolled his eyes.

Harry thought a moment, probably taking in all the resources that we and the house had to offer. He suddenly grinned.

"Ok, here's what we're going to do" And we all huddled up to hear the plan.

Later

I walked down the gravel path, the glowing moonlight making the night seem not-so dark. I smiled slightly, as my thoughts flew up in the air, hitting the stars, and bringing back the wisdom of light and past. It was glorious, a beautiful night for a peaceful, serene walk...and chaos. Oh yes, the chaos!

And then my musings were interrupted by a pair of hands grabbing me roughly into a thicket of pokey, spiny bushes. Another hand muffled my surprised yell.

It was Bellatrix and Astraella. Of course; who else would have hidden in damn thornbush?

"Be quiet! We don't want to be caught!" Bellatrix glared at me. Like it was my fault I was shocked out of my mind. Assholes…

"What the hell?!" I whispered fiercely.

"We changed position…we thought you would have known. And we didn't think that you'd be coming back anyway…" Astraella explained. She was grinning that bemused sort of, 'I'm smarter than you, deal with it' way. And it was starting to make me mad. Well, madder, anyway. Revenge would be SO sweet.

"Well thank you for your confidence in my abilities" I muttered sarcastically, "as it so happens, we can infiltrate their hideout quite easily. No traps, no tricks, just some teenagers who are sleeping very soundly." I was hoping that last bit about the teenagers would take the cake. After all, everyone thought I was innocent enough…

"Hmm, good work…um…you" great, she couldn't even get a semblance of my name anymore. So much for intelligence. "You and Bellatrix may leave now."

"What?" Bellatrix asked, confused, "I am on this mission as well."

"No," Astraella began, "You two would just get in my way. It'll be easier with just me, and I am strong enough to take them all on…to take everyone on!"

I was struggling not to roll my eyes, while Bellatrix looked furious. She was about to confront Astraella, when suddenly, Astraella's eyes filled with tears. Oh boy…

"Besides, I must do this alone. The Order killed my parents when I was small. It is my duty to right this wrong." She said in a sorrowful, yet dignified way.

Because charging headfirst into enemy territory is SUCH a great idea. But Bellatrix bought it, and nodding her approval, Apparated away. I did the same, but instead of back at headquarters, I landed at the back of the Order's house, landing on my face. I can't even do that right! UGH! Oh well, there was no way was I missing out on this. Sneaking into the window, yet again, I met up with Ron, Harry, and Hermione.

"She's on her way," I said, "is everything set?"

"Yep, everything is in place and ready to go." Ron replied.

"Excellent" I laughed. Oh maniacal laugh, how I missed you! The two boys just stared at me, and shrugged. Hearing soft footsteps coming from the top of stairs, we ran to hide in the shadows where Hermione had been strategically placed. The door slowly opened.

Astraella stood at the top of the stairs, wand alight and almost glowing in her perfection. Ron's eyes bugged out of their sockets, and Hermione smacked him in the back of the head to get him to start breathing again…or maybe in jealousy, who knows?

Our target had taken her first delicate, graceful, and well placed steps towards the edge of the stairs. She descended slowly. And then promptly tripped over the fishing line.

It was a simple enough trap to set; fishing line is almost invisible and even more so in the dark. But more was yet to come.

She started to scream, as she fell down, but phase two of the plan had begun, as Hermione cast the levitation spell, catching Astraella mid-fall, and began levitating her towards an ominously black open door, leading to an even darker room.

However, there was still the matter of her wand; Astra began to raise her wand to release the spell.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled, and Astraella's wand went flying out of her hand, and she was helpless, as she was led into the windowless, dark, room.

Quickly, I ran up to the door and threw my textbook in. I probably should mention that it was just an ordinary, boring, Muggle math textbook. Unless I actually threw it at a person, it probably wouldn't offend anyone. Except if they hated math with a fiery passion…

…or if it were a deranged painting of a scary, screaming woman who couldn't stand anything Muggle…

Which it was.

We had sent Astraella into the windowless lair of Sirius' mother. And the moment that book hit her painting, all hell broke loose.

"MUDBLOOD! FILTH! MUGGLE-LOVER! WHAT PESTILENCE IN THE NOBEL HOUSE OF BLACK!" The drooling old bat screamed, as we slammed and locked the door. She was still screaming, as we ran up the stairs. We could hear Astraella yelling as well.

"I'm pure-blood! You hear me! I'm a pure-blood!" She screamed, as if it would shut a pure-blood maniac witch painting up. It didn't, and still had not when I left Grimmauld Place.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione assured me that Astraella would not be 'harmed' and that they would take care of her in the morning. I was a bit worried (ok, not really), but needless to say, I was quite surprised the next morning when her picture appeared in the Daily Prophet.

Escaped St. Mungo's Patient Found!

Early this morning, the Healer's at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries were shocked to discover one of their patients sitting outside the hospital doors. Reports say that she was babbling on and on about nonsense topics, one of the most frequent being pure-blood and Dark wizardry. Healer's say that the patient was a long-term resident of the hospital, and had recently been discovered missing from her room. A hospital spokeswizard stated: "It is unclear how she escaped, where she was, or who brought her back, but we are glad she was returned." Apparently, this patient has a tendency to 'invent' her own name and story, making her difficult to track, despite a distinctive appearance. This is the Daily Prophet reporting from St. Mungo's.

So, I guess everything turned out ok. Astraella was a crazy patient and went even crazier after spending quality time with Mrs. Black, Voldemort is pissed off as usual, Bellatrix is confused as always, and I can still break the fourth wall in peace.

Not sure why Voldie's mad, though. I didn't even pester him today! That should be a good thing!

Maybe I'll have to change this… *evil grin*