Plan 826.9: The Dark Lord Cannot Shake It.

I never knew how dismal winter could be until I moved to this country.

See, I'm from a place where it freezes solid for a good portion of the year, but at least the snow is pretty. And you have snow blindness for most of the winter because of the brightness.

Now, I don't know if it's just because I'm in the buttcrack of evil, but winter has become a dreary, cold, wet, and gray time. It makes everything depressing. Well, more depressing than a hell-hole den of idiots should be. (Note to self: revise resume. Get the hell out of here!)

Coupled with some recent losses in the great wizarding war (remember that? Neither does anyone else…) moods at headquarters have been pretty dismal. So Voldy installed a TV and Wii system and declared it a family video game night.

Ok, we've got an old guy who hates Muggles. Am I the ONLY one who sees a problem with having Muggle technology lying around this place? Also, FAMILY night?

This couldn't possibly go wrong.

The night started off fairly well. Voldemort got a hold of some dancing game and it was entertaining to see how badly Death Eaters can dance. It was also pretty hysterical when Old Volders couldn't grasp the concept of the Wii-mote and threw it across the room. Multiple times. Once it hit Pettigrew in the head. It warmed my heart and brought a tear to my eye. The best moment ever.

So, Voldy decided to take a breather and sulk while the kids had a blast dancing and shrieking. And some of the adults as well. Hey, we're (supposedly) evil assholes 99% of the time. Time to cut loose and be silly! And I'd like to go on record and say that Draco is a surprisingly graceful dancer. Very…nice …can't stop watching…nice ass…

Err…moving on!

Of course, seeing everyone have fun makes Voldemort miserable and jealous. So, despite him telling us earlier that video games are "Muggle stupidity at its finest" he decided to try it again. And choosing little Vic as his opponent (Yes, yes he did choose a child to play against so he could win. Way to be a good guy, Voldy. Way. To. Go.) he picked up the Wii-mote to dance away the night.

Now picture this: a little towheaded kid letting loose and just doesn't give a shit. But having some semblance of hand-eye-coordination (though to be fair, as long as you follow the hand movements in the game, you're pretty much set. I can't dance and even I can do it!) And somehow nailing it.

Now imagine the "terrifying" Dark Lord, whipping his hands in frantic circles and honestly looking like a giraffe awkwardly hopping about on some hot coals. Except the giraffe is more graceful and better looking.

That's pretty much how it went. It was both embarrassing and awesome to watch.

The Dark Lord glowered as the 5-year-old cheered, holding the Wii remote high in triumph, oblivious that he was in serious danger of becoming a casualty in the wizarding war (Maybe THAT'S why everyone thinks we're so badass…our casualty list is sky high. Unfortunately, it's mostly expendable minions that get the brunt of it. I'm almost positive of this. I do books, after all.) Luckily, his parents were a bit more alert and got the kid out of the room before all hell broke loose.

Oh, and all hell broke loose soon after that. Partly because he's a sore loser, but most likely because Voldy discovered the remote was super glued to his hand.

Wonder who did that?

(In my defense, he was swinging pretty close to my head. It was for safety purposes only! Not…)

Once he got the Wii-mote off his hand (tearing a few layers of skin off in the process. Yeow! He started cursing, both verbally and literally. Quick, Shield charm!

Wait…I did it! An actual Shield charm! For about ten-seconds…

Then I found myself being lifted off the ground and slammed against a wall. Courtesy of a misfired Stupefy spell.

Awesome. Can't. Move.

Guess I probably had that coming for a while. Luckily, Draco unfroze me. At least there's ONE sorta-kinda decent person in this entire place.

Needless to say, after maiming several of his Death Eaters and setting fire to an innocent set of drapes, family game night was a disaster. But hey, we did learn about the power of super glue! AND I can do a practical Shield charm! So…it all evens out. Right?