Rest, huh? L'dael thought to himself as he gazed through the window and into the endless space that lay beyond. It had been six hours since he and Crane had returned to the Dojo and rest was the last thing that would ever come to him. L'dael had went straight to his room, not even waiting to see Val - the clans highest ranked Trinity operator and medical officer - and had quickly changed into shorts and a t-shirt, but something kept bugging him, so much so that he found rest harder to find than usual.
He almost never made an excuse to keep himself hidden away from the others, preferring to seclude himself to his room and stalking the corridors long after everyone else had fallen asleep, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to do that to Crane. Something about it made him feel worse than worthless, like he was betraying her in some weird, inane way. Like he had to justify not being with her Then again he suspected it had something to do with the truth behind his lies.
The truth that Crane was the only person he'd really opened up to; tried to smile for.
He had no idea why he tried so hard for her. He knew that if she got hurt - or worse - he would sink even deeper into his pain. With a sigh, L'dael slumped forward and rested his chin on his hand. He inspected the table before him, on which lay all one hundred and thirty two digi-tags of the tireless stalkers clan.
The one hundred and thirty two souls that he carried with him.
"Well, what do you guys think?" L'dael asked the tags. "Am I doing the right thing?"
They could not answer him, the bearers of those tags had long since left this plain of existence, but L'daels mind could imagine exactly what they would say. He got up and walked around the table to the panoramic window that dominated the outer wall of his room, gazing into the void once more. "Yeah, I figured that much..." He sighed heavily at the response from his friends. He glanced back at the table and checked the chrone. Midnight, Earth Standard Time. Everyone else would be asleep by now. Knowing he would not be able to sleep for another couple hours at least, L'dael walked to the door of his room and emerged into the corridor outside. The door slid closed with a barely audible hiss and locked with a soft click after L'dael palmed the biometric panel. He began walking in the general direction of the mess, debating internally whether he should try to open up more to Crane and the others. He reached the mess and poured himself a glass of water, sipping it as the debate continued. "You need to move on, gotta open up to her, it's what everyone would have wanted." was what one half of him said. "And then what? Tear yourself apart when something happens to her? It's a kindness to the both of you to stay cold." the other half retorted."Quiet." grunted L'dael, silencing his internal bickering. He stalked back to his room, back hunched, starring a couple of paces in front of his feet, he emptied his mind of all thought. The slap of his bare feet against the floor seemed to echo on forever within his head. It was a rare moment of peace within him.
No conflicting emotions, no regret of the past, nothing. L'dael took a deep breath, maintaining the tranquility for as long as he could, but it was not to last. He rounded the last corner before his room when the bio-sensors integrated in his new eyes spiked. They were the one passive system he kept running regardless of whether he was on an op or not, just made it easier for him to slink around the shadows of the Dojo unseen. He raised his head from the point he had been staring at and looked toward his door.
Crane sat to the left, knees drawn up to her chest, wrapped in a blanket.
He lightened his step, changing the slapping echos to a near impenetrable silence, and crept over to her. His bio sensors weren't advanced enough to tell if she was asleep. He settled down on his haunches beside her.
"Hey." His voice shattered the silence like a brick through glass, even though he spoke quietly.
Crane's head shot up sharply and searched frantically for a second to find the origin of the voice. L'dael smiled at her when she finally found him.
"oh...uhm...hey..." She was her usual quiet self.
"You okay?"
"Yeah...it's just...I..uhm...I couldn't sleep...I needed to talk to you." The last part caught L'dael off guard. He stared at her for a second before sighing and getting to his feet.
"Alright." He offered her a hand. "better come inside, it's cold out here."
She hesitated a moment before taking it and pulling herself up. Still holding her hand, L'dael led her into his darkened sanctum, the only light being provided by the distant sun that did little to lift the darkness. He went to the L shaped sofa that dominated the middle of the room that faced toward the window. He sat down in front of the glass table that was still covered by the tags of his friends. She followed him and sat in the corner, bringing her knees back you to her chest and wrapping the blanket around her again before hugging her knees. The air was heavy with silence, they both gazed out at the distant stars, neither willing to break the silence.
L'dael decided to be the one to do so.
"So..." He started, glancing over at Crane who was still gazing at the sun. "What was it that you wanted to talk about?"
The words hung in the air for a moment before she turned her head and stared down at the sofa.
"It's just...I want to know..."
Wanted to know? Know what? What's coming next? The thoughts bit into his mind, but L'dael remained composed. Crane seemed to be struggling to find the courage to say her piece, he guessed she was still shaken from earlier. Eventually, she found it.
"Why did you act the way you did back on the shuttle..."
Her soft voice had asked a question that he did not have an answer for. He didn't know why he acted soft in the face of his usual cold steel attitude. The silence returned like a slow tide to shore. L'dael thought long and hard for the answer to that question.
"Your guess is as good as mine." he said finally, it was rare for him to find no answer inside his own mind, but this one eluded him. L'dael looked over at her. Crane looked back. L'dael was mystified, she was smiling at him, the sun cast half her face in shadow while illuminating the other, her hair shimmered and her eyes gleamed like sapphires in the half light.
L'dael felt his pulse quicken and knew his face was turning red. He stood up and walked to the window, hoping she wouldn't notice. He could see his reflection in the glass. His eyes glowed their usual cyan-blue in front of him. After a second of thought, he made a decision.
He walked back over to the place he had been sitting and gestured for Crane to come closer. Siting once more, he looked down at the tags of his friends. He heard Crane shuffle as she joined his side, still wrapped in her blanket with her knees drawn up to her chest.
"Do you know what these are" He asked. She leaned forward so she could see better.
"Digi-tags..." He felt her lean closer still. "A lot of digi-tags..."
"One hundred and thirty two." L'dael plucked one from the middle of the first rank and held it up to his face, as if examining it. "Mine included." He returned it to its place. "The entirety of the true tireless stalker clan."
Crane was looking at all the tags in mystery. "All these people...are they..."
"Yep" L'dael sighed "I'm the only one left." The last part he said matter-of-factly, without a hint of the emotions that had left him crippled. Slowly, he felt Crane move closer to him and rest her head on his shoulder.
"Is that why you're like this..." She looked up at his face, it was as straight and untelling as ever. "Why you never speak to the others...?"
The softness, the care in her voice - the memories that it brought back - made L'daels chest hurt. Here was another person who cared about him, and who he cared about. "Fat load of good putting up the barriers did, jackass" his inner voice chided.
"Yeah..." His voice was soft now too "You can't lose what you never had in the first place...easier this way..."
he was tired, telling Crane had definitely taken a burden from him. L'dael felt Crane push herself closer to him, burrowing her head into the back of his shoulder where she stayed, until he felt the dampness of her tears.
"Crane..?" he asked uncertainly.
"Dael...you...you idiot..." it was quite clear she was crying once more, her quiet voice was cracked and shaking. "Why would you suffer all alone in the dark..." Crane looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Why did you try to shoulder all of this on your own?" she asked before it became all too much for her and she needed to push herself into him again to hide her tears. L'dael smiled sadly.
"Because..." his arm went around her back and pulled her close, his other arm going around and completing the embrace. His chin rested on her head. "It's my duty...and my punishment..." His voice was shaking now. L'dael knew that if he still had tear ducts there would be tears streaming down his face now.
They stayed like that for a long while. L'dael holding her close, with her head burrowed firmly into his chest. Eventually, L'dael realised Crane had fallen asleep. Carefully, he lifted her up, still wrapped in her blanket, and carried her through to the bedroom. He lay her down, and pulled the covers up over her curled form. He stood back, looking down on the girl that had broken through his barrier.
"Jeez...this can only end badly" his mind told him. "Perhaps." he whispered aloud "But I have a reason now...I think..." with that, he turned and left the room, content to sleep in front of the stars. A peaceful sleep that he had long since missed.