Fix Me
I woke up feeling weaker than ever and instantly knew why. I was supposed to take my pills three times a day, but I missed my before bed pills because I was obviously a little pre-occupied.
I rolled over to see the bed was empty. I hopped out of bed for two reasons, to find my pills, and to find my boyfriend. I rummaged through my purse, which was sitting on the coffee table. I finally pulled out my pill container and took yesterday's pills and this morning's. I chugged them down with a bottle of water before I turned around to see if Wade was around. He was sitting at my desk, but on his laptop. He must have snuck out this morning and grabbed it. He was staring at me smiling. He had on his glasses, which were a rarity, even more rare than me wearing mine.
"In a hurry there?" I nodded before gulping my water down.
"I like the glasses, they're cute," I told him as I sat on his lap and he closed the computer.
"Well I happen to think that you're cute. How ya feelin today?"
"I'm okay, you know taking all of this one day at a time."
"Well what can I do to help?" I shook my head when I couldn't think of anything.
"What's on the computer?" My curiosity peaked, so I questioned his quick actions to hide whatever is on his laptop from me.
"Nothing you need to worry about missy," he joked.
"Wade, I told you before, I don't care if you watch porn, just not while I'm here! We've been over this!"
"For the last time, I wasn't watching porn! I was watching a movie, you just came in at the wrong time!" He defended himself. I laughed because I only brought it up because of his reaction.
"What do you say we get some nourishment in you?" He suggested.
"As much as I'd love to, I don't think I'm very welcome at Lavon's…"
"I don't think that's it at all babe, he's just worried. We all are. But if you don't want to go, then we could go to the Rammer Jammer? I could show you what I've done to the place." He tapped on my leg and I leaned my head back onto his chest.
"But that means we have to go out in public," I groaned while laughing.
"What, are we going to be hermits now? You were the one who said yesterday that it's no secret anymore." He had a point, I did say that. It was just tough, do I just announce it? Do I have to tell everyone individually?
"No, I want to see everyone, I'm just nervous."
"What for? It's not like they can hate you, no one could ever hate you." He kissed my neck, which made me giggle.
"Oh, I can think of plenty of people. George for instance? Lemon probably, Lavon seems pretty mad at me, I'm just lucky you aren't mad at me." I smiled and kissed him on the lips.
"So what's your decision? Lavon's or the Rammer Jammer?" I pondered the decision, but decided that I wasn't going to live my life being nervous about what people thought about me. And if they hated me for not coming back, I had a pretty good reason to defend myself.
"I want to go to the Rammer Jammer, but I don't want people's pity. I don't want people thinking that I came back here so they could all dote on me and feel like what's happening is a tragedy. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but that doesn't mean it's going to kill me. We don't know much yet, so who knows? I could be around to nag you your whole life," I teased Wade and he grinned.
"I would love that. So let's go to the Rammer Jammer, and you can tell people, or you can not say anything. You don't owe any of them an explanation. You say however much you want. But I promise you, that they will all want to do whatever possible to help." I stood up and twisted my hair into a bun, it looked fuller that way, and it made me look more put together. I walked back to my room where my suitcase was and flipped it open to pick out an outfit.
"What about that tank top you wore yesterday? I really liked that." Wade suggested when he noticed my struggle.
"I'd have to wear the cardigan though, and it's so dang hot out." I explained and he questioned me as to why.
"Wade, I've got bruises all over, I'm a mess. I don't want people thinking I'm a victim of abuse! I'd rather just avoid the questions all together." Wade winced when I brought up my bruises.
"Well why don't you keep that shirt of mine you stole and put on a pair of shorts. This isn't a fashion show as much as you'd like to think it is." He smirked. That smirk made me melt every time.
"I did not steal it! It just so happens that you left it at my place! It's not my fault you leave your things everywhere!" I jokingly defended myself as I pulled on a pair of jean shorts. I looked in the mirror and still felt a bit self-conscious.
"I don't know Wade, people are going to be curious when I show up in this. This isn't normal Zoe Hart attire."
"It is now. Come on girl, I'm starvin'!"
"Give me two seconds!" I quickly threw on ¾ long sleeve shirt that was a bit flowy so it didn't show off just how much weight I'd lost and I put a pair of sandals on my feet while quickly putting on some eye makeup and some foundation and blush so I didn't look as flushed and ran out the door after Wade after grabbing my sunglasses.
"I'd say it's about damn time, but it was definitely worth it. You look amazin Doc." He put his arm around me and I couldn't help but marvel in his handsomeness too. All he had to wear was a white t-shirt and jeans and I couldn't picture anything sexier. His sunglasses were a nice touch too.
"You want to drive?" He asked me when realizing the once quick walk might take longer and be a lot more tiring.
"No, let's walk." I smiled. The walk couldn't be too long and it was a nice day out. I took his hand and walked into town. The walk took about twenty minutes and we had to take a few stops along the way. We arrived at the Rammer Jammer and knew what awaited me inside. The judgment was just through that door and I was terrified. Wade must have sensed me tensing up and he squeezed my hand.
"We don't have to do this, ya know?" We paused and I took a deep breath in.
"No, let's do it. It's now or never." He led me to the door and opened it. He held it for me, but I was hesitant to accept it, I was wishing that he would go first so I didn't have to face everybody as soon as I walked in the door. He seemed to take the hint and walked in front of me and held the door behind me so I could walk behind him. Everyone's eyes were on Wade anyway, hoping that he knew something about my return, which, in fact, he did. When they saw me walk in behind him, everyone started to gossip. I could hear the whispers and I tried to ignore it. Wade led me to the bar and I sat on a stool and he walked behind the bar to grab menus.
"What looks good Doc?" He asked after I rummaged the menu.
"Hmm, how about the oatmeal?"
"Alright, I'll be right back." He winked at me and vanished behind the bar. I finally had a chance to look around at all of the things that Wade had done to this place. It looked great, cleaner for sure, but a bit brighter. It still had it's original vibe, but it was Wade's now. He had made it his own.
"Oh my gosh Zoe! I'm so glad you're back!" Wanda squealed when she came back from the kitchen and saw Zoe.
"Oh Wanda! Hi! How are you? Oh my gosh! Pregnant? That's great!" I hugged her from my seat and realized how much I really had missed in Bluebell while I was gone.
"Yep, five months! We're so excited! How have you been? You look so skinny! That's what everybody in New York looks like though right? All skinny minnies up there."
"Yep!" I feigned enthusiasm and chuckled.
"Well you'll have to tell me all about it someday, but I've got to get back to work. I'll see you later!"
"Don't let Wade work you too hard!" I called after her when Wade came back out. He smirked and placed the oatmeal in front of me. He had a plate of eggs for himself and two glasses of orange juice. While enjoying our breakfast, Dash came and sat next to me at the bar.
"Look who's made their way back to town, Dr. Zoe Hart. So I see you two enjoying breakfast together, what does that mean for 'Zade.'"
"It means Dash that 'Zade' is back on." Wade laughed at the incredulous demeanor of the town while confirming their relationship.
"Well now, let me ask you this, why did you take her back so easily? She left this town for six months without any explanation." Zoe wasn't surprised at his questions; she knew they were coming.
"Dash, that's a little rude, don't you think? That doesn't matter. What matters is that she's home now." Wade stepped in, but I stopped him.
"Wade, it's okay. They deserve to know why I didn't come back," I took a deep breath and knew there was no going back after this, "The reason I didn't come home; the burning question on everyone's mind…How about I give you an exclusive Dash?" He nodded enthusiastically, excited that he would be the first one with the news.
"I'm sick Dash. I have cancer. There's your ground breaking story." I whispered so only he could hear me.
"Cancer? What do you mean? What kind of cancer?" He was certainly surprised, but he managed to keep his voice down low.
"Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia." Dash was writing furiously on a napkin.
"Leukemia! That's serious Zoe Hart, what's the prognosis?"
"Most likely, chemo starts in a few weeks. My pills aren't working."
"What do you mean they aren't working? How do you know?" Wade asked me.
"I don't feel any better, and look at me, I sure don't look better." I mumbled into my oatmeal.
"Is it too early to start drinking?" I joked and Wade gave a half-smile.
"Considering you can't drink, yes, I'd say it is." Dash was scribbling furiously and looked up only when the conversation stopped.
"Well, what else?"
"What, that wasn't enough of a story for you?" I retorted when he expected more.
"Well, is that why you came back? Because you're sick?"
"No that's not why I came back! I was going to come back anyway, but right before I left, I found out and I wasn't allowed to leave the city. They were the best suited for the surgery. My mom donated bone marrow, but it didn't work as well as they'd hoped, but it is keeping the cancer from spreading for now."
"So what next?"
"Next, I go to the doctor in Mobile in a few days and see what the doctor there says. Most likely, he'll say three rounds of chemo, and then another surgery if we can get a donor. Then 5 rounds of chemo, and hopefully I'll be in remission." Wade felt like he was learning more and more about my condition the more people I told.
"Well, Zoe, the story will be live in an hour. I'm so sorry, this isn't a story I want to report." Dash said looking down at his napkin.
"No, it's okay Dash, at least everyone will know now, and it feels like a weight off my shoulders, really." Dash rubbed the top of my hand supportively and looked at me before he walked away.
"It's only a matter of time now, do you want to take a walk?" I asked Wade when we both finished our breakfast. He nodded and we left the bar. He grabbed my hand, which was clammy.
"Where to Hart?"
"Wherever the road takes us Kinsella…"
"What's going on in that head of yours?"
"A lot actually."
"Yeah, I know the feeling. Anything in particular?" His eyebrows raised when he said that.
"A few things…I just, all of this has got me thinking a little, and I hate to bring it up, but I just want to make sure that you aren't doing this just because I'm sick." I breathed out fast.
"Doing what?"
"Us, being back together…"
"Zoe, what are you talking about? Of course that's not why I'm back with you. The only reason I was mad was because you didn't come home. And now you're home and you have a perfectly good explanation for why you didn't come home. I love you Doc, and I never stopped. It's killing me to see you like this. I just want to take all of your pain away." He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. I nodded while I started to cry.
"I'm sorry, I know it was stupid. These pills are just making me emotional I guess and I don't feel well and I just want –" I stopped talking when my head started spinning.
"Want what? You alright Doc?"
"Yeah, I just need to sit down I think." I kept my hand on my head as I tried to blink away the blurriness in my eyes.
"Okay, well there's a bench right over here." He put his hand on the small of my back and led me to the bench.
"Doc, about earlier though, if you need to hear that I love you, I could stand here having that conversation all day. I'm worried about you, do you want me to call Lavon and he can come pick us up?"
"No, I just need to rest for a minute, get my bearings." I sunk down onto the bench and looked around at the deserted town. Everyone was in church right now, per usual. After eating at the Rammer Jammer for breakfast, they all made their way to second service.
"It's alright Doc, just take a few breaths." I nodded and tried to breath, hoping to cure the pain in my head. He noticed my hands shaking and put his hand on my forehead.
"God Doc, you're burning up! Let me go get Brick."
"No don't leave! Just take me home, I'll be fine, I just need to sleep it off."
"You're shaking Zoe, I'm worried," he said as he looked around to see if he could find anyone to help. I saw the look of panic in his eyes when he couldn't find anyone. I took a breath and stood up, but that only made my head worse.
"I'm fine Wade, see, I just want to go home." I took a few steps towards the plantation and heard Wade's footsteps quickly behind me.
"Zoe, just stop, let me get someone to pick us up!" I heard his words, but my brain wasn't comprehending them. My legs suddenly felt like they couldn't bear my weight and as I felt gravity working against me, it seemed almost as if my brain just shut off.