Fix Me Chapter 5: Because You Shouldn't Have To, a hart of dixie fanfic

Fix Me

Zoe's P.O.V.

I woke up around 11 in the morning and found myself in an empty bed. I felt worse than I had felt when I woke up yesterday morning, but that's to be expected I guess. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and pushed my weight against them so I was standing. I took the few steps to my suitcase, and pulled on one of Wade's t-shirts. I pulled my hair off of my neck and into a loose ponytail. I put a pair of leggings on because it was freezing in here. I guess that was just a perk of living at Lavon's, central air conditioning. I went over to the door and turned the knob. I found only Annabeth in the kitchen.

"Hey AB, where are the boys?" I asked and sat down on a stool at the island.

"Good morning! Wade had a class this morning in Mobile, but told me to tell you that he's sorry he didn't tell you, he didn't want to wake you. And Lavon is doing business with Lord knows who, the usual!" She laughed and poured me a cup of coffee, "What can I get you for breakfast?"

"Oh, AB, I can get it myself, I'm not elderly, just cancerous." I smirked at the end, glad that I was finally able to joke about it because there really was no other option.

"Don't be silly. We're here to help you and make this whole thing as easy for you as we can. So nonsense, what can I get you?"

"Just some dry cheerios? I'm not that hungry." Annabeth pulled the cereal box from the shelf and poured it into a bowl and placed it in front of me.

I picked at the cereal and drank a small bit of my coffee.

"So what're your plans for today?"

"Well, I have to run to the store, and I'll go around 2 because Wade should be back by then, his class started at 9. And then who knows, probably just making dinner. Which reminds me, here's the list, add anything you want." She handed me the notepad. I read over her list, which had Lavon's, hers, and Wade's handwriting scribbled all over it. I glanced the items, knowing immediately who had written what. Annabeth had more of the eggs and grapes items, while Lavon had steaks and chicken breast. Wade on the other hand, had written kit-kats, marshmallows and lucky charms.

I froze when I saw that Annabeth had written tampons on the list. If I let my mind wander too much, it would only end badly, but I let it anyway. I got my period very abnormally now, and I hadn't even thought about how this cancer would affect my abilities to have children. It's not like I wanted them right away, but someday I do. I want little Wade's running around and him chasing them, but I didn't dare tell him that. It would be a bad move if you mention wanting kids to your boyfriend of 3 days.

It didn't feel like three days though, it seemed like she'd been with him for a lifetime. They had so much history between the two of them and it was hard to remember that they had only been together for 3 whole days.

"Earth to Zoe, need anything at the store?" Annabeth broke me out of my trance and I nodded my head.

"Oh, yeah, just some crackers, like saltines. That seems to be about all I can stomach now." She wrote it on the list and l pushed away my cereal. I was finished for now and I felt my eyelids getting heavy again. I yawned and rested my head on my arms.

Wade's P.O.V.

I drove home from Mobile as fast as I could because I knew Annabeth had things to do today and I didn't want Zoe to be alone. I pulled up to the plantation and hopped out of the car. I went in through the backdoor and found Zoe, who looked like she was asleep in her seat, and Annabeth, who was reading a book.

"She fell asleep almost 2 hours ago. I tried to wake her up but she kept mumbling that she was comfortable where she was." Annabeth explained while laughing when she saw my incredulous expression.

"That girl never does anything she doesn't want to do. I should be home for the day now, so you can go ahead and do your thing," I relieved Annabeth of her duties and she picked up her purse and took the grocery list with her.

"Baby, let's get you to bed, that doesn't look comfortable at all." I whispered in her ear. She nodded and I picked her up, taking her to our bedroom. I worked on my laptop for a few hours while she slept. I couldn't help but feel angry. She didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve this. I had already gone through this. Sure, it was 14 years ago, but that didn't make it any easier. Lavon walked in the door and noticed my obvious distress.

"What's up?"

"I just, I don't know how to deal with this."

"Well, if it helps, it seems to everyone else that you're doing just fine with this, being her rock and all."

"It doesn't. Lavon, I can't do this again. I just can't, it hurts too much. And believe me, I know how selfish that sounds. She's going through all of this, and I'm the one who can't handle it." I was standing now and raising my voice.

"That's why it sucks for you. She has to go through it, you don't. That's why it's so hard for you to handle. As much as you don't want to admit it, you don't want to be in this position. I know what you mean. There's always going to be that small part of you that wishes she stayed in New York. That you never would have known about this and thought that she just left. It was easier to hate her than to deal with this. I know how you feel Wade, but I also know that you're not that guy."

"Than what guy am I Lavon? Because now would be a great time for that answer." I was yelling at him now, but I wasn't angry at him. I was angry at her.

"You're the guy who pulls it together and gets over it because the girl he's been in love with for three years is in that bedroom dying. That's the kind of guy you are."

"Lavon…you don't understand though. I was praying to God that my mom would just die already by the end of it! I wanted her to die so she wouldn't be in pain or suffer anymore. Everyone else was praying for a miracle and I was praying for an ending. I don't want to sit here and watch her die! I can't do that again! I can't sit here and slowly start to resent her for making me feel this way. I can't be that guy for her. I thought I could, but I can't. I can't hate her like I did my mom." I became aware of the hot tears streaming down my face only when they fell to the floor.

"Wade, I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you have to understand, your mom didn't want that disease, Zoe doesn't want this disease. Think of how hard this is for her? Do you think she wanted to come back here and tell everyone this? Do you think she wished to come back and change all of our lives? She doesn't want to be a burden to you, and unless something changes, she's going to realize that you can't handle this and you know where she's going to be then? She'll be back in New York!" Lavon finally yelled back at me, and frankly, I deserved it.

The phone rang, interrupting the deafening silence the two of us were sharing. Neither of us moved though, knowing that it would go to voicemail. The voice of the answering machine filled the tension of the room.

"Who the fuck is Chris?!" I yelled to no one in particular.

"Wade, calm down, you don't know anything about that, it could be a relative, or a friend, or a-"

"Or a boyfriend from New York." I stormed out the back door and furiously shoved my keys into the ignition. I was gone before Lavon could even chase me through the door.

Zoe's P.O.V.

I was startled awake by yelling in the house. That was the downside to living with three other people, they were bound to get loud sometimes, and I felt guilty for expecting them to be quiet for me. Annabeth and Lavon must be getting into it. Or so I thought until I heard my boyfriend's voice.

"Lavon…you don't understand though. I was praying to God that my mom would just die already by the end of it! I wanted her to die so she wouldn't be in pain or suffer anymore. Everyone else was praying for a miracle and I was praying for an ending. I don't want to sit here and watch her die! I can't do that again! I can't sit here and slowly start to resent her for making me feel this way. I can't be that guy for her. I thought I could, but I can't. I can't hate her like I did my mom." Even though my world in Bluebell felt like it was ending when he said that, I couldn't make myself stop listening.

"Wade, I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you have to understand, your mom didn't want that disease, Zoe doesn't want this disease. Think of how hard this is for her? Do you think she wanted to come back here and tell everyone this? Do you think she wished to come back and change all of our lives? She doesn't want to be a burden to you, and unless something changes, she's going to realize that you can't handle this and you know where she's going to be then? She'll be back in New York!" Lavon's reprimanding didn't make me feel any better, but it was appreciated. I knew it was a bad idea to come back to Bluebell. I should've just stayed in New York and not bothered any of them. It would be easier for them to just think that I was a bitch who left without telling them.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was out of bed and collecting my items from around the room. I changed my outfit from my pajamas into a pair of leggings and a sweater. I grabbed my computer and was about to log on when the phone started to ring. I would've answered it, but that would allow Lavon and Wade to know that I was awake and had heard them.

"Hey Zoe, it's Chris. Sorry to be calling here, I got this number from your mom. I tried your cell a few times, but I haven't heard anything about how you are since you left, and you promised you'd call. You know I'm worried about you Zo, I don't feel right about how we left things. Please call me back." I knew before I heard him say anything that Wade would jump to conclusions because that's what Wade did. God, I missed Chris. I wanted to call him right away, realizing that I had forgotten to, but I knew I had a task at hand that would have to come first. I opened up Google and typed in Mobile Regional Airport.

I clicked the "order tickets" button and closed the lid of my computer. I knew I had a few calls to make first, and once I realized I was again alone in the house, I made the first one.

"Hey Chris? Can you pick me up at LaGuardia at midnight? I'm coming home."

Wade's P.O.V.

I didn't stop driving until I reached the lake. The whole way there, I prayed that it would be abandoned as it normally was. And as luck may have it, it was today. I was surprised, God let me have something I wanted, that seemed to be a rarity these days.

I stepped out of my car and slammed the door shut. I didn't matter anyway, I was the only one around to hear it, but it gave me a bit of satisfaction. I was still angry, still at her, but also at myself. I was an asshole, even if she didn't know it. I didn't hate her, and I know it's not her fault that she has this disease. I just don't know who else to blame.

Maybe God for handing this battle to her. Maybe myself for not being a better boyfriend in the first place. Maybe Earl for not teaching me how to be a better person. Maybe her for not telling me. Maybe Harley for even being the reason she came to Bluebell in the first place. Maybe Lavon for making us neighbors.

Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault though. Maybe that's just how the universe works. Time's a slut and she screws all of us.

I didn't have time to deal with this. She doesn't have much time left if the chemo doesn't work. My mom ran out of time quite a while ago. And yet it seemed some people had an abundance of time that I wish I had. That I wish she had.

I sat down in the sand and looked onto the lake. This is where I spent most of my time the summer after my mom died. It brought me solstice then; a sense of tranquility. That's why I came back here. But this time, it just made me feel like more and more of a jackass. It was almost 5 in the evening and about an hour drive back. I decided I better head back, or Zoe would worry and start to ask questions.

On the drive back, I couldn't help but hope that Lavon had stayed with her. I hated the thought of her being alone right now. As much as I tried to push it away, the persistent thought of 'then why did you leave her, douchebag?' kept creeping into my mind. About halfway through my drive, I had regretted what I said whole-heartedly. She needed me now more than ever and who was I to be mad at her? Who was I to think that I could decide what was best for her?

I increased my speed as I was more eager to go home and just hold her and hopefully relieve some of my guilt of what I said. She would never know what I said, but I would, and Lavon would, and I couldn't take it back. I just needed to prove to her that I could handle this, and I needed to prove it to myself.

I sprinted out of my car and through the back door when I arrived back at the plantation. I ran straight past Lavon and into our room. I found it mostly empty with the exception of my things and a note on the bed. I knew automatically that it couldn't be good and I almost didn't want to read it. Of course, I had to though.

Because you shouldn't have to sit here and pray for an ending again…

My heart broke when I read that. This was by far my worst move. Her note didn't seem to be written with anger though, just sadness. I grabbed the note, and with more seething anger found Lavon.

"What the hell did you tell her?" I asked with my jaw clenched.

"I didn't have to tell her anything, she heard enough from you." He looked at me like he hated me. I hated myself right now.

"Where is she?"

"My guess would be on a plane back to New York by now." He shrugged his shoulders. I grabbed my jacket and my keys.

"Maybe you shouldn't go. Maybe it's best for her if you leave her alone, like you said. If you're going to say things like that than you don't deserve to chase after her." He yelled after me, but I ignored him and started my car up again. I was back on the road within 2 minutes of pulling up to the plantation.

I drove about 45 minutes in the opposite direction of the lake to Mobile. I arrived and prayed that whatever plane she was getting on hadn't left yet. I parked in the temporary parking and pulled something out of my glove box. I didn't care if I got a ticket, I just couldn't let her get on that plane.

I ran past the lobby and did a double take when I saw Annabeth standing watching me. I didn't have time to stop though.

"Gate 9!" She yelled and I had to remember to thank her for that later. I was glad when I saw that the line for security was nearly nonexistent. Maybe things really were looking up for me. I through all of my belongings in a bin and only bothered to grab one thing before running off again, I didn't even put my boots back on, so I was running through the airport in my socks.

I ran all the way to Gate 9, which thankfully looked like it was still inhabited with passengers. As I got closer, I spotted her immediately.

"Zoe! Zoe!" I was yelling, but I hardly noticed the other passengers staring at me. Her head snapped back and I could tell she was tired just by the look on her face.

She stood up and when I got to her, I couldn't talk I was so out of breath. I put my hands on my knees and bent over for a second to try and slow my breathing.

"Wow, I am out of shape." I tried to crack a joke, but she wasn't smiling back.

"Zoe, I am so sorry. You were never supposed to hear any of that. I had a momentary freak out, and I just needed to cool off and think for a second. I'm so sorry baby, I need you just as much as you need me. And this cancer, you can beat this. It's not a death sentence. I was just worried that things would end up like how they did with my mom, and that wrecked me. Please Doc, you have to believe me!" I was talking pretty loudly now, and she looked around and blushed at all of the people in the airport now looking at us.

"Wade- you can't just take back the things you said…"

"I know, and I wish I could, but let me make it up to you. Let me prove to you that I want this, that I want us, that I want you. Let me prove that this isn't too much for me to handle."

"And how do you think you're going to do that? Because Wade, from what I heard earlier, you don't have too much faith in that, so how am I?" I knew that there was no other option than to do what I was about to do. I had to win her back, and I would do whatever I could to achieve that. I just hoped it wouldn't make things worse. I dropped to one knee and heard a collective gasp from the crowd that had formed and Zoe.

"Zoe, let me start off by saying that I'm not doing this because you have cancer. I've had this ring since before you left for New York the first time. I know I've screwed up too many times to count, and you have every right to get on that plane in a few minutes. But just let me say this first. Let me protect you. Let me do whatever in my power I can do to comfort you. Let me love you, and help you whenever I can. Let me prove to you that I'm serious this time, and that I won't hurt you. Let me prove to you that I am the man you think I am. And I'm not saying it has to be this year, or even in the next five, but just someday, let me be the man of your life." I was shaking I was so nervous. It wasn't so much that I was worried about what she was going to say. She had every right to say no and get on the plane, I even half expected her to. I was worried about what happens afterwards when everyone saw me get rejected. I opened the box and showed her the ring, which had been my mothers. I had asked Earl about it only a month after we started dating, not that I planned on proposing that soon, but because I knew someday I would, and I wanted to have it if the moment ever came.

"Wade-I don't know what to say…"

"Yes would be a good start…" I chuckled nervously as I looked up and saw that she had tears in her eyes.

"Okay. Yes, I'll marry you!" She was grinning through her tears now and I slid the ring on her finger. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms around my neck. Usually PDA wasn't my things, but I couldn't help it. I kissed her with as much passion as I had that first night when she asked me to maybe consider being her boyfriend.

I put her down and she looks even more exhausted. I looked at her ticket in her hands, and she must've noticed.

"Just take me home Wade. I've got cancer, I'm tired, my feet hurt, my everything hurts, just take me home." She leaned into me and I put my arm around her. Everyone was clapping, which embarrassed the both of us even more.

"I guess everyone's a sucker for a sick girl love story." I smirked and she grinned and replied with a "guess so."

We picked up my shoes and other belongings from security all while Zoe couldn't tear her eyes off her ring.

"You like it?"

"I love it." She whispered and twisted it on her finger.