Readers: Feelings! Feelings! Why did they broke up? Feelings! Feelings! Oh Zoro has an FB. Feelings!
Me: Alright, alright I'll give you a flashback in, well, chapter nine.
Readers: Aw yis flashback! Hurry up chapter nine!
Me: But chapter ten is the ending.
Readers: Diable jambe...
Me: Tekkai!
Good Lord, this fic has become very OOC. In an unrelated news, my hair is a little longer now yay. A few more inches and I can cosplay Law hohohoh. I've been keeping a pixie cut since August drastically and I've been too obsessed with super short hair... I wish Oda gave Robin short hair post timeskip.
One Piece belongs to the great Oda.
Playing with people's minds sounds really fun.
"You're super crazy." Cutty Flam seated himself beside me in the front rows of the auditorium, smartly dressed in a Hawaiian, button-up shirt which was wrinkled at the appropriate places to sign that he did iron his shirt, but he did other things too, before he reached here. He had a big plastic cup of vanilla ice cream Coke float in his right hand, in which he raised to me. "Want?"
Reminded of how long it is since I last took any drink – even water – I nodded, taking the cup from him and sucking politely through the finger-sized pink straw, hoping to find melted vanilla ice cream in my mouth along with the ice cold carbonated caramel flavoured drink that comes with it. I had long ignored his comment of me being crazy, although I knew just what he meant. We both stared at a quick rehearsal of Act 25, in which the character Anastasia attends a singing audition to replace the character Lily, who had suffered from a vocal-related injury, in the play.
Perona did very well these past two days. I couldn't tell was it from her determination of presenting her best for the sake of her career – and having to sense rivalry, she might wanted to prove that she is better in a sense that is too complicated to explain – or was it from her effort of trying to get things out of her mind, unpleasant personal conflicts, perhaps, with herself, or with Zoro.
Zoro. Zoro, Zoro, Zoro. I repeated the name inside my head several times. Funny how a week ago, I was surprised by his presence, and my mind was obviously being tortured by long, sweet nostalgic feelings that surfaced after long being shoved off into the imaginary pit in my mind, locked by a heavy duty manhole cover and cemented with Grade 45 concrete mix – oh, how these feelings surfaced!
But now, wearing a cynical smile on my face, Flam could easily guess that I was up to something devilish, because obviously, nobody recovers from an emotional earthquake that fast. The rest of the production team noticed that Perona and I was giving each other cold shoulders, but profession-wise, we did talk, I comment on her performance as usual during post mortems and she'd put on a polite face before she marches up to me for advice. Despite being annoyed by her alone, I couldn't help but to respect her professional attitude she had managed to keep the entire time. Deep down, I'm aware that if given the chance, she might want to lock me up in the bathroom with poisonous gas, push me off the third floor balcony of the auditorium, or even, put bleach in my shampoo. She might.
"You're smiling so wide and she's working herself to the bone. Something happened between you two?" Flam asked again, in a low voice so calm, keeping a straight face so that he wouldn't look suspicious.
"Nothing happened between us," I replied, still smiling. My eyes were still on the stage, Perona tried to avoid my gaze. I was honest to Flam, nothing really happened between the two of us.
"Oh. What happened between you and Zoro-bro?" The guess escalated just too fast.
Not minding his question, I shook my head. My mouth sang along to the song Anastasia was singing, along with a minus-one the musicians prepared for rehearsals and practices.
"Don't tell me you guys are together again!"
I quickly denied. "We're not."
"Then?"
"Flam, have anyone ever came up to you before and warned you about how I'm dangerous, and that you should really stay away from me?"
"No, never."
"Oh, sorry. That might happen in only my imagination."
"You're ridiculous. I see nothing dangerous in trying to be friends with you."
"Oh, really?" I raised my eyebrows to him, and leaned closer. I placed my chin on the palm of my hand, my elbow sunk into the velvety cushion of the hands of the seat. I caught his eyes, maintaining my gaze. Was it worth a risk to demonstrate something to someone? I noticed how his breathing pace changed so quickly, even though he tried to hide it, and his eyes were uneasy. His mouth went dry and he quickly seals his lips together. His Adam's apple moved, indicating a gulp he tried to hide. There were pink tints across his face, underneath his pale skin. Was it worth the risk to demonstrate something to someone? Let's hope.
"Robin, what are you doing?" He summoned all his courage and confidence to ask.
"What? What am I doing, Flam?" I kept my smile, while pretending to be oblivious.
Playfully, he broke the intensity between us, and pushed my shoulders like he usually does – it's the one trademark gesture to indicate that we're actually a pair of best friends of different genders, sort of like what they call, a sign of friendzone. The purpose was entirely clear, to correct everyone else who had misunderstood our friendly relationship! "You're crazy. Super crazy."
"You get it now?"
"You, evil... lady-monster!"
I laughed at Flam choice of name. "Evil purple robin!" I corrected, because Zoro used to resemble me with a purple robin, although colour wasn't a point in the psychology question: imagine in your head, that you're in a forest, what's the first animal you see? A robin, a purple one. "Flam, I grow up with scraped knees, an uncanny head and surrounded by testosterone. I ended up with an unshared knowledge of how to manipulate men."
"You have that 'talent', eh. I'm just thankful you don't use it that often."
"I have my own standards, thank you very much."
"What did you do to Zoro?"
"I'm being a nice little girl, I don't need to put much effort into it. Be available whenever he needs someone to talk to. Listen to his rants. Make him feel good, comfortable, like he didn't need to hold back laughing. Avoid from getting on his bad side. Appear innocent but still, comforting. Welcomed him into my kitchen-"
"Ooh, no seduction?"
"I have my limits, Flam."
"And then?"
"Make him coffee. Pour him a glass of wine. Be polite. Provide him warmth with just words. Smile a lot, to remind him of how much he will miss that. But while at it, I'm being untouchable. I'm playing with his mind, Flam."
"What do you mean, untouchable?"
"Avoid being too personal. Refuse his invites. I'm being something that he crave for so badly, yet something he couldn't have. You know, like the expensive pair of Adidas shoes you see through the glass window everytime you walk by an Adidas outlet store, but then, it costs you what, half your monthly salary, and given all the other financial commitments, you know you couldn't afford it, let alone have it on your feet for just two, three seconds?"
Chang laughed. "You really are, an evil, super twisted, purple robin – whatever that means."
"I just love messing up with his head."
"You're being mean to Perona, Robin. No wonder she worked herself to the bone."
I nodded. "It's nice to be threatening to someone I'm not really fond of. I feel victorious."
"I feel sorry for her. She must've lived day and night listening to Zoro comparing you and her. I hate being compared to someone else. It sucks, it brings down your confidence. You're messing up their relationship, Robin."
Flam's words struck me like God Enel's lightning bolt, and suddenly guilt stirred up and clenched my lungs, making me harder to breathe. Reality, reality was what he just muttered so spontaneously. I am, whether I'm conscious or not, messing up with their relationship. Zoro is happily off with someone else now – happily? Was he happy? – and I have no place to mess up with that. All my lives I thought, nothing matters most than seeing the one you love, happy. I should be grateful that despite how things didn't work out between us, he smiles and laughs and loves. Whether they're the genuine kind, or otherwise, is another question that I shouldn't touch.
But will she make her happy? Will she hold her when he cries? Will she watch all his favourite movies, and sings to all his favourite movies? Will she tell him every day that she loves him, deeper than she could swim? Will she be able to love him like I love him?
Selfishness ran down my throat, guilt was eating me up so slowly inside. All those unpleasant thoughts and feelings swarmed in like the historical tsunami in December. If he is happy, why should I hate him for that?
"I'm sorry, Robin. I didn't mean to make you feel bad." He said, and at that, I found myself pale and shaking.
"It's fine," I took a long sip of the Coke float, now not as icy anymore. "You're right. I shouldn't mess up other people's lives."
"Yeah, but you'll be unhappy."
"That shouldn't matter."
"Why not?"
"Because that's selfish."
"So? If you're unhappy, what's the point of living? You love Zoro? Then go ahead and love him. He doesn't love you anymore, so what? It's not like he needs to be there feeding you with love. All the longing, throw them behind. Messing up with their relationship, well, okay I admit that's just super mean. But she allowed herself to feel threatened, and he allowed himself to compare between you too – if you love someone, you shouldn't ever compare him or her to someone else! They're at fault too, you know? Do whatever makes you happy, Robin. If loving him makes you happy, then love him. If say, you die tomorrow, would you be having regrets?"