Hunters of the Stars Chronicle 1: Hunt for the Self-Proclaimed Lord
Chapter 4: The Worst Mark Ever!
Last we left our heroes in Eruyt Village with a new hunt taken up for CLAMZILLA!!! Just kidding it's actually Lord Janzyn.
In Eruyt village…
"Okay, now we need supplies, down payment, and a liability waiver, and the location of this womanizing jackass and her brother!" Hilron told the Viera.
"You used Lena first?" Greta asked.
"Lesbians sicken me."
"And we need a five year supply of candy! What is a lesbian?" Darling wondered. Hilron sighed.
"Never mind. It's what we sometimes think you are."
"I'm a pureblood Viera! I like candy! Gimme the candy now!"
"I swear, if didn't know any better I'd say you came from a fat Viera, a Viera so fat even Naruto can't believe it!" Tom-Tom joked.
Somewhere in the hidden leaf village…
Kakashi: What's wrong Naruto?
Naruto: I have this strange feeling that someone used me in a Yo Momma joke saying I couldn't believe and you'd better believe it!
Back in Eruyt village…
"I wanna go shoot something! Kupopo!" Pommel complained.
"Shoot Darling!" Hilron told the Moogle.
"He can't shoot me! I'm bulletproof!" Darling yelped.
"What is she saying?" One of the Viera asked.
"She's trying to lie. She's done it before." Hilron explained.
"Yeah and this isn't her worst lie. There was this one time she told us that she was pregnant…" Greta began.
(Flashback)
Darling skips up to Hilron happily. "Hilron! Guess what? You're going to be a daddy!" She announced.
Hilron points a gun at her.
"Rephrase that." The Hume stated.
"I'm going to have a baby and you're the daddy!"
"Darling, that isn't possible. Hilron has never…" Greta began.
"NOBODY DID! SHE ISN'T PREGNANT! WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH HER?! She probably just has internal parasites or something." Hilron roared.
"Maybe Viera can reproduce differently, kupo, or something. You know, like kupo aphids or something." Pommel suggested.
"That girl eats things she finds on the ground. She has worms. I bet you five hundred Gil it's worms."
(End flashback)
"It was just worms, and I won five hundred Gil!" Hilron finished for Greta. The Nu Mou nodded.
Bang!
"Shooting Darling is fun and all but I want a harder target, Kupo!" Pommel said.
"Let's hope Darling bleeds to death on the way there!" Greta added.
"She won't. I just shot her through the ear."
Darling has a hole through one of her bunny ears.
Hours later…
"Okay let's see: left of the Marlboros (Stupid smoking Malboros), past the tree where the Stabberwocky lives (though a Viera sacrifice may be in order), and down cross the river with the sweet sassafras's, then we will come across a dock… wait there are no stabberwockies in the Golmore jungle!" Hilron said, reading the map he had found Darling colouring all over. She said she found it in a magic pot.
"What will we do to Lord Janzyn? He's one of only a few male Viera in the world! Only one out of twelve baby Viera is a boy! Will we hurt him?" Darling asked.
"Oh, of course not!" Hilron lied.
"I'm just gonna smash him kupo flatter than your chest!" Pommel yelled excitedly, holding a mallet bigger than him.
"I got the implants!" Darling whined.
"Are you sure you're a female, Darling?" Greta asked.
"Yes,
she's a woman! Remember the last time you asked us and she stripped
so she could PROVE IT?!" Hilron replied hastily so Darling didn't
have a chance to react.
"Don't remind me!" Tom-Tom growled
"Can I help for once in the hunt?" Darling asked.
Hilron smiled evilly. "Sure, we can't do it without you." He said.
"YAY!"
Minutes later…
"Stay here while we hide and wait for Janzyn."
"Yeah. And don't do anything stupid." Greta added.
"That's like telling a fish not to swim."
"Yeah Greta. Hilron says that I'm a really stupid Viera and I have to act like it so that no males fall in love with me and want to make more stupid little Viera with me." Darling said. She was tied to a tree.
"That's right. Darling isn't allowed to have kids."
"Why not?
"Because two stupid viera equal one extremely stupid viera, Kupo!" Pommel replied.
"Besides we don't need another stupid viera tagging along!" Hilron remarked.
"You mean this WORLD doesn't need another kupo stupid Viera, kupo!"
"What if I had your son, Hilron?" Darling asked.
Hilron made a choking sound "That isn't happening, because if I had a choice between you and death, I'd shoot myself. No, scratch that. I'd shoot YOU!"
"Here, here!" Tom-Tom applauded.
Darling struggles to free herself and the rest hide. Soon enough, a pair of Viera shows up. One of them is a young female. The other is male, even though he looks and sounds female.
"Those are girls." Greta whispered.
"My cousin Pomegranate says that male Viera are hard to tell from females sometimes. That might not be him, but I think that is a male Viera. Take a good look at him. The young one with him is definitely female, but I think that's a male." Pommel told her.
"Yeah. He looks more like Darling than that girl with him. It's hard to tell that Darling is a female. It's either another sadly underdeveloped female, or a male." Tom-Tom said in the quietest voice he could use.
The other Viera sees Darling and rushes over to her.
"Hi. I'm Lord Janzyn, King of the Jungle. Nice to meet you. Want to be the mother of my children?" The male Viera asked.
"Hilron says that he's gonna have me taken to a veterinarian and fixed one of these days before I can bring any more stupid Viera into the world!" Darling said happily.
"Who is Hilron?"
"He's my boyfriend. He loves me. We're gonna get married! He's right over there! Say hi Hilron!" Darling waves at the group, revealing their location.
"I'm… gonna… kill… that… Viera… kid." Hilron growled.
The group shows themselves.
"Uh-oh." Janzyn said, getting ready to fight (and then run like hell when he's near defeat).
Here's the moment you've been waiting for! The Climax of this chronicle at least… just kidding! This story is going to go on for a while, and this is just the first chronicle! There will be more chronicles to come!
Naruto and all affiliated characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. Lord Janzyn and Lena are owned by Vieraheart15 herself.