Chapter 6 – The Fifty Finalists

The always cheery announcer approached the microphone. "Please gather around, for many of you your hopes and dreams are fixing to be shattered because I have the list of the final group! Isn't that great?"

There was no response from the crowd, just a few grunts and groans.

"I know it is. Here we go… in no particular order…

Yoshi, Amazee Dayzee, Bowser, Jeffrey Star the Koopa, Daisy, The Red Axem Ranger, Bombette, Monty Mole, Peach, Birdo, Professor E. Gadd, Kammy Koopa, Lady Bow, Big Bertha, Bullet Bill, Luigi, Parakarry, Ashlee Simpson the Pokey, Wiggler, Baby Bowser, Mallow, Geno, Petey Piranha, Piantissimo, Jinx, Waluigi, Lakilester, Janice Dickinson the Dry Bones, Marilyn, Brighton, Bobo the Ukiki, Wario, Toad, Raphael, Frogfucius, Dodo, Valentina, Don Pianta, Toadette, Goombario, Johnny Depp the Shy Guy, Rawk Hawk, Jonathon Jones, Doopliss, Twila, The Green Axem Ranger, Pidgit, Rover the Chain Comp, Mario… and Sonic?"

Out of nowhere the classic Christmas song began to play. Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see? Do you hear what I hear? Do you hear what I hear?

The contestants looked around and found the blue hedgehog with a sly grin on his face.

"He's not even from Mushroom Kingdom… hell he isn't even from the Mario series!" One participant exclaimed.

The announcer looked toward the judges who nodded in approval. "Well, the judges say it's alright so it's alright with me. If your name was not called please leave the palace grounds immediately or we will get those vicious chain chomps to make you."

Once the area was clear of all the losers, the lucky finalists were gathered in a group around the stage as the announcer smiled at them. "I have good news for you all!"

Most of the participants perked up but their faces quickly turned back to the solemn state they had before as the announcer continued, "I'm your host for the whole game show! Isn't that just amazing?"

"Oh, goody." Goombario sarcastically stated.

"I know! I am like the most awesomiest bestiest wonderfuliest host there ever was and will ever be! Let me introduce myself. My name is Kandy and I'm oh so sweet." The announcer did some unimpressive twirls and danced around the stage while singing.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout, when you wanna fuck me, I won't shout! Because I'm a little teapot short and stout.

The contestants stared at her wide-eyed.

"That is so not how it goes." Sonic muttered.

Peach's instinctive princess attitude kicked in. "Please, Kandy, there are children present!"

A voice from the unknown, "Yes, Kandy, you wouldn't want me to take you out of the story now would you? Look at all the little children who read this."

Kandy laughed. "Psh, no one even reads this." Out of the blue she began slapping herself over and over. "Ouch! Who's doing that?"

The giant voice continued, "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Boy that was fun." Suddenly he re-realizes the audience. "Oh yes, sorry about that. But I felt and you probably did too that she deserved it."

Even the players mumbled in agreement.

The disgruntled announcer shook her head a few times to try and clear away the dizziness. "Since you signed the contract, you have to live in the place that we assign you. Guys, blindfold 'em." She shouted in glee.

From the bushes, trees, and any other hiding spots you could think of jumped black ninjas.

"Hey, why you gotta be racist?"

Sorry…if I must be politically correct; ninjas dressed in black, they attacked the players with Juno-Chops and knocked them out. All of the contestants were blindfolded and transported to the secret location. This was more than likely not necessary, considering the 'secret location' was simply down the road, but it sure did make for some great television.

After arriving at the location, Kandy went around and began tapping them on the forehead. "Wake up, sleepy heads… come on, its time to get up… I said get your lazy asses up!" Although she got increasingly louder none of the competitors stirred.

Eventually the judges got some smelling salts and proceeded to one by one wake up the contestants.

'Where are we?' was the general question.

Kandy flipped a big light switch on the wall. Their location was a warehouse, nothing special, about half the size of a football field. "Good question, this is where you will live when you aren't competing."

Bombette looked around in disbelief. "All fifty of us? Where are the beds?"

Kandy grinned evilly yet in her own sick and twisted sweetness. "You can earn them. But I do always say the floor is the best bed of all!"

"Why would anyone in their right mind say that?" Wario asked.

Mario laughed. "Well you do have to remember she isn't in her right mind."

The announcer pretended to ignore him. "Because it keeps your back perfectly aligned, so when you're old you won't be a hunchback."

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Just a soreback."

"Let me explain everything that you need to know. The door over there labeled 'Confession Room' is the… well, confession room. Periodically you will be asked to go inside and tell whatever you would like, but it's always open when you feel like dishing some dirty secrets about your fellow contestants. The kitchen is right over there. We will provide you with food. There is one bathroom with one toilet and one shower, so you better make it work because quite frankly I don't give a damn. Throughout the show, the top five finishers of each challenge will get a prize of some sort, the first of which is a queen-size bed. Share with whoever you want… pick someone horny cause we need the ratings."

The men in the room glanced around at the ladies with curious smiles which were met with disgusted ones.

Kandy continued in her high-pitched happy voice. "But for now, in the same way that the top five get prizes the bottom five go home. When we get to the top thirty the system will change slightly and randomly there so on. I'll explain more when we get to that point. We asked that you bring with you a single bag of clothes and other necessities, really, anything that you could fit in that one bag. The luggage is over against the wall with the proper name attached to each. Get settled because you're going to be here for a while. Make friends, make enemies, hell whatever you have to do to keep your sanity is fine with me. You will be notified later by your's truly about your first challenge which will take place tomorrow. I'll take a question or two if you have them."

Ashlee Simpson was the first allowed to speak, "What do we do in our spare time? There's no television, no computers, no nothing!"

Kandy pointed to a closet. "Oh yes there is! We have a couple of games for you in that closet along with some other things you might find handy, the phone room is available right over there, but you are only allowed five minutes a day. And as always, you have each other. I'm sorry but question time is over."

"But you only answered one question!" The Green Axem ranger exclaimed.

"One question too many, I assure you. You'll figure everything else out on your own, you people look… somewhat intelligent. Adios for now!" She skipped happily to the only exit and typed in the security code, leaving without another word.

Everyone found their own suitcase and made a spot in the room 'their's'. Mostly the good guys grouped together and the same with the bad guys. As expected, and wanted by the producers, an argument begin to brew.

"Peach, you've been in the bathroom for an hour! Get the hell out!" Valentina shouted through the door.

"Bite me, bitch!" Peach yelled back.

"Oh, I won't bite you… but I have someone right here who will! Dodo, get over here, you stupid bird."

Dodo rushed over to his sidekick, and in all aspects his owner. "Yes madum, I'm hur fur you."

Daisy who happened to be nearby and observing this rushed over. "If you've got a problem with Peach, you've got a problem with me, monkey breath."

The lone Ukiki out of the group, who happens to be named Bobo, looked over to them. "Hey… I resent that!"

The bathroom door opened and Peach splashed a handful of water onto Valentina's face. "Are you gonna melt now, witch?"

In the Confession Room…

The humming of Bowser is heard… eventually the light is turned on. Bowser, who has his pants down and a newspaper in his hands which luckily covered everything too important, blushes and roars.

"This isn't the bathroom?"

Back by the real bathroom…

Valentina glared at Peach, wiping the water from her face. "Dodo, teach this whore the lesson she deserves!"

Mario quickly made his way to the bathroom. "Ladies, ladies… can't we just get along?"

"You stay out of it!" The three girls screamed simultaneously.

Dodo charged Peach and bit her hard on the arm, not a second later a loud alarm began to sound in the warehouse.

"What is that?" Janice Dickinson, the dry bones, questioned as she covered her ears.

The door to the warehouse opened and in walked Kandy as the alarm subsided. "What is that? That was the disqualification bell, if you ever hear it you know that someone has been disqualified from the game due to a violation of the rules. And can anyone guess who has broken the rules?"

Toadette began to jump up and down excitedly. "I know! I know!"

Kandy rolled her eyes. "Yes, Toadette?"

"Dodo because he attacked Peach." She replied with a timid smile.

Valentina spoke up to defend her companion. "He was only listening to me. I am responsible! And Peach provoked him, she should be disqualified!"

"Peach didn't physically hit anybody and that is perfectly fine. But as for you two, you're both disqualified!" Kandy shouted back.

Valentina looked around a moment. "Uh… he made his own choice, it's his fault! I had nothing to do with it!"

"Buh-buh-but, Valentina, you supposed to be me friend." Dodo said with tears in his eyes.

She walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder. "Sorry, old pal, but you're leaving not me."

The announcer stepped forward. "Very well, Dodo you have been disqualified because of your actions. You must leave immediately."

After being forced to leave by ninjas, chain chomps, and the police department Dodo finally left. Kandy addressed the remaining contestants.

"Please behave, the first eliminations weren't even set until tomorrow and we've already sent a person home. Things will continue as planned and five people will still be eliminated at the challenge tomorrow."

Kandy's words fell upon deaf ears. Everyone knew there would be more players disqualified. It was inevitable. Something or someone would start another fight, one person will take a hit and there…bon voyage! Trying to live with the other opponents was half the challenge. The contestants knew that, Kandy knew that, the judges and producers knew that, everyone knew that. That's what made it all the more exciting.