Chapter 9 – The KKK
As promised, the contestants were transported back to the base within thirty minutes, this time without the unnecessary use of ninjas. The five losers packed their belongings and were promptly kicked off the show.
Waluigi was furious at the elimination of his brother, especially when a monkey threw shit on the walls and was not only passed through but was one of the winners. He proceeded to release his anger in the confession room. He screamed at the camera and took in a few deep breaths, then released a slew of obscenities.
"Sorry about that, but I'm just so freaking pissed off right now. Don't worry, brother, I will get that damn little monkey for you. I will win this whole damn thing! At least he didn't put shit on the walls, god, those judges are going to die!!!"
Meanwhile…
Peach jumped onto her queen-size bed, sighing happily. "Oh, Mario, come join me."
The plumber joined her, resting his head on her leg. "Care to make some good television tonight?"
"In your dreams." She replied with a shocked look. Mario didn't think anything of it, he knew if the cameras weren't there that it would have been a very different situation.
Jeffrey Star was also relaxing on his prize. He scanned the room before stopping upon Geno. "Hey baby, I got this nice big comfy bed if you want to join me."
He looked at one of the cameras nearby, fiercely whispering to it. "Help me!"
"Aw, come on, I'm waiting." Jeffrey patted the spot beside him before continuing. "I don't bite… unless you want me to."
Valentina on the other hand didn't want a bedmate, slapping anyone who even came near her. She looked deeply into her mirror, blowing it kisses. "Who's the fairest of them all?" Next she disguised her voice, pretending to be the mirror. "Why you are, Miss V." She curled her hair in one finger, grinning wildly. "Oh, I know."
"Tell your mirror to get some glasses." Janice Dickinson muttered as she passed.
The professor had already altered his bed to recline, heat the sheets, and even make damn espressos. He took a sip from his gourmet coffee, licking the foam from his lips. "Ah, this is so much better than the floor." He looked up to see Amazee Dayzee eyeing him expectantly.
"What the hell are you looking at?" He asked.
She slowly crept over a few steps at a time. "TUKI-YUM-YUM!"
"Oh mommy."
The last prize winner, Bobo, was jumping up and down on his bed. The spectacle had actually gathered a few viewers.
Kammy Koopa stared at him, her head bobbing up and down as he jumped. "One little monkey jumping on the bed…"
Bowser went up and pushed him off, laughing while he did it. "Oops."
She continued with the song. "…He fell off and bumped his head, mama called the doctor and the doctor said–"
"HELP ME!!!" Gadd screamed as he ran by, Amazee Dayzee on his heels.
They all watched him pass, shrugging their shoulders.
Exhausted from the day's challenge, many of the contestants went to bed early that evening. Bobo had been knocked unconscious when he fell, so his bed was practically up for grabs. Bowser claimed it as his own and no one was brave enough to fight him for it. It was quite a Kodak moment… Bowser, Kammy Koopa, and Baby Bowser all snug as three bugs in a rug, asleep in the bed.
Actually, many of the beds had some threesome or foursome action going on except of course Valentina. Peach was joined by Mario, Luigi, and Daisy in her bed. Professor E. Gadd found it impossible to get away from Amazee Dayzee so he befriended her, yes, a very odd friendship at that. You may find it hard to believe, but he has the heart of a cuddly grandfather and couldn't resist the cuteness of Bombette and Mallow. They lay right at his side; Amazee Dayzee chose to sleep at the end of the bed, like a dog or cat. Luckily, all the others are short so it didn't bother them at all.
The sun was rising as Geno sleepily opened his eyes, the light beams disturbing his rest as they made their way through the single window in the 'home'. It was a window high in the ceiling and happened to be right over the bed he was sleeping in. He turned to see Jeffrey Star and immediately jumped up falling from the bed. The movement woke Jeffrey who looked to him curiously.
"Come back to bed, sweetie." Jeffrey said to him in the best 'sexy' voice he could muster.
Geno's mouth dropped. "Wh-what happened last night?"
"I had you screaming; "Yes, oh yes, don't stop!" all night." He replied, a sly grin on his face.
As fate would have it, Jeffrey wasn't lying in the least. The night-vision cameras caught some very dirty action… let's take a look shall we?
Rewinding to the previous night…
Everyone was already sleeping as Geno stumbled drunkenly over to Jeffrey's bed. "Hey, man, is your offer still open?"
He licked his lips in return, giving him a wink. "Oh yea, anything for you, stud."
Geno eased between the cool sheets, throwing his clothes off, his body remaining hidden underneath the blankets. Then that's when Jeffery disappeared beneath them as well. And the motion of–
STOP!
If we want to keep this PG-13 rated, moving forward would be a very intelligent idea.
Fast-forwarding to the current moment after that unnecessary innuendo…
Geno rushed to the bathroom, quickly showering but it didn't wash away the shame.
Pidgit awoke and looked around, glancing at his watch. "Where's Kandy? I'm surprised that dumb bitch hasn't already gotten here."
Not five seconds later, Kandy emerged from the single exit.
"You just had to say something, didn't you?" Bowser shouted to him.
"Wakey wakey, sunshine. Time for your next elimination challenge!" She screamed gleefully.
Most of the contestants were awake and well ready, knowing that she would come for them at some outrageous early hour.
Raphael rolled his eyes. "You don't have to yell, we're right here."
Kandy skipped over to him, pulling his ear to her mouth, whispering. "Is this better?"
"Um… yes?"
"SHUT UP!" She shouted into his ear. "Did I ask for your opinion?"
He brought his leg back to kick the shit out of her. Kandy simply laughed. "Go ahead and do it. But you have to ask yourself, is it worth 100,000,000 coins?"
Raphael bit his tongue to silence himself, slowly returning his foot back to the ground instead of up Kandy's ass like he would've wanted it.
Our overly obnoxious host let out a girly giggle. "That's what I thought. Can anyone guess what we're doing today?"
"Playing pin the knife in Kandy?" Kammy Koopa hatefully replied. Many of the other contestants snickered at her response.
If looks could kill, Kandy would have just murdered everyone in the room. "No, but knives are involved."
"We have to murder someone and whoever covers it up the best wins?" Don Pianta questioned, using his pessimistic mind.
Everyone slowly took a step away from him as Kandy spoke. "No, you psycho, guess again."
Jeffrey leaped into the air, suddenly full of excitement. "We get to cook?"
Kandy grinned as she nodded. Bowser was far from excited to say in the least. "Ah, shit, something else that's totally queer."
Luigi laughed at his comment. "What do you expect? The judges are a gay designer, a fashion model, and someone who can laugh at how bad we do."
"He's got a point." Baby Bowser said to his upset father. He was going to reply until Kandy cut him off.
"And the good news continues, we're using teams this challenge. Don't get too excited though, we've already chosen them. I'll tell you about all of that after we arrive at the kitchen."
The players were loaded into an 18-wheeler and transported to the location of the day's previous challenge. Except this time it was a giant kitchen, the judges table was in its same place.
Daisy looked around confused. "Isn't this where we were yesterday?"
"Yep."
"How did you guys manage to set this all up in less than a day?" She questioned.
Kandy shrugged. "Secrets of television." Then she proceeded to tell everyone the groups for 'Kandy's Kooking Kontest' or so she labeled it, being easily abbreviated to the KKK. The teams were announced as follows…
Team A
Peach
Rover
Wiggler
Monty Mole
Team B
Doopliss
Jeffrey Star
Baby Bowser
Bombette
Team C
Yoshi
Lady Bow
Sonic
Raphael
Team D
Waluigi
Twila
Bobo
Goombario
Team E
Toad
Amazee Dayzee
Green Axem Ranger
Janice Dickinson
Team F
Luigi
Ashlee Simpson
Big Bertha
Pidgit
Team G
Professor E. Gadd
Petey Piranha
Jinx
Birdo
Team H
Frogfucius
Daisy
Bowser
Piantissimo
Team I
Valentina
Red Axem Ranger
Don Pianta
Kammy Koopa
Team J
Geno
Toadette
Lakilester
Brighton
Team K
Mario
Johnny Depp
Mallow
Parakarry
Peach glanced around at her teammates, obviously upset. "How is it that I got stuck with a bunch of losers?"
"I didn't fair much better." Luigi retorted.
"Oh, would you please stop bitching." Simon interrupted, placing his hand on his head to accentuate his annoyance.
Kandy gave a loud sigh. "Oh yes, that reminds me… you all know the judges." She pointed gingerly to each, restating their names for TV purposes.
"As you can see, there are eleven teams with four members each. At the end of the challenge the top five and the bottom five teams will be revealed. Meaning one team will automatically be safe. For the other teams though, one winner will be announced from each of the top five. And in the same fashion, one loser will be announced from each of the bottom five. Now, for the KKK…"
The lights above focused on eleven different cooking stations, each with their own ovens, sinks, burners, kitchenware, and anything else you might possibly need to cook with.
Heidi resumed the explanation where Kandy left off. "Your job is to work together to create a three course meal in which we will taste and judge. Not only will you be tested on the matter of how good the food is, we will also add or deduct points for creativity and how the food is plated. The main freezer and pantry are located in the middle of the stations for easy access, and contain almost any ingredients imaginable."
"You will have ten minutes to come up with the idea for your meal, an additional forty minutes to prepare, and finally one hour to cook. A separate ten minutes are set aside and can be used as you wish, we suggest for the plating." Frank added and then nudged Simon.
"Hm? Oh, am I supposed to say something right now? I am? Oh, right… begin?" He looked around for a moment. "What that right?"
The producers whispered and told him it was, then Simon looked to the waiting contestants. "I just said begin… so what the bloody hell are you waiting for?"
The players quickly rushed off to their assigned stations, and thus the KKK begun.