Chapter 12 – Mirror, Mirror… Who Sings the Fairest of Them All?

The contestants were exhausted and soggy when they made it back to the base but they were glad they were somewhere where they could get away from Kandy and Simon.

Mario slumped onto Peach's bed. "Man this thing is getting more intense each day."

"I know, hopefully we won't have another Mallow incident." Peach replied, glancing in the cloud's direction. He was as solemn as ever but he didn't have any more tears to cry. That was definitely a good thing.

Suddenly they heard someone screaming across the room. It was Valentina and she looked furious.

"What's wrong now?" Peach muttered to herself.

"WHO DID IT? WHO TOOK IT?" She yelled at an ear-piercing level.

Jinx looked at her as if she was deranged. "Who took what?"

"Don't look at me like that. My mirror! Some little thief has stolen my precious mirror and when I find out who it is they are going to be sorry!" Valentina screamed in return, setting her sights on Peach and storming in her direction.

Peach couldn't help but laugh. "You think I stole your stupid mirror? What would I want with your crummy old mirror?"

"I know you did it! Just confess and I won't press charges." She replied slyly.

"I have nothing to confess because I didn't take it. Don't assume things, you little whore." Peach shot back at her, getting more and more upset about the fact that this stupid bitch was accusing her of doing something she didn't even do.

Valentina walked over to her, standing over her as Peach sat on her bed. "When I find it you are mine! You better not go to sleep tonight."

Peach slowly stood, forcing Valentina to step back. "Is that a threat?"

"Oh you know it is." She replied and just as she was going to push Peach she noticed something out of the corner of her eye.

It was Amazee Dayzee, slowly skipping along happily in its own little world. Accustomed to its wackiness normally Valentina wouldn't have given the retarded little flower a second glance, but it wasn't Amazee Dayzee itself that caught her eye. It was what she was holding.

"Stop right there, you little monster." Valentina shouted as she turned to face Amazee Dayzee.

She actually listened and stopped, slowly turning. "Tuki?"

"Yes, you! What is that in your hand?"

Amazee Dayzee held up Valentina's mirror, looking at herself in it. "TUKI-TUKI-TUKI-TUKI!"

She gasped as she began to charge. "My mirror! Give that back this instance!"

"Told you I didn't take it." Peach mockingly called to her.

Instead of running as Amazee Dayzee would normally do it held its ground. Its eyes turned red as it began a slow growl. "TUUUUKKKKKIIIII."

Valentina stopped a foot away, slightly frightened but determined to get her mirror back. It was her most prized possession, how else was she going to admire herself all day? "Just give it back and no one will get hurt."

Amazee Dayzee smiled, looking into the mirror laughing. "Tuki-tuki-tuki. Tuki-tuki-tuki? TUKI-TUKI."

"Does anybody have any idea what she is saying?" Valentina asked in frustration.

Professor E. Gadd perked up. "I do. She said, 'You want this? Over my dead body!' She seems to be quite attached. I wouldn't go for it if I was you."

Valentina rolled her eyes, no one told her what to do. "And why not?"

"Because Amazee Dayzees might seem like primitive creatures but they are very protective. They have been known to kill over things that they like, even stupid old mirrors." He replied matter-of-factly.

Amazee Dayzee looked over at the professor and smiled, nodding happily. She frolicked over to him and hugged him. It was at times like this Gadd was happy that he befriended the weird flower.

"Well since she likes you so much why don't you ask her for it?" Valentina proposed, determined as ever.

He shrugged in return. "I'll try." There was a conversation in Tuki between the two and they shared a couple of laughs before he turned toward Valentina. "Nope, sorry."

Her eyes began to welt up. "Why not? It's my mirror!"

The professor grinned evilly. "Normally I wouldn't use this language but it is a direct quote from Amazee Dayzee herself. 'Because you are a cunt muncher and I don't like you very much.'"

"Good enough reason to me." Bowser stated with a snicker.

Valentina was shocked and attempted to reply but instead marched off to the confession room to vent her anger.

"You know, I'm beginning to like that Amazee Dayzee." Peach said to Mario with a grin.

He chuckled softly before he replied. "Me too."

Later that evening…

It was around eight when Kandy walked onto the scene even more bubbly than the contestants had seen her before.

"Oh great, look at the way she's smiling something bad is about to happen." Lakilester stated to Toad.

The cheery host sighed happily. "How is everyone this fine night?"

There was a variety of responses; tired, annoyed, upset, on the verge of suicide, TUKI-TUKI, your mother, bend over and I'll show you, etc.

"That's good to hear. Would anyone like to know what we have in store for you tomorrow?" She continued as if everyone was as happy as could be.

Once again there was an array of responses; no, I want my mirror, if I get to kill you I don't care, maybe, stick your finger in an automatic pencil sharpener, etc.

Kandy smiled as she swayed her head, looking at all of the players. "I'll give you a hint. Frank's idea was Design Time, Heidi's was the KKK, and what do you think Simon's is?"

We have to kiss his ass, we have to take his mean remarks and who doesn't cry wins, we get to push him down an escalator that's going up so he keeps falling forever, we have to run into a wall of rusty nails… were only some of the ideas listed by the contestants.

It was Peach who actually said what she thought it would be. "We have to sing?"

Kandy's head spun around 360 degrees before focusing on Peach.

"Where's an exorcist when you need one?" Sonic mumbled to himself.

"You've got it Peach! Tomorrow you get to sing in front of the panel, isn't that just great?"

Bowser's eyes widened. "I can't sing."

Kandy giggled. "Then you'll be going home! Choose your song tonight because first thing in the morning your voices better be ready! Good luck, haha, most of you are going to need it." She skipped happily to exit before pausing, her head spinning around once more. "Oh, and here's the first delivery of the gourmet food for the winners of the KKK."

Sonic shook his head slowly. "Does anyone else think that's really psychotic? Release the demons!"

As Kandy left five delivery boys from Torte's International Gourmet entered and handed out the bags of food to Baby Bowser, Jeffrey Star, Professor E. Gadd, Lady Bow, and Petey Piranha.

Baby Bowser predictably shared with his father, Geno talked Jeffrey into sharing but only if he slept with him again, the Professor chose to share with Amazee Dayzee because her eyes started turning red, Lady Bow gave her food to Mario and Peach because she's a ghost and doesn't eat, and Petey didn't share because he's so fat he ate both helpings.

The unlucky contestants got stuck with grilled cheese, spam, and onions.

The next morning…

Peach was up bright and early, practicing her vocals for that day's challenge. Amazee Dayzee didn't sleep at all because she was afraid Valentina would steal the mirror while she slept.

It was half past seven when Kandy graced everyone with her presence. She was apparently a morning person, an afternoon person, and an evening person due to the fact that she was always as joyful throughout the day. Perhaps it was simply an act. "I hope all of you have your songs chosen and your singing voices ready."

"How are we supposed to sing good this early in the morning?" Brighton questioned.

Kandy shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. Sounds like a personal problem to me. Alright everyone, load 'em up we're heading out."

The contestants were transported to the mysterious building where the other challenges took place. I say mysterious because they always managed to change the set less than 24 hours later. This time was no exception, there was a medium-sized stage and in front of it was the judges table. The giant kitchen that was there yesterday was long gone. No one knew how they did it.

Heidi, Frank, and Simon were in their usual spots and greeted the contestants as they came in. Kandy then began to explain the rules for this particular challenge. "This challenge is called; Karaoke Hour. Each of you will one by one come in and stand on the stage. State your name and what you are going to sing. You will be given a minimum of ten seconds to perform, after that any one of the judges may interrupt you. If its Simon, that probably means you suck. If its Heidi or Frank you've done well enough to pass on to the next round. From the contestants who do not pass the first round, the judges will select the five worst and they will be eliminated. For the contestants who pass the first round, the judges will select ten to perform for a second time and from those pick the five winners."

The players were led to their favorite place… the waiting room. Kandy grinned at them. "I just know you're dying to know who gets to go first. We have randomly picked the first five to come with me…Toadette, Goombario, Bowser, Ashlee Simpson, and Doopliss."

Toadette hesitantly entered the room, stepping onto the stage. She tapped the microphone a few times before speaking. "Um… h-hi, my name's Toadette and I will be singing Lucky by Britney S. Toad."

Simon held back a smirk as he nodded. "Begin when you're ready."

Isn't she lovely this Hollywood girl?

And they say she's so lucky

She's a STAR

But she cries cries cries

In her lonely heart thinking

If there's nothing missing in my life

Than why do these tears come at night?

"Stop. She probably cries because she has to listen to you sing or perhaps it's because she's married to K-Fed. That was horrendous. Next, please." Simon quickly interrupted.

Poor Toadette burst into tears and ran out of the room, making Goombario that much more nervous. He slowly entered the room his hat turned backwards walking like a pimp. "Yo, the name's Goombario. And I'm gonna be laying down for you Baby Got Back by Sir Mixalot."

Heidi shook her head slowly, knowing this was going to be disastrous.

I like BIG BUTTS and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And that big round thing in your face

You get SPRUNG

I wanna get witcha

So I can take your picture

My homies tried to console me

But that butt you got makes ME SO HORNY

"Stop. Please contain the erection in your pants long enough to hear this. I would rather have the Earth explode than listen to you for thirty seconds." Simon scorned.

Goombario frowned. "Really?"

"No, I take that back. For more than ten seconds, it was that awful. Just go. Next?"

Bowser was the next person in line, the judges hardly recognized him because he was in all drag; a blonde wig on his head and thick red lipstick on his mouth. "Morning. I'm Bowser and I'm going to sing Bad Girls by Donna S. Toad."

Friday night and the strip is hot, HOT

Some go down and their mouths drop, MOUTHS DROP

Spirit's high and they look hot

Do you want to get down?

Now don't you ask yourself who they are

Like everybody else they want to be a STAR

Bad girls, sad girls, you such a naughty bad girl

Beep beep, uh-huh, beep beep

You bad girl, you sad girl, you such a dirty bad girl

During the performance Bowser tried his best to be provocative, spanking himself and dancing around the stage like a stripper on acid.

"Oh yes, girl, you were very bad to pick a song like that. I won't ask myself who you are because I don't even want to know. Now take this dime and go buy a bar of soap so you can wash that shit off your face. Next!" Simon told him with a laugh.

Bowser stared a moment, speechless. He marched off the stage furious. Ashlee Simpson was next she entered the room and took the stage. "Hello, my name is Ashlee Simpson and I will be singing Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli."

Blame it on the rain

Blame it on the stars

Whatever you do don't put the blame on you

Blame it on the rain yeah yeah

You can blame it on the rain

And that's as far as she got before her mouth stopped matching the words being sung. Ashlee Simpon's cheeks flushed as she looked around for a moment, she wasn't singing but there was still words coming out. Then she proceeded to do a country hick dance and run off the stage crying.

Simon snickered. "Blame it on the acid reflux, honey."

Doopliss was next in line. He flashed a wide grin to the judges and turned into Whitney H. Toad performing a pitch perfect rendition of I Will Always Love You.

The judges were speechless… except Simon. "Well, technically that would seem like cheating but we didn't say you couldn't do it so, congratulations you are the first person and seemingly the only that's going to move on to the next round."

Heidi turned to Frank. "How many more do we have to listen to?"

He looked down at the sheet in front of him. "Thirty-two."

"It's going to be a damn long day."