Byul & Hoshi note: *le gasp* there's actually not much more left in Act I D: HORY SHEET. THE END IS NEAR. About 5 chappies left o.o ...And then... well, you'll see! Expect a continuation though :D

Hoshi So, we've gotten some pretty funny guesses as to who the girl in Lavi's past is.
Byul Yeah, but we're not telling! You just have to wait! It shall come to light VERY soon.
Hoshi yep yep! Oh, and thank you, all of you, who review and favorite and follow c: We really appreciate it.
Byul Yeah, you have no idea how inspiring it is to see that you guys care enough to review c:
Hoshi Yeah, I sat there til 1am refreshing the review page and giggling like a madman every time a new one popped up. XD
Byul We love reading your reviews (they keep us going when all we want is to pass out and sleep...wait...is that even a good thing? xD) c: You guys are the best fans ever!
Hoshi EVAR!
Byul Shut up, idiot.
Hoshi You're a bully, Byul :C
Byul *ignores*

Show Biz: Act I

Scene X:
Expectation is the Root of All Heartache

Kanda wanted to slap himself.

How the hell could a person be as stupid as he had just been? He'd let his feelings and jealousy get the better of him and he had hurt Allen. This time, Allen didn't cry because of someone else, or his past...he had cried because Kanda had hurt him on a psychological level that could scar someone deeper than the deepest cuts.

And worst of all, he hadn't done anything to stop Allen as he walked away.

But he knew how to fix this at least, though he never thought he'd actually do it in his lifetime.

Kanda Yuu was going to have to apologize. Or he would lose Allen to something...someone else...he didn't know if he could handle that. He'd lost enough. His home. His mother. A person that he considered his brother...

Kanda shook his head before his past could overwhelm him.

But I've gained a friend in Allen. I'll be damned if I lose that, along with his trust. I worked hard for it dammit! And...and if it means getting along with that dumb rabbit, then I guess that's what I'll do...

Speaking of the rabbit...a horrible thought entered Kanda's mind, but he shoved it away, refusing to believe in the extremely real possibility...

He rushed off to find Allen, hoping it wasn't too late to apologize...

Allen and Lavi stood there, not quite knowing what to do with themselves. Lavi was ecstatic, but now that he'd accomplished his goal, he didn't know what else to do. He really really wanted to try something, but...oh well, he'd just ask.

"Allen...Can I hug you?" Lavi almost pleaded, sounding rather unsure if he would get a yes or no.

Allen, not expecting the question, just blinked but then he gave Lavi a warm, if somewhat broken, smile. "I could use a hug."

Wasting no time, Lavi immediately pulled Allen into a tight embrace. At first, Allen didn't react, but slowly he raised his arms and placed them on Lavi's back. It felt...weird...being hugged by Lavi like this. But it wasn't bad by any means. It was actually kind of nice to have something warm to lean into. Allen closed his eyes and tried to deal with the mix of emotions inside of him.

This might not be the right decision, but it's done...and it's not like it's the end of the world. I can do this. Kanda isn't the only one that can make me happy. Maybe...if I give Lavi the chance...I can be happy with him, too.

Lavi, on the other hand, was going through an entirely different thought process. Something in him stirred, at the very depths of his heart. In the darkness, something was beginning to surface...but whether it was a creature that lived there that he had to stop, or a light that had been trapped inside the dark...well, he didn't care to find out at the moment. Allen was his. After all the hurt and want, Allen was in his arms, and he'd be damned if someone took him away.

He wouldn't let it happen.

That's right...

Allen was his support.

His lifeline.

His boyfriend.

His!

"...Mine..." he murmured out loud, not realizing his thoughts were so strong that they caused him to speak aloud.

"Hm?" Allen hummed from his position.

Lavi blinked and shook his head. What had he just been thinking?

He pulled back, moving his hands from around Allen's shoulders to down on his hips, causing Allen to blush.

"Nothing," he said with a smile, "Just happy is all."

"That's good," Allen responded in a melancholy tone.

Lavi decided not to push the matter and changed the subject, "Do you want to keep going over lines?" he said, walking back over to the bench they had been on.

"But we only have a little bit of time le-"

"Actually, the rest of the shoot is canceled," a familiar voice said from behind them.

They turned around to see none other than Lenalee, standing with a miffed expression on her face. At first, Allen thought she had seen them, but then he realized it was ridiculous for her to be mad at that. Then it occurred to Allen why she would be here. It dawned on him that she was probably the one that drove Kanda here. But that still left him with one question. So he asked, "Lenalee? What's wrong?"

She threw Allen a quick smile, letting him know he wasn't the cause, and then resumed scowling in the general direction of the set. "One of these idiots of a crew dropped an important piece of the set that was going to be used in the last part of this scene. Filming is delayed until they fix it. Shouldn't take more than a day, but for now you two are free to go. I'll give you both some time to get normal and then I'll swing by to pick you up so we can all go home, 'kay?"

"Alrighty then! Let's go, Allen," Lavi said as he started to leave.

"Sorry Allen, but could you stay for a bit? I need to ask you something," Lenalee said with a light, yet slightly tense tone.

Allen instantly began to fret, but tried to mask it as best he could. He turned to Lavi and said, "Go on ahead without me, okay?"

Lavi nodded, gave Allen's hand a quick squeeze, and said, "Don't be too long, hm?"

Allen, not expecting the sudden PDA*, started to blush and stammered out, "S-s-s-sure! O-okay!"

And after a quick smile, Lavi was gone.

Allen and Lenalee stood there a bit awkwardly until Lenalee broke the silence, "So...you and Lavi...?"

"Yeah..." Allen responded blandly. "Yeah we are."

"...Well! Congratulations! Don't worry, our company is pretty lax about dating. But, you should probably keep it secret from the public. Just in case," Lenalee said in a surprisingly chipper tone as she gave Allen a few good pats on the back. "Off with you then! Go get cleaned up. You look like you just saw a demon," Lenalee joked before she too went off to do something.

As soon as she was out of sight, Lenalee instantly dropped all airs of pleasantness. She scrunched up her eyebrows as she thought, What's going on? I was sure that Allen liked Kanda...but now he's with Lavi? It would be alright if he were happy about it, but he looked like a puppet with it's strings cut. Something obviously happened. I just don't know what...I need to find Kanda. Even if he doesn't know why this happened, I need to tell him about Allen before something bad happens.

"Wait," Allen heard a deep voice from behind him.

The sound of Kanda's voice drove a knife through Allen's heart.

"Why should I?" Allen countered, continuing on his way.

"Moyashi, I-"

"My name is Allen! Leave me alone," Allen yelled, not wanting to hear anything Kanda had to say.

"Would you just listen to me dammit! You're acting like a girl," Kanda yelled, growing frustrated. Probably not the smartest thing to say.

"Oh I'm acting like a girl? When you're the one who had the queen of moodswings just a while ago! Stop following me!" Allen shouted, quickening his pace now that the trailer was in sight.

"I'm going to ignore that statement," Kanda mumbled.

"And I'll ignore you. Glad we've come to an agreement."

"Hear me ou-"

"No!"

"Dammit you little..." Kanda muttered.

Allen had finally reached the door and thankfully Kanda didn't seem about to stop him. He reached for the handle, anticipating the feeling of slamming the door in Kanda's smug face, then suddenly he heard three words he thought he'd never hear Kanda say.

"Allen, I'm sorry!"

Allen froze in his tracks, hand on the handle of the trailer, and slowly turned around.

"You...you just..." he stammered. He looked away and managed to croak out, "You...have the worst damn timing."

Allen open the door and gestured for Kanda to come inside.

It was sparsely furnished, with only two chairs and a table with a coffee maker and several empty sugar packets which Kanda could only assume had fallen victim to Allen's sugar tooth. The wall opposite of the entrance sported two sliding doors, one of which Kanda assumed led to the attached portable showers based on the sound of running water, and the other leading to a wash-closet*. He could only assume this was an all purpose green room*. One used very often, judging from the way Allen immediately went for the chair farthest from the door instead of the closer one, as if that was his usual seat.

"Sit," Allen said simply.

Kanda situated himself in the only other chair in the room and opened his mouth to speak but Allen raised his hand for silence.

"Let me just say that I'm still not sure whether to accept your apology yet. I want to...but what you said back there...it hit a nerve that I would rather not have exposed. At least...not in those circumstances."

"What's with all the riddles?" Kanda asked, very confused as to what Allen meant by nerves and exposure.

Allen growled, frustrated with Kanda's inability to take a hint, and said, "Long story short. Your words hurt. A lot."

Kanda's expression took on the smallest of changes - a slight furrow of the eyebrows, a small decline of the lips, a minuscule squint of the eyes - but that was the equivalent of Kanda bowing his head to the floor in Allen's eyes. Kanda was always so good at keeping his deepest emotions under control. Sure he and Allen bickered a lot and they joked around, but those emotions were light. Easier to let show. When it came to emotions like rage and sadness, Kanda kept everything under strict control. Allen had had to learn to observe the smaller shifts in Kanda's countenance if he wanted to get even a glimpse of what Kanda was truly feeling at any given moment. Which is why Kanda was now an open book as far as Allen was concerned. It was part of the reason why the argument earlier had shocked him so much. The obvious rage was so sudden and unexplained that it had left Allen feeling wronged on a number of levels. But now that he saw the regret in Kanda's eyes, he was starting to get a bit shaky in his reasoning.

"Listen, Kanda. I think you deserve to know that Lavi and I-"

But before Allen could finish, the door to the showers opened and Lavi emerged, topless, wearing only sweatpants and a towel around his shoulders.

One look at the situation and Lavi knew immediately what was going on. Being ever the trickster, and having a sore spot for Kanda due to Allen's true affections, Lavi just smiled, like a fox now instead of a rabbit, and walked over to where Allen was sitting. He stopped right next to him and leaned down to give Allen a peck on the cheek.

"Hey. Just let me get dressed then we can go back, 'kay?" Lavi told Allen. Not bothering to acknowledge Kanda or the fact that Allen's eyes were frantically darting back and forth between Kanda and Lavi.

Allen slowly nodded, still looking like a mouse caught between a hawk and a cat.

Suddenly, Kanda stood up, pushing the chair back in his rush to stand. "I should go. Congrats you two."

And with that, Allen's heart shattered. Why? Because there was absolutely no sarcasm in Kanda's voice. There was no hate or anger either. He just sounded...blank. Shut off. Allen was back to square one.

As Kanda sped towards the door, he paused for a second, taking in Allen's expression. As if sensing Allen's hopelessness, he managed his signature smirk along with a simple phrase that let him know all was not lost. And that Lavi hadn't seen the last of him.

"Later, Allen."

Lavi blinked out of his stupor.

What had he just done? As soon as he'd left the showers and seen Kanda and Allen sitting alone together, it was as if his mind switched to autopilot. He knew what he'd done would upset Kanda and Allen, but he'd done it anyways. And gladly, with a sort of venom he didn't know he had in him. And he was scared. I mean, it's not like he hated Kanda. He actually thought they could have been good friends in other circumstances. But he'd still done something cruel, and to Allen too, no less. It was like something else took him over. Next thing he knew, Kanda was calling Allen by his first name in some freaky monotone, the door was closed leaving the new couple alone, and Allen was looking at him like he was going to raise all hell.

"Allen, I-"

"You shouldn't have done that. I wanted to explain it properly," Allen whispered remorsefully.

"What is there to explain to him? Why does he even need an ex-"

"You know perfectly well why, Lavi!" Allen growled.

"Yeah, so what? He hurt you, Allen."

"That's none of your concern," Allen replied coldly.

"Yes it is! Or did you forget about this?" Lavi yelled as he twined his fingers with Allen's and held their joined hands up between them"

"Okay, so it is your concern, but-"

"Yeah, and you expect me to just forget about it? To be all sunshine and daisies around the guy that I've been in a glare competition with until now?"

"No, I don't! But that doesn't change that what you did was wrong!"

"...! I...I..."

"And I know you knew what I was trying to explain to him when you walked in. You're not the only one with the ability to observe. I saw the gears turning in your head when you looked around the room."

"..."

"Lavi...I know that you normally wouldn't do something like this. What's going on with you?"

"...I know. I just don't know what came over me. I had...I had no control. It was like...jealousy took over. It felt horrible. I...Allen I'm sorry," Lavi replied earnestly. Allen just sighed and held out his arms. Lavi walked into them and hugged Allen back, sighing in relief when he felt Allen relax.

"Don't let it happen again, okay?"

"Yeah...Allen?"

"Hm?"

"You aren't going to just...leave me...are you?"

"Do I seem like the type to dump and run?"

"No..."

"Then there's your answer. I'm going to be honest Lavi. I still love Kanda..."

Ouch, Lavi thought.

"...but I like you. And I think...I could be happy, if I just give you a chance."

Lavi pulled back a bit to look at Allen's face, and surprisingly, he was smiling a genuine smile. Not quite the smile he gave Kanda...but it was a smile for him. For Lavi. And that was enough for him.

Then, suddenly, Allen's face turned red, he slapped Lavi in the chest and shoved him away.

"Put some bloody clothes on!"

Lenalee found Kanda sitting on the trunk of the car and staring at the ground as if it had just told him the worst news of his life.

Too late, Lenalee thought.

"Kanda...?" she whispered tentatively as she approached.

His head snapped up to look at her and she felt her heart break for him. She had spent the last few months of her life around these boys twenty-four seven. Day and night. Thick and thin. They had grown on her, and kept growing on her, and she viewed them as family. They were her children, in a sense. She had taken care of them and scolded them and eaten breakfast with them. Laughed and cried and smiled with them. It felt much longer than a few months. Almost like a lifetime. And now, she was witnessing one of her son's hearts breaking, and her own shattered in sympathy.

She said nothing. She didn't take one more step. She just held up her arms, hoping he wouldn't turn her away. Hoping he'd accept her as some sort of mother figure that he'd never had. It was the only thing she could even offer. So she hoped he'd accept her offer, for both of their sakes.

Without even a pause he stepped into them and hugged her.

"I messed up," he whispered.

"We all do."

She felt him shake his head as a weak, spiteful laugh rumbled through his chest. "Not like this."

"What do you feel, Kanda?"

"...regret."

"The Great Kanda, regretting something? Why? Because you hurt Allen?"

"No. Because I wasn't the one to make it right."

"Kanda, if you think Allen is 'right' at the moment, you're an even bigger fool than I thought you were."

"Che," Kanda ticked, finally wrenching free of her embrace. She noticed a distinct increase in the brightness of his eyes. "What the hell do you expect me to do? I'm not going to ruin his relationship, just for my stupid pride."

"Kanda regretting something and calling his pride stupid? It's the apocalypse!"

"Che. Allen's rubbing off on me. All his talk about feelings and shit. Ugh...but...no. If the stupid rabbit is the one that makes him happy, fine. So fucking be it."

"Wait, you're just giving up? Don't look at me like that, I don't want to break them apart either. It's just...all of this is so not like the usual idiotically persistant Kanda."

"You're one to talk. You were giving of a full on 'run into mama's arms' vibe a while ago. Makes me sick," Kanda mocked, finally lightening up.

"Says the one who ran into said mama's arms."

"Che!"

"Ha!"

"Hmph. And who said I was giving up?"

"Eh?"

"I said if the stupid rabbit makes him happy. On the other hand, if he doesn't fucking learn from my mistake and ends up hurting Allen...tearing them apart is the least he'll have to worry about," Kanda declared darkly.

"That makes you and me both."

The next day at the set, Allen and Lavi arrived together and managed to shoot the next third of the episode without incident. They were on break when the director came in to re-brief them on the next scene.

"I want to make myself clear on this. You are not to overexert yourselves. Based on your prior trainings, this isn't a major enough action scene that it has to be done by stunt doubles, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be cautious. Got it? Have you rehearsed the scene together?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Cast, we've got it covered!" Lavi chirped, slinging his arm around Allen's shoulders. Something he'd been doing a lot more throughout the day.

"Well, if you're sure. Places!"

As Lavi and Allen got into position for the top of the scene, they ran into Kanda, who had just finished recording another track and was on break. He had decided to see Allen act for himself to see what all the fuss was about.

He paused just long enough to say, "Break a leg." Then he was gone, mixing with the crowd of tekkies* like he was never there.

"That was..." Allen began.

"...oddly peaceful?" Lavi finished.

"Yeah."

Then they went on their way to their places as the scene was called to action.

Kanda had heard a lot of stories about what happens when you see a great actor at work. You get mesmerized. Drawn in they say. But with Allen, Kanda was truly and completely immersed. He only knew the basic plot and he was still enthralled by the way the story was coming alive before his very eyes. It was like it wasn't even Allen up there. As corny as it sounded, Kanda felt like he was looking at the demon slayer in the flesh.

So this is acting, huh? he thought to himself.

"Kinda makes you wish you'd auditioned, doesn't it?" he heard from beside him.

Kanda jumped and looked to see none other than the director himself standing there.

The fuck? Does he read minds or something? Kanda thought, feeling a bit creeped out.

"No, I can't read minds."

The fuck!* Kanda yelled mentally, officially creeped out.

All the director did was chuckle and say, "You're always welcome next season, you know. Just an offer."

Before Kanda even had time to say, "Che?" he was gone.

Weird.

He went back to watching the scene in progress and was surprised to see full on combat going on. At least, that's what it would look like to an untrained eye. Kanda's dad had paid for kendo lessons when he was younger as a way to bribe him to stay home. He could tell that the fighting was obviously staged by the relatively sluggish movements that both of them were making. Then there came a part where Allen had to flip backwards off a column of some sort and Kanda got a bad feeling.

Faster than he thought he could move, he was crossing the tape around the edge of the set. Before Allen even winced in pain as he reached for his shoulder, Kanda was already halfway there. Before Lavi could react to Allen falling, Kanda was already there to catch him. And he did.

Thoughts and memories started rushing through Kanda's head.

"I don't know whether it was my hair or metabolism or arm, but that's it."

He's hurt.

He wakes up early every morning.

A look of pain shot across his face as he clutched his left shoulder.

Exercises? Mostly stretching...

His arm his arm his arm

"...work yourself to death?"

"What about your arm?"

Allen is hurt.

Then everything sped up for Kanda, or rather, things went back to normal speed, and he was left cradling a pained Allen in his arms.

"Oi, Allen!"

"What's going on?" Lavi pushed through the now thriving crowd of people around Allen.

"Has he been doing his exercises?" Kanda asked suddenly.

"What? What exercises?" Lavi asked, now looking worried.

"His arm exercises, you stupid rabbit! Shit. I should have figured it out sooner. Oi, Allen, keep it together."

"Figured what out?"

There's no way I missed something. No way...Is there? Lavi thought.

"La...vi?" Kanda heard Allen murmur as he felt his stomach do a very uncomfortable flip.

"I'm right here Allen," Lavi answered, having the common decency to sound worried instead of satisfied when Allen called his name first.

"...Where...I saw Kanda?" Allen asked immediately afterwards, too dazed from the pain in his shoulder to realize that Kanda was the one holding him.

Lavi winced a bit, then looked at Kanda who was now too busy yelling at people to "give Allen some goddamn air, dammit" to realize he was being called.

Lavi, in gleeful, childish, spite, smacked Kanda on his head to get his attention.

"What the hell you stupid rabbit?" Kanda glared murderously until Allen's call sank in and he turned to him to see what he needed.

"Che, stupid. You haven't kept up with your arm exercises, have you?"

Allen's eyes widened in shock. "How did you know?"

"I didn't. I put two and two together right now. Don't think I didn't notice you getting up so early in the morning and going off someplace on your own. That alone tells me it obviously has to do with one of the things you want to keep secret. That narrowed it down. Then add in the fact that whenever you exercise you stretch way more than any normal person would, especially that left shoulder of yours. The only conclusion I could come to right now is your arm."

"Oh..."

"I won't pry any further if you don't want to tell me," Kanda reassured Allen.

"Oh, good," Allen sighed in relief, then winced as another pain wracked through his shoulder and down his arm. "A-another thing...tell everyone...I'm sorry for disrupting filming..." Allen managed to say before promptly passing out.

"Allen!"

"Calm down, rabbit, he's alive. Just passed out."

Kanda and Lavi looked at each other for a long while before Kanda broke the stare and sighed in frustration. "Well, hurry up."

"Eh?" Lavi responded as Kanda got up with Allen's left arm around his shoulders.

"Help me carry him to the car, stupid rabbit."

Unsure about where this was going, Lavi just slipped Allen's other arm around his shoulders and started walking Allen along in awkward silence.

Once they had Allen lying comfortably in the back seat, Lavi turned to Kanda and said, "Thank you. For making it in time."

Kanda stood in silence, sensing that Lavi had more to say.

"You were so far away, and I was right there, but you still got there before me...every time..."

"Che, not every time," Kanda replied with no small amount of bitterness in his voice.

"Ha...yeah, I guess you're right...But really. Thanks, Yuu."

Kanda froze. "What...did you just call me?"

"Something I knew would make you boil, Yuu."

"Stop saying that!"

"Nope. Not when it pushes your buttons so perfectly."

"Ew, gross! Get away from me you twisted rabbit!"

"Aw, Yuu, and I thought we might see past everything and be friends~!"

"Che! In your dreams and my nightmares."

"True that," Lavi replied, staying silent for a while. Then Kanda unexpectedly held out his hand to Lavi.

"Yuu Kanda, offering a truce to me, Lavi? It's the-"

"If you say apocalypse I swear I'll take this hand and strangle you."

"Wouldn't dream of it. So... truce?"

"Che. For him, not you."

"Of course," Lavi replied grasping Kanda's hand in a firm shake.

Suddenly, Kanda's grip tightened and he pulled Lavi close to whisper in his ear.

"Make no mistake, rabbit. If you don't keep sharp, if you hurt him even once, I'll take him away from you so fast you won't even realize what happened," Kanda said bitterly.

"I'm not you," Lavi replied, knowing he had just crossed the line of their truce, but reasoning with himself that the handshake hadn't been completed yet and that Kanda had struck him first.

Instead of getting mad like Lavi thought he would, Kanda just released his hand, looked at Lavi with stone cold eyes, and said, "Good."

Then Allen stirred in the back seat and made a small sound of discomfort. Kanda turned to go. "I should leave. We both know who he want to see when he wakes up," Kanda muttered in frustration.

Then he was gone. Lavi leaned on the car, as Allen woke up bit by bit. Lavi looked at Allen's sleeping face and couldn't help himself. He made sure no one was looking, then crawled over Allen in the back of the car. He didn't have his mind in the gutter. It's just...seeing Allen uncomfortable made him want to comfort him. The first thing that came to mind was a kiss. He leaned in closer, closer, so close that their noses touched and their lips were hardly an inch apart.

"Kan..da..." Allen whispered dreamily.

Lavi immediately pulled back in frustration, climbing out of the car and nearly slamming the car door before remembering to be quite or else Allen would wake up.

He ground his teeth in frustration as he glared in the direction that Kanda had walked off in.

"You're wrong, Yuu," Lavi growled. He looked back through the car window at the oblivious Allen inside. "But I'll be damned if it stays this way."

[Scene end.]

T. B. C.

Hoshi I hate making Allen act so girly all the time :/
Byul Well deal, that's how it is right now!
Hoshi In the manga he gives no shits!
Byul Yeah well tough. This is Show Biz and he doesn't stop giving shits until later.
Hoshi ? Does he get constipated or something?
Byul *smack* no! I'm talking about him becoming less OoC!
Hoshi Oh yeah! :D But...
Byul ...yeah, doesn't happen for a while .
Hoshi *sigh* I wish Show Biz: Behind the Scenes would hurry up and get here. *HINTHINTWINKWINK*
Byul It will if you keep typing and quit being such a spaz! By the way, nice subtle advertising there = v =
Hoshi I know right? :D

*PDA - not sure if this term is familiar to everyone, but it stands for Public Display of Affection xD It's used in schools (down here at least) as the official term for holding hands on school grounds, kissing on school grounds, hugging (guess where?) on school grounds and generally committing, well, PDA...on school grounds xD And they can and will write you up for it. Do they do that in Korea? Byul knows probably, but at the moment I don't xD Anyways, it seems like a really ridiculous thing to most people here and it's often used to tease people. Like shouting, "Oi! No PDA you whippersnappers!" to a couple you know in the halls when there's a teacher just ten feet away xD haha...I'm not making this up! It's more common that ya think! (Hoshi)

*wash-closet - Usually abbreviated to W.C. It's used in Korea and Japan. Basically, W.C. equals toilet. xD

*green room - the term used for the room actors rest at in between scenes/during breaks. The room isn't actually green (although that IS where the namesake comes from, since older studies showed that green was a relaxing color) xD haha Byul said they have them in Korea, but she didn't tell me any details so sorry if it's under/over glorified.

*tekkies - theatre/acting term for the people who run technical/backstage stuff during a show (lights, sound, scene changes, and just crew in general)

*the fuck - YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TEMPTED I WAS TO PUT "DAFUQ" INSTEAD OH GOD WHAT HAS THE INTERNET DONE TO ME.