Byul & Hoshi note: DEAR LORD THAT LAST CHAPTER WAS PAINFUL TO WRITE. And thank you all for the reviews and sticking with this story even though we take so long to update D:

Warning: This chapter may be a bit mature for some audiences. Since we aren't sure if this is a T rating anymore, we are playing it safe and moving it to M.

Byul NO
Hoshi AUTHORS'
Byul RAMBLE
Hoshi Audible GASP

Show Biz: Act I

Scene xi:
It is Not in the Stars to Hold Our Destinies, But in Ourselves

"Come on people, let's get this show on the road!" Lenalee's voice blared through the dorms, with the hlp of her handy dandy megaphone. She had been having trouble with the boys getting up on time, so she had thought long and hard about what to do about it. The idea had come to her in a rush of what she could only call pure genius. Maniacal genius. But genius none the less. They now woke up at a pleasantly quick pace.

"Dress sharp for the show boys! Kanda, put your hair up in a ponytail or something it's a mess today. Don't give me that face. That's what you get for not drying it properly and refusing to cut it. Lavi, don't forget to get an ironed shirt this time. Yeah, haha. Allen, stop sneaking snacks into the bathroom and for Pete's sake, don't forget your shoes this time."

"Yes, mother," Lavi muttered under his breath as he rubbed at the circles under his eyes.

"I heard that!" Lenalee yelled in his direction, causing him to yelp and scurry off to do what he was told.

Despite her rough response, Lenalee felt a warmth spread inside her chest. Over the past two months, things had finally stabilized. At least relatively so. Allen and Lavi's relationship was going well, and Kanda's grudging acceptance was still in effect, Kanda had finished recording the soundtrack for The Demon and was thinking about auditioning for season two, and the filming for season one had finally come to a close just a few days prior. Now they were getting ready to go to the final cast and crew gathering at a popular club run by a friend of the director.

She stood there and watched as they ran around. All she could do was shake her head and smile. "Hmph. Boys."

"The honored guests have arrived!" the director shouted from the table at the club.

"Hello! Sorry we're a bit late. These boys are so hard to manage!"

"Aw, Lenalee, stop spreading mean rumors!" Lavi whined, earning a few chuckles from the crowd.

"Sit! Sit! Make yourselves comfortable! No media here tonight, so let loose!" the director bellowed, slightly intoxicated, as he went to go join some of the producers at a table.

"You boys behave! Watch mama get you some more jobs!" Lenalee winked as she walked off to join them.

"Let loose he said. Hey, Allen, what do you say we get something to drink?" Lavi asked with a mischievous waggling of eyebrows.

Allen panicked at the thought of alcohol and turned to Kanda for some back up, but he had already left. Probably to find a place that would require as little human contact as possible. God knows why that man had gone into show biz.

"No escaping! You need to loosen up, Allen. You're always so stiff and formal-like."

"Lavi, we aren't of age."

"Age shmage, everyone knows they don't really enforce that. Besides, what's one year's difference supposed to make?"

Always bad at making valid arguments, Allen had nothing to say and was dragged along by Lavi to the bar

"Two poktanju*," Lavi said with ease as soon as the bartender was in earshot.

The drinks were ready faster than Allen would have liked and Lavi was just sitting there, grinning, holding one out to Allen.

He took it, holding it like it was some disgusting bug.

Lavi laughed, "You should see your face! You'd think you were holding a diaper or something! Come on, it's not that bad! I'll drink at the same time as you, okay?"

And when Lavi put on his puppy dog eyes, there was little Allen could do to resist. He sighed and said, "Fine..."

"Okay! On three!"

"Eh?"

"One..."

"W-wait I'm not mentally prepared yet!"

"Twoooo..."

"Lavi!" Allen whined.

"Three!"

Father, forgive me!

"I need to go...to the rest...room..." Allen managed to wooze out before he started to aimlessly wander in the approximate...exact direction of the restrooms. Who knew Allen would have a better sense of direction when he was drunk?

So Lavi waited...and waited...and waited...

"He's been gone a while," he started to fret. He wondered if maybe he had flushed himself down the toilet and then decided to go to Allen's rescue, against his better judgement. Or at least it would have been against his better judgement if his better judgement wasn't currently out on vacation courtesy of the soju bombs they'd drunk.

"Don't worry Allen, I'll save you!" Lavi announced to no one in particular as he stumbled of to find his boyfriend.

Although Allen had found his way to the bathroom in record time, he found that he was completely lost as to how to get back to the table. He opened and closed doors almost comically, going in and out of rooms with occupied occupants until he stumbled upon a door that led to a patio of sorts, in the side of the restaurant. It seemed like one of the less frequented places. Quite and dark, lit only by a small string of light with the only furniture being a park bench overlooking the row of potted plants on the opposite end. In the middle was a fountain. The figures in the center of the fountain were two angels. One of them was kneeling, surrounded by feathers, and the other was shielding its companion with his wings. Allen stepped closer to examine them more closely, letting the door click closed behind him.

"Who's there?" a deep voice called from the other side of the fountain.

"...K...Kanda?" Allen asked, recognizing the voice.

"Moyashi?" Kanda said as he stepped into the light. "What are you doing out here? I thought you'd be with the rabbit."

"Was...got lost. What's it to ya?" Allen responded vaguely.

"Are you drunk?" Kanda asked incredulously. Last he'd checked Allen hadn't wanted anything to do with alcohol. So Kanda came to a conclusion. "That rabbit had something to do with it didn't he?" he growled, sounding pissed. "Tch, idiot! He shouldn't have made you drink. And you shouldn't have let him convince you."

"Shorry..." Allen mumbled.

"Oi, answer the question. What're you doing out here?"

"I liked the fountain...so I came out to get a better look. Plus it's nice out here. Quite."

Kanda made a strange coughing noise that Allen had learned was Kanda's way of chuckling.

"Wha?" Allen asked, unertain why Kanda was so amused.

"It's just...that's why I'm here too," Kanda said, looking into Allen's eyes.

"Oh."

Allen shivered from the way Kanda was looking at him. Everything was different when it came to Kanda. It was like he was being melted down to his core. Every essence of him exposed to the cool night air. Skin and bone were null and void. To him, past and future didn't hold a candle to the present. And Allen was his present.

Suddenly, Kanda pulled him into a warm embrace.

"Whawhawha...! What are you doing Bakanda?" Allen stuttered.

"You were shivering. I just thought I'd warm you up."

Allen smelled a familiar scent clinging to Kanda's clothes and on his breath.

"Hey, why're you lecturing me on getting drunk when you've been drinking too?" Allen complained.

"Because I know when to stop. I'm only a bit buzzed."

"Is that so..." Allen mumbled into Kanda's shoulder, letting it go because he felt content at the moment. It was actually a bit chilly outside, and although that wasn't the reason he had been shivering he didn't see the need to correct Kanda...

...until he felt a hand cup his face and lift his chin.

"Allen..." Kanda whispered his name for the first time in two months as their eyes met.

He met Kanda's eyes suddenly and intensely, unprepared for the emotions he would see there. Emotions that, at the moment, he just couldn't reciprocate.

"Stop," Allen said, surprisingly firm even though his eyes showed how torn apart he was.

"And if I refuse?" Kanda whispered, voice gruff with a rare display of intense emotion.

"Kanda, I can't," Allen told him firmly, tearing away from his embrace. "No matter how I may feel, I won't betray Lavi."

Kanda clenched his fists and yelled, "Dammit, Moyashi, be selfish for once in your damn life!"

"No!" Allen yelled back.

"Why not!"

"Last time I was selfish I-!"

"You what?" Kanda shouted.

"I got my father killed," Allen said, suddenly sounding very small and broken.

Kanda's response froze on his lips as he saw how close Allen was to breaking down again. He cursed himself for nearly making the same mistake twice. He had to do something before Allen completely shattered. The only thing he could think of was to embrace him once again.

Allen was tempted to shove Kanda away. After all, he didn't know that he was holding the very person responsible for his hero's death. But being in his arms was just too comfortable, and his alcohol clouded mind couldn't find the strength to resist.

Then he heard a thump and turned towards the door where it came from.

He thought he saw a flash of red as it disappeared around the corner.

"Lavi...?" Allen whispered in shock. He scrambled out of Kanda's arms, hoping Lavi hadn't misunderstood. "I'm sorry...!" he told Kanda before he ran to the door. Once he reached it he threw it open and searched the halls for any sign of the red head. "Lavi!" he called. Had he just imagined it? He walked further down the hall to where it met with another hallway and he bumped into none other than:

"Lavi!"

"Allen, I've been looking for you. You were gone for a long time so I thought maybe you'd fallen in."

"I was lost...You've been looking this entire time?"

"Yeah...? Why?"

"N-nothing! It's nothing!" Allen said as he walked past Lavi. "The bar is back this way, right?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Ha! Two outta three!" Allen laughed triumphantly.

Lavi just looked at him worriedly and said, "I think it's time for us to head back, you're acting kind of strange."

"Oh? If you say so," Allen complied as he walked ahead of Lavi, thanking whatever forces there were that Lavi hadn't seen the compromising position he'd been in with Kanda.

What Allen didn't see was the cold look Lavi was giving towards his back.

"I wonder where Allen could have gone? Alleeeeeeeen~" Lavi called as he wandered through the halls. He was on a longer stretch that only had one door in it and as he approached it he heard familiar voices.

"Allen and Yuu?" Lavi thought out loud, immediately getting a sinking feeling in his stomach. He quickened his pace, hoping he wouldn't see anything he didn't want to...

...and had those hopes dashed as he came to the door and saw Allen in Kanda's arms through the window. He stood there, refusing to believe what he was seeing, trying to tell himself that there was a good reason for this. There was a bug in Allen's hair, it was cold outside, maybe they had tripped, something, anything. In the end he was left with a sinking stomach and a building frustration. And if he caused a scene now he might lose Allen for good.

'Get out of his arms dammit! Push him away! Tell him you're mine!' Lavi thought in bitterness as he punched the wall besides the door. His eyes widened in alarm as he saw Allen begin to look in his direction. He didn't want Allen to catch him in this state. He was weak, angry, and vulnerable. He felt like a pressure was building up inside him, ready to burst, and he didn't want Allen to be at the brunt of it. 'I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything!' he chanted to himself as he sped off down the hall and away from the scene before him. He heard a small cry of "Lavi!" and a door opening as he rounded the corner.

'Shit!' Lavi thought, 'I can't let him know I was already here...'

Once he was a ways away, he doubled back to look like he was just barely coming through. He heard footsteps drawing closer and timed it so that he rounded the corner at the same time as Allen.

"Lavi!" Allen called with a deer-in-caught-in-headlights look.

"Allen, I've been looking for you. You were gone for a long time so I thought maybe you'd fallen in," Lavi improvised.

"I was lost...You've been looking this entire time?" Allen asked, checking Lavi's reaction.

Playing it cool, Lavi responded, "Yeah...? Why?"

"N-nothing! It's nothing!" Allen said as he walked past Lavi.

'You liar...'

"The bar is back this way, right?"

"...Yeah, actually."

"Ha! Two outta three!" Allen laughed triumphantly. Lavi looked on with a blank expression on his face. His mind was starting to blur, and it wasn't because of the alcohol.

'This feeling...it's...!' Lavi panicked.

But then everything went dark.

"I think it's time for us to head back, you're acting kind of strange," the red-head muttered, sounding worried to the average listener.

"Oh? If you say so," Allen complied as he walked ahead of him.

'Finally...I can do what I please.'

"Stupid moyashi..." Kanda muttered in frustration at the empty space where Allen had been moments before.

"Che, I'm the stupid one here...damn alcohol!" Kanda cursed himself. he had been doing so well these past two months. He had done his best to respect Allen's wishes. Allen had been genuinely happy, and although it hurt that it wasn't with him, he had grudgingly accepted that his relationship was going fine.

And then, as usual, Kanda had to ruin everything by pulling a stunt like this. And, as usual, he was left with more questions than answers. Allen had killed someone? He just couldn't believe that piece of information. he just stood there for a while, trying for the thousandth time to figure out the enigma that was Allen, and came up blank.

Feeling more frustrated than ever, Kanda started to make his way home.

Allen and Lavi stumbled into the dorm and up the stairs. They didn't even try to be quiet since everyone else was still at the cast party.

"I wonder when Kanda will get here. Haven't seen him for an hour or so..." Allen yawned.

That's when it happened. Lavi usually had a very precise control over his emotions. Precise, as in contained. Behind a mental lock. But unknown to anyone, even himself, that gate was held closed by a single string. That string had been worn down constantly over the years, bit by bit, fiber by fiber, until it was being kept together by a single strand. Be it coincidence, or bad luck, that sentence just happened to be the final blow needed to make it completely snap. and as the gates were thrown open, Lavi was sucked in, and something else was let out. something very very dark.

"Alright, g'night Lavi," Allen muttered as they arrived at his room and he gave Lavi a small kiss. He turned around, opened the door, and was surprised that when he turned to close it, Lavi had moved inside his room.

"Eh? Lavi, your room is across the hall. Unless you're planning to sleep in Kanda's bed, but i don't think you'd want to suffer the consequences of tha-" Allen began, but was cut off as Lavi kissed him. Allen, thinking in his innocence that he just wanted more for a goodnight kiss, went along with it. When Lavi pulled him closer, he let him. When he licked Allen's bottom lip, he let him. It was when he felt a wandering hand on his thigh that he pulled back and gave Lavi a look. That was when he noticed the dullness in Lavi's eyes.

"Lavi?"

As Kanda walked through the door of the dorms, he noticed that everything was eerily quiet. Lenalee and the others were back at the club, but he'd assumed that Allen had found Lavi already.

"Are they asleep or what?"

As soon as he finished his sentence, he felt a tug on the bottom of his pants. He looked down to find Allen's fluffball of feline clawing and biting at his leg.

"Che! My hair wasn't enough for you you little shit?" he said as he tried escaping the little monstrosity's teeth. Instead of following him like he'd thought, Tim started meowing anxiously and running around in a circle.

"What the...?"

Then Tim began running back and forth between Kanda and the stairs, and kept looking back, as if wanting Kanda to follow him.

Suddenly, Kanda had a horrible gut feeling that something was very very wrong. He rushed towards the stairs. He was taking them two at a time, going as fast as he possibly could and for him he still wasn't fast enough. He thought he heard Allen call his name, and he pushed himself to go faster, hoping that his gut feeling was wrong.

"Lavi? Hey..." Allen said, getting anxious and trying to get Lavi to slow down.

His hands kept trailing up Allen's slender leg, and eventually started to creep under his shirt. Lavi pressed his lips against Allen's neck and started pushing back on his shoulders.

"Oi, Lavi! No. Wait...we...you're drunk. Hold on..."

Lavi ignored Allen's weak protests and pushed against him with surprising force, knocking Allen backwards onto the bed, their legs getting tangled in the process. Allen tried to get up, but he couldn't unpin himself, and Lavi just pushed him back down.

"Stop! Lavi, stop, please! I don't- ah! Agh...no...!" Allen cried out as Lavi bit down on the nape of his neck.

"You're mine..."

"Lavi...stop, I can't- You...don't know what you're doing! Ah!" Allen cried out as Lavi suddenly bucked his hips and ground himself into Allen. Allen didn't want this. Not now. It was too soon. He wasn't ready in the slightest. And something was wrong. Lavi would never do this. This wasn't the Lavi he knew. This was a monster of strange and ruthless emotion, let loose by alcohol and pent up feelings.

"Mine!" Lavi yelled in a shocked Allen's face. "Not his! Mine!" Allen was surprised to feel drops fall onto his face, and he realized that Lavi was crying. This merely added confusion to the range of emotions Allen was feeling as Lavi resumed moving his hands across Allen's lithe body. 'He's talking about Kanda!' Allen realized. So he had seen! He should've know nothing good would have come from that.

But upon registering Lavi's words, Allen's fear was overcome by a rush of anger.

"I'm not yours! I'm not anybody's! L-let me go, dammit. Someone, help! Kand-! Mmph!" Allen shouted as he tried to escape from Lavi's grasp, but was stopped by Lavi forcing his lips over his in a bruising kiss. Lavi grabbed Allen's hands as they were pushing him away and pinned them above his head with one of his hands, and went back to working on Allen's clothes and neck, leaving marks wherever he kissed.

Allen panicked and bit Lavi's lip to try and get some air, but it was no use. Tears of fear sprung to his eyes without his consent. He felt the heat rise unwanted in his lower regions.

No! Stop. I don't want this I don't want this I don't want this. Please, Lavi. Don't do this. Stop. Someone. Anyone. Help me. Don't make me hate you. Lavi.

This continued until Lavi wanted to go further. He started working on the buttons of Allen's shirt.

"Get off me! Help! Kand-" Allen cried, but his protests were short lived as Lavi once again crushing their lips together as he started to work on Allen's pants.

If I hadn't drunk anything I could at least put up a fight. This wasn't supposed to happen. Why is this happening? Allen though desperately as the sob he'd been holding in escaped.

"Lavi...please, stop. It hurts."

Lavi stopped what he was doing and looked, finally looked at Allen, and a sudden clarity came through in his eyes as he froze.

A huge internal battle was, and had been, taking place inside Lavi's mind. The sane part of him had been wandering around in a dark place, knee deep in black water. All he could hear were Allen's cries and shouts. He wanted to help him, but he had no idea where to go, or how to get out of this place. That's when he saw it.

It was flickering between two images. One second it would look like a copy of himself, so exact that it was like looking in a mirror, and then in an instant it would change to some gross emotional caricature, all anger and jealousy and sadness. As soon as he saw it, he knew that this was the thing inside him that had been so obsessed with Allen. The thing that fueled his desire and unnatural spite for Kanda. These were all the negative, possessive emotions that he had convinced himself he had under control.

And of course he didn't.

"Get out!" he yelled at himself.

"You need me. You're weak," the thing snickered. Images floated in the darkness. A duffle bag of clothes. A child alone in the dark. Driving away from yet another home.

"No I don't," Lavi said as he marched up to it. "What I need isn't you."

Memories started welling up inside Lavi. A girl with black hair. A kind grandfather. His first audition. Lenalee lecturing him. Kanda's bickering. Allen's smile.

"It's them. Now get out of my head!" he yelled as he swept his arm through the figure. As soon as he made contact it dissipated like smoke, but not without a final say in things.

"Fine. But you can't keep me away forever."

"Watch me."

Allen saw the change in Lavi and spoke up.

"Are you fucking finished?" Allen said coldly.

"Wha...t..am I...doing...? I...Allen I didn't...I don't...please, don't cry. Oh god, what have I done?" Lavi said as he clutched at his head. "Allen, you're...I did this. I'm a monster."

"Lavi..." Allen could tell that his friend was in an extremely sensitive and confused state. He had been right. It wasn't the Lavi he knew back there. Whatever had taken over - or tried to - Lavi seemed to have beaten. But who knows when it might come back...this was bad...

"Allen...I'm so...I'm so sor-"

Before Lavi could finish the door was thrown open, and in the doorway stood a panting Kanda, glaring death at Lavi. Kanda took one look at Allen - his messed up clothes, his tear stained face, the marks on his porcelain skin - and snapped. He drug Lavi off the bed by the collar of his shirt and before anyone could stop him he drew back his fist and punched Lavi square in the face.

Hard.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Huh!? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS FUCKING SHIT?"

Another blow.

"You said this wouldn't happen!"

Another.

"You said you weren't like me! So that was a fucking lie? YOU PROMISED DAMMIT!"

"Kanda! Stop! He had already apologi-"

Kanda turned on Allen in his rage.

"You think this can be fixed with a fucking apology? Do you have any idea what this fucker was going to do to you?"

"I-"

"Do you?!"

"It's...okay...I deserve it, Allen-"

"Who said you could fucking talk? I should rip you apart for the state you've put Allen in." Kanda said as he slammed Lavi against the nearest wall.

"Kanda, that's enough! Look at me!" Allen yelled.

Kanda gave one last growl at Lavi then turned grudgingly to see what Allen had to say about the situation.

"Listen. I know this is inexcusable. Trust me, I want to hit him just as much as you do. But he had already stopped. Ah ah! No talking til I'm done! Look, we're both drunk. Lavi more so than I am. I'm not saying that's an excuse, because what he did is inexcusable...but it's something to take into account. And he stopped. It was like...he just clicked back. Like a light switch had been turned on again."

Seeing the unconvinced look in Kanda's eyes, Allen continued, "Think, Kanda! No matter how much you've hated each other and argued, does Lavi strike you as the kind of person capable of this sort of thing with his inhibitions and morals still in tact?"

"So what, are you telling me he has a fucking double personality? Bullshi-"

"I do."

Both of them snapped towards Lavi. Lavi had a look of shock on his face, as if he had just remembered something from a long time ago that he'd tried hard to forget.

"What was that you fucking rabbit? I swear if you're trying to wriggle out of this I'll clock you another one that'll do more than give you black eye!"

"Let him talk," Allen whispered.

"I...I do...I did have a double personality. To be precise, it was MPD. It was when I was really young...but it had gone away. It was supposed to have gone away! They told me I was perfectly fine...minimal risk of it returning...so I just...It never occurred to me there was still one left...Dammit! I should have seen this coming! Allen I-"

"I know, Lavi."

"Let him fucking say it if he's going to say it," Kanda muttered. That's when they heard it. The first sob. Kanda let go in shock with a look on his face that showed he didn't know whether to be angry, disgusted, horrified, or sympathetic. So he chose to just let go, letting Lavi slide to the floor, where he curled in on himself and tried to contain the sobs as best he could. He'd never been good at handling situations like these, and the fact that it was coming from his supposed enemy...he suddenly lost any malice he felt towards Lavi.

"I'm...hic...such trash. I'm hideous. A m-monster...I'm sorry...! I'm so...so sorry, Allen...I've ruined...hic...everything!"

He felt horrible. He thought he had his life back in order, only for it to be snatched away again. Even though he had finally beaten the last of them, he hadn't done it soon enough and it had ended up hurting the one person he truly cared about. And now that it was gone, he realized that all the feelings besides love that he'd had for Allen - the desire, the possessiveness, the hunger - were never his. The only thing he was left with was the kind of love that makes you care instead of making you fall.

And he was empty.

A husk.

With nothing.

"Lavi..." Allen said as he reached out to comfort him.

"Go away!" Lavi shouted, thrusting his arm out in front of him to keep Allen at bay. "I don't want to hurt you anymore...just...go away..."

"...Let's go, Allen," kanda said from the doorway.

Wanting to comfort his friend but being denied by the very person that needed it, Allen saw nothing else he could do but walk silently out the door and across the hall to their room.

Before following him out, Kanda turned to look at Lavi. Seeing the state he was in, he found that words just slipped out of his mouth unconsciously.

"Oi, fucking rabbit. Allen was right when he said I don't think you were the one to do this...I won't tell anyone about this, but don't be mistaken! Allen may have forgiven you in a hurry, but don't think I'm that soft. I don't forgive that easily."

And with that he was gone, leaving Lavi wondering whether it was supposed to be meant as scorn or comfort.

[Scene end.]

T. B. C.

Reviews = Sustenance

Byul You're a horrible person.
Hoshi Excuse u we're CO writers you're as much to blame as I am!
Byul YOU CAME UP WITH THIS CHAPTER ON YOUR OWN
Hoshi ONLY HALF OF IT YOU CAME UP WITH THE OTHER HALF
Byul THE HAPPY PART
Hoshi OI YOU WANTED ANGST I GAVE YOU PEOPLE ANGST YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME JFC
Byul YOU'RE TWISTED YO

*poktanju = a bomb! No not an actual bomb, one made with a shot of soju (korean liquor) and about a glass of beer. It's meant to be drunk quickly, almost like a shot. And it's called a bomb for a reason.