Hey readers. Here is the next chapter, and on time! I'm quite proud of myself for actually pushing my writer's block aside =) I hope you all enjoy reading this one! I'm working hard on these next chapters so hopefully it shows when you read it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or the song lyrics

"I'll wreck this if I have to, tell me what good would that do."

Kendall laid on his bed as he aimlessly stared up at the ceiling of his room. He wasn't sure how long he had been doing that for, but he didn't really care. He was trying so hard to get his thoughts together, but he couldn't seem to get a grasp on anything anymore. He sighed and sat up, shaking his head as he stood up and walked out of his room. He glanced around the empty apartment and began to make his way toward the elevator. He stopped as he noticed his neighbor's door wide open. He raised a brow as he peeked his head in and glanced around.

"Jayne?"

"One second!"

Kendall waited patiently as he looked around, surprised at how clean 2H was looking. He chuckled as he caught sight of the young girl residing in the apartment, who was rigorously cleaning spots off the sink. She glanced up and smiled as she welcomed her once hated neighbor into her home.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, just about to go downstairs. I see you decided to start a maid service?"

"Shut up," Jayne snapped as Kendall laughed. "This place was starting to look gross, so I decided to do some spring cleaning."

"I see, I see," the dirty blond mumbled as he glanced around and smiled at the spick-and-span apartment. He sighed and turned, heading toward the door.

"I'll see you later then."

"Hey! Wait!" Kendall stopped in his tracks as Jayne approached him with troubled look on her face. "Is everything ok with you?"

The boy in question blinked before he chuckled and sighed.

When did Jayne become so skilled at seeing through Kendall's façades?

"Aw, is someone worrying about me?" the dirty blond teased with a smirk.

"I take it back, jerk!" the girl snapped as Kendall laughed and stared at her annoyed expression. Before he could stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her, surprising the dancer. She hesitated, but slowly began to wrap her arms around the singer. She frowned at his behavior.

"You don't seem like yourself."

"I just need a second, that's all," the leader of BTR mumbled as he closed his eyes, enjoying the embrace to it's fullest.

After a second, Kendall finally released the confused girl before he exited the apartment with a wave over his shoulder.

Jayne stared for a few seconds as a perplexed looks appeared on her face. She frowned once more before she began to turn her attention back to cleaning. She began to scrub but stopped as she glanced back at the door.

"I'm sure everything's fine."

The oldest Knight sighed as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans, walking into the Palm Woods lobby. He didn't have a goal in mind, but he knew that he needed to get out of his apartment before he burst into nothing. He glanced around before making his way toward the empty pool area. He sat down on one of the lawn chairs as he stared out at the water. He watched as the ripples disbursed through the pool, one wave at a time.

Why did I say that? He had been racking his brain for days on end about what had happened at his last date with Jo. Things hadn't ended well between them after his comment. She immediately left, telling him he obviously had things to figure out in his head. She didn't seem angry, but she was definitely upset, and Kendall didn't blame her at all for the way she was feeling. What he had said, or what he was about to say, it was completely out of line. But the real question was-

"Why?" Kendall shook his head as he leaned back in his chair, groaning.

"So you're out here."

The dirty blond blinked as he looked up and smiled, relieved to see Logan approaching his side. He took the seat beside Kendall and looked over at him with a gentle expression.

He hadn't heard what had happened between Kendall and Jo on their date, but all he knew was that something did happen, and it didn't go well. Ever since then, Kendall had been out-of-whack. He was always deep in thought, which was unusual for the blond.

"…Jo still hasn't called?" the genius carefully asked as Kendall shook his head with an exasperated groan.

"I screwed up."

"What happened?" Logan asked as Kendall sighed.

"We were watching that movie she wanted to see-"

"That vampire movie?"

"Yeah."

"Oh god."

"I know-but that's not the point!" Kendall said, getting back on track. "We were watching the movie and she got this call from someone from work. I'm guessing it was her agent."

"So then what happened?" Logan inquired curiously.

"Well, she left the theater to take the call, and she was gone for basically the last half of the movie."

"Wow…" Logan mumbled, surprised at the sudden situation that popped up for the blond. Kendall nodded as he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah. So then I went to go find her after sitting in the theater by myself for a good half hour and she was on the phone still," he explained with a frustrated look on his face. "After that, we broke into a mini-fight because I just couldn't keep pretending that I wasn't getting upset with everythimg anymore," he explained. Logan nodded, understanding his friend's feelings. He gave the boy a pat on the back as he gave him a smile.

"I'm sure you guys will be fine. You've been through stickier situations than this before," the future doctor said as Kendall glanced over at his best friend. He hesitated before he shook his head.

"It's not the fight I'm worried," he said lowly, confusing Logan.

"What is it then?"

"…After I got everything off my chest…I…ugh, I don't know why I said it, I just did!"

"What did you say?" Logan asked hesitantly, not sure what to expect from his rather impulsive friend. Kendall looked at Logan before he groaned, Logan giving him a knowing look. "What did you say?" Logan asked as if he were a parent scolding his child.

"Remember, I wasn't thinking!" Kendall defended before going on. "…I said, 'things would be so much different if Jayne,' and then I realized what I had said, and it just got bad!" Kendall whined as he shook his head.

Logan blinked, shocked at the statement. He took a few seconds to register what was just told to him as Kendall groaned and nodded.

"You said that?"

"I said that!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "I swear, I wasn't trying to hurt Jo's feelings or get her mad, it was just…word vomit! I blame word vomit!" he snapped as Logan sighed, shaking his head. He looked over at the exasperated friend as he thought for a moment.

"…Hey." Kendall looked over at Logan as he gave his best friend a soft gaze. "Do you remember, a while back, the four of us were sitting out here and we were talking."

"Which time?" the dirty blond said playfully as Logan laughed.

"We were out here and all of us, we were describing our perfect girl."

"…Oh yeah! I remember," Kendall stated as Logan nodded. He hesitated, but decided to continue, knowing it's what his friend needed.

"Do you remember what you said?" the genius asked curiously. Kendall thought hard for a moment before nodded with a smile.

"Yeah."

"Alright…don't get mad!" Logan warned. "But when you think about what you said that day, who do you see?"

Kendall blinked, shocked at the question. The obvious answer would have been Jo. It was always supposed to be Jo. But for some reason, Kendall couldn't bring himself to say her name.

"It's…well obviously…" Kendall cleared his throat as he scratched the back of his head. Logan's eyes softened as he gave his friend's shoulder a squeeze.

"All other pressures aside, who do you actually see?"

Kendall sighed as he closed his eyes. He knew what he was supposed to see. But, who did he really see?

"I…I don't know."

"Dude," Logan started as he gave his friend a knowing look. "You and I both know who you see," he stated as Kendall shook his head.

"It's not that easy."

"Since when?" the genius argued. "Aren't you the one who's always telling me to be honest with myself? Especially with all that Camille stuff?" Kendall couldn't argue with that.

"When it comes to Jayne, I don't know," Logan stated. "You guys are different. You guys aren't just friends."

"That's not…" Kendall trailed off, not able to argue the fact.

"There's something about when you guys are together. It's like there's no place else you'd rather be."

"But…" Kendall groaned as he shook his head. "Jo-"

"Let me ask you something," Logan said as Kendall nodded, looking up at his friend. "Are you with Jo because you have feelings for her or because it's something you've become used to?"

Kendall's eyes widened as he stared at Logan. He looked down at his feet as he asked himself.

Why was he with Jo?

He and Jo since day one had been through so much together. He really did care for Jo, and his feelings for her had been so real.

Had been.

Where had things gone wrong? When did their relationship…die?

There were no answers to Kendall's endless amount of questions. All he knew was that even when he tried to worry about what was going to happen with Jo, all he could really think about was Jayne. That was what scared Kendall.

His feelings for Jayne were unexplainable and unexpected. They were just there. He wasn't sure when he started to feel that way towards the girl, but all he knew was that he felt it, and there was nothing that could compare to when he was with the girl. There was truly no one like her in his eyes.

"…Thanks, Logie." Said boy blinked as he looked at Kendall, who sighed. "Can I just have a second to think?"

"Sure thing, buddy," he said with one last reassuring squeeze to the shoulder. He stood to his feet and walked away. His eyes widened as James and Carlos appeared, catching sight of both Logan and Kendall.

"Hey-"

"Now's not the time!" Logan hissed as he grabbed their arms and dragged them away; he'd have to explain the situation to them.

The more Kendall lingered on his feelings, the more angry he became with himself. Why did he let things drag out this long? Why hadn't he realized his feelings sooner? What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't find the answers to any of his questions, which infuriated him even more, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make himself feel any better. He refused to really talk to anyone about it. He continued on with harmonies and dance practices like always. The boys even had a performance for a L.A.'s number one news channel, and Kendall was able to forget-for a little-about his problems. Nobody bothered asking; they knew better than to do that.

"Hey." The leader of Big Time Rush looked up from his homework as he raised a brow to see Logan standing in the doorway of their room. "You up for some lobby hockey?"

"Nah, I've got to get this done or else I'm really going to get an 'F'." Kendall sighed as Logan hesitated. He frowned as he crossed his arms, seeing right through his roommate's lie.

"You can't avoid her forever."

"Who?"

"Don't play coy."

"Don't play what?" Logan chuckled as he sighed, turning his serious face on.

"Kendall, avoiding Jayne isn't going to solve your problems." Said boy stopped writing for a second before he continued on, shaking his head.

"I'm not avoiding her."

"Is that why you haven't talked to her for a whole two weeks now?" Kendall stopped as he frowned, his guilt flicking at his heart. He cleared his throat as he continued on, ignoring Logan's presence.

"…She's noticed, you know."

"It's not like that," Kendall defended as he turned around to face his friend. "I just-"

"Have time to see all of us and Camille AND Jo, but no time for Jayne?" Logan interrupted. Kendall took a deep breath, his anger slowly rising.

"I can't."

"So you're going to ignore how you feel and just pretend everything with you and Jo's ok?" Logan asked incredulously. Kendall groaned as he shook his head.

"That's not what I'm trying to do!" he snapped as he stood to his feet. "…I just…"

Logan's eyes softened as he walked up to his friend. "Things are different now. People change…it's ok."

Kendall's eyes softened as his shoulders began to sag. Logan frowned as he shook his head at his friend.

"Look at yourself!" Logan exclaimed with a worried tone in his voice. "You're not yourself. You sigh all day long and you look miserable almost 90% of the time."

Kendall ran his hand over his face as he tried to find the words to describe how he was feeling; he couldn't.

Suddenly, Kendall's phone ringing broke the silence, both boys looking over to the device. He sighed as he picked it up. Not bothering to fake a smile, the dirty blond picked the call up. "Hello?"

"Hey, you still want to come over for dinner?"

"Sure thing. I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Sounds good to me."

He ended the call and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I've got to go-"

"Right." Logan nodded as he smiled. He and Kendall walked out together. The genius stopped as he turned back to his best friend.

"If you can't be honest with anybody else, at least be honest to yourself. You deserve it."

Kendall watched as his friend entered the elevator, disappearing from sight. He rubbed the back of his head as he turned to walk away. He stopped though, as the sound of a door opening caught his attention. His eyes widened as he froze, his heart skipping a few beats.

"Kendall?" He didn't know what to do. So, he stood stiffly, listening to the footsteps approaching him. "I feel like I haven't seen your smug, little face in years."

He tried not to smile at the voice as he turned around, facing his neighbor. She smiled at him as she stood in front of him. Her smile faded as she noticed the unfriendly expression on the usually smiling blonde's face. They stood in silence, Kendall not willing to break it, and Jayne not really knowing how to break it. She stared at her friend as he avoided her gaze and she frowned.

"Why are you avoiding me?" The singer's eyes widened as he looked up and met Jayne's hurt gaze. He felt his chest tighten, as if someone was squeezing his heart; the last thing he wanted was to hurt Jayne.

"Wh-What are you talking about?" he said playfully. "Why would I avoid-"

"I'm not stupid, Kendall!" Jayne snapped, an irritated expression falling over her. "I haven't seen you in weeks, and you make an effort to make sure of that. Why?"

The boy was lost for words. He couldn't figure out how to get out of the situation, and as Jayne's blue eyes stared into his green ones the guilt he had been pushing away was suddenly overcoming him.

"What could I have possibly done to you to make you want to not talk to me?" Jayne asked, her frustration leaking out of every word that came out of her mouth. Kendall watched as the dancer stared up at him.

"Look, I've just been busy-"

"You are such a liar!" she snapped, cutting Kendall's last, thin nerve.

"Why do you have to always make a fight out of everything?" he snapped as Jayne rolled her eyes.

"Me? You're the one that can never just be honest with yourself." That had cut Kendall deep, and before he knew it he was spewing words without even thinking.

"Me? Not honest with myself? Seriously?" he exclaimed as Jayne narrowed her eyes at him. "Look who's talking, Miss. I-like-to-pretend-I'm-better-than-anyone-else."

That wasn't what he really wanted to say. He didn't really think that about her, but he couldn't stop himself. It was as if he had no control over his body.

"Maybe I was tired of always being around someone so uptight and irritating!" He didn't mean it. He thought Jayne was one of the most fun people he knew. He loved being around her!

"Maybe I don't want to spend every waking moment with you!" That was a lie. He loved every second with her, he couldn't ever get enough of her, everything about her.

"Maybe I'm just tired of you!" It was all wrong. Completely wrong.

The two stood in silence, the only sound being Kendall catching his breath. His eyes began to soften as a nonplussed expression came over the singer. He tried to clear his fuzzy mind, but the clouds wouldn't disappear. He watched as Jayne gave him a wounded look, as if she had been slapped across the face.

"…I see." She couldn't have felt more betrayed.

"Well, sorry for wasting your time," she said quietly as Kendall watched, too overwhelmed with the situation to correct his errors. "I didn't know I was such a bother to you. I'll make sure to stay out of your way from now on." She took a few steps back, staring at the ground, before she turned and quickly made her way toward the elevator. Not looking back, she entered, watching as the doors slid shut. Her composure broke as she began to cry to herself, her soft sobs echoing in the small car. She took a few moments to catch her breath before she wiped the tears from her eyes. She stood tall as she cleared her throat and blinked away a few fighting tears. She walked out of the elevator, pretending as if she hadn't just been crying, and walked out to the car where her aunt had been waiting.

"Hey-" Claire stopped as she noticed the wounded gleam in her niece's eyes. "What happened to you?" she asked urgently as Jayne shook her head, staring out the window.

"…Nothing. Nothing worth talking about."

Kendall had lost track of the minutes. He stood in the hallway, alone. His hands balled up into fists as he released a frustrated shout. He covered his face with his hands as he groaned and shook his head. He looked up and clenched his mouth shut, turning around and making his way toward the stairs. He shoved the doors open as hard as he could, shaking his head.

He couldn't have felt worse.