Forest Level Nine:

Bed Side Manners and Long Nights

Secrets that have been caged in your heart.

It's better that way.

They lock themselves away, attacking you from inside. Why can't you accept that the past is over? It is frightening?

…I don't understand.

Why do you cling to, depend on, love, a person you will never see again?

Because…He was the one person who ever needed me.

Isn't that selfish? Loving a person because they depended on you.

That's…

Not the same?

No…

"My brother wasn't really my brother, not by blood at least. My mother had found him in the park unconscious, covered in blood and sweat. She brought him home without looking for his parents, she thought, no, she knew that they had been abusing him," I paused to see if Renji-sama had fallen asleep, he was awake and listening. "I had been away on a trip with my father so when I found him sleeping on a futon in my room, I panicked. My mom came and calmed me down and told me that I had a brother now. This might seem odd but, I was jealous. He got better grades than me, and he was more well behaved, and athletic, too. Compared to him, I felt like nothing."

"But he wasn't as good as we all thought. At school, he expelled because he had beaten up a bully to near death. You'd think this was the time I'd rejoice but…it was because of me. The other guy was picking on me when he came by, I felt even worse that he had gotten in trouble because of me," I paused to try and stop myself from crying. "When they asked him to explain himself, he didn't speak. He never spoke, not once. He was expelled from Karakura Elementary and was sent to another school. I didn't know how to voice my thanks to him, I didn't even think a simple thanks could cut it but…"

"T-thank you." I whispered that night. By this time, my parents thought it would be better if he didn't sleep in a room by himself, they thought he would commit suicide. My father had brought a bed into my room for him to sleep.

I didn't think he would respond since he didn't talk to my mother, I didn't think he'd talk to me. But I knew I had to say something. "There's…no need to thank me."

His voice was quiet and sincere. I couldn't help but smile. "That was amazing though. Did your dad teach you how to fight?"

He flinched in the darkness. "No…he didn't."

I was really a naïve child. "Where are your parents?"

"At…home." He said. I thought he might add 'probably' but that was it. They were at home. Without their son there, though back then I wasn't so smart. He realized I didn't get it. "My parents…hate me. They hit me and insult me…and then told me to never come back but I still love them."

"I regret asking about his parents. That was the first time he spoke in my house and I made him remember terrible things." I let tears fall.

Renji-sama hoisted himself up from his bed and I felt his arms around me. "I'm sorry. I can't think of a way to make you happy."

I didn't say anything for a while, then I returned his hug. "Thank you for being such a good friend." Renji-sama twitched, but didn't say anything. I smiled to lighten the mood. "You should go to sleep, the sun is setting." He got himself into bed. And looked at me and opened his mouth to say something but he shut it. "Huh?"

"Will…you stay by my side all night?" He didn't look at me and his face was going red.

I blinked and smiled. "Of course."

Renji-sama had went to sleep faster than I thought. Renji-sama looked so innocent when he asked me to stay, I don't think I could walk out that door tomorrow morning. Renji-sama's hair looks like a fire never finding that inner peace that it longs for. He needs something to keep him going in life. I wonder what motivates him so much to keep doing his best all the time? If I could find it, then I'd thank it for helping Renji-sama be Renji-sama.

I wonder how Ayu-chan is. I can only guess I've been gone for three weeks. Does she miss me? Or is it better that I'm gone? I've always been holding her down, ever since we were children. I glanced down on Renji-sama. Am I holding him down too? I hope not. I don't want to leave Renji-sama. Never. The only people that have ever been this kind to me were my parents, my brother and Ayu-chan.

I broke out of my thoughts when someone walked inside the room. "You." I didn't have to turn around to recognize the person. There's only one person who calls me 'you'.

I shifted my head to meet his. "Good…evening." I managed to gulp. He intimidated me. His cold look, emotion-less face, and hard voice. It all frightened me so much, I started to cry. It took his face to tell me the reality, I was all alone. All alone and scared.

"Why do you always shed tears when I'm nearby?" He started, "Do I frighten you?"

I wanted to tell him but I slowly shook my head. "No, it's just…"

He looked at me. He has such cheerless eyes. They were…hollow. Maybe we're the same. Losing a person so close to our heart, locking our emotions away to make sure no one sees that we're suffering so much inside. Putting up a wall of nothingness, hating yourself for not being able to do anything. I wonder if we'll ever forgive ourselves.

We sat in the silence for a while, all the time Byakuya-kun seemed to look like something as bothering him. Like he was remembering something painful. I had…I just had to say something to him. "B-Byakuya-kun…If…if you ever have a problem, y-you can tell me…" I quickly added, "I won't laugh."

He shifted toward me and stared. I hate his stare. It's like carrying bricks on your back, I sincerely and genuinely hate it. "I have no intentions of telling you anything of my personal sort."

"O-oh. I understand, it's just…" I smiled at him, "Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on."

We sat in the silence a little longer. "I detest…" he started, "looking at the ill." He said finally.

I gulped and stared at him. "W-why?"

It wasn't instantly, but he finally said, "It reminds me of my wife."

Byakuya-kun is married? Why…why does this make me sad? When I looked up at him, he just sitting there, maybe wondering if he's said too much. "Thank you for telling me." I smiled at him a little, "It makes me feel that you like me a little."

He looked at me for a quick second, "I never stated that I disliked you."

I stayed quiet for a moment then smiled. "…You're right, you never did say anything like that."

Byakuya-kun talked to me for a while longer. It all somehow made me happier.

I woke up with a blanket over me. The door opened and Renji-sama came in. "R-Renji-sama! You should be in bed, you have a fever!"

He grinned. "Don't worry. I'm fine now…" he stopped and turned red. "Thanks…for taking care of me."

"No problem." I smiled. Renji-sama, I'm glad you're better. I would have been terrified if anything bad should have happened to you.

I got up and heard Renji-sama laugh a little. I cocked by head, "Huh?"

"Kaede, did you know," he paused, "you feel asleep with your head on Kuchiki-taichou's lap."

"Eh!?"