The Theory of Relativity

A/N: has nothing to do with the actual theory of relativity.

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Timesetting: summer between S4 & S5

A/N: Imagine a more updated version of Wednesday Addams as played by Christina Ricci.

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Wednesday was sat off to one-side of the living room, watching dispassionately as Xander was grilled endlessly by Buffy and Willow.

"You told her about what we do," Buffy demanded, irate, "How could you do something so stupid?!"

"He didn't tell me," Wednesday deadpanned once more, gaining all their attention, "He merely mentioned your name and I recognized it. You're quite famous."

"Wednesday's a witch in training," Xander explained, "Her entire family knows about what goes on around here."

"…Oh," was all Buffy could say.

Willow, however, was far from speechless.

"You're a witch," she asked, "Cool! Tara and I are witches, we practice together, do you practice alone or with a coven, do you…"

As Willow launched into her tirade, Xander and Buffy both sat back to wait for her to run out of breath…Wednesday, however, was more…proactive than that.

"Stop," she deadpanned once more, "I have no wish to hear you drone on and on. I do practice with groups occasionally, but, I have no interest in practicing my craft with either of you."

Willow and Tara displayed their hurt feelings on their faces, and Xander sighed, knowing that this would probably happen. Buffy, vocal as ever, automatically went to her friends' defense.

"Why would you not want to practice with them," she demanded, "And do you have to be so rude?!"

"I do not wish to practice with the redhead," she couldn't remember her name, "Because she lacks balance, as I can see from her aura. She does only white magic, and will eventually fall into the control of the darkness if she ever uses magic in grief or despair, causing her to lose control of herself and respond to the seductive calls of dark magic," Willow openly gaped at her, beyond offended, "Your friend, Tara, is more balanced, but she is also shy, and I do not have patience with shy people, and that would upset my magics."

Silence reigned for a few moments before a chuckle broke it. Everyone turned their gaze to Xander, who was laughing slightly.

"It's good to see that you haven't changed, Wednesday," he laughed.

Wednesday, however, merely raised an eyebrow, before saying, "Nor have you, it seems. You still try to cover your insecurities with humor. I thought we talked about that."

Xander just shook his head and said, "Old habits die hard."

"…How, exactly, do you two know each other," Giles asked, completely beyond

flummoxed by the situation.

"Alex's car broke down outside of my family's house last summer," Wednesday explained, "We offered to let him stay for a while, which reminds me," she stood up quickly and left the house, only to return a few moments later with a large, leather bag, "They sent presents."

"Ooh, what'd your uncle send," Xander said excitedly.

"Two pounds of C4," Wednesday deadpanned.

"Sweet," Xander smiled as he opened the bag.

"C4," Riley started, "That's illegal!"

"So," Wednesday said, "Do you think everything you do is legal?"

"Well, no, but-"

"So, don't give him a hard time because he uses different methods than you do," Wednesday said, the warning as evident as anything else she'd said.

"As I was saying," she continued, "He stayed with us for the better part of a month, while our butler fixed his vehicle."

"How is Lurch, anyway," Xander wondered aloud.

"He sent you a turkey," she deadpanned.

He pulled out said turkey, which had been skinned and still looked to be somewhat alive, causing all to recoil.

"His cooking hasn't improved, I see," he responded, tossing it outside.

"While he waited," she pressed on, "Uncle Fester and my brother, Pugsley, played around with the dynamite we have lying around with him."

"…You have dynamite lying around the house," Buffy looked positively outraged as she said this.

"We do," Wednesday responded, "My mother and Grandmama taught him spells and hexes."

"But, he doesn't do any spells around here," Willow countered.

"Are you quite sure," Wednesday asked, causing everyone to turn to examine Xander.

"Thank you, Wednesday," he deadpanned.

"You're welcome," she responded in kind, "Father taught him how to handle a sword."

"Your father," Giles interrupted, "Wouldn't happen to be Gomez Addams, would he?"

"You know Father," Wednesday asked, curiosity in her voice.

"Not well," Giles admitted, "Him and I met briefly while I was at Oxford."

"I'll have to mention you in my letters to home," Wednesday replied, before turning to Xander, "How come you never mentioned him?"

"Never came up," she thought for a moment, then nodded, accepting his answer, "What's this?"

He held up a box with a lock on it.

"I believe it is one of Thing's relatives," she deadpanned, "Sophia."

"…Thing sent one of his relatives to live you," he asked in disbelief.

"She was living on the streets, Alex," she responded with a sigh, "Thing asked me to take her in, and I said yes. I thought I had left her behind, honestly."

"…Point," he said, pulling the key out from underneath the box, "Guys, don't be freaked out. I guarantee you she's good…she's good, right, Wednesday?"

"Yes, Alex, she is of the good," she replied.

"Groovy," he smiled, putting the box one the ground, "Guys, before I open this box up, I insist that you keep an open mind. Sophia," Wednesday nodded, "Is like…like Oz, in some aspects. She's just…well, you'll see."

He put the key in the lock and gently twisted it, and scooted back to allow the being inside room enough to leave. The box was surprisingly deep, almost as though it were magical.

"Sophia," Xander called out, "It's ok, you can come out."

The box began to shake slightly, causing all of his friends to tense up, prepared to grab a weapon and stab whatever was inside.

"She's frightened," Wednesday commented, "You need to calm down, all of you. She knows that you have intents to kill her."

"Why should we," Buffy demanded, freaked out a little, "We have no idea what's in there."

"I do," Xander said, "I know you guys don't have faith in me, but, please, just…trust me for once."

For the millionth time that night, the group was caught off guard by pure bluntness. It was…staggering, to say the least. Sure, everyone had thought it, but, no one had really voiced it…and no one had thought that Xander was aware of it.

"Alright, Xander," Tara said, surprisingly taking charge of the situation, "We trust you."

Xander nodded at her, giving her a small smile, and leaned forward toward the box.

"It's alright, Sophia," he coaxed, "You can come out."

Slowly, something began to come out of the box. It wasn't fully out, so, they couldn't see what it was, but, they could tell that it was flesh colored. Carefully, it emerged from its box, and the group backed up slightly as they saw what it was.