Side rant about the clitoris because the sex-ed program they made me go through in public high school didn't utter a peep about it:

More often than not, a girl can't orgasm through intercourse alone. In the 1970s, sexologist Shere Hite found that 70% of women do not achieve orgasm through just intercourse. So if you're a girl and find yourself in this category, don't worry. The other 30% are the weirdos.

That's because, on the female body, the parts that make sex pleasurable are not located on the parts that you actually use to have sex. Like I mentioned in a previous post, most of the nerve endings in the vagina are located near the opening, not further back. But real party is at the clitoris, which most people understand to be a small bundle of about 8000 nerve endings.

Actually, that's only a small part of the clitoris. The majority is inside the body, a network of fibers that wander away from the little bit you see on the outside. The primary function of the clitoris seems to be to give women pleasure (it probably has no other function), but what kind of sucks is that it's located away from the place where intercourse actually happens. So more often than not, either the guy or the girl is going to have to find a way to stimulate the clitoris in addition to the normal activities involved in skoodilypooping (I do not claim ownership of this euphemism; that most likely goes to John Green's grandmother).

Now, from what I've seen, most writers on the A&A fandom seem to know what they're doing when it comes to knowing what to do with the clitoris: mainly, not treating it like some kind of magic button. But I'm going to say it anyway, because who knows who will stumble across this public service announcement? I've been on fandoms where the average fanfiction writer is much better than one on A&A, but then someone will write that the guy presses down on it and the girl implodes, and then I just make like a Nopetopus and skedaddle because you're doing it wrong. DX

Anyhow, the clitoris is a bit complicated. Sometimes it likes being touched; sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it feels numb; other times it's so sensitive that it hurts when touched. But it is not a magic button. It should not be pressed for magic results to instantly occur.

The whole "magic button" thing really pisses me off, actually. Repeat after me: The clitoris is not a magic button.

Nor should it be pushed like one. Guys who are unfamiliar with female reproductive anatomy and buy into the "magic button" thing are doing it wrong. *There are no magic buttons.* That idea is a load of crap invented by men who think sex is purely for the guy's enjoyment, and as long as the guy is enjoying it, it's all good and dandy because all he has to do is push the "magic button" to make the girl like it, too. It's the lazy man's way of saying, "Oh, I don't have to put in any effort to make her enjoy it, too, because all I need to do is push on it."

(And now that I've used "magic button" six times in eight sentences, I'm going to go wash my hands.)

...

The reality is that, since the clitoris is so sensitive, stimulating it the wrong way (i.e. treating it like a button by pushing down) is painful. And merely touching it the right way (a way that feels good to her and doesn't hurt) is not an automatic train ticket to O-town, either. If they've been going at it for a while now, and the arousal has been building up, and she's almost there, just needs a little more, the guy can touch her there, and that can be enough for her to climax. But they have to build it up first. Anything less is laziness or misguidance on his part.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

This was just a side rant. The most important takeaway from anything I've said is in Chapter 1.

Addendum: To the guest reviewer who felt compelled to yell at me for attempting to set the record straight for people who choose to read this: I am well aware that this is not a story, as I stated in the first sentence of Chapter 1 of this post. You must have missed or conveniently ignored the bolded statement asking readers to bow out if frank discussions of reproductive anatomy make them uncomfortable, seeing as you clearly hold dear your unrealistic expectations and ideals about sex and were so offended by the truth. I may have not posted a story, but I'll have you know I am more than capable of writing things other than public service announcements. And maybe people didn't ask for a "freaking health lesson," but maybe there are people who do want to know - either for personal reasons or for future stories of their own - but are too embarrassed to ask a parent/teacher or look it up themselves because it'll wind up in the search history of a shared computer. Those are the people who I wrote this post for, not people like you who can't even follow simple directions like "Don't read on if you're going to get uncomfortable."

I have to say, the fact that you bothered to take the time and leave a comment on my post, to which you have obvious aversions, says a great deal more about you than it does about me. If you didn't want your illusions about human sexuality shattered, maybe you shouldn't have read past "If you are in any way uncomfortable with frank discussions about sex and the anatomy of the female reproductive system, this is your chance to gracefully bow out." Or maybe, instead of preferring to keep your head buried in the sand, you are a MRA hell bent on keeping women in the dark about their own sexuality so that misogynists can continue to enjoy their women without having to put in any effort to reciprocate. In which case, kindly take your foot out of your mouth and consider reevaluating your priorities.

Otherwise, I hope your first time met/will meet your ever-so-precious unrealistic expectations.