Impassioned
…
…
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows how to say
That they're sorry, and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
…
"Can I help you?"
Clark frowned at the blonde woman sitting at the desk he was standing in front of. She was acting as if she didn't know him. "Chloe," he groaned.
"Oh! Clark! I hardly recognized you – it's been so long since you last graced me with your presence," she replied with sarcastic bite.
Already feeling a bit defensive from his earlier conversation with his mother, Clark's heckles were primed to rise. "You were the one that stopped coming around us!" He took a calming breath. Attacking her was probably not the best way to approach her if he wanted to get her to talk to him. "Sorry."
Chloe's expression went from shocked to dejected during the span of his outburst. She apparently accepted his apology. "I was starting to feel like a third wheel."
Clark sighed and pulled a stray chair over to her desk to sit in. "We didn't mean for that to happen," he said. "We didn't mean for any of it to happen."
He gave her a look meant to express the sincerity of his apology but it must have revealed more than that because her eyes narrowed. "What did happen?"
Realizing that his expressions had once again exposed him, he worked to school his features. Forcing a sheepish smile, he shrugged.
"Clark, I'm getting the feeling that this visit isn't just about reconnecting with old friends, so – what is it?" She smirked. "Where is that erstwhile cousin of mine? Did she finally get tired of playing with you and go off and break your heart?"
It took a valiant effort, but Clark's affable smile remained in place.
Chloe continued with a teasing tone, "I tried to let you know that I was worried about this from the beginning – but who wants the killjoy around?" She shrugged. "I tried to get you to see that it was doomed from the beginning. So… was I right?"
"You were right. Spot on as always, Chloe."
His power to control his tone must have been dampened by his efforts to control his expression, because she tilted her head at his words. "Do I detect bitterness?"
He mentally swore – he was making this worse than he had planned. "No. Just resignation."
Chloe gave him a quizzical look. After a moment of thoughtful silence, she leaned forward. "What has it been? Two months?"
It had been 39 days… and seven since the 39 – but who was counting. "About that," he said with a nod.
She was still looking at him searchingly but he was doing an amazing job of not revealing anything.
Finally, she sighed and sat back. "Well, al least you both came to your senses fast enough that you didn't get hurt."
Hurt, Clark repeated to himself. "Yeah."
"Well, I didn't mean not hurt, but not hurt-hurt. You know? Not like Lana. You had years invested in that one," she said with wide eyes and a pretend grimace. "This was just like a… passing… delusion."
Well, that was one way to put it, Clark thought. "Have you talked to her?" he asked.
It was time to get to the real reason for his visit. It had occurred to him that just as he had needed to talk to his mother – Lois may have needed someone to talk to as well. But he had interfered with her Martha time, so where would she go?
Chloe shook her head. "No."
Clark frowned slightly at the lightness in her voice. She was unfazed.
She looked at his face and started laughing. "No offense, Clark, but I can't imagine that Lois would need a cousin-intervention over this. It's Lois – she just doesn't fall like that. These things don't affect her like they do other people. You're sweet, but you don't have to worry about how she's doing. I know how she is."
Clark abruptly rose to his feet, no longer trying to keep his expression sober. "You know what, Chloe? Maybe you don't know her as well as you think."
He turned and began to stalk out of the newsroom. Before he got to the stairs, he felt himself get pulled into the conference room to his right. He sighed and turned to face the little blonde dynamo when she closed the door.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded with her hands on her hips.
"Exactly what it said," he replied curtly.
Chloe's brow furrowed. "Okay, so obviously I missed the segue between the Woe is Me speech and the Attack Chloe campaign. Mind clueing me in?"
He remained silent for a moment. "I'm the one that broke up with her."
"Okay," Chloe drawled, thinking about his revelation. "Admittedly, that is a little surprising, but I'm not sure how that changes the fact that the two of you are," she gave a little shrug, "broken up."
She looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but I'm happy that you got out unscarred. You have to remember that I had a front row seat for the entire Lana debacle – in fact, sometimes I was sitting right in the middle."
He ran a hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have put you in that position. I'm sorry."
Chloe smiled and shook her head. "I'm not fishing for an apology here, Clark. As your 'unofficial' sidekick, I actually think it's a good thing that you will be focusing all your attention on the 'unofficial' business now."
"So, what was the straw that broke the camel's back?" she asked. "I take it you didn't tell her about the whole dual identity thing, huh?"
Clark thought he detected a minor trace of smugness in the question and he realized that Lois had been right. When Lois had hinted that Chloe had a slight grudge against her cousin, he had disregarded her concerns. Now, he wasn't so sure Lois's concerns had been unfounded.
No, Lois hadn't known about the dual identity, as Chloe called it, but that hadn't been the crux of the problem. Now that he was aware that Chloe had her own blind alliances, the guilt he had been fighting to shake all day had resettled on his shoulders. This was the second time he had usurped a person Lois should have rightly been able to use as a confidante. Some protector he was.
In his silence, Chloe seemed to have gotten her answer. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Clark. No one can blame you for you keeping a secret. I mean, it's not just about you anymore – it's Oliver, Vincent, Bart, Diana, Bruce… me. Those are a lot of reasons for you to be careful."
She ducked her head in an attempt to get a look at his eyes. "What's wrong?"
He frowned. "You're on my side," he replied gravely. "No question."
Chloe laughed. "I've read the entire manual on your operating system, so I know you have good reasons for whatever you do." She met his gaze soberly. "You're my best friend, Clark – Isn't that why you came here? For the unconditional loyalty?"
Maybe it was the reason, he thought to himself. Maybe after the conversation with his mother, he had wanted someone to convince him that what he had done was the right thing. She had been right to bring up the League. Each on of those people was a part of his identity – each one of them found a piece of themselves in him, and he in they. If he were to disclose himself, it would be to expose them too.
The admission did nothing to alleviate his guilt.
"Like I said before, at least you got out before it was too late." Chloe shot him a smile that said all was okay in their world – but he knew that the world was built on secrets he had to keep, and lies he had to tell.
It wouldn't be fair of him to tell Chloe what really happened. He wouldn't tell her that they had fallen so far and so fast that the slip into intimacy had been seamless. He wouldn't tell her that he had allowed himself to become intimate with her cousin without telling her the truth about himself. He wouldn't tell her that in a vulnerable moment of afterglow, Lois has whispered two words that had left him as powerless as any amount of kryptonite could have.
'Marry me.'
He wouldn't tell Chloe about the look that had appeared on her cousin's face after she realized what she'd said. How Lois had snapped to attention as they stared at each other in shock.
He wouldn't describe the way the emotions played across her face, a progression from surprise, to horror, to confusion, to realization, and then to passion. She had meant it – and she proved it by saying it again.
'Marry me.'
No. Clark wouldn't tell Chloe those things – things a cousin should be able to tell at her own pace.
He also wouldn't reveal how he had responded.
Yes. He had come to Chloe for the unconditional loyalty her friendship promised, at the expense of – or, maybe as a manipulation of – her current resentment of her cousin.
Because, if she knew all of that other stuff… everything would change.
…
TBC