The Theory of Relativity

A/N: has nothing to do with the actual theory of relativity.

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Timesetting: summer between S4 & S5

ÀÀÀ

Xander was reclining in his chair in the main room, having fallen asleep shortly after sunset. He had been waiting for Wednesday to come home…but, she hadn't by the time he'd been woken.

The method used to wake him up, he could have done without. A large amount of water had somehow been dumped onto him from the second floor. His first thought had been of how he would fix that, followed by another of how water could spill down from an area where the pumps were nowhere near.

He was jarred from his thoughts, however, as a hand slapped him across the face.

"Alright, I'm up," he shouted at Sophia, who landed quickly on the ground, "What is it?"

She proceeded to snap very quickly, very loudly, and very easily losing Xander in the process.

"What," he shouted, "Wednesday's caught a bird?"

Sophia slapped him again, then, repeated the sequence, this time slower.

"Wednesday's been captured," he repeated, "Ok…not good. What happened?"

She described the sequence of events to him, and he immediately knew who was behind it.

"Ok, Sophia, I need you to lead me to the weapons, I know Wednesday brought some that're better than mine. Then, I'm gonna need you to find her cell phone for me, I might need some help. While I'm gone, be working on having the house barricaded except for the front, we might have to repel an attack. Got that?"

Sophia saluted him.

"Great," he said, "Weapons!"

ÀÀÀ

Wednesday woke up slowly, blinking her way back to consciousness. She took a look around quickly, then sighed in irritation.

"Excellent," she muttered.

"Glad to see you're awake," she turned her attention to Buffy and Willow as the two came up to her, arms crossed and glares on their faces.

"You do realize, of course, that this is effectively going to drive Alex away from you, right," Wednesday responded.

"It won't matter, he needs to be looked after," Buffy stated, "We couldn't figure out what spell you have on him, but no one builds that kind of closeness that fast. You put a spell on him."

"We bonded during his stay at the mansion," Wednesday responded, already bored with this nonsense, "He had a crush on me when he left. Perhaps our relationship is going a bit fast, but, considering the circumstances, how could it not?"

"Circumstances," Willow demanded.

"His friends neglect him, to the point where they'd kidnap his romantic interest, his parents abuse him, and he's struggling to get by because he hasn't found his niche in life yet, causing all of you to think him worthless," Wednesday said bluntly, "I told him all of this last summer, and he told me that he would try and change your relationship, but, he reverted back to type because you were in a moment of need."

The two girls stared at her for a moment, so put off by her speech…

"Enough," Buffy snapped out of it first, "I won't tolerate your lies anymore. Tell us what you've done to Xander!?"

Wednesday rolled her eyes, settling in for a long wait.

ÀÀÀ

Xander pulled up outside Giles's apartment complex, parking as quickly as possible. He stopped for a second to check his gear, then, opened his door and began to check the area. Riley and Graham were stationed outside, obviously there to prevent him from getting too far.

Fortunately, though, he had backup.

He paced for a few moments, though, waiting on his compatriots to arrive. Not a second after he'd begun to give up, a flash of light appeared from behind him, causing him to turn around. He smiled as soon as he saw who it was.

Gomez Addams came up to him first, dressed in his usual dark pin-stripped suit, with a cigar in his mouth. He had on dark pants and boots, and a sword strapped to his belt, dangling dangerously on his left side. Not far behind him was Pugsley Addams, his oldest son, and the only being that could explode more buildings with a single block of C4 than Xander. He was dressed in his usual white and black striped shirt, black shorts, and boots with calf-high black socks. He was carrying a duffel bag with his left hand while his riht hand was carrying a large staff.

"Alexander, old man," Gomez greeted him jovially, immediately drawing him into a hug, which Xander happily returned, "How delightful it is to see you again, though I do wish the circumstances weren't as they were."

"Same here, Gomez," Xander responded in kind before turning his attention to Pugsley, "How's it hanging there, Reject?"

"Not bad, Sociopath, not bad," Pugsley grinned at him, "I can't wait to see what Wednesday's gonna do to your friends, no offense."

"None taken," Xander replied, "I'm pretty pissed at them at the moment, myself."

"Kidnapping an Addams is not something we take kindly to," Gomez said, pulling out his cigar as he did so, "A kidnapping between friends is a welcome surprise, but, not like this."

Xander smiled at that.

"What's the plan, Xander," Pugsley asked, eager to save his sister, and for a fight.

"Simple," Xander started off, "You and me take down Heckle and Jeckle down there, while Gomez goes though the window and makes sure the others are occupied. We grab Wednesday, then get the Hell outta dodge."

"Superb," Gomez exclaimed, "I've been yearning to test myself against a worthy foe, and there are few worthier than a Slayer."

"Only kill her if you have to," Xander said, "Best of luck, guys."

ÀÀÀ

It happened quickly with Riley and Graham. Xander and Pugsley came up behind them and laid into them with baseball bats, though Pugsley complained about wanted to torture them, but, Xander said 'No unnecessary deaths…yeah, no unnecessary deaths.'

They then waited till they got the signal from Gomez (him back flipping through the back window), then, they invaded the flat. Gomez had leapt through the back window, as planned, and was currently involved in a sword fight with Giles.

"Hello, Ripper, old man," Gomez smiled charmingly at his old schoolmate, "Fancy meeting you here."

"Likewise, Gomez," Giles returned with a smile, "En guard?"

"HA!" Gomez flung his sword at him, and Giles expertly parried, and the battle was on.

"Xander," Buffy and Willow came up to him, "She's got you under some kind of spell," he could see Wednesday rolling her eyes at that, and he had to smile.

"You're damn right she does, Buffy," they both visibly relaxed at that, "It's called love, you dingbat!"

Pugsley tackled Buffy to the ground, startling her as he did so, and the two were quickly involved in a brawl.

"Wills, don't make me move you," Xander said.

He noticed, however, that her eyes weren't focused on him…they were focused on the ground, and she was whispering to herself.

"Willow, what-"

Before he could continue, however, a wave of warmth spread through the air, freezing himself and everyone else in the room in the position they had been in.

"ENOUGH," all eyes tried to move to Tara, who was standing in the center of the room, eyes glowing white, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!!?"