A/N: Hey guys! I meant to write this chapter last week, but... you know... school. and things. Anyway, I finally finished it! Ta-da! There's a little hint of Sabriel to spice things up, and I'm planning some Destiel moments for the next chapter... Hope you guys enjoy!

Chapter 6: Douchebags and Barbie Dolls

"Heyyyy Dean-o! And Samsquatch! Long time, no s….." The tawny haired angel took one look around the motel room, spotted Dean, and immediate froze in place, a smile slowly working its way onto his lips.

Everyone else in the room had instinctively tensed up at Gabriel's arrival, and they were all staring at the archangel, waiting for him quit throwing his stupid grin back and forth between Dean and Cas.

"Ohmigoddd, Dean! It was so sweet of you to turn yourself into a girl just so little Cassie would notice you!" Gabe finally said, clearly overly delighted with Dean's recent "developments".

Dean's face was slowly turning a dangerous-looking shade of purple, and Cas just tilted his head in confusion.

"Gabriel, Dean's current physical form, while momentarily shocking, does not illic-" Castiel started to tell his brother, who interrupted him by skipping around the room singing "Cassie and Dean, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…..", meanwhile Dean's face grew even more murderous and Sam attempted to hide his growing grin with a bitchface.

"I swear to God, Gabe, if you don't shut the fuck up, I will stab you in your ugly midget face!" Dean finally screeched, clearly about to burst a blood vessel in his forehead.

"Cool it, Blondie, don't get your cute little panties in a twist." Gabe said, clearly trying to push Dean even further over the edge.

"I might be wearing cute little panties," Dean purred, getting threateningly close to the archangel's face, "but if you keep giving me shit, I. Will. End. You. Got it, Douchebag?"

"Geeeez, everybody is so touchy today!" Gabe exclaimed, the grin never leaving his face. "It's almost like you didn't just call me and ask for help… I mean, you little girl scouts obviously have everything under control… I could just go back to that sweet little alternate universe I was in, where Sammy over there was a bit more flexible…." Gabe finished, waggling his eyebrows in Sam's direction.

Sam sat there with a mildly horrified look on his face, while Dean tried to collect himself (Or herself. Whatever).

"Okay, okay! Fine! Jesus….." Dean heaved a huge, exasperated sigh. "As much as I fucking hate you right now, I hate not being in my own body more. If you could just try and find the bitch that cursed me, we'll gank her."

"Awwww, anything for you, Beautiful!" Gabriel retorted, chucking Dean under the chin then disappearing in a flutter of feathers (and maniacal giggling).

"I'm going to kill that feathery bastard one day, mark my words…" Dean growled, still visibly worked up over his archangel encounter.

"At least he agreed to help us, Dean." Sam said, obviously glad not to be the butt of Gabe's jokes. "He could have just stayed here and laughed himself into the next century or something."

"I guess…" Dean admitted, sitting down across the table from Sam and glaring moodily at the floor. "He's still a feathery bastard."

"And I will never strive to be anything else." Gabe chimed, exploding violently into existence behind Castiel, startling him.

Cas and Dean immediately sent him dark looks, both rendered comical by the effects Gabe's blast had on Castiel's hair and Dean's general un-threatening-ness.

"Did you find our Killer Counselor?" Sam asked, trying to ward off any more outbursts from Dean.

"Glad you asked, Moose. As it turns out, our little witchy friend has worked some powerful concealment charms on her current location. So, no."

Dean's face immediately turned to one of despair. If a freaking archangel can't find her, there's no way in hell we'll ever make her turn me back, Dean thought morosely.

"Buuuut…" Gabe continued, shooting a smile at Sam. "I did find her secret spice cabinet from hell at the high school, and you know what that means…."

"What? I don't get it." Dean questioned, still looking put out.

"Dean, a witch's herb collection is something they work on all their lives. It takes literally decades for them to find enough ingredients to work some of their more complicated rituals and spells. I bet she'd never just leave it for someone else to take. It'd be like leaving a billion dollars in your locker at the gym." Sam explained.

"Sooo…..?" Dean said, thinking.

"Sooooo," Gabe drawled, glancing around at both the Winchesters and Cas in turn, "that means somebody gets to play High School Barbie!"