Amanda looked at the white pregnancy test her legs growing weaker as the thought of being pregnant fell over her. The little plus sign staring back at her, taunting her. She couldn't believe it; the test had to be wrong. Amanda held in the tears as she grabbed another one out of a plastic bag. She quickly peed on the stick. Amanda paced back and forth waiting for the results to show and when they finally did her heart broke a little more. The tears came this time. It was the third test she had tried. The plus sign wasn't just a plus sign, it was a life. A life she was surprised she hadn't killed with all the recent drinking and smoking she had been doing. The knock on the door stole Amanda from her thoughts. She eagerly opened the door, already knowing who it was.
"Liv," She said breathlessly while ushering her inside.
Olivia awkwardly sat herself on Amanda's couch. She wasn't too familiar with Amanda's home or Amanda in general. They were acquaintances, not friends. The fact that they were even together about something completely unrelated to work was unusual.
Amanda shot Olivia an uncomfortable look before speaking.
"I know where not the best of friends but I need your help with something."
"Anything." Olivia replied sincerely. Amanda took Olivia's honest words as an opportunity to reveal why she had invited the detective over. She walked into the bathroom, coming back with a bag full of pregnancy tests.
"I think I'm pregnant." Amanda said quietly while taking a seat on the couch beside Olivia. Olivia's eyes fell on the bag of pregnancy tests, there were at least five left. Olivia looked at the tests skeptically, "I'm pretty sure there all defective, but I just want to be sure."
Olivia wanted to laugh at Amanda's absurdity; of course all those test couldn't be defective. She held in a chuckle, grabbed a pregnancy test and headed for the bathroom. She peed on the stick and let her mind wonder as she waited for the results to show.
The ideal of Olivia being pregnant was ridiculous. She was forty-six, her time to have children had long passed. She had only had unprotected sex once with Brian, purely out of curiosity. She had never done it before. Feeling the warmth and wetness of Brian inside of her, as he pounded into her made her wonder why she waited so long to try it out.
Understanding Amanda's ulterior motive, Olivia wasn't mad at her. Although she had faithfully practiced safe sex since she became sexually active, she did have a few pregnancy scares. About two in college. Olivia let her mind reminisce on her college days. She didn't like to be reminded of that time in her life. She had been a completely different person. Having to live with her mother's abuse and aching for a father figure it was easy for her to find comfort in the arms of older men. Older, married men. Men with families. It was embarrassing. In all actuality Olivia Benson was without a doubt a complete slut throughout college.
Olivia thoughts ran for so long she completely forgot what she was waiting for. And then it dawned on her. She was waiting for the test results of a pregnancy test Amanda had asked her to take.
Olivia sat up from the toilet seat grabbing the pregnancy test from the bathroom sink she had placed it on.
Olivia gawked at the test in awe. The two pink lines looking back up at her. Olivia refused to believe it. She shook her head in disbelief.
"Liv," Amanda said through the door, "you finished?"
Amanda's words stole Olivia from the mental coma she had put herself in. Olivia opened the bathroom door, ignoring Amanda's question.
"I hope for our sake these test are wrong." Olivia said dryly before walking out the front door.
Olivia called Nick on her way home from Amanda's. The news was something that could only be said in person not over the phone. As Olivia drove her thoughts began to fill with the news she had just received. Knowing a baby was inside of her. Brian's baby. She hated herself; she had been drinking so much lately. The stress of the trial, the stress of her job. It had all become too much for her. Her only release being found at the bottom of a bottle. Olivia knew what she had to do. Her desire to have children was unfathomable. She always wanted someone to love unconditionally. But she couldn't have Brian's child.
Olivia pulled into her driveway, surprised to see Nick sitting on her porch steps. He smiled up at her as she made her way towards him.
"Hi." Nick said his smile widening.
Though the drive had calmed Olivia down somewhat. Thirty minutes hadn't been quite enough time to grasp the concept that there was a baby growing inside of her.
Olivia simply smiled back at Nick and entered herself into her home. A home she and Brian had built together. A home she had destroyed with her infidelity. A home she had tainted and ruined with her lust of another man. A home in which she'd have to confess to Nick that she had no intention of keeping this baby, Brian's baby.
"Olivia." Nick said, stealing Olivia from her thoughts. "What's wrong?"
A simple question, with an incredibly difficult answer. An answer Olivia really didn't want to give.
As soon as the words left Nick's lips Olivia realized just how much she missed her old partner. Elliot Stabler wouldn't have asked. He would have sensed something was wrong, but knowing Olivia as well as he did he wouldn't have asked. Not because he didn't care, but because he knew Olivia would open up and reveal herself on her own time, when she was ready.
Nick didn't know that. And after a long silence, he realized Olivia had gotten lost in her thoughts again, so he lightly grabbed her arm pulling her into him, as if to pull her from her thoughts and bring her back to reality.
"Liv." Nick said his voice softer. "Talk to me."
Olivia pulled away from Nick, taking a deep breath before she spoke.
"I'm pregnant." She paused long enough to give Nick time to react the news. "Don't worry, it's not yours, and I'm going to take care of it." Olivia quickly turned away from Nick. It was only five and she figured if she didn't get take care of it right away she never would. "I'm going to see if I can schedule an appointment for tomorrow." She sighed again, "I thought you should know."
Nick scoffed at her.
"I should know. What about Brian? He has a right to know, he's the father." Olivia shot him a puzzled look as she dug around in her purse looking for her phone.
"I'm not going to have his baby. Not when I'm in love with someone else."
"Liv, this is fucked up." Nick's blood began to boil at the thought of just how senseless Olivia was being. "Stop." Nick said, grabbing Olivia's purse from her. He looked up at Olivia. If he looked deep enough in her eyes he could faintly see the tears that were building up inside of them. "I won't support you in this."
"I can't have his baby." Olivia said her voice breaking. "I can't. Do you know how hard it'll be, not just for me, but this kid? This baby needs a family. I can't give it that." Olivia said dryly.
"Olivia, I want you to tell Brian. I want you to not make an appointment to terminate this pregnancy. I want you to know that I love you. And I want you to know that together, me and you. We'll be all the family this baby needs."