This is the final of my Shakepeare saga. It also happens to be my favorite. I've always wondered what happened to Fleance. You never see him after Banquo dies. Does he become king like the witches say. Also there is the whole issue of the self fulfilling prophecy. Would Macneth become king if the witches hadn't told him to? All this questions and more in tonights thrilling conclusion to SHAKESPEARES DELEATED SCENES. buh buh BUUUH!!!
Macbeth: Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
A cavern. In the middle, a boiling cauldron. The three witches stand around it chanting
All three: Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Second Witch: Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing…
Witch three interrupts
Aradia the third witch: Wait? Are they the same ingredients we used last time?
Morrisa the first witch: Well they'd better be because I've already put in the liver of a blasphemous Jew. Those are very hard to come by you know.
Ciara the second witch: It's the exact same one as last time! I double checked the recipe.
Aradia: Well would you double double check if it's not to much toil and trouble!
Pause
Ciara: That was an awful pun and you know it.
Morrisa: Would you hurry up please. He's going to be here soon and I want this to be ready.
Aradia: I don't know why we have to do this again. I thought the battle was already lost… or was it won?
Ciara: Lost AND won, you stupid…
Aradia whines
Aradia: Morrisa! Ciara called me stupid.
Morrisa: Man, when Hecate grouped us three together I thought I was in a proper coven of real, mystical witches. Not a pre-school.
Ciara: By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Morrisa: You say that every ten minutes…
Knock at door
Ciara looks smug at Morrisa
Ciara: Open, locks,
Whoever knocks!
Morrisa whispers back
Morrissa: Lucky guess.
Fleance enters
Fleance: Thank goodness there is someone here. I've been wandering through the woods for days!
Aradia: 16 days 4 hours and 22 minutes last time I counted.
Fleance: What? How do you know that?
Aradia: We know ALL!
Morrisa hits Aradia over the back of the head
Morrissa: We saw you walk past a couple of times.
Ciara: Better than watching Big Brother. Would you like some rabbit blood?
Fleance: Um…no thanks… I have to go back to the castle, my dads been killed by the king.
Ciara: If your dad was killed by the king shouldn't you go as far away from the castle as possible.
Fleance: I have to! I've got to avenge my father's death!
Morrisa: What are you talking about?
Fleance: My dad's last words were: "O, treachery! Fly, good Fleance, fly, fly, fly!
Thou mayst revenge. O slave!"
Aradia: Wow. He must have had really good lungs to say all that as he died.
Fleance: That's why I have to go back.
Ciara: Because your father had good lungs?
Fleance: No! So I can avenge him. I'll walk up to Macbeth and say...
Fleance adopts Spanish accent
Fleance: Hello. My name is Fleance son of Banquo. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Morrisa: Wait! You're Banquo's kid?
Fleance: Yeah…?
Morrisa: Oh great! We've been doing this wrong. Places girls.
All the witches hunch over and gather around Fleance
Morrisa: All hail Fleance! Hail to Thee, Son of Banquo.
Ciara: All hail Fleance! Hail to Thee. Thane of….um…
Aradia: All hail, Fleance! Thou shalt be king hereafter!
Pause
Fleance: Maybe you shouldn't be drinking rabbit blood either…
Ciara: Oh for crying out loud mister "break-the-dramatic-tension". Here's all you need to know. We are witches. We say you're going to be king. Now go and make it happen.
Fleance: How?
Morrisa: By killing the current king!
Fleance: But I was already planning on doing that.
Aradia: Just a minute. Wasn't Macbeth that guy we said couldn't be killed unless Birnam wood came to Dunsinane and he was killed of someone not born of woman?
Ciara: Yes…
Aradia: Oh um… he's dead.
Ciara: What?
Morrisa: How?
Aradia: Surprisingly Birnam wood came to Dunsinane and he was killed of someone not born of woman.
Morrisa: Okay… that makes sense. I guess.
Fleance: Great. Now I don't have to kill him. See ya.
Ciara: Wait! We prophesised something and now you have to make it happen.
Fleance: But if it's going to happen anyway, why do I need to make it happen?
Ciara: What? I dunno. Just because.
Morrisa: These are kind of self-fulfilling prophecies.
Fleance: What? So you make up these prophecies and because people believe in it so much they make it come about? There's no real magic or anything?
Aradia: Is that how it happens? It makes much more sense when he explains it!
Ciara: I explained it fine! You're just too stupid…
Aradia: Morrisa! Ciara called me stupid again…
Fleance: So what you're saying is that Macbeth probably wouldn't have become king if you hadn't told him that he was going to be?
Morrisa: Yep!
Fleance: And he wouldn't have been worried about my Father's progeny becoming king if you hadn't told my Dad that it would happen?
Ciara: That's it.
Fleance: And therefore Macbeth wouldn't have killed my father if you hadn't been plotting you're evil little scheme?
Aradia: That's right. It's all our doing…wait?
Fleance: You do realise that I'm going to have to kill you now to avenge my father and all that.
Ciara: That's a bit violent isn't it?
Fleance: Have you read this play? The main character has his head cut off! Women and children are slaughtered! There is so much hacking that you have to wear goggles while you're watching people fight.
Ciara: Suppose you're right.
Fleance whips out a sword
Fleance:Hello. My name is Fleance son of Banquo. You killed my father. Prepare to…
Morrisa: Wait!
Fleance: This had better be important.
Morrisa: Look! I know you're just a teeny bit upset about how our meddling got you're old man slaughtered by a vicious ruler and everything…
Fleance: This isn't improving your life expectancy…
Morrisa: But Macbeth made the choice didn't he? If he hadn't have been to greedy for power he would have just waited and seen what happen. Yes we gave him the idea but he and his wife didn't need much urging did they. I mean if we told him to go jump off a bridge should he do that too?
Fleance pauses. He lowers his sword
Fleance:You have a point.
Ciara: So… We're cool and everything?
Fleance: Just because I won't kill you, but that doesn't mean that we're "cool". You've got three days to get out of Scotland. In fact, get of the isle. If you're still here I'll go to the king and tell him the whole story. I think you know what happens to witches in these parts.
Aradia: Free gym membership?
Pause. All stare at Aradia in something almost like pity
Fleance: Not exactly. Anyway, I'm off.
Ciara: Just a second? We've given you a wonderful opportunity to be king and you decide to run us out of town. I find that very ungrateful! Don't you want to be king of Scotland?
Fleance: And turn out a megalomaniac like the man that killed my dad?
Ciara: It takes all sorts!
Fleance: If I become king, I won't be complaining. If fact if I become king you will probably see me dancing around the battlements in my underwear sing "We are the champions".
Pause
Aradia: Maybe that's not the best idea. After all, too many kings have crossed over to the straight jacket wearing club recently.
Morrisa: Yeah like that Prince in Demark who went off the deep end when his mum married his uncle.
Ciara: Well that's understandable.
Aradia: Yeah… Or that British king a while ago that -get this- after dividing his land among his daughters…
Fleance: AHEM! What I was trying to say is that if I become king, I'll be happy. If I don't become king, I'll be happy. If it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't, but I'm going to chose my own destiny.
Ciara: You really have no hint of drama in you, do you Fleance?
Fleance: What do you mean?
Ciara: You just had a really cool line and you made it sound so boring. You should have said
Ciara stands in a dramatic super hero-like pose and says in a deep theatrical voice
Ciara: "I choose my OWN destiny!"
Fleance: I'm so going! And remember, you have three days.
Fleance exits
Aradia: Well, if you're going to have a nemesis I could think of worse people.
Ciara: Maybe it will do us good to get of Scotland for a while. Take this show on the road…
Morrisa: Um... We may have a problem.
Aradia: What?
Morrissa: You remember that sailor's wife that wouldn't share her chestnuts with me?
Aradia: Yes… so we joined forces and created that great storm to wreak her husband's ship?
Morrisa: Yeah… um… they sort of found out about that. If we go near the docks again it isn't going to be pretty.
Ciara: So if we go to the docks we're doomed. If we say here we're doomed… not looking good is it?
Morrisa: Well ask Hecate. She'll know what to do!
Ciara: And you were calling us immature! We're now in a life or death situation just because you wanted some nuts!
Morrisa: She was eating them in front of me! She just had them in her lap,
And munch'd, and munch'd, and munch'd:--
End of scene