A/N: hi! just wanna thank the (few, but at least some)reviewers! I hope to see you round ;) the next chapter may take some time cause it's loads of work in school right now and my mind isn't into writing / anyway, enjoy!

Wake Up

Chapter 5, Something more than just a pawn.

He'd left her there, lying on the bed panting, with a feeling of dread rising. He could still feel the flames burn deep down inside, awaiting the next chance to send him into a burning inferno of desire. It frightened him that he could lose his hard gained control that easily, and he wasn't even sure if the memory of her sweet voice moaning in pleasure was real, orjust what he wanted to remember.

Later the same night Lucius had come to visit with the explanation that the Dark Lord wanted to know how it was going, but Severus knew better. The man seemed as horny as any teenaged boy he'd ever caught in the corridors of Hogwarts. It'd been three hour he'd rather forget that followed Lucius' arrival. Severus felt disgust for himself, a feeling of jealousy creeping upon him at the unwilling moans coming from the room. Memories had washed over him while the flames inside of him had burned, and he actually, at one point, wanted to join them. That was before Lucius got brutal. The man's mind was twisted, and Severus couldn't understand why he inflicted pleasure before absolute pain upon his victims.

With a firm mental push he'd forced the sounds around him out. Yet her screams still, after several hours, rang in his years and he couldn't help but feel as if he'd betrayed her… But how could he? It wasn't as if he could've stopped him…but not even that thought brought any relief.

It'd gone a day since he'd seen her torn, one day since he'd healed her wounds. For some time ago he'd stood in the doorway; glass of water in his hand. He'd kept his walls up, prepared to leave if the burning inside of him grew. He hadn't been able to restrain himself more than a few seconds. He barely kept himself from dragging her close; her eyes reflecting her wounded mind and soul. At the moment he'd made eye contact, he'd growled at the sting in his chest; the remainder that he did possess something his students, and many others, believed him not to.

He'd thought back as he'd left the room and knew he'd known back then, when he'd heard her screams in both anger and pain, that he could do this no longer. He'd left her, sitting on the floor sipping on the water, to ponder on a new plan. To come up with something that would end his newly found misery and desire. It took him minutes to plot, but hours to prepare and he didn't leave until a bit after midnight.

"Severus?" said the startled voice of Albus Dumbledore. He had just entered his office, in the middle of the night, as he'd heard someone call on him. It was a surprise to find his Potions Master standing in the middle of the room; just the moonlight from the windows lighting him up. The silver seemed to add more to his famous cold demeanour as it danced over his silky hair, reflecting the piercing light in his black eyes.

"Headmaster," he acknowledged with a curt nod. Albus kept quiet as he gestured for the man to sit down, which he didn't, before sitting down by his desk.

"I need to speak with you about Nymphadora Tonks." Albus was once again surprised by the grim voice, but nodded for him to continue. He had a feeling this was going to be a difficult meeting.

"I will bring her back here, to Hogwarts, as soon as possible. I will then return to Spinner's End." It was made to be short; he was even expecting just a nod and a good bye before leaving. It stung in the old man's chest.

"No," Albus said with a stern voice; his blue eyes flashing in the darkened room. Severus allowed himself to sneer. His surprise didn't show as he took a step closer towards the desk.

"I will," he growled. Dumbledore could tell he was impatient; that he'd thought about this for quite some time; that he couldn't wait to get it over with.

"Severus, if you do that, you will be caught as a traitor by Voldemort. He will do worse than just killing you. We cannot afford that. Besides, Severus, you know I couldn't allow anything like that to happen to…." He was abruptly cut off by Severus as the man raced to stand with his hands on the flat surface of the desk; eyes flashing dangerously as if he was afraid about what might have slipped off Dumbledore's tongue.

"We are all pawns on your chessboard, we are all given a task to fulfil, but this is getting ridiculous! You are by far the worst chess player ever! You need to sacrifice some of the pawns at some point; and I'm telling you this is the bloody time! Let me do this and she will be alive, and you won't lose yetanother contact in the Ministry."

Silence followed his outburst. Dumbledore watched the young man with wistful eyes as he thought of a way to avoid hurting him more than necessarily to make him change his mind. As he took a deep breath, he tried to not avoid those black orbs as he began to speak, only to get interrupted once again.

"But Severus, how about your position among the Death Eaters? Your original plan to save her…"

"…is not going to bloody well work! And you, out of all people, should know by now that the Ministry is what you will need to have control over at the moment. Besides, I haven't been able to give you as much information as needed. The Dark Lord does no longer trust me, and Lucius Malfoy isn't making it better. Some change has to be, or else nothing will get brighter from this point on. I have to do this!" The words seemed to reflect the self-hatred that burned beneath the surface of ice. There was something more he hid, Dumbledore knew.

How this man thought himself to be a creature as bad and unwanted as a Death Eater was beyond Dumbledore. The man was willingly giving his life to him, willingly closing his eyes for the dangers he'd put him through when sending him back into the place he hated the most. A warm feeling consumed him for a few, short moments as he though of the loyalty he'd shown him through the years, the silent respect that spoke more than the formal addressing he was so used to now.

Yet, these years had done nothing to strengthen the wizard before him. He seemed afraid to have the true words, those words he wanted to tell him, spoken. Yet he sought it, with a hand over his eyes, trusting the chaos of dark around him. A chaos only he, Albus Dumbledore, seemed to be able to control.

He needed to make a hurtful blow, even though he hated to see this man's self-control crumble. It meant so much, to be able to hide his feelings, that it even hurt the old man when he lost it. But Dumbledore wouldn't let him die for one life, when two could be saved. One moment without control could be either good, or bad.

"No, you do not have to do it, Severus. I may be the worst chess player ever, but I know a way out when I see one. Your original plan, it would work, I know it. Why wouldn't it?"

"Because I cannot go on like this anymore Albus. I can't. Please…" His voice was quiet, almost thick. It was as if his strength to resist and avoid those questions, the questions of 'why', had left him. Severus closed his eyes. He knew his look was pleading, that it was tainted with the hurt inside, and he hated it. It only kept reminding him of how weak he was, how spineless he could be. It shamed him to show Dumbledore this side of him. This weak, human, side. This side that would be to no use, a side that would've gotten him killed through the years of spying if he'd let it.

One last blow. Just one more word and he'd break. He opened his eyes and hoped Dumbledore wouldn't take the chance; that he wouldn't use thismoment of weakness to his advantage. It was in vain, and he knew it even before the Headmaster opened his mouth to speak.

"You are not the man I once knew, Severus. I'd never thought you would take the easy way out. I will not allow you to break your cover. I am giving you the task of following your first plan, and am expecting you to fulfil it. Am I making myself clear?" His voice was clear, and it cut deeper than Severus' own witty tongue would ever. He knew what he was playing at, but the walls were already down. His defences, his icy shield. His voice even quavered as he spoke quietly; his head bent down, facing the surface of the desk.

"Headmaster, she is…please, I cannot even close my eyes without hearing her scream in my head! It's gone three days, three long days…I am begging, begging, you to please let me end this!" Dumbledore held his breath as he looked away from the man. It hurt, in every cell of his body, but he knew it would hurt even more if he'd let in to the silent pleads. The man was more than just a damned pawn in this game.

"Pull yourself together! Are you going to fulfil the task? Are you?" It burned. His words made him burn, it made him weak. He tried again.

"Albus…"

"Are you?"

'No, I'm not!' he wanted to yell at him. But he knew he couldn't. The need to please this man, to show him that he was of use, had risen once again. Even though he felt hurt, even betrayed, by the man's brutal way of tearing his walls down, he whished nothing more than to return to the powerful wizard's side; to the only place his soul could rest. He would leave this place of controlled chaos tonight, and he wouldn't return until his task was fulfilled. More than anything he needed to someday hear the truth roll off ofthe old man's tongue, but not now. Not when he was this fragile. Not when he was this weak.

Before he knew it, the walls and defences were in place. He could be weak when alone; he could drown in his misery when no one watched. It was what he told himself as he straightened and met the blue gaze of his rightful master to serve.

"Yes, I am." With those words he left. No backward glace, no good bye. He had a job to do.

A/N: hahaha that last sentance lol ;) anywayzz, how's that:) a bit emotional, I guess, but if kindawent well with the story ;P hehe poor snape;three days and he's already starting to know the fire..lol. let's see what I'll do next, ey? REVIEW:D (I could turn pyromaniac on yah guys...)