Still hesitating, Emily pressed down the door handle. *He won't hurt me. I can trust him. I do trust him!*When she finally opened the door, she was shaking - and at the same time, she was angry. Angry at herself for being so weak. Angry at herself for letting him in and - at the same time - angry at herself for having waited so long.

She couldn't look at him - she just couldn't! Having called him in the middle of the night was bad enough - embarrassing enough - but how could she ever look at him again when he only saw her like this?

She was a mess! A pathetic, sleep-deprived, crying mess! And Hotch was her boss, dammit!

"Emily?"

His voice was softer than velvet, free from judgement, from expectance, from force.

"If you want me to leave, I will. But please don't send me away because you are ashamed, because there's no need to be."

She nodded, slightly at first, then more vigorous, as if she were convincing herself of what she was doing. "Okay", she whispered, stepping away from the door to let him in.

"I will not hurt you, Emily."

She didn't react but kept walking towards the living room, trying to control the trembling. After sitting down in the armchair, she covered her body with a woolen blanket. Hotch neither commented on that nor the fact that she had chosen the only sitting accommodation which was definitely only suitable for one person, but he got the hints.

She was scared, wanted to hide - and above all, desperately wanted to be in control.

"I won't ask what happened, Emily", he began, "I won't force you to tell me. But if YOU decide you're ready to, I'll be right here listening."

She nodded, but didn't answer verbally.

Hotch sat down on the couch, diagonally opposite of Emily. He didn't want her to feel trapped by sitting right in front of her, but on the other hand he didn't want her to feel lost and alone again.

Of course he knew him being here would not magically make all of Emily's problems disappear - he was her friend, sure, but he was no super hero!

"Emily... When was the last time you slept?"

It was a normal - and - regarding the bags under her eyes - reasonable question, but nevertheless, Emily panicked. She had expected him to ask more obvious questions like "Why did you call me and then ignore my calls?" or "What happened?" - the question she feared most. Although she was quite sure Hotch knew it, knew what had happened in that dark basement after Cyrus had ripped off the wiretaps and...

Violently shaking her head, Emily tried to chase the memories away.

She couldn't talk about it, couldn't even admit it if he'd ask a simple yes-or-no-question, but the question Hotch had asked wasn't better, too, because Emily knew it wasn't even a question. In fact, what Hotch wanted to achieve was making her go to bed. Get some rest. Sleep. Face the demons of her nightmares. She couldn't do that!

Yeah, a few minutes ago it had been the prospect of sleep and security which had made her open the door, but now, cowered into a blanket, unable to look at him, Emily knew she couldn't sleep - neither without Hotch nor with him. Hell! She couldn't even look at him!

"I know you have already understood what the question boils down to, but... you need to get some rest, Emily!"

She shook her head. "I can't, Hotch!"

He sighed.

"What do you want me to do?"

Emily gulped. What did she want him to do?

Hug her tightly, look her in the eyes and tell her everything would be fine again - and, at the same time, not touch her at all, not even look at her.

"I...I d..on't know."

*Do not start crying. Do not start crying!*

She bit her lip until she could taste blood, and even then she didn't stop, but her little trick didn't work. Tears started running down her cheeks, and her attempts in not sobbing ended in hyperventilating.

"D... don't lo-ok at me! P-please!"

She turned away, trying to hide her face, her pain.

Hotch did her the favor, looked away, waited, although every single one of her sobs broke something inside of him.

He felt like an intruder, like a voyeur, and for a moment, he wasn't even sure whether him being here wasn't just as bad as whatever Cyrus had done to her. She was so ashamed, so scared! How could he possibly help her, if she didn't want to talk, didn't want to let her walls down?

"Do you want me to leave?"

"N-no! P...please stay! I... I'm sorry!"

"There's nothing you'd have to be sorry for, Emily."

She sniffed, and Hotch knew she didn't believe him.