Morning brought a fresh, blue skied day. I sighed and slowly got up on the bed and threw my legs over the side. Once I was sitting up, I immediately flopped over onto my other side. I lay there in the peace and quiet for about a minute, enjoying the serenity of it. I looked out the window and saw a perfect day greeting me. I allowed myself a sideways smile.

I'd had the strangest dream last night. To say the least, all I really remembered was kissing one of my best friends, Jam; the head butler of Alypium. How strange...and it had just felt so...real. Had it been a dream? Yes. It had to have been. I'm not gay...am I?

'No, Erec,' I growled to myself. 'You have a girlfriend. You're perfectly normal.'
But I couldn't shake the feeling.

...

The first half of the day was spent normally and uneventfully. I hung out with Bethany and Jack Hare for a while. We swam a bit and had lunch at around noon. I decided that the next time I saw Jam I'd confront him. I needed to tell someone, and Jam was the only person whom I knew would never laugh off something like this. He'd take it at least somewhat seriously, I reckoned.

I found my window of opportunity at about 10 that night. I spotted Jam taking a leisurely stroll through some woods that surrounded Alypium.

"Jam!"

He turned.

"Ah. Erec."

"I...I need to tell you something."

Jam looked at me, waiting for me to go on.

"You need to promise never to tell anyone."

"You can trust me," my friend replied.

I couldn't hold it any longer. I told him everything I remembered. By the time I'd finished, Jam was standing completely still and looked a little pale.

"I don't know what it means. I don't even know if it was a dream! But if it wasn't...and if it was would that signify the same thing? I just don't know what to do anymore..."

Jam put a hand on my shoulder to stop my rampaging. I looked up to him.

"I'm going to think about this, sir," he replied. "But for now you need to go and calm down. I'm sure that if it was really a dream it wouldn't mean anything. Now run along,"

I did as he asked. At least someone knew about it and was going to do something.

...

Jam kept on his walk. He thought about what Erec had just told him. He'd claimed that his dream took place in Jam's room. He'd stopped by to say goodnight and before either of them knew it, Erec had ended up close enough to Jam that he could feel his breath. Jam held him tight as they shared a passionate kiss. Their lips fit perfectly together. That was all he remembered.

...

Erec had said that it was nothing like anything he'd ever felt before but he'd liked it. Erec didn't remember half of it. It hadn't been a dream.

Jam remembered everything perfectly. He'd been reading a book on his bed and heard a knock on his door and gone to open it. There stood Erec. Jam invited him in and Erec said he'd come to say goodnight. Erec had a habit of hugging people before wishing them a good night. But this time he didn't let go. Neither did Jam.
Erec had no idea but Jam had a certain affection toward him. It was much more than just mutual friendship...much more. Jam loved him. But he knew it could never be. Homosexuality was scorned upon, so Jam never told anyone; not even King Piter. He was a little ashamed of it, but he figured he had to embrace it because he couldn't change it. In all honesty, Jam had always wanted Erec to really hug him like now. He started to lightly stroke Erec's hair and Erec nuzzled closer into Jam's chest and held him tighter.

Jam felt a shot of adrenaline. 'No, Jam,' he'd thought to himself. 'This is the king's son for one thing and he's heterosexual. Don't get any hasty ideas. Think of what the king would say if he found out you kissed Erec.' These were the thoughts that flew through Jam's head. They made him a little disappointed but they were for the best. Then he thought, 'Well, I'm sure it's OK for me to hug him. After all, it is just a hug.'

They stayed like that for a while. Jam knew Erec had no intention of letting go of him anytime soon, and Jam now really wanted to at least kiss the top of his head in a friendly manner. But Erec would most likely get the wrong idea. But this was what he wanted all along. Should he continue hugging him? Should he tell Erec how he felt? But then how would Erec see him? Would a peck on the head really do that much harm? Jam felt Erec snuggle into his chest more and his hair tickled Jam's nose. As all of this happened, Jam's breath became quicker and quicker. Soon he had to steal a harsh gasp to regain the oxygen his body so desperately needed at this point.

"Are you OK?"

Jam looked down. Erec was looking at him with a worried look on his face, arms still wrapped tightly around Jam. His face was so beautiful. Perfect. The moonlight coming through Jam's open window sent a glow across the left side of Erec's face. It illuminated his eyes. They shone like stars. Then something in Jam snapped. He couldn't take it anymore. It had been too long and too much of a wait for this night. He didn't care what anyone thought of him if he did this. He didn't care if Erec would jerk away sharply; he'd know how Jam felt about him.
Too many days had passed of him seeing Erec with Bethany together. Jam was happy that he had a girlfriend, but inside it crushed him. Jam also figured that the way Erec was hugging him now had to mean something. He wasn't sure, but it was finally time to find out.

Jam was nervous, but he did it anyway. He slowly leaned his head down (luckily he and Erec were about the same height) and closed his eyes. His breathing quickened. Leaning closer, he brushed his lips against Erec's. Just a simple touch. But that simple touch made him feel so much better. After about a year and a half of wanting this, he was finally taking it upon himself to get it.

Then, the completely unexpected happened. Jam had expected Erec to shove him away, glare at him and tell him he never wanted to see him again. Not necessarily that extreme but something along those general lines. But no. Erec brought his hands up to Jam's head and Jam opened his eyes fully and pulled back a few centimeters, waiting to be hit. But Erec's hands went behind Jam's head and his fingers roped through his hair. He pulled Jam closer, forcing their lips together. Adrenaline was pumping through Jam, causing his heart to beat faster than normal.

Jam put his hands around Erec's back, holding him tight. Their lips moved in perfect sync with each other. This was what Jam had wanted all along, but he was afraid it would never happen. Then he thought deeper. Did this mean Erec loved him back?

Jam opened his eyes and looked at the clock; 11:47. He was surprised. He didn't want it to end, but he knew Erec had to get to bed. He wanted to stay like that forever. He started to pull away and mumble goodnight but Erec was having none of that. They pressed lips again.

Jam knew it wasn't good to be doing this, but he couldn't stop. He wanted it to go on forever. He knew that Erec would go back to Bethany tomorrow, and he wanted to embrace this moment for as long as possible. 11:48. Jam knew it was time to stop. Erec looked disappointed, but Jam just said, "Goodnight." Erec responded with the same. What else was there to say?

When his door was closed, Jam choked up. What had he just done? Sickened by himself, he turned to look in the mirror. After thinking about what had just happened, he ran his fingers through his matted hair and held his head. Slamming his elbows down painfully on the desk where the mirror stood, he kept holding his head for dear life and wept.

How could Erec not remember any of it? The flashback ended. Jam was standing at the edge of the woods he'd been walking in. Did Erec love him? Jam decided against it. If he did, he would've remembered last night in full. A tear rolled down Jam's cheek. He let it. Rejection hurt...bad.

I wasn't asleep yet. I'd kissed Bethany goodnight but it felt...wrong somehow. It felt as if it was missing something. Lying in bed now, I thought about the dream I'd had. Would I have it again? My eyes widened as my next thought passed through my head: I hoped it would. That worried me. But remembering it...
Jam's lips on mine. Jam's gentle touch. I craved it. I wanted it. I needed it. No! I had Bethany! I was happy with her. She offered things Jam couldn't. A good relationship. Being with a girl. Possible marriage. My thoughts again drifted to my dream. Jam's eyes and how they shone in the moonlight. Jam's pleasure. Jam's love.
'Erec!' I growled to myself. 'Get ahold of yourself!'

But still, his name seemed to bounce around in my head. Jam. I realized that when I thought of him, nothing else mattered. I got up out of bed and went to look out my window. I looked down and saw the woods Jam had been walking in. There he was. The world slowed to a stop around me. What a Romeo and Juliet moment. His shadow, caused by the moon's glow, fell on the ground. He was leaning against a tree. I watched as Jam slowly straightened and walked back across the sidewalks. He was perfect even when he walked. There were other people about, admiring the stars, but my eyes seemed to only focus on the butler. Looking at him reminded me of his touch...
I got back in bed. Thinking deeper, I knew I couldn't fool myself any longer. I loved Jam. I wasn't ashamed. I knew what I was.

...

Am I a sick human being? Yeah...I am. xD