Karkat slept peacefully through the rest of the night. Kanaya woke before him, and smiled when she saw his calm face. She shifted, trying to get into a more comfortable position. Her movements evidently woke Karkat, who began to stir. He sat up slowly, groaning from the stiffness in his joints and muscles. He twisted around to look at her and smiled.
"Thanks Kanaya." He turned the rest of his body towards her.
She reached out and patted him on his forearm. He flinched away from her touch, still unaccustomed to physical contact. This marked one of the first times that Kanaya had touched his bare skin, except for his hands. Its texture was soft, although interrupted by small ridges from scars. She held her hand there for a moment before breaking off the contact. The sudden absence flung the last vestiges of sleep from Karkat's mind, and he got out of bed.
"Well," he grunted, stretching, "It is time to get ready for school, you know."
Kanaya thought for a moment, and then laughed, "No, it isn't. Today's Saturday."
"Oh, yeah, you're right. Kinda lost track of what day it is." He sat back down on the bed. Kanaya swung her legs over the side to sit next to him. Almost instinctively, he put his arm around her shoulders. He was nearly her height now; eating consistently for a few months had done wonders.
The two sat there in silence for a while. She huddled into him, sharing their warmth in the chilly room. It was, after all, November. The only sound was their breathing, and that was quiet. No words were needed; they just sat in each others' embrace. Both were jolted back to reality when footsteps sounded down the hallway.
"Well, sound's like mom's up," Kanaya whispered, "But she has an important meeting in…" she looked at Karkat's alarm clock, "About an hour." This was a regular occurrence. Rosa was a very busy woman after all.
Evidently, Rosa thought they were still asleep, as it was only 8:00 in the morning. Both Karkat and Kanaya usually slept late on Saturdays. They heard various noises from the kitchen, then silence, and then the front door opening and closing. Karkat stood up then and walked to his door.
"Well, I'm going to go shower and stuff…" he ambled out of the room. Kanaya got up and went back to her room. Ten minutes later, she was walking down the hall when she saw Karkat come out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. She had not seen his chest since the pictures that Dr. Meenah showed her. The scars were as prominent then as they were now. She averted her gaze, filled with compassion for him.
"Oh, sorry. Forgot to grab a change of clothes before leaving." He half ran to his room, trying subtly to hide the scars. Kanaya watched him go, seeing the deep, wide scars on his back re-affirmed her hatred of his father.
Karkat emerged minutes later, dressed and ready for the day. They ate breakfast while flipping through the channels on the TV. Karkat caught glimpses of shows before the channel changed. It showed a half second of a Jet Li movie, a sitcom, an advertisement, and so on. Eventually, they settled on a news channel.
"In other news, yet another victim of the mysterious 'Butcher' has been found." The newsreader declared, sounding bored, "This man," she gestured to a picture on the screen, "Was found covered in knife wounds. Authorities say that they believe they know who the killer might be, although the details are sketchy." The screen cut to a clip of an interview with Police Chief, Latula Pyrope.
"A few months ago, I personally investigated a case of child abuse. This isn't my regular practice," she claimed to an increase in the amount of hands competing for her attention, "but this case warranted… special circumstances. The victim there had been taken to the hospital earlier that day, but when we went through the apartment, we found a man we assumed at first to be the victim's father, but it was in fact, another victim. The wounds inflicted on the abuse victim's body are consistent with the wounds of these past five murders." The TV cut back to the anchor, who wrapped up the story.
"Oh, my God." Karkat was stunned. "So my dad has turned into a serial killer?"
"That's what the police think."
"It doesn't surprise me. When the EMTs showed up, he tried to kill them but got tazed. He usually treated other people pretty well to try and hide the fact that he was a psychopath. He must have… lost it when I finally escaped." They fell silent for a moment. Then, Karkat spoke again, this time in a different tone of voice, "In a way, it's my fault." Ignoring Kanaya's indignant gasp, he continued, "If I hadn't left, those five people would still be alive… I killed them when I made that call."
"No you didn't Karkat! Your dad did. He made that choice to kill people, he chose to abuse you, he chose to blame you for your mother's death. It's not your fault. He made those choices." She stopped, panting slightly.
Karkat looked over at her. "Still, I feel like it was my fault." They fell into silence once more, though it was not a passionate silence. It was the silence where there is no one wanting to talk. It was broken by Karkat as he got to his feet, "Well, I've got homework to do, so I should get that done." He walked off, leaving Kanaya in the living room.
Hours later, Karkat stepped out onto the roof, relaxing in the cool breeze. He massaged his hand, cramped after writing for hours. Over on one of the benches, he saw Kanaya. He walked over and sat down next to her. "Phew, glad to be done with that. Lalonde can be a tyrant sometimes, huh?"
"Mmm? Oh yes, she is quite the taskmaster." She said this all quickly and sharply, apparently upset about something.
"Uhh, Kanaya?" There was no response, "Is everything… alright?"
"Yes, everything's just absolutely perfect!"
"No, that's not true. What is it?"
"It's you Karkat. You won't let me in! I try to get you to open up, but I have to drag anything out of you! Do you really trust us that little?" She was crying, Karkat realized, crying in what could only be the pain of feeling rejected.
"No, no it's not that…" he affirmed, trying to put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off. "I do trust you, Kanaya, I really do. I just… find it hard to just let all my feelings out after being told that my feelings are meaningless for fourteen years on end. It doesn't feel right."
"So why didn't you tell me this earlier?" she looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes again, "Why?"
Karkat's mind went fuzzy, but he felt his lips move nonetheless. "It never really felt like it was that important, to be honest." She's so beautiful like this. I could just…
"Karkat, it's been two months and you still won't open up! We care about you. Do you?"
"Of course I care about you! I love you two!"
"That's not what I meant, Karkat. Do you care about you?"
Karkat fell silent. Yes! His mind screamed, but his mouth would not move. The silence grew, until Kanaya spoke again.
"That's the entire point of why you're here with us. You still don't value yourself highly, and so you don't want to trouble us with your thoughts and feelings, is that it?"
Karkat again wouldn't respond, but her words struck a chord within him. Is she right? Of course I care about myself! But half of his mind was already agreeing. Look at you, Karkat. You made the first person that ever showed you kindness cry. How horrible are you? That train of thought grew in power at Kanaya's next words.
"You're not being abused anymore! We care about your feelings, Karkat. You care about ours, but not yours. We love you… I love you."
Karkat buried his head in his hands, suddenly able to speak again. "I'm sorry, Kanaya. I didn't mean to make you upset."
"Still? Even now you won't open up!"
Karkat was grasping at straws at this point. "It's not that it's-"
"What, what is it? What is so important that you ignore your own needs? Please, enlighten me!"
"IT'S YOU!" Karkat was surprised at his volume. "You are so much more important to me, Kanaya. I can't stand to see you like this."
What?
"I love you, Kanaya. I literally owe you my life. If I hadn't met you, I would never have been able to call that ambulance. My mind places you on a pedestal. You're something to be admired. You're kind; you took me in when I had nowhere to go. You care about me, but I don't even know how to deal with that, so I try to send it back to you. I love you Kanaya, so much!" He fell silent, body shaking with emotion.
Kanaya sat in a stunned silence. He won't open up to me… because he doesn't want to burden me with his troubles? That's… that's just not fair! He takes whatever I give him without complaint, but he thinks I can't handle his demons? Having worked out her thoughts, she tried to explain them to Karkat. "You think that I'm too weak for your problems? Is that it?"
"No, no! It's just… you always seem to have a heavy weight on your shoulders, figuratively, and I just don't want to add to it." He looked in her eyes, and she was shocked by the intensity of his gaze. "Do you understand?"
"I do, but I can take it! I want to! Just let me care about you!"
"I- alright. I'll try…"
The two sat in silence for a moment, before Kanaya turned and wrapped her arms around Karkat. "I'm sorry. I just can't stand to hear you blame yourself for your dad's crimes."
He made no reply, but he turned and returned Kanaya's embrace, clutching her tightly. They pulled back slightly; they could each see passion in each other's eyes. They leaned in, and before either of them knew it, their lips met. It lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like several years for both of them.
"I- I love you!" Their passionate voices declared in unison.