Blaine kissed Kurt gently, not wanting to scare him. Kurt had confessed that Blaine was the first person he'd kissed and the doctor felt the heavy weight of responsibility square on his shoulders to be the best 'first' Kurt could have.
While gentle was Blaine's watchword for the encounter, Kurt had no such plans. He'd wanted to have a boyfriend for at least the past five years, but the opportunity just wasn't available in Lima, Ohio. Oh, he'd thought about it and once had practiced to see if he really was gay. His friend, Puck, had offered to let him kiss him or go further and Kurt had put his hand down Puck's jeans while kissing him after gym one day in junior high school, but he didn't count that. He was pretty sure Puck had forgotten about that day by now – or at least he hoped so. Kurt was sure he was gay and Puck was sure Kurt was, too, but it didn't shake their friendship and Kurt was glad for that.
After looking at the male models in countless GQ, Vogue, and other fashion magazines over the years, Kurt had daydreamed about having some sort of relationship with a beautiful man – but he didn't think it would be a possibility until after he moved to New York one day. It was one of those things that had the label 'future' written all over it. Something to daydream about on sunny afternoons while looking up at the clouds from his back yard.
Kurt had gotten used to being on the island and would probably be fine sleeping by himself, but if the truth were known - he enjoyed having Blaine to cuddle up next to. He never mentioned that he was more comfortable within himself now, less leery of the dark night because his days were now just as dark. No, it was because he was afraid it would make Blaine want to sleep by himself. Kurt didn't want to lose the closeness and he wondered if the nightmares might return if he couldn't turn in the night and touch Blaine's face, or even his shoulder and know he was there.
The best part was when Kurt woke up first and snuggled his butt back into Blaine's lap, then the hardness that grew even more stiff with the gentle stimulation. Kurt would pretend to be still sleeping and Blaine would wake up and sometimes push closer to Kurt before he realized where he was. He would turn quickly and get up, staggering off to relieve himself before returning to make breakfast.
"Kurt?" Blaine asked, noticing that the boy seemed to be thinking.
"Ah, oh – yeah?" Kurt replied, snapping back to what was going on.
"Hey, are you having second thoughts? You know you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do. If kissing isn't what you want, just tell me. Kurt, please feel free to say what you feel, what you want. Okay?" Blaine said, still worried that he was overstepping.
"Oh, I will. I learned to survive when the bullies were out to get me every day at McKinley. It started my freshman year and never stopped. I know more about life than you might think," Kurt said, his face stern and carefully neutral again. Blaine hated the fact that Kurt had to mask his emotions like this to survive a hell like high school. Maybe he could help him learn that the whole world wasn't as bad as Kurt thought it was?
"Blaine, am I ….too eager? I mean, well, I have never had a boyfriend or even a date. I don't know how this is done, but I want to learn and it isn't as if anyone is here to tell us yes or no. We can do what we want with nobody to interfere. Doesn't that...I don't know – excite you?" Kurt asked, his voice full of hope.
"No, you are not too...too anything. While it's true that there are no authority figures here, no parent to tell you to keep your door open or to tell me to leave their virginal son alone – we do have to act responsibly. We will go back home as soon as we're found and we will have to live with whatever choices we've on this island," Blaine said, feeling like he was dumping a bucket of ice water on Kurt's libido.
"Well, then, can we do something more than kiss?" Kurt asked, reaching out to touch Blaine and running his hand down Blaine's chest until he reached a nipple, which he circled and rubbed, smiling when Blaine let out a surprised squawk.
"Oh, sensitive, aren't we?" Kurt asked, obviously basking in the knowledge that Blaine hadn't expected him to be so forward. Blaine sat for a moment, gathering his wits and thought maybe he would give this kid a run for his money. Maybe a small dose of reality would teach Kurt not to play with fire. He gently pushed Kurt down on the blanket and laid down beside him, but with his chest partially on top of Kurt's. He took his mouth first, shoving his tongue in roughly and sucking Kurt's back into his own. Kurt jumped in surprise and forgot to hold Blaine. He wanted to act mature, like he knew what he wanted and was going to go after it - - but when the reality of Blaine actually touching him hit, Kurt froze. He just laid there, a bit stiff with shock. Blaine left Kurt's mouth and trailed his tongue down his cheek, across his jaw line, and breathed quietly into Kurt's ear, causing shivers to run down his spine and gooseflesh to pop out on his arms. Then he licked his way to a spot behind Kurt's ear, one that wrung a soft moan from Kurt's throat.
Blaine was not giving up. He sucked on the tender skin, biting softly until he heard Kurt gasp and his breathing race before he let go, licking gently to sooth the sting. He kissed down Kurt's neck, humming to cause vibrations until he reached Kurt's left nipple. He circled it with his tongue, then slowly licked over it, finally taking the small nub in his teeth and scraping over it, still being oh, so gentle. Kurt's back was arching to push his chest forward and Kurt's hand had a hold on Blaine's curls at the nape of his neck, pushing to get more. His cock was so hard it was beginning to ache with the anticipation and suddenly, without any warning, Kurt was spurting forth his semen, splashing into the shorts he wore and loud moans coming from his throat unbidden as his overstimulated body took matters into its own hands. Kurt pushed Blaine off of himself, rolling away and sobbing into the blanket he was so embarrassed.
"Kurt...Kurt, its okay. Really, are you all right?" Blaine asked, ashamed of himself for going too far with a boy that had just told him he had never even had a date. Blaine hung his head, not sure what to do with Kurt ignoring him and sobbing. He truthfully didn't mean to embarrass the boy. He was going to tease him a bit, but he got carried away and this was the result. He had no idea Kurt would come from just that...
Blaine thought he should just get up and get away, leave Kurt to mend his own feelings, but deep in his heart the man knew that was the coward's way out. He had already shown himself to be a coward, running from his job in New York when he could have stayed and fought. He thought briefly about his beloved grandmother, who always had something to say about every moment in life. She'd told him to 'never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be'. He wished he'd have listened to her and remembered when the crisis hit back then, but he couldn't spend his life looking back. He straightened his spine and decided to act in a way that would make her proud.
"Kurt, can I hold you?" Blaine asked. Kurt didn't say anything, he just scooted closer, his back still to Blaine.
"Hey, I'm so sorry. I don't know if I should apologize or what...just tell me what you need, Kurt. I'm here and we're all we've got – so tell me how you're feeling. You didn't do anything wrong. I was in the wrong, I knew you'd never been with anyone and I took advantage of you. I am asking for your forgiveness, even if I don't deserve it."
"Its okay, Blaine. You just...took me by surprise. I didn't know that could happen..." he said, his voice sounding puzzled.
"What?"
"I didn't know a guy could come without anyone..ah..touching him," Kurt said. "Or is there something wrong with me?"
Blaine sat still for a moment, finally realizing exactly what had happened. He glanced down and saw the damp spot seeping through Kurt's shorts. Now he really felt guilty.
"Nothing wrong with you at all, sweetie. Yes, it can happen, especially if your partner overstimulates you. I'm sorry, Kurt. I promise I will know next time how to do it right for you – or at the very least I can try harder. Okay? You don't need to be embarrassed about this. It can happen to anyone and I'm not upset or turned off or anything," Blaine soothed Kurt. "You are so beautiful, Kurt, so beautiful like that. We can do other things, things you want. I think we just need to talk about it first?"
"Can we...go to a tide pool and wash? I feel gross and sticky," Kurt whined, rubbing at his stomach with his shirt. Blaine thought a bath sounded like a good idea.
"Sure we can. Here, let me help you up and we'll go down to the lagoon," Blaine offered and led the way to a small tide pool that was deep enough for them to stand in up to their waists.
"Is it okay if I just strip down? You can, too. I am a doctor and I've seen a lot of naked people, so please don't be shy," he tried to comfort Kurt. The boy hesitated for a second, then pulled off the few clothes he was wearing. Blaine did the same. He'd brought clean clothes for both of them.
Blaine told Kurt how deep the water looked, then helped him into it. Kurt's face looked so blissed out when he found a rock to sit on and just relaxed in the salty water that came up to his waist when he sat on the rock. Blaine joined him, his fear of water still there as he slipped into the pool, but he could see the bottom and walked over close to Kurt.
"I found a sponge on the beach yesterday and I have some soap from one of the duffel bags, do you want me to wash your back?" Blaine asked, smiling. He was hoping that something like massaging Kurt's back might calm him.
"Oh, that sounds like heaven. I miss my face and body products," Kurt said, the anticipation of pleasure in his voice making Blaine hard again. The man rubbed at his erection for a full minute, wishing it away, but that wasn't happening – so he sank down in the chilly water to try and ease it away.
Blaine took the soap and rubbed it into the natural sponge, then touched Kurt's back gently. He began rubbing the soap into Kurt's skin in small circles, alternating washing with rinsing him with handfuls of water. He worked some of the soap into Kurt's hair and scrubbed his scalp, his fingers stiff as he carefully scratched and loosened the sand that blew into his hair during the day on the beach. Kurt was leaning back onto Blaine's chest, which made him feel protective and virile for some reason. He wrapped his arms around Kurt's body and pulled him close before rubbing more soap into the sponge and rubbing it across Kurt's chest, avoiding any stimulation of his nipples this time. It was just soft and gentle, then he dipped handfuls of the sun-warmed water to rinse the soap off.
Kurt was leaning on Blaine, amazed at the feel of his naked skin as it slipped against his own, sliding without friction, but with no heat and no satisfaction. Still, it was pleasant and being close in Blaine's strong and protective arms was so good. He took the sponge from Blaine when he'd washed Kurt from neck to waist, filling it with suds from the bar of soap and turning in Blaine's arms. He turned Blaine around and first washed those silky curls, then rubbed circles on his back just the way the older man had done with him. Then he began to rinse, cupping handfuls and trying to rinse Blaine off, but his aim was off and Blaine ended up dipping himself down into the water to rinse. When he came back up, Kurt guided him to the rock he'd been sitting on and coaxed him to sit still.
Saturating the sponge with soap, he began washing Blaine's stomach, rubbing with the sponge in one hand and with just his hand. Blaine was enjoying the comfort of someone taking care of him, it hadn't happened often in his life. He looked across the tide pool, seeing the golden sand and the lush green trees with bright pink, yellow, red, and orange flowers blooming in the bright afternoon sun. This place really was a paradise – or it would be if they weren't all alone with no way to get home. He wondered if it had been discovered in all the time it had been here because it was hard to imagine anyone else ever stepping foot here. If they had, they had left no marks.
Blaine was contemplating the wonder of being in such an isolated place in this day of cell phones and satellites when he felt Kurt's hand, full of slick soap, slide down his thigh and then slide back up. He took a deep breath.
Kurt continued to wash Blaine, running his hands up and down the muscles in his thighs, each time slipping closer and closer to the groin where his thigh met his pelvis. He didn't notice his breath start to increase and his heart pound faster, it happened so slowly: he felt a hand, much warmer than the surrounding water, cup against his balls between his legs. Kurt took in a sudden breath and his hand trembled just a bit. He waited until it was steady before moving so slowly, so gently like a sea anemone as he explored the wrinkled skin of the sac, the soft mounds inside, the bit of skin just behind.
Blaine was the one shivering by the time Kurt had made his way back to the base of Blaine's shaft. If Blaine was a responsible person, he would stop Kurt. He willed himself to say something, to grasp the wrist of this gorgeous boy and restrain his actions. Taking a deep breath to gather his resolve, Blaine took Kurt's wrist in his hand and brought it up to his waist.
"Kurt, you have no idea what it is taking for me to stop you. That was feeling so good..." Blaine stopped talking, taking a few calming breaths before continuing.
"Kurt, we need to talk about this before we take another step. I'm older than you, I'm an adult and I should be the one that has the presence of mind to do the right thing. Now, let's rinse off and get dressed. We can go back to the shelter and eat what's there or we can try to find something else to eat like clams or whatnot. Okay?" Blaine said, his voice cracking a bit with his desire, but knowing he got his point across by looking at Kurt's face.
"All right, Blaine. I'm sorry, I guess. I keep forgetting I'm just a kid in your eyes," Kurt said, not facing Blaine but reaching into the water to rinse off and walk out of the tide pool to find his clothes.
Kurt wasn't exactly sulky, but there was a marked difference between the way he walked down to the beach to bathe and the way he returned. The bounce in his step was gone, the smile had disappeared. Blaine, walking a few feet behind him, knew he'd taken that away from Kurt and he felt terrible. He began to question in his mind whether it was such a bad thing to let Kurt have what he so obviously wanted? He was of legal age, they were the only inhabitants of this island for the foreseeable future. It had been a couple of months after all – and Blaine was beginning to wonder if they were fated to spend the rest of their lives here. It was depressing, but at least he was sharing the little bit of land with an amazing person. Things could be worse he supposed.
They walked over to the beach where they knew clams could be found and Blaine dug down to find enough to cook for a late lunch.
"Kurt?" Blaine called and Kurt turned around and walked towards his friend's voice.
"Blaine?"
"I have something I was thinking about. Now, you can say no of course, but hear me out. There are a few tide pools that are much larger than the little ones we've been playing around in. I think we can get some food from them, but I can't swim. Do you think you can swim down to get some scallops? They look like they're sort of attached to the rocks maybe. I just thought they might be a welcome change?" Blaine outlined. "I know you can't see them, but I think you can feel them?"
"Ah, well, I guess so. You'll wait there at the edge for me, right?" Kurt asked, a wee bit apprehensive. He was getting used to not seeing, but to jump into a deep pool with no idea where he was? It was a scary thought.
"Of course I will!" Blaine assured him.
"All right. Lead the way," Kurt agreed. Blaine took his arm and they walked down the beach to the large tide pool.
"It looks to me to be about thirty feet deep, but the scallops are not that far down. There are rocks that form shelves and I think if you hold on to those, you can make your way down to the place I see the scallops. Here's a knife," Blaine said, placing the short but thick knife in Kurt's hand, "but be careful of it. You might need it to pry them away from the rocks. It's low tide, so I think its the best time of day to do this," he encouraged.
Kurt stripped off his shirt and got into the water gingerly. It was warm though and he was comfortable right away.
"I see a bunch about ten feet down on this wall," Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and placing it on the wall of rocks. "Okay?"
"Sure thing. I'll be right back up," Kurt assured him.
Kurt sank as low as he could then took hold of the rocks to 'climb' down to the shelf where he was able to feel the scallops. Or at least he hoped they were scallops by the feel. He tried pulling them off, but the sharp edges kept him from getting a good grip. He surfaced and Blaine was right there as promised.
"Too hard to do? Don't worry, it was only an idea," he said, failing to keep the disappointment from his voice.
"No, just too sharp to get a grip on. Do you have something like a thick pad I can use? If I can get a good hold I'm pretty sure I can pry them loose," Kurt said. He couldn't see it, but a wide grin spread across Blaine's face. He could hear it in his voice, though.
"No problem! Here, this is the shirt I was wearing. Just fold it a few times and it might work," Blaine offered.
Kurt took the shirt and folded it, then dove down and found the shelf of rock. He used the shirt to protect his hand and pried off several scallops but found he needed something to put them in to get them to the surface. He stuffed a few in his pockets and swam quickly up to Blaine.
"Okay, here are a few – these are scallops, right?" Kurt asked, digging them out of his pockets.
"Yes!" Blaine crowed, leaning over to kiss Kurt on the cheek.
"I need a bag or something to bring them up then. I can only fit a few in my pockets and I can't hold them, the shirt, and the knife while feeling my way along the rock shelves," Kurt said, treading water.
"Here's your shirt, will that work for now? We don't need all that many for dinner tonight," Blaine said, handing Kurt the other shirt – tails and sleeves knotted into a hastily-made bag of sorts. Kurt took it, felt to see how it was constructed and tied it to his belt loop. He took a huge breath and went under once more.
This time he was able to pry off a few more and with the help of the knife he pried loose a dozen or so that were stuck together. He had let out his air and needed some oxygen right away. He kicked up from the rock shelf and breached the water, gasping as he felt the warm tropical air fill his starving lungs.
"Kurt! Are you okay? You were down there for so long!" Blaine shouted, running to where Kurt had come up, reaching for his hand and pulling him close to the edge.
"I'm fine, just needed a breath. I have to go back – I dropped the sack when it came undone from my belt loop. No problem, I felt it with my foot on the next shelf down when I kicked off to surface. Let me get my breath and I'll go get it. Here's the knife and your shirt," Kurt said, handing them to Blaine.
"You don't have to. Its not worth you drowning for a few bits of meat, Kurt. Come out, we can eat the clams."
"Oh, quit worrying, Mother. I'm fine. It just worked loose from my belt loop. I'll be right back up," Kurt said, turning to dive back down. He was getting more comfortable in the water and found the shelf with the shirt-bag right away. It was snagged on something and so Kurt reached in to loosen it when a sharp pain radiated from his fingers all the way up his arm. He let loose a bit of air as his silent scream went out, but he pulled his arm back, still holding the bag of scallops, and found what had pinched him so hard. Taking the culprit by it's back and swimming up to Blaine to show off his trophies.
"Kurt!" Blaine shouted, reaching to pull the boy closer once again before he saw what Kurt was holding.
"Oh, my stars in heaven! I have never seen a bigger lobster in my whole life!" he exclaimed, taking the bag of scallops from Kurt and helping him out of the water. The lobster was indeed a huge specimen, probably weighing in at well over four pounds.
"Would you like a bite of my friend here for supper tonight, Squire?" Kurt kidded.
"That is amazing!" Blaine gasped, taking the monster and wrapping him in his wet shirt for transport back to the shelter. He picked up the bag of clams and the shirt that held the scallops and handed those to Kurt. They took hold of each others' hands and walked back to the shelter carrying their booty from the sea, grins on their faces.
Supper that night was the best one they'd had since being on the island. Steamed clams and scallops with the huge lobster that Blaine had split in half and cleaned then placed on the fire to cook. There were the ever-present coconuts and a pineapple that Blaine had found and cut in large chunks. The two sat close together, Kurt practically in Blaine's lap as they shared the bites of lobster. Blaine pulled out a section of the large claw and fed it to Kurt, who hummed his enjoyment and leaned up to kiss Blaine. It was just a sweet kiss, Kurt's plump lips pressing against Blaine's ever-sensitive mouth for a brief moment and then brushed lightly across them, warm and full of promise, before being taken away. Kurt didn't see it, but Blaine caught himself following those lips for a moment and a deep regret as Kurt turned back to finish eating his clams and scallops.
Blaine closed his eyes, absently palming at his jean shorts and the bulge underneath for a moment to resettle himself, and looked to see what was left of the lobster. He cut the tail meat in two pieces and each of those into bites, picking one up.
"More lobster?" he asked and Kurt leaned back once more, snuggling against Blaine's chest.
"I'd love some, thank you," he answered and Blaine fed him another bite, fingertips touching those soft lips and sending sparks down Blaine's nerve paths to make him smile once more.
Kurt picked up a piece of the lobster, feeling across the plate to find it, then holding it a little in front of Blaine's face so as not to bump it into his nose or something. Blaine moved forward to take the bit from him, kissing Kurt's fingers as he took the tidbit. Kurt smiled and found another piece, holding it in the same place for Blaine to take, but this time Blaine took the lobster and held Kurt's hand in place. He swallowed the bit of seafood and brought the boy's fingers to his lips, licking the salt from them and taking the boy's first finger into his mouth to suck for a moment, swirling his tongue around the tip and pulling back – leaving a small kiss on the tip of Kurt's finger. Kurt sucked in air, trying so hard not to react but losing that battle as he let the sound out of his throat. Blaine loved that sound...a breathy moan that came suddenly and wrapped itself around in Blaine's head like a snake, squeezing his brain.
Kurt moved a bit closer. He was already practically in Blaine's lap anyway, but the feeling of Blaine's arousal rubbing into his back did things to Kurt that he never knew he could feel. It was different than the days when he looked at pictures of actors or models and brought himself pleasure. This was deeper, it hit him like a freight train and he was unsure what to do with the strong emotions.
"Blaine?" he asked, trying to turn his head so he was facing the man.
"Sorry, Kurt..." he said in a low voice, adjusting the way he was lying back so that they were sitting straighter and Kurt's back wasn't in contact with Blaine anymore. Kurt was frustrated with this whole thing. He had tried to ask for more, and Blaine seemed to want more – then something happened each time for them to be torn apart.
"Why are you sorry? Don't you like me?" he asked, his bruised ego going to the place it always went when confronted by what he thought was rejection.
"Of course I like you, Kurt. Of course I do," he tried to reassure Kurt, but he could see that the boy didn't believe him.
"I need to...I'm...I'll be back in a moment," Kurt said and got up to walk to the place away from the shelter that they were using to relieve themselves. Kurt found the tree and urinated, trying to think of what he had done to make Blaine pull back from him this time. It was so confusing, one minute he was feeding him bits of the lobster, seeming to be content and happy. Then the next minute Blaine was sucking on his fingers in such an erotic way, and when Kurt responded Blaine had withdrawn from him again. Kurt hit the tree in frustration, hurting his knuckles in the process. He let out a yelp, cursing the tree and his lousy temper, holding his hand in his other arm, close to his body.
"Kurt?" Blaine called, searching through the trees to find him. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Kurt said, hiding his hand behind his back so Blaine wouldn't see how childish he was.
"Come on, Kurt. I can see you're in pain, what happened?"
"I'd rather not say. I'm tired, I want to go to bed now. Can I help you clean up the campsite?" Kurt asked.
"Not much to clean, I washed the dishes with sand and we can rinse them in the spring tomorrow. I took the trash to the midden behind the rocks and the rest of Mr. Pinchy is wrapped in banana leaves and awaiting our breakfast," Blaine explained.
"Mr. Pinchy?" Kurt laughed. "Yes, he'd impress even Homer Simpson I think."
Blaine smiled, but he didn't forget about Kurt's hidden hand and as soon as Kurt walked past him on his way to the shelter, he took the wrist Kurt had been hiding and looked at the raw and bleeding knuckles. Without saying anything, he kissed them lightly and folded his hand around Kurt's damaged one very gently and they walked back to the make-shift tent.
They got ready for bed, both stripping down to underwear in the heat of the tropical jungle. Blaine stirred and banked the fire, set the water jugs out to be taken to be filled in the morning, and then crawled into bed next to Kurt.
"Dinner was so delicious, Blaine. Thank you for cooking it – especially the lobster. Delicious," Kurt said.
"I couldn't have cooked it if you hadn't caught it," Blaine said logically, "but thank you."
"Anytime..." Kurt said, sleep taking him. He was tired from all the things they had done that day, but it was probably more his emotions that made him want to sleep. He wanted to figure out why Blaine kept sending mixed signals – or maybe he was just misinterpreting them that way? He was so confused. He heaved a deep sigh and let his arm fall to the blanket, so unsure of himself now that he was afraid to touch Blaine. He closed his eyes, but sleep was not his friend tonight.
Blaine was lying very close to Kurt, but he could tell that Kurt didn't want to be touched. Just a breath across his arm had sent him turning away. Blaine knew it was his fault, that he needed to talk with Kurt before anything else happened.
At the same moment, both of them turned to each other.
"We need to talk," Blaine said.
"Can I ask you...?" Kurt said at the same time.
Both laughed nervously and Kurt sat up.
Blaine sat up facing the boy and took his hands, "You can ask me anything, Kurt. We're friends, aren't we?"
Kurt froze, not sure what to say to that.
"Just friends?" he asked.