I still don't own Chuck. I'm not sure who does at this point.

I could write an entire chapter ranting about what I hated about Pink Slip… and Season 3 in general when it comes right down to it. I came close to joining the couple of million people who gave up on the show and never returned. To this day, I have never watched Fake Name. IMO, the Chuck they had been selling us on for 2 seasons would have never, ever, freaking ever, treated Sarah so callously in Prague. It was totally OOC, throwing his character under the bus, all to set up one more stupid round of wt/wt that we had already grown fatigued with anyway. The proof that it was gratuitous is that you can throw out the first 13 episodes of S3, start S3 with Honeymooners, and almost nothing would have to change. It was pure angst for angst's sake. I'm convinced that the show that started S3 off with Honeymooners would still be on the air. I even think that TPTB now realize that Prague and the trapezoid it spawned was a fatal mistake.

But it did happen. So let's deal with it.

If you enjoyed this or any of the stories on this site, please take a second and send the author a review. It only takes a second – and it really, really makes a difference. That's probably more important than ever now that the series has ended. If you want to keep the Chuck fandom alive and continue to read about these characters, you really need to think about rewarding the people whose hard work make that possible.

You Have to Tell Him

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"You have to tell him."

Sarah looked at her new best friend sadly for a long moment. "How can I tell him something like that?" she asked dejectedly. "How can I tell him that I don't trust him? It would crush him."

"But you don't trust him," Ellie said gently. "Sweetie, you have to tell him. He's going to propose to you tonight. If you're not going to tell him, what's your plan?"

Sarah paused for a beat. "I don't know," she sighed. "I guess I'll just say yes. I'm going to get over this someday. I'm sure of that. I do love him. Why put him through all of this angst? The very last thing that I want to do is to hurt him. This could really damage us."

Ellie finally found her smile. "Can I tell you something?" she asked. Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "You need to take a deep breath and calm down a little. You're positively panicked. Listen to your best friend here for a second, one who loves you both. You and Chuck are going to be okay. It is so obvious to anybody who bothers to look that there is zero question about it. I've never seen two people any more lovesick than you two are. There is almost nothing that could damage your relationship with him, certainly not this. Stop worrying about it so much."

Ellie waited for her return slight smile and nod before continuing. "But having said that," she said. "You need to tell him. He needs to understand how much he hurt you. I seriously doubt that he does. You need to understand why he did what he did. Chuck loves you, Sarah. He's always loved you. He has a valid reason for what he did. I don't know what that reason is. But I do know that he has one. Make him explain that reason to you. Make him understand that you have to trust that he'll never hurt you like that again before you can commit to spend the rest of your life with him… and that hurt simply isn't going to go away overnight."

"I can't tell him that," Sarah said. "He'll misinterpret what I'm saying. Chuck is insecure as it is. He'll read way more into it than I mean. Then he'll go running off to Morgan who will talk him into the worst possible interpretation. I just can't do it. It would crush him. I'll just start crying."

Ellie grabbed her hand. "Sarah, Chuck isn't nearly as fragile as you fear," she said. "I get that talking about feelings isn't your strong suit. But this is the rest of your life that we're talking about. Make sure that he knows how you feel. I'm afraid that you have no choice. It's either deal with it now, or have it cloud your relationship forever."

Sarah shook her head firmly. "I'll just start crying," she repeated. "I never cry, Ellie. It's an emotion that a spy simply can't afford. But whenever I think about how devastated he is going to be, I just start crying."

That got Ellie positively grinning. "Sarah, take one more deep breath and just listen to what you're saying," she said as she squeezed the hand she was holding. "You're more worried about hurting Chuck's feelings than telling him the honest truth about how he devastated you. You're absolutely head over heels lovesick. If it wasn't so adorably cute, it would border on pathetic. And here is the best part. He is just as lovesick as you are. Believe me, I'm not downplaying anything that happened that day. You definitely need to resolve this. But this issue is pretty insignificant compared to what you have with him. It's been almost a year. Do you really think that this one problem can ruin the amazing thing that you two have going?"

That actually got the beginning of a smile, faint true, but clearly a smile. "I guess not," Sarah said.

"Of course not," Ellie reassured her. "Stop worrying so much about it. Yes, it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation. I get that. Maybe it would be best if I called him and primed the pump a little for you. But I'd only do that if you want me too. Best Friend rules totally apply here. Tell me exactly what you want me to say to him."

Sarah nodded gratefully. "That would help," she said. "Thanks."

Ellie looked around the room uncomfortably. "We've only been best friends for a day now," she said slowly. "And, sweetie, I know that this is going to sound judgmental. I'm saying this totally out of love. And you need to understand, I'm not taking Chuck's side on this. I'm absolutely not. He hurt you, and it was stupid, and he fully needs to understand that. But are you sure that trusting Chuck is really the issue here?"

Sarah looked up. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well," Ellie continued with as much smile as she could muster. "You've been a spy for all of your life. From all accounts, a damn good one. You just almost said it yourself. Are you sure that you can truly trust anybody?"

"That's what it takes to be a wife."

x-x-x-x-x

Casey knew that whoever Chuck was talking to on the phone, the conversation wasn't going all that well. In some ways it was a blessing. Bartowski had been positively bouncing off the walls all day. It was actually nice to have him be a little quiet for a change.

Casey didn't have to ask, not that he ever would. There was only one thing that could have him so… so… so annoyingly giddy all day. And conversely there was only one thing that could now have him sitting there numbly, on the verge of tears.

As much as Casey appreciated the quiet, it's not like he wished Chuck any pain. He didn't. Clearly Bartowski and Walker were on the fast track. That was pretty clear even before she moved in with him. It was actually a little hard to believe. A burnt out, total bad ass like Sarah Walker living with a man, any man really – without even a cover to explain. And sure, he never passed up an opportunity to jab them about the sickening lovesick schoolgirl act they clearly had going, but the honest truth was that he was happy for them. It was sorta a miracle they had gotten together in the first place. It was one of those one-in-a-million underdog type deals that you couldn't help but root for. Indeed, they were almost the last two people on earth you would expect to ever become a couple. But they were good for each other. It was hard to argue against that. They made each other better… as spies maybe, but certainly as people. One was strong in all the ways where the other was weak.

And whatever was wrong, Casey knew that Bartowski would never be able to concentrate on the mission at hand until it was fixed. He wasn't developing any soft lady feelings. That was for suckers. He was just being a good partner.

So he told a white lie.

"I forgot something I need to do at home," Casey said. "We'll need to swing by my place. You can go in for a minute and check on Walker."

"I'll meet you back in the car in fifteen."

x-x-x-x-x

Ellie had just left when Sarah heard the door open. She wasn't expecting to see Chuck until tonight. Frankly, it was probably better this way. She didn't have all afternoon to talk herself into a panic. One thing was for sure, Sarah was glad that she had talked to Ellie. Before that talk one look at Chuck's devastated face would have had her quickly bawling.

"I just need to know," Chuck said. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Now Sarah was really glad that she had talked to Ellie. So she put as much smile on her face as she could muster. "If you really knew how I felt about you," she said, trying to keep the mood as light as she possibly could. "Chuck, if you could just look inside my head and see what is in there, you'd be embarrassed at how silly that question was."

Chuck didn't smile, far from it. But he did take a deep cleansing sigh.

"Besides," Sarah continued, still trying to keep the mood light. "You're the one who always does the breaking up, remember?"

But Chuck clearly wasn't going to take this lightly. He just stood there sadly.

Sarah knew that she had to do something quick or she was going to break down. And that was the last thing that she wanted. So she stepped up, wrapped her arms around his neck, and squeezed with everything that she had. "Please stop," she said softly. "Chuck, you're making way too big of a deal about this. This is exactly why I feared having this discussion. I knew that you'd read much more into this than I mean."

Chuck finally found his voice. "I hurt you," he said. "I mean, I really, really hurt you. I can't tell you how horrible I feel."

"Yes," Sarah said without loosening her grip one bit. "You hurt me. There is no way to pretend that didn't happen. I think you always knew that. I just seriously don't think that you get how much. It was the worst moment of my life."

"Why haven't you told me this before?" Chuck asked.

Sarah paused for a long moment. "It's complicated," she finally said. "There are several reasons. For a long time I was embarrassed, mad at myself that I had allowed myself to be in a position where anyone could destroy me like that. Spies aren't ever supposed to let that happen. So I was really, really angry for a long time."

Sarah was hedging more than a little. It was actually more than being angry. She didn't want to tell him that she had given up on love, that she had decided that love was for suckers, and to accept that she was a spy. So for a long time she totally dedicated herself to her duty. She especially didn't want to tell him about the seduction mission with that Giles slime ball that she never would have volunteered for before… the one that she enthusiastically threw herself into out of spite. Or why the stupid, stupid, stupid thing with Shaw became so easy… for basically the same desperate reason. Those things would really mess him up even more than he was already messed up. They would have to wait to be discussed in a calmer time.

"Anyway," she continued. "After we finally got together, I thought for a long time the fear would eventually fade away. And I still think that it will. It already has a little. But mainly I didn't want to tell you because I knew what would happen. You'd overanalyze this like you always do. Then you'd blame yourself, and make this a much bigger deal than it is. Chuck, I'm not trying to make you feel horrible. I actually feel horrible about that myself. But, sweetie, can't you see? Before we can agree to spend the rest of our lives together, I need to trust that you will never hurt me like that again. I can't go through that again. It would end me."

"I would never hurt you like that again," Chuck said. "It breaks my heart that you doubt that."

"I don't doubt that," Sarah said quickly. "Come on, sweetie. If I did, I wouldn't be standing here. This is exactly what I feared. You'd overanalyze this and come to a crazy conclusion. Chuck, I know that you'd never intentionally hurt me. I absolutely know that. But I have to feel it."

"Okay," Chuck said slowly. "So what can I do to make you feel it?"

Sarah again paused for a long moment. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "This is my issue. I get that. I'm pretty sure that it will eventually go away on its own. I wouldn't have even brought it up now. Except that Ellie tells me that I apparently got drunk last night and asked you to propose. I was going to just to say yes and spare us both all of this drama. But Ellie convinced me that you deserved to hear the honest truth from me for once."

With her face buried in Chuck's neck, she couldn't see his expression. But for the first time she could maybe detect the hint of a smile in his voice.

"With friends like Ellie, I'm not sure that I need enemies," Chuck said sarcastically.

For the first time, Sarah saw a way out of this… and she eagerly grabbed for it. "Maybe you're right," she said. "Why don't we just forget today happened? You do what you were going to do, and I'll accept. I'll even be excited about it."

Sarah could feel him shaking his head. "No," he sighed. "Ellie is right, damn her. I hurt you. I could never look you in the eye knowing that you're still hurting. That's the last thing I would want. We have to fix this."

Sarah knew that she loved Chuck. And even that sounded trite somehow. She had feelings so powerful that she couldn't begin to explain them, even to herself. But she had never felt closer to him than at this moment. He was setting aside his guilt, even his fear, and was looking out for her. It was the sweetest guy in the world at his very best. So she tightened her grip even more. "Okay," she said. "What do you propose? Umm, that didn't come out right. You know what I mean."

Chuck wasn't in any place that would allow him to see any humor in this situation. Not yet. And probably not any time soon. So he let her bad pun slide without comment. "Let's talk about what happened," he suggested. "Maybe it would help you to know what I was thinking. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I think that I can prove that to you. I have some questions for you as well. Can we have an honest talk?" Like why Shaw was the first to learn your real name?

"That's a good idea," Sarah agreed. "Talking about feelings is hard for me. But I'll honestly try."

"I'll have to call Casey," Chuck said. "He's expecting me to go with him and scout out stakeout locations. He can probably do this by himself."

"No way," Sarah said firmly. "You're making this too big of a deal. The mission comes first. We can talk tonight. I'll use my afternoon off and see if I can make us something nice for dinner. Hopefully I can avoid burning down the house."

Chuck still couldn't find any humor in the situation. "Okay," he finally said. "But understand something. This is a big deal. You're hurting. That's always going to be a big, big deal to me. Especially when I'm the cause. I want a promise from you."

"What kind of promise?"

"I know you," Chuck said. "You'll tell me that you're okay when you're really not. I don't want that. We have to honestly fix this. So promise me that you won't do that."

That actually got a smile. Did he know her or what? "I promise," she said. "As long as you promise me that you won't spend all afternoon making this a bigger issue in your head than it really is."

Chuck broke the embrace and looked at her for the first time. "I'll try," he said. "Understand something. This is already a very big deal to me."

"I know," Sarah said as soon as the kiss broke. "It's sweet."

x-x-x-x-x

"Maybe prime rib was a little ambitious for your first cooking lesson."

Sarah looked at her best friend's face, covered in floor. She knew that her face looked just as bad. But somehow that didn't matter. Their giggling had taken away almost all of her guilt. "Maybe," she agreed when she could stop giggling. "I feel horrible about making you spend your one day off over here cooking."

"Are you kidding?" Ellie said mockingly. "I'm having the best time. Speaking of having good times, I assume that your talk with Chuck went well. You're positively giddy."

"We really haven't had the talk yet," Sarah said, her grin still plastered all over her face. "I'm letting him off the hook."

"Really?" Ellie asked, honestly surprised. "Why? I thought this was something you needed to resolve."

"I'm being stupid," Sarah said. "You were right this morning. I'm lovesick. Maybe it's time I started acting like it. I've got the nicest, sweetest guy in the whole world. The basic truth is that I'm lucky to have him. So I'm going to make his favorite meal. I'm going to serve it to him basically naked. After we eat, I'm going to apologize for giving him such a lousy afternoon. Then I'm going to make the rest of the night all about him. You might not want to hear the specifics of my plan. It's pretty vivid."

"You're right," Ellie laughed. "I certainly don't." Then she got a little more serious. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Chuck owes you an explanation."

As Ellie was speaking, Sarah's phone started ringing. "I'm sure," she said as she went to answer it. "You were also right this morning when you said that I didn't trust anybody. If I don't trust Chuck, then I don't deserve him. That horrible history is just that… history. I'm happy now. That's all that matters. That's probably Chuck worried about me. How sweet is that?"

But it wasn't Chuck.

"Agent Walker," Beckman said briskly as soon as she picked up the phone. "You need to report to Castle as soon as possible."

"I'm afraid that I have bad news."

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