Kathryn whimpered at the flood of emotions that began coursing through her. She grasped at him, needing to feel the full length of him against her. Kathryn shuddered and moaned, suckling at his lips greedily. She tangled her hand in his hair tugging at him. One taste of him and she became greedy, wanting to consume him. They finally came apart both gasping for air. She could feel his warm breath on her face, their faces so close they were breathing the same air. She saw him look at her lips and then her eyes asking for permission to kiss her again and in that small hesitation she remember that he was not hers. She was not prepared for the feelings of loss that came over her as she realized that she would have to live her life without him. Standing in the warmth of his arms, the heat of his body coming through her gown made her unable to hold back her tears any longer.

"I am so sorry Chakotay" she mumbled as she ran a hand through her hair taking a step away from him, trying to put a safe distance between them.

Chakotay's heart constricted when she looked at him so heartbroken and vulnerable, asking for his forgiveness. Her beautiful blue eyes swimming with tears. He saw her take deep breaths and wrap her arms around herself trying to calm herself. He wanted to take her back in his arms and sooth away the pain he had obviously caused.

"Kathryn" he said softly moving towards her.

"No" she stopped him "I am sorry, I should not have done that" she took a deep and fortified herself for the hardest thing she was ever going to do "Its really is selfish of me" she laughed without mirth "you and Seven are going to get married and what do I do, I force myself on you" she saw his eyes widen and she turned away to find the strength to continue. " I always thought it would be you and me" she paused "I always thought that I would have time" she turned to him and smiled.

It was the saddest most heart wrenching expression Chakotay had ever seen. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her he loved her more than anything is his life. That he had only ever loved her. He wanted to explain to her that he had become desperate and looked for love elsewhere because he didn't think they would ever make it to earth. He wanted her to understand that he had felt like he had already lost her. That he was sorry for having given up.

"But I didn't, did I" she choked out no longer able to suppress the tears running down her face.

"Sweetheart" his own tears now falling, his heart breaking at the knowledge of how much he had hurt her. His words failing him he pulled her to him and tightly held her in his arms as he laid his head on her hair. He nuzzled her hair inhaling the sweet smell that was his Kathryn. His, the thought made him tighten his hold even more.

"Chakotay please" she begged even as she wrapped her arms tightly around his back, not wanting to loose his warmth "I know I deserve this." She mumbled into his chest. "You offered me your love and instead of accepting it I pushed you away" she loosened her grip, pushed against him, needing to be out of his arms to tell him what she needed to. She turned away, knowing she would not able to say what she had to if she had to look him in the eye "I love you so much Chakotay" She swallowed past the lump in her throat "I always thought that once we got back to earth we would be together" she kept her back to him looking out into the San Francisco skyline trying to hide her heartbreak from him.

"Sweetheart" he pleaded, he needed her to stop and listen. He needed to tell her that he had broken up with Seven. He needed her to know that even though they had been together more than six months there had been nothing between them but a couple of chaste kisses on the cheek. That even if Seven was a beautiful girl she really did nothing for him except inspire the need to protect her like any other Voyager crewmember. He wanted her to know that he had felt that she no longer needed him and so he had stayed away. Explain that the media had gotten wind of his and Seven's relationship and it had just snowballed from there. He needed her to know that, like some big dolt, he had done what everyone around him had asked him to do; and until last night when Seven had asked if they were going to procreate did he realized the depth of the mess he had gotten all three of them into. The only women he had ever loved, wanted to marry and have a child with was Kathryn Janeway. He needed her to know the depth of his stupidity. And that there was nothing in this world that he wanted more than to marry her.

He couldn't allow this to go on both of their hearts taking a beating by the words being spoken. "I dreamt of little boys with dark hair, beautiful, golden skin and gentle brown eyes." his felt his heart skip at the realization that they had both had the same dream. "I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I need you to understand why I have to go away" Chakotay was stunned, angry, desperate and most definitely afraid that he would not be able to convince her that he loved her.

"Kathryn" his voice low and dark.

"I shouldn't have pushed you aside like I did" she kept explaining her decisions as if he had not spoken.

"Kathryn" his voice rose in volume trying to stop her from talking

"I know you and Seven will be happy and no one deserves it more than you" she continued desolate, thinking of what his future with Seven as his wife would be. "This is my fault. I should have never pushed you away. But you have to understand I can not be around the two of you. I am not strong enough" she finished with a sob.

"Enough" he exploded. He was so frustrated by the way the faiths had conspired to keep them apart. He was so angry that he had caused her pain. He was angry by his stupidity and he was angry that they had been handed a lifetime of love and happiness and they had done everything in their power to destroy it instead of give themselves over to it. And here they were again about to let it out of their grasp. "You are not going anywhere." he shouted. Afraid that he would lose her all over again.

"Look at me" She looked up at him shocked when she felt his arms wrap around her. "I have never wanted another." he pulled her tighter against him as she shook her head in denial. "Kathryn" he lowered his voice. "Sweetheart look at me" he begged. He needed her to understand that they were out of time and this was there last chance to get it right.

"I love you" he saw her take a shuddering breath but still she refused to look at him. He dropped his hands from her waist and grabbed her small hands. He gently pulled her towards him, she still refused to look at him. He lifted her hand up to his mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist.

She finally looked up at him and spoke the one thought that kept her from dragging him to her bedroom and refusing to leave for the foreseeable future.

"Seven"